"take the road less traveled by, tell yourself you can always stop, what started in beautiful rooms, ends with meetings in parking lots"
illicit affairs • taylor swift
***
I couldn't get what had happened at the library out of my head. It just kept playing over and over in my mind like a broken record.
The fact that Dakota and I had managed to exchange actual words without them being followed by fists wasn't even what surprised me. Nor was it the act of sharing personal information with one another. No, it was the fact that we'd nearly kissed that was sending my head spiralling down a tunnel of disbelief.
Never in my life had I believed that I would ever kiss Dakota beyond the cloud of our clandestine affairs.
Now, I was the guy who not only had undisclosed sex with Dakota Anderson – Captain of the very team I was trying to beat – but also nearly kissed him in plain sight after one rare and fleeting moment of mutual honesty.
What, in the most basic definition of the word, was wrong with me?
The hot water was well and truly gone by the time I stepped out of the shower that evening. Swiping a hand over the condensation on the mirror, I stared at my reflection as though it held the key to unlocking every confusing thought currently tripping through my head.
Nothing. Not a single thing out of place amongst the same green eyes, brown hair, full lower lip, and thin, white scar running perpendicular to my left eyebrow from a bike accident when I was nine. How utterly infuriating.
I blinked once, twice, knuckles turning white as I gripped the sink and resisted the urge to punch the mirror. How could I look exactly the same when my world had been completely up-ended in a matter of hours?
Towelling myself dry roughly, I changed and stomped into my bedroom across the hall. My hair was still dripping at the ends as I ripped my phone from the charging dock and dove onto my bed, pulling up Dakota's Instagram, nonplussed that my account hadn't been blocked.
Dakota's profile was, surprisingly, minimalist. Many people had tagged him in posts ranging from soccer games to parties to lunchtime squad photos in the courtyard, but very few had been posted by Dakota himself. Where there were all bright colours and joy in his friends' photos, Dakota's were brooding in shades of black, white and grey.
The lack of sentimentality on his profile had me wondering if Dakota even really liked all the attention he received. Surely someone who ruled the teen hierarchy with an iron fist this big would have more to show for it on their socials. Was it exhausting to be at the top constantly? Did he ever want to escape it like me? I thought maybe it was impossible to not feel this way at some point in your life.
And I'd just spilled my guts about it to him, hadn't I?
I groaned and buried my face in my hands. For all that we were, Dakota and I were nothing alike! Other than the occasional hook-up, we led completely separate lives. We lived on the opposite sides of town. Hell, we weren't even part of the same tax bracket!
By the time I'd reached five years back of bright and cheerful photos Dakota had been tagged in, I knew I'd come to a conclusion. For someone who adored the spotlight so much, he certainly shied away from it a lot.
Deciding I'd had enough of whatever game Dakota was playing, I threw my phone aside and stood.
I needed answers.
And I was going to get them.
***
The next day I found myself standing in Coach's office. "Sorry, I have to miss practice today. My mum needs my help with something at home after school."
Coach glanced down at his clipboard before sighing. "Alright, it's fine. We can make-do without you for one afternoon. Tell your mother I said hello."
"Will do. Thanks, Coach." I smiled easily before turning and leaving.
Scott and Trent stopped me as I bypassed the field. "Hey, man. Where are you going?" Scott asked. "We've got practice."
"Family emergency." I lied, ignoring the bitter taste on my tongue. "Mum needs me home."
"Is everything okay?" Trent frowned. "You're really wired up."
I'd been bouncing on the balls of my feet without even realising. "Yep! Everything's super! I'll text you guys later. Bye!"
Without giving them time to reply, I turned and jogged toward the parking lot. Maybe if I ran fast enough it would erase the memory of me using the word 'super' in a sentence and I could stop cringing.
There was a reason I'd failed my driving test twice but speeding wasn't one of them. My haste was only made desperate by the fact that Ridgemount finished only five minutes after Northshore but school traffic would make the drive across town that much slower. I had to get there before Dakota left for the day.
I drove through town just as fast as the thoughts racing through my mind. Only two days after Dakota and my almost-kiss and my head was spinning with the need to figure out what happened – or rather what didn't happen – between us.
Maybe it was insane that I was seeking answers from the one place I would never get them, but I had to at least try. This was Dakota Anderson after all. If I didn't get to the bottom of this now, he would find a way to stab me in the back with it later.
Students were already spilling out through the cast iron gates by the time I reached Ridgemount Academy. The student parking lot was emptying quickly so I found a spot in the back and waited until most of the crowd had gone. When only a few stragglers were left, I drew my hood up and climbed out of the car.
Unlike Northshore's public school layout, Ridgemount Academy was a repurposed mansion that had been converted into the most pretentious show of wealth one could imagine. The school's self-proclaimed top-tier education was accessible only to those who could afford its exorbitant tuition. While scholarships and fee loans were available, most everyone knew that the only students who went here were those looking to rule corporate hierarchies with an iron fist. The excessive list of extra-curriculars were just so students could enhance their academic resumés for university.
Thankfully, the need for pretentious people to congregate in the same vicinity meant it was relatively easy to find my way around campus. I cut across the courtyard as the sky overhead bloomed grey with rainfall, stowing myself beside a stairwell that lead to the main entrance of the building.
Five minutes passed. Then ten. Then fifteen. I was beginning to think I'd already missed Dakota when the doors swung open once more to reveal the very person I was looking for.
Dakota descended the stairs with haste, glaring down at something on his phone. He wore his black and red Ridgemount Academy uniform with an air of style that was completely his: loosened tie, relaxed fit, the top buttons of his shirt undone to reveal sharp collarbones beneath. His dark hair fell messily over his eyes, curling slightly beneath the raindrops now clinging to it.
Damn him for being so attractive when I was on a mission. I couldn't let myself get distracted.
He didn't see me coming. Turning onto the path that lead to the parking lot, he yelped in surprise when I reached out and gripped his wrist, tugging him backward into the shade by the stairwell.
"Taylor?" Dakota hissed. "The hell are you doing here?"
"We need to talk." I demanded.
"Are you insane? You can't be here." Dakota's greyish eyes narrowed. "Leave. Now. Before somebody sees."
"Calm down, Princess." I scoffed. "Nearly everyone has left for the day. Nobody's going to see us."
Dakota pointed to a window above us. "The debate team practices from four to six in that room."
"Somehow I don't think we're nearly as interesting as immigration reform."
Dakota groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face. "Look, if this is about the other day then there's really no reason to-"
"There's a perfectly good reason." I growled. I checked both ways before lowering my voice, hissing at him, "We nearly kissed, Dakota."
"Shut up!" He growled. "Keep your voice down, Taylor!"
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please. It's fine when you want to brag about all the people you're tonguing but I'm the one exception."
"You're not something to be proud of." Dakota snorted, checking his phone again. "And you're the one obsessed with keeping it a secret."
"We need to talk about this." I pushed.
Dakota's eyes flashed as he pocketed his phone. "Talk about what, Taylor? Nothing. Happened. We had a conversation without one of us throwing fists. That's all it was."
"It was more than that."
"No, it wasn't." Dakota glared at me straight-on. "Whatever crisis you're having, Taylor, get over it. There's nothing between us except hate-fuelled attraction. And even that isn't enough to overlook your complete stupidity sometimes."
"Dakota, we had a moment. Don't you think that's something we should talk about?"
"No, I don't." Another phone check. Who was he so desperate to hear from? "Because nothing happened. This isn't some big conspiracy, Taylor. We saw each other outside town. We talked. We got caught up in a moment briefly. There's nothing more to it. We're just going to move on and forget this happened. If you so much as mention this to anyone, championships be damned, I will break your legs myself. Got it?"
Rain had started to fall freely now. Water droplets clung to the tips of Dakota's hair, falling artfully across his forehead in a way that should not have been as attractive as it was given how hard he was glaring at me.
I swallowed nervously and nodded, feeling uncertain. I knew I didn't have romantic feelings for Dakota but when your sworn enemy kisses you – or nearly kisses you – it tends to leave one feeling confused. I couldn't just ignore the dynamic shift.
"Fine." I squared my shoulders. "I won't tell anyone if you can just tell me one thing."
"What?"
"We've had sex, Dakota. More than once." I stated. "What do you think that means?"
Dakota scoffed. "You know what it means, Taylor. Don't be intentionally obtuse."
I resisted the urge to groan in frustration. "Exactly. I'm trying to make a point here, Dakota." At his look, I elaborated, "It means nothing, right? Just meaningless sex to get our minds off things. No strings attached. No feelings."
"Right." Dakota said slowly.
Memories of past few weeks played over in my head in rapid succession. From kissing behind public cafes, to watching anime together after sex, to honest conversations in libraries, to nearly kissing the one person I swore I couldn't stand in plain sight. Maybe none of the mattered to him, but I had to know.
I raised my head, meeting his gaze head-on. "So, if you can kiss me right here, right now and tell me it means nothing, I'll leave and won't speak another word of it again."
Dakota's eyes narrowed. "That's ridiculous. I'm not going to kiss you."
"That's your call," I said, the hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of my mouth. "But I might find myself at a party later. Two or three drinks? Who knows what secrets may be spilled about soccer captains spending their weekends in libraries out of town."
Dakota's eyes widened. "Are you blackmailing me to kiss you? That's low, Taylor. Even by your standards."
"I'm not blackmailing you." I said honestly. "But if everything between us means nothing, why are you so scared to do this?"
"I'm not scared."
"Seems like it."
"I'm not."
"Then why?"
Dakota's glare darkened. "Are you really so desperate for someone to like you that you'll stoop as low as threatening someone to compensate for real love?"
I shook my head. "I'm not compensating for anything. I'm just trying to clean up this mess you put in my head."
Dakota scoffed. "What, like your insecurities? Don't drag me into your shit, Taylor. Nothing happened at the library."
"Then prove it to me."
When Dakota said nothing, I knew I'd won. Whether he'd admit it or not, something had shifted between us. It could've started at the library or it could've started weeks before. There was only one way to find out.
The rain was starting to come down harder now. We were barely sheltered by the stairwell so I kept my hood drawn to protect my face from both the rain and prying eyes.
I took a step toward Dakota, backing him against the brick wall. "It means nothing, right?" I scraped my teeth along the ridge of his collar bone. "Then why should it matter? It's nothing we haven't done before."
"Not in plain sight." Dakota growled. Surprisingly, he made no move to push me away. "That was your rule, remember?"
I glanced around at the empty school yard. Most of the traffic had cleared with only the distant sound of a car passing on the road every few moments. The rain was coming down hard enough that it provided obstruction from unwelcome eyes. We were alone.
"No one's around." I said, looking back to Dakota. "One kiss and I'll go."
"No feelings, Taylor. That was the deal."
I nodded. "Prove it to me again or I'll start believing otherwise. Unless you're scared. In that case, I can jus-"
"Oh, for God's sake!"
One hand wrapped around the back of my neck, Dakota pulled me in and crashed our lips together.
Truthfully, I wasn't sure what I'd been expecting. Maybe I'd thought the kiss would only last two seconds. Or maybe I was used to the rage-fuelled heat of a game pumping its way through my body as Dakota writhed beneath me in bed, a mess of dark hair, sweat-slicked skin and guttural moans.
Whatever I'd been expecting, it wasn't Dakota's hands on my waist. It wasn't my arms wrapping around his neck and threading my fingers through his wet hair. It wasn't him pulling me closer, as though there were any space left to fill between us. It wasn't me licking into his mouth, relishing at the taste of coffee and something sweet. Cinnamon, perhaps?
If I'd had any expectations at all, it certainly wasn't the need to be close to him, to feel like I would die if his mouth left mine.
But then it was over and I was standing five feet away from where Dakota had finally shoved me.
"See?" I panted, attempting to get a hold of myself through staggered breaths. "That wasn't so bad."
"Shut up!" Dakota snarled.
"Dakota, I-"
In a flash of movement, I was pinned to the opposite wall. One of Dakota's hands went above my head, keeping me trapped between his body and a wall of brick. "If you tell anybody about this," he seethed, "I'll kill you."
I let out a hoarse, "Koda."
"What happened at the library? It was nothing. Just like today. We got caught up in a moment and that's all it was. There has always been and always will be nothing between us, Taylor. Don't ever think for a second you are worth any more of my time than a decent fuck. I can barely stand the sight of you on a good day. You showing up here and forcing me to kiss you is the end of the line."
He turned to leave, stopping briefly to look over his shoulder and say, "You want to play dirty? Fine. You show your face here again and I'll make sure everybody knows the truth about our relationship. That it one line you don't want to cross with me. Understand?"
All I could do was nod.
Seemingly satisfied with my response, he turned and left.
As soon as Dakota was gone, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and slid down the wall to the ground. All of my confidence was gone, leaving me feeling more confused than ever.
My plan had never been to force Dakota to kiss me. He was right; I was the one scared of getting caught, not him.
"Stupid." I tugged on my hair with both hands. "You're so stupid."
But it wasn't kissing Dakota in public that made me feel this way. It was the fact that we'd kissed and I'd felt something unlike hatred. Between the heat of our mouths and his touch on my skin, a new feeling was rising from the pit of my stomach that was unwelcome as it was unfamiliar.
Something like...enamour.
Shit.
***
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