Name: Fog (technical title: King Fog)
Okay
AU: kinda, but no he exists in the main series
Okay
Era of time: all of them, even before the scorching up to present
Huh, alrighty
Age: around 6500(I will explain if need be)
I asked how this worked, and you did explain it... but really?
Radiation doesn't work like that. They don't give magical abilities. They don't do that. Even if it did, it wouldn't be THAT long, adding the defect or not.
So, uh... either make him a whole lot younger or give a more reasonable explanation for his aging.
Because THAT, right there, is far fetched.
A mutation caused by radiation does BAD things. They would make them die earlier. This doesn't work, and it makes no sense.
Sex: male
Yep
Sexuality: more then likely straight
Okay
Tribe: mistwings
MistWings sounds cool.
Queen they support: whichever will keep peace
Sounds good
Abilities: him and his tribe have the ability to turn their entire body into a fog/mist like state; he also has the ability to control animus magic, even though he isn't a animus
Err.. I'm questioning this.
So he and his tribe have the ability to turn their entire body into a gas state... uh, how? Is this animus-enchanted? Or is it not? If it isn't, this doesn't make sense.
Even if they were able to do that logically, they would DIE. Immediately.
And what do you mean "he has the ability to control animus magic"? Does that mean he can use it, or only bend it or something? And did he get that by animus-touched?
You know what? I'm just going to ask you to remove the second one.
The first one, make it so that they can't turn their bodies into gas, but instead they can "breathe" a lot of mist, or something like poisonous mist... Yes! Poisonous mist! Make it so MistWings can breathe this weird poisonous mist that MistWings are immune to.
And maybe add one or two other minor powers (ex: MudWings have a minor ability to hold their breath for one hour).
Aperance: about the size of a 6 and a half year old, grey scales(scales are shaped like a icewings, nightwing back spikes, nightwing tail, icewing wings, icewing snout, nightwing shaped torso; he normally wears a simple silver chain necklace, a bag over his neck and shoulders usually caring scrolls( maps, personal notes, etc.), sometime if undercover and exploring villages (from any village) he wears a sort of cloth that Varys in type, such as in the icewing tundra a thicker cloth, in desert a thinner coat, the cloth is colored based on the environment,(ice kingdom is normally a white, rainforest- a camo of sorts) he wears a sort of goggles that covers his eyes witch is a one way glass. His eyes are a bright blue. He also has a few small scars here and there
I like his appearance, really.
Tribe aperance: grey scales, most are short due to how slow they grow, but some have used magic to be average height (about normally the size of a 4- 12 year old), eyes are blue or black.
Okay.
Personality: calm, try's to stop fights at all costs(no matter what he has to do) seems calm but is nervous and at times a bit jumpy, but due to his past. (I'll will type it up in a separate comment) he can snap a bit and if he is a fight and gets hurt he will no longer try to not harm them, he will knock them out, disarm them(like dislocating talons, getting them stuck. Etc. )
He is slightly insane but is intelligent enough not to show this
Okay. It makes sense that he's slightly insane, because of his past.
Residents: the mistwing palace top floor, royal mistwing room(the mistwing kingdom was meant to be a city for all the tribes to mingle)
Okay.
Family: all dead except his cousins: (every royal. Nightwing, icewing, sandwing, (depending on time) (rainwing, because it is likely the nightwing royal Line would mingle with the rainwing royal line)
This is slightly confusing, but I think I get it. Could you give names?
Mate: nothing is set in stone yet
Alrighty.
Crush: (not set in stone)
Alrighty.
Dragonets: none
Okay.
Other: he is the only royal mistwing left alive, and is slightly insane
Okay.
Now for the backstory; if changes often just let you know.)
Backstory:
Fog was born in the nightwing kingdom when the idea of kings and queens were starting to take into place, his grandparents were a common nightwing whom was married to the soon to be icewing Queen,
Wait wait wait wait, WHAT? NightWings are getting married to IceWings? Why? Is there a reason?
his other grandparents were the nightwing queen and a icewing noble.
So he was a hybrid.
He had a happy child hood, this is Were he met a life long friend named Soveliss (@JDARKWIZARD 's oc) not to much occurred during his first 4 thousand years, when he was about 3000 years old his father
So his father is still alive? How?
noticed how many hybrids that looked so much like himself and his family so he pitched the idea of starting their own tribe, mistwings,
Let me just stop you right there.
So they're hybrids of what, NightWings and IceWings? That doesn't explain the weird abilities! This doesn't make sense...
he pitched, they decided to not try and mess with the existing queens so they moved to a island miles away, the sea is ruff and tuff to fly through, about half a mile out from their island is a almost constant hurricane. This is Were they were to call home, his parents were elected rulers based on there leader ship skills. His father ordered after the mistwings had finished building their homes when his father ordered that they start to build a city to hold at least 200 thousand mistwings because of how fast their numbers were growing(a little over 100 thousand was the peek) plus the ability to hold 50 thousand from each know tribe plus the ability to have farms on the southern part of the island were it wasn't so moist and was perfect for plant growing. When the city was about 10% compete after 100 years they released news for this supper city and how that since they had the materials and had just discovered their ability to use magic they had started to tinker with spells so that construction would speed up by almost a thousand percent, when the tribes heard news of this they were ecstatic at first but after a while they started to think that maybe the tribe was to powerful so they banded together and tricked the mistwing to setting up a portal to their island once they did so they lured out most of them and tried wiping them out, killing thousands of innocents, guards, chefs, cleaners, healers, etc. it was a massacre, this was were two of his sisters died, after this they tried to shut off the portal but the tribes had control over it.
How?
So they focused energy on trying to at least push them out, by now Fog had already reached the title of general so he was put in charge of defense, in about 400 hundred years he had started with a tribe of over 100 thousand tribe mates, and went down to a little over 400, by now Fog was the only royal left. All of his family had died infront of him, and his citizens had died under his command, but when his sister had died (the current queen) infront of him on s battle field, he was given the throne, he immediately collapsed the portal, instantly killing all near it, leaving only about 30 invaders in the island, witch he quickly killed, during about 400 years Fog had done his best to wipe the memories of mistwings, byestealing scrolls about them, wiping memories of mistwings, even so much as letting hisself get captured to get close to royal treasures to take gifts that his parents had given to their cousins, he took every reminder of his tribe so their minds could be frogoten, he eventually grew curious if his distant relatives had changed
The backstory is sorta confusing and rushed. Also, it kinda cuts off - why?
My Rating:
7/10
Originality: 25/25 (This OC is completely original)
Realism: 10/25 (4 points knocked off for the abilities, 2 points knocked off for the unexplained age, 5 points knocked off because of the lack of explanation in the backstory, 2 points knocked off for the whole hybrid thing, 2 points knocked off for the whole backstory being rushed)
Interest: 10/25 (I'm somewhat interested in this character)
Uniqueness: 25/25 (This character is very unique)
Comments:
Mostly, the problem with Fog was the abilities and the lack of EXPLANATION. Nothing's explained, and nothing really make sense!