Faith POV:
The halls of this place are wide, and pale, the walls almost as white as the laminate flooring. My heels echo as I near the end of the hall, where the office holding a lot of pain lies. My head tells me to turn around and rush out the door before anyone realizes that I'm here, but my heart knows I have to do this. I touch the door handle, my fingers lingering on the knob. I offer myself a chance to run, but force myself in anyways.
The shrink smiles at him, before looking at me and seeming surprised. He stands, reaching out and shaking my hand, before motioning to sit down in the seat beside him. I hesitate, avoiding the urge to look at him at all costs. I set myself down, as the room falls painfully quiet.
"Thank you for coming today, Faith." The shrink says. I nod quickly, feeling like I could throw up. I stare at the shrink, not wanting to look at the man sitting beside me. "I know it took a lot for you to come, so it really means the world." The shrink adds, making me nod once more. "Alright, so I guess will start things off by giving you an update. Tim's been clean for eight weeks now, and his withdrawal symptoms are starting to subside. Depending on his evaluation next week, he might be released at early at next Saturday." He continues, making my stomach sink. "Now, I know I explained briefly over the phone about what we're doing in sessions like this, but I'll just reiterate what this is for." He reads off of his sheet for a moment, while I try to numb myself ahead of time. "During this process, we find it important for our patients to heal wounds with people they've wronged or upset during their period of usage. As you may have heard, we've already gone through this with Sara, Kim, and your daughters. I know you've been hesitant to come, so again, I want to thank you for doing this for him." He says, before looking at his notes. He clicks his pen a couple of times, glancing up at Tim. "I want to start with the last time you two saw each other. Faith, can you explain that night to me?" He asks, making me cringe.
"Where do you want me to start?" I ask in return, feeling my hands twitch simply at the brief mental visit I have to make to the forsaken memory. He glances through his notes, meaning Tim must've already given him and play-by-play.
"From when Sara called you." He answers, forcing me to take a deep breath. I look down at my knees, trying to gain the courage to discuss it.
"I was at home, sitting down with a glass of wine and listening through demos for a new album, when Sara called. She was kind of frantic, and kept repeatedly saying 'he left'. She said that she'd found a stash of his, and decided to call him out on it. He apparently took the stash and left, which made her panic. She asked me to go try to find him, because he normally would trust me when he was in states like that, and she was also pregnant so it wasn't a risk we wanted her to take. I drove out to downtown Nashville, where I knew he'd be. I found him huddled behind the record store we reconnected at." I release, feeling my heart pound. Flashes of the memory come across my eyes, making me shiver. "He was on a completely different planet. He had a needle still stuck into his arm, and it still had some drugs left in it... So I pulled out the needle, and helped him to the car. He was lying back, and I kept shaking his knee to make sure he was alive. Then he just started singing, like he was singing along to the radio, but nothing was playing... He was just singing my songs, which kind of took it out of me." I confess, before trying to ignore the emotion connected to the memories.
"What happened once you reached the house?" He asks. I stare at him, clenching my jaw tightly, in fear of what's about to come out of my mouth.
"I called Sara, and told her that I'd take him in for the night, since the kids were over at their house. I then helped him inside, and led him up to my bedroom since it had an adjoining bathroom in case he got sick. He laid himself down, and seemed fairly exhausted, so I pulled off his shoes and put a blanket over him, before turning off the light. I went to the guest room, and sat up for a while... I just... I kind of came apart, I guess. I'd never seen him so... so far away while right in front of me. It was terrifying." I admit, before biting my lip. I stare off for a second, praying he doesn't want me to delve any further into the night.
"What brought you back into the room?" He asks, while I hear him clear his throat beside me - the first real sound he's made since I entered the room.
"I heard him talking. I thought he was calling for me, but when I got closer, it sounded like he was having a full conversation with someone who wasn't there. I heard him ask someone 'what's wrong', and then I entered the room a moment later, to find him standing up and wielding a baseball bat." I explain, while the doctor waits for more.
"Did you know he was hallucinating at the time?" He questions. I shake my head, before deciding to revise that bit.
"I knew he wasn't in his right mind. I knew I was taking numerous risks by letting him stay over. At the same time, I also knew that it would've taken a lot for him to hurt me." I say, before realizing my words.
"But he did hurt you." The shrink comments, while I nod. "What happened in the room?" He questions, making me crumble. I cover my mouth, surprised at my own weakness, while turning away from him. "Faith, why can't you look at him?" He asks amid my breakdown. I wipe my tears, and force myself to breathe.
"I don't want to answer that." I reply firmly. He stares at me, before glancing over at Tim for a moment.
"I really wish you would." He requests, forcing me to release a shaky breath.
"My best friend... the love of my life... was going to murder me. The man I..." I break down even harder, covering my mouth again, before getting a grip. "The man I trusted more than anyone else on this planet, tried to kill me. I can't look at him, because... I don't want to see either side of him. I don't want to see the boy I knew, because I know there's still that... that evil, dangerous man inside of him. I don't want to see the man who nearly killed me, because I know that somewhere in there, was the boy I fell in love with. Either way the balances tip, it'll hurt. So, no, I can't look at him." I answer. The shrink takes a deep breath, seeming almost disappointed with me.
"Can you tell me what he did to you?" He asks gently, knowing I'm damn near leaving the room.
"He hit me in the head with the bat... I fell to the ground, and I think I passed out for a second. When I came to, he was strangling me. I tried everything I could to get him off, and somewhere near me losing consciousness, I realized that nothing was going to work. I'd tried pressing my thumbs into his eyes, and I remember he didn't even react... He was so high that I could've gauged out his eyes, and he would still continue to strangle me. I made a last-ditch effort, and kicked him in the groin, which by some miracle made him let me go. Then I crawled away, and tried to breathe once more. Before I could recollect myself, he came behind me, and put me in a chokehold... At first, I thought he was just pinning me down, but then he grabbed my chin, and... he flinched... like he was about to break my neck." I let out, feeling my heart pound out of my chest.
"What was going through your head at that moment?" He asks, as tears roll down my cheeks.
"I thought I was going to die... I remember screaming, and just... letting everything out. I was screeching, and shaking, and just... scared. I was horrified. When he hesitated, I tried to pull his arm away, but I was trembling too hard to really grab a hold of anything. I just remember squirming desperately, and just seeming to know I was going to die. I just kept thinking to myself should I take a breath, should I keep my eyes open, should I stay quiet and just let it be... I was planning out how I should let him kill me, because I was helpless then." I let out, before hearing the echo of his words in my head. "I knew that he was going to do it the second he whispered for me to close my eyes. I just panicked and screamed. I knew he was going to kill me." I continue, shutting my eyes tightly.
"And what happened after he released you?" He questions.
"I found a gun, and threatened to shoot if he came near me. He just kind of stared for a while, while I tried to come to terms with it. He asked if I was real, and then began to panic, so I left the room as fast as I could. I didn't want him to lash out while in a state of complete panic. I locked myself in a guest room, and tried to calm myself down enough to call for help. Once I started dialing Sara's number, he started banging hysterically on my door. He was screaming for me to help him, and he kept saying Faith, I'm dying... He left for a while, and I called Sara. Sara told me she'd call our managers and some people who could help restrain him, and then she'd come over. I remember tiptoeing out of the room, feeling like I was treading on eggshells and that he'd hear me and start hurting me again." I cry, taking a second to catch my breath. "Sara showed up first, so we went and locked ourselves in the guest room, leaving the front door open so we wouldn't have to risk running into him. She then started taking care of me with a first aid kit, while my manager called a rehab and his manager began to talk him into sanity." I finish, praying that'll be the extent he wants me to talk about it.
"You told him later that morning that you two were 'done'. Do you mean that?" He asks, while I nod. "Can you tell me a moment that you miss, or that you wish you could go back to?" He questions, which is an odd Segway if you had to ask me.
"Charleston." I release under my breath, like saying it any louder would cause a riot.
"What happened in Charleston?" He asks, while I try to soak my mind in the memory.
"I had just... we'd just lost a child." I say, correcting myself. "I fell into a deep depression, and so he thought getting away, just us two, would help."
"And why's that the memory you chose?" He questions.
"I don't think either of us had ever loved each other more..." I confess, while feeling Tim shift beside me.
"What moment would you pick, Tim?" He asks, making me tense up. I don't want to hear his voice...
"The day we reconnected at the record store." His voice rasps quietly, taking the air from my lungs. I look down at the ground, trying to erase the sound from my ears. I hear what sounds like my palms are over my ears, and someone mumbling. "Faith..." I hear him clearly, before feeling his fingers rest on my arm. I stand up, and start toward the door, hearing him follow behind me. I rush down the hall, before feeling him grab my arm. I turn around with a balled-up fist, ready to hit him, when I lock eyes with him. I feel my hard outer shell crack, as I see the brown eyes of a man from long in my past staring back at me. He reaches out, making me pull away. "Faith, please..." He lets out softly, his brown eyes wearing me down. Tears fall from my eyes, as I force myself to push him away. He reaches out again, trying to grab my hand. I pull back, but he latches on lightly.
"Tim, let me go." I release, feeling like I'm going to lose my sanity soon.
"Can you just listen for--" He starts to try and convince me, while I attempt to pull my hand away again. He squeezes it a little tighter. "Faith, I'm so sorry... What I did was wrong, and I know that." He begins, while I try to slip my hand out of his grasp. "I just... I don't want you to hate me. I don't think I can live with myself if you... you know." He continues.
"Are you asking for forgiveness?" I burst out, feeling the resentment pour over the nostalgia. His mouth hangs open, before he nods slowly. "No." I reply firmly. "I cannot sleep at night... I can't look at my daughters, without seeing pity on their faces... I can't hear myself think anymore... all because of you." I spit out, seeing him wince. "I loved you. I loved you, and I would've done anything for you. I find it sick that you keep forcing me into this situation, where I can't have you... Every time we are happy, you go and take that away from us, and it's sick and unfair." I continue, my tears rushing down my cheeks. "So no, I'm not going to forgive you. Not today." I assert, before storming out.