"You see, it's not even that Jungkook doesn't care about him anymore, he already proved that he does." Hoseok explains, sitting cross-legged in the grass while absentmindedly playing with a daisy he picked off the ground. "But it's a complicated situation, he's lost with his feelings... You don't blame him, right?" A little silence. "Yeah, I knew you wouldn't. You've always been the nicest of us all, Yoongi-hyung." He kindly smiles at the grave in front of him, gently thumbing the hard material for a brief second.
Hoseok is currently in a corner of the graveyard he often comes to, as he earlier felt the strong need to visit the person he misses so much. He knows it can seem gloomy to be used to visit a such a gloomy place, but he is infatuated with the way speaking to Yoongi about everything and nothing makes him feel relieved, as if he truly was communicating with the other male. In reality he doubts the older can hear him, but if there's the smallest chance, then he's ready to look like a complete fool by speaking to a tombstone. It helps him feel better anyway, so why would he stop? Sometimes he's even tempted to call Yoongi his personal psychologist...
Apart from these reasons, Hoseok has also come here because today is a very special day. It's the same time of the year Yoongi got married to the woman he loved, ages ago, and the man can't bring himself to forget about that day. He remembers everything about the way Taehyung's brother and his wife had beaming smiles etched on their faces, her dress of a pure white and his suit fitting him perfectly. He also recalls how Taehyung and Jungkook had looked up to them, obviously yearning for getting married as well one day, a wish they actually fulfilled not long after. But more than anything, he can't forget the way his own throat had remained painfully tight during the whole day, and the strong will he had had to escape the ceremony as the one he loved was getting married right before his eyes. Hoseok couldn't even find a word that would describe his state well enough as he had to fake happiness in front of the newly weds, everyone taking the few droplets that had managed to roll down his cheeks for tears of joy.
The pain had remained during years, revived every time Hoseok had caught sight of Yoongi or had talked to him, which of course had happened a lot. Yet he had managed to hide these chest-crushing emotions all this time, so that none of his friends even had a clue, even today. The only one he had ever been tempted to tell was Yoongi himself, not because he had thought there was a chance they could be together, because there definitely wasn't any, but because his secret was weighing way too much on his shoulders and it was getting unbearable. He hadn't managed to gather the courage to do so though, something he deeply regrets now that the man he misses so dearly is gone. He actually doesn't think he still loves him though, these days he only feels dull most of the time. Maybe it's a sign he is getting better? Or is he simply so used to feel upset that the sensation became normal to him?
It's ironic how as a psychologist he can read in other people's mind so well, when he's incapable of understanding himself.
"I hope you like the flowers I brought you today... Not that you don't have enough already, huh? I can see I'm not the only one to come he-
-Hoseok?" The said man startles hard, his head whipping around before his eyes fall on Jimin, who's standing a few feet away with roses in his hands.
"God, Jimin, you scared me..." He sighs in relief, "I almost thought you were a ghost for a second!
-You silly..." The smaller man's lips quirk up for a second, but Hoseok can perfectly see that the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. That's why he wraps an arm around his friend's shoulders when this one kneels next to him and in front of Yoongi's last home, wanting to make him feel his support.
"Hey, Jiminnie... Are you okay? Do you want me to leave you alone with Yoongi?" He asks with a softer voice, the said male shaking his head lightly as an answer to his last question, or maybe his first, Hoseok isn't sure.
"No, stay... I've felt quite lonely these past few days, so I'm glad you're here, actually.
-Why didn't you call me? You know I want to be there for you...
-Yeah, but Jungkook lives with you now and... I'm afraid he would say something if I asked to see you." Jimin confesses, averting his gaze from him.
"It's my life, Jiminnie, and Jungkook already knows he shouldn't say anything about us anyway. Also, he realised that what he did to you was pretty silly..." Jimin lifts surprised eyes on him at his words, blinking a few times in confusion.
"R-Really?" He sounds broken, and Hoseok realises he hasn't seen his friend looking that exhausted and weary in years. Three years, to be more precise. "He doesn't hate me anymore?
-Well, he's not happy with what you did for sure... But no, he doesn't hate you." Hoseok is glad to see that Jimin seems to feel a bit better after this, a little glint of hope lighting up into his eyes.
"What brought you here, Seokkie?" The smaller man asks softly after a minute of peaceful silence during which Jimin delicately put the flowers he was holding onto the grave, these ones joining the numerous other bunches that make Yoongi's grave one of the most flowery out there. A tiny butterfly has now made its home on one of the roses, enjoying the rays coming from the sun that is rising higher and higher into the sky.
"I just come here often, to talk. I know it sounds a bit crazy...
-No, no... I do it too from time to time, to be honest." The black-haired male immediately reassures him, shaking his head lightly to emphasize his words.
"Also, it would be Yoongi's wedding anniversary today." Hoseok's voice breaks a little at the end, and he clears his throat hoping it would mask that little moment of weakness. "I kind of wanted to commemorate it by coming here."
"Oh... Well, I have to say I had forgotten about this." Jimin says a bit sheepishly, and Hoseok can't help but smile a little at these words.
"I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind... Are you here for a particular reason, by the way?" He asks gently, and the raven-haired male sighs at his words before leaning his temple against Hoseok's shoulder, the latter closing his eyes for a few seconds when he feels relaxation seeping into his veins at the contact. He waits for Jimin to open up to him, enjoying the quietness that surrounds the place in the meantime as the silence is only broken by a few birds chirping here and there. The butterfly is still at the same place, lazily waving its wings from time to time and apparently not being bothered by their presence at all, which makes Hoseok look at him with a fond gaze.
"I just wanted to apologise to Yoongi for what I did to his brother and Jungkook, you know? I mean, I acted like a prick during these past few months, and I deceived everyone around me... I didn't even dare coming here anymore at one point, I didn't want to feel like Yoongi-hyung was judging me or something. Because it's me whom Taehyung cheated with, and it's me who manhandled him the other day and said atrocities... Fuck, I don't know what I'm doing anymore, Seokkie..." Jimin is cut by his own sniffle and he wipes the few tears that has begun rolling on his cheeks, closing his eyes to prevent any other salty droplet from escaping. "When Taehyung told me that we couldn't see each other anymore, I wasn't able to keep calm... The only thing I could think about was that I didn't want to lose him." He exhales shakily when he feels Hoseok's fingers gently running through his hair and the man's other arm winding around him, the gesture soothing beyond words.
"Do you love him?" Hoseok eventually utters, the man in his arms remaining silent for a few seconds before answering:
"I don't know... Maybe not... I love him as a friend, but other than that... I don't think so." He replies, sounding quite lost so that Hoseok decides to stop asking him about that subject. "But now it doesn't matter anymore, right? Taehyung doesn't want me in any way, after all... And I didn't even find the strength to tell him I'm sorry yet... I'm such a coward...
-Don't say this," His friend shushes him, "You know that it hurt Taehyung more than anything to cut ties with you. But if you let time do its job and if you apologise properly, maybe you two can go back to the relationship you shared before everything got out of control.
-You really think so?
-Yes, of course. Taehyung won't let it end like this... And I'm pretty sure you won't either."
Silence falls on them after this, the two friends finding peace into the serene atmosphere for a few minutes, before Jimin breaks it with a little voice.
"I miss Yoongi-hyung..." Hoseok's squeezes his eyes shut in pain for a brief second before opening them anew, his gaze eventually sticking to the date engraved onto the marble of Yoongi's resting place, the same day that changed his life for the worst while he thought it could never become more awful than it already was.
"I miss him too."
The butterfly leaves a few seconds after, its white wings soon disappearing from Hoseok's sight.
----
Taehyung's chest is heaving as he comes back to a walking pace after his morning run, the man threading a hand through his sweaty hair. The strands are now of a dark shade of brown as he dyed them a few days ago, keeping the promise he made to himself. Besides, even if his muscles still protest from being so solicited these days, it's out of the question for him to stop working out, not when he's getting more and more capable to look at himself into the mirror. The said activity is even becoming enjoyable as it makes his body change, for the better this time. Even though he knows it will be long before he can accept all the other little flaws he can't change, Taehyung thinks that this is already a good start.
The brown-haired male leaves the park and begins to walk towards his flat, breath gradually coming back to a normal pace, and while he's heading forwards his thoughts drift towards his brother. Going for a run always helps him clear his mind from negative thoughts for a while, but today his brain is quick to think back to the memory of Yoongi. Taehyung can't help but deplore how happy his brother would be to celebrate his wedding birthday, how he and his wife would maybe have children by now. But Yoongi is long gone, and Taehyung feels like a part of him is missing and will never come back. If he and Jungkook get divorced in the end, another gaping hole will appear in his chest, and he's not sure if he can survive it this time.
The man is cut into his thoughts by his phone ringing into his pocket, which startles him a little.
"Hey Tae, aren't you home right now?" Hoseok asks the moment he answers, making him smile lightly because even though his world has been crumbling down for three years, his friend has always steadily remained by his side.
"No, but I'm coming back right at the moment!
-Oh, alright, I'm going to wait for you then. I'm already there, actually... I just wanted to make sure you were alright.
-I'm going to hurry then! You can enter with the spare key if you want, it's under the mat...
-Yeah, well, speaking about the mat..." There is a little silence at the other end of the line, making Taehyung frown. "Anyway, I'll tell you about it when you'll be back! See you soon!
-Okay, bye..." Taehyung says before ending the call, feeling puzzled about Hoseok's last words. What could even be wrong about his mat?
He sends the latter glare as he steps on it before entering his flat, Hoseok grinning at him the moment he spots him but whining about the fact he stinks when Taehyung tries to hug him, so that this one gently hits him with a chuckle.
"So, what did you mean with this mat thing?" Taehyung asks before his gaze suddenly falls on the huge bouquet of flowers resting on top of the coffee table, making his eyes widen.
"I found it on top of the mat earlier, so I brought it in here... There's a little card with it but of course I didn't read it, so I don't know who this is from." Taehyung gulps, wondering if Jimin actually sent him flowers to apologise or if these ones actually come from someone else. He doesn't know how he would react if it indeed was Jimin, to be honest. Would he be upset, would he feel like he misses him? Or would he feel mad at him?
He takes the beautiful floral arrangement into his hands, opening the little card attached to it in which a message has been written, and a bright smile blooms on his face as he recognises the handwriting.
Taehyung,
I hope you're doing fine and that you don't feel too alone. I often wish I could visit you to talk, I feel like we have a lot of things to speak about.
I know that you'll be thinking about your brother a lot today, so I just wanted to give you this little present to make you feel at least a bit better. I hope it will work...
See you in two weeks,
Jungkook
The brown-haired male clamps a hand over his mouth and emits a little delighted laugh, happiness washing over him. He knows that Jungkook didn't coerce himself into writing this, he's not one to do things because he feels like he has to. Thus, it means that their relationship is getting at least slightly better, as Taehyung is definitely sure this is not something Jungkook would have done even a month ago.
"It's Jungkook, Seokkie, it's him! I can't believe it!
-Really? Wow, even I didn't know about this..." Hoseok raises his eyebrows, feeling glad about the fact Jungkook decided to take a step towards his husband.
"He sent this to me so that I would feel better... You know, about Yoongi...
-Yeah... I hadn't forgotten. I visited him this morning..." Hoseok doesn't say anything about Jimin, knowing Taehyung doesn't want to hear about his ex-lover for the moment. "You went too, right? I saw a fresh bunch of flowers there, which was beautiful, by the way.
-I told myself that I should bring something a bit more extravagant than usual... It's a special day, after all." Taehyung's smile fades, so that Hoseok gently takes his hand into his and thumb the skin in a soothing gesture.
"Have you heard from Yeji lately?" Hoseok asks, wanting to know how Yoongi's widow is coping with her husband's loss.
"Yes, I called her this morning. She decided to make a fresh start, apparently... Moved in America, has a new boyfriend.
-Oh..." It's the only thing Hoseok is able to say. On one hand he's glad to hear that Yeji is getting better because she deserves it, yet on the other he can't help but feel jealous at the fact she got over it and found a new partner, while he himself can't let go of Yoongi's memory. Deep inside, he thinks it should be the other way round.
"Yeah, I know what you feel." Taehyung sighs, squeezing his friend's hand briefly before releasing it and looking at the little card still resting into his palm. "But anyway... Jungkook really did make me feel better. I want to find a way to thank him!
-But you can't see him or even call him..." Hoseok points out, looking at Taehyung with a questioning gaze as he wonders what he is up to.
"No, but I can play along with Jungkook..." Taehyung winks with a playful grin adorning his face.
A few hours later, he enters the university Jungkook is working at, hoping the latter sticks to his regular schedule and won't be there yet. He sneaks into his office with a spare key, putting his present onto his husband's desk before quickly heading out. He would love to stay there to see the raven-haired male's reaction... Hopefully this little gift will please him.
That's how, when Jungkook enters the room an hour later, he has the surprise to find a little box with a post-it note stuck on it resting on top of his desk. He walks towards the said furniture with a smile, knowing perfectly who did this but still, he didn't expect Taehyung to do it. He actually wasn't waiting for an answer, not when he knows they're not allowed to see or call each other. By the way, he's not utterly positive their counsellor would approve post-it notes and cards, but he's far too infatuated with these sweet gestures to care.
The raven-haired male takes the little note between his thumb and index in an almost reverent way, not used to receive kind words from his husband anymore so that the piece of paper feels precious to him.
Jungkook,
Thank you so much for your present, it truly means a lot to me. You did make me feel way better...
I know Hoseok surely feeds you way too much like the mother hen he is, but I told myself you wouldn't say no to what's inside this box anyway!
Thank you again and have a good day,
Taehyung
Jungkook opens the little cardboard box with curiosity, the corners of his lips curving upwards when he finds his favourite pastry inside of it. He eats it during the next minutes, and in his opinion it's one of the best brownies he's ever enjoyed, even if he knows it might not only be due to the chocolate cake in itself. The fact it's a gift from Taehyung actually makes it taste better...
He reads his husband's little note again at night, the latter's words making him feel more hopeful than he's ever been during these past few years.
****
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