Despite her past, she can't help the attraction
He tells her, that he's nothing like the last one
He redefines in every way what love is
She fell for him and hasn't gotten up since...
2 months later...
"move mothafucka, let me see my fucking niece." i heard ari yell, pushing herb out of her way.
Today was the day we were all waiting for, now weighing 5 lbs 9 oz. and 19 inches long, Heaven was finally able to come home.
Everyone had come over to my place to finally see her, including my mom. The anticipation was high because no body has seen her face due to my own reasoning.
i didn't want anyone seeing her with tubes, ivs, and electrodes on her body, she was so weak and fragile. Throughout this whole process, i've only shown her feet, hands and sometimes full body pictures with emojis covering her face.
Raegan and Keraun were the only ones who've actually seen her, so some of my family members have been a little bitter, Especially the ones who've come out of the blue talking about they want to see her but they haven't seen me since i was a baby.
these couple of months have been rocky but i've managed to get through it with my baby by my side. i don't know how to describe this feeling but he's everything i want in a man, he has accepted my daughter and has somehow wandered his way into my heart.
He makes me laugh, he cares about me... he's something new
After finding out about what was happening with Raegan, she hasn't been to her mother's house since, putting more stress on him to find somebody to watch raegan, since she just started pre school. I've been picking her up from school, and letting her stay over here until Keraun gets off of work but they usually spend the night here.
"stop hitting my baby." i walked into my living room,
rubbing herb's back, while he mugged her.
"he was in my fucking way, stop babying his punk ass." she rolled her eyes, taking heaven out of her bassinet. "awwww, look at my lil stinka poo, she look just like her trifling ass daddy."
I had texted Malcolm to let him know Heaven was coming home and that if he wanted to come and see her, he could. he didn' reply back but at least i know i tried
"she always putting her damn hands on me, you need to keep your opinions to yaself and-"
"i don't gotta keep my opinions no where bitch, mind ya fucking business." i just sat there, watching them argue
"and shut the fuck up, you talk too much." he finished his sentence, earning a slap.
"watch who the fuck you talking to bitch." she placed Heaven in my arms and called prince. "get his ass prince, get em!" prince came running from wherever he was and chased herb outside, with Ari coaching his little ass on.
i shook my head, walking into my room to answer my ringing phone. I placed Heaven on her lil blanket on my bed and answered Keraun's FaceTime call
"wassup jody." i smiled, watching him stuck his middle finger up at me
"nothin, patti la belle. you gotta come get Raegan, she this close to going to her grandmas house." he said in a serious tone.
"NOOOOOOO IM NOT GOING!'" i heard Raegan scream. "I WANNA GO TO ICEY HOUSE." she yelled, causing my face to scrunch up in confusion.
She's never yelled like that before but then again she acts so grown that sometimes she thinks she can talk to anybody however she wants to.
"lil girl i think you lost your mind, i will drop ya little behind at ya grandmother house and leave you there." he yelled back at her.
"i want icey." she cried, making me pout.
"give her the phone jody, she wanna talk to me."
"no, she not gonna get her way this time . she gon learn the hard way. you not going to patti house, you going to see ya grandmother." she cried louder, while he laughed. He was always teasing her.
"stop doing that to her, Raegan stop crying. heaven is waiting for you to come over. you gotta stop acting like this cause nobody wants to do anything for you when your acting like a brat." her cries wined down and all you could hear was her sniffling.
All of a sudden, Heaven started to whine and that whine quickly turning into screams, "i'll see you later." i quickly hung up the phone and cradled Heaven in my arms. i placed her blanket over my body and took my bra off to breastfeed.
She quickly latched on and i rocked back and forth admiring her beauty. Everyone said she has my face but she looks just like her father and my grandmother. Her ginger hair reminded me so much of my grandmother but her face belonged to me. The only thing she had of mine was my smile, dimples and big eyes
I don't know what i would've done if she didn't make it. I don't think i could've went through that pain again. She was my miracle.
A hour later...
"look at you walking in here like you a king." i smirked, watching Raven strut into my apartment.
"queen bitch, you already know, edges laid, booty on pow." she posed, laughing at herself. "damn, my ass really fat."
"i can't with you, amber how you deal with her." i looked at amber, who was so mesmerized by heaven that she wasn't even paying attention to us.
Raven and Amber are sisters, i met them my freshmen year of high school when these girls tried to jump me. They jumped in and ever since then we've been close. They live a couple of minutes away from me so i know when i call they'll always be there for me
"icess, i ignore her goofy ass. she always fighting somebody for no reason. Last night, we was at the bar, i leave her alone for a couple seconds and out of nowhere she fighting this girl." she playfully rolled her eyes
"what?" she rolled her eyes, "it wasn't even that serious."
"try again, bitch."
"okay...she walked up on me and she said something, so i was like wassup. she started getting wild with her hands, sis so i said bop bop... she not gonna put ha hands in my face. point blank period." i laughed, listening Raven tell me about another fight she had
"bitch, lie again... girl wasn't even talking to you, she was dancing, talking to her friends ." amber side eyed her, while she sucked her teeth.
"it don't matter, i don't like ha, she always subbing me on some 'raven fake shit' but she the same bitch who know all the blind spots on saks fifth ave and all them other retail stores." At this point amber and i was cracking up.
"let me bring my baby in the room, i can't with you." i laughed, taking Heaven into my room and getting her situated.
"she a certified thief, bitch love to steal, like metro no pcs, always talking about somebody. i hope god come down and strike that bitch with some lightening." you could already see her getting riled up, moving her hands the whole time.
"oh my god, i can't... my stomach." i sat up, holding my stomach in my hands. "why you s-"
"ICEYYY..." Raegan came running towards me, with Ari, herb and keraun behind her. "i missed you, you didn't answer my calls." she whispered into my ear.
"i'm sorry, i was so busy with heaven. But, don't think i forgot about what you were doing earlier." she put her head down on my chest, covering her face. "did you apologize to daddy?" she shook her head. "you owe him an apology, so go over there and give him a hug and apologize."
"daddy, i'm sorry." she yelled, racing over to him and hugging his legs. "can i see heaven now." she clapped excitedly, making me laugh.
"did you forget about us." Raven faked hurt, making Raegan run towards her.
"i ain't even see you ray-baby. wassup ambie, y'all seen love and hip hop last night." she questioned, making Keraun shake his head.
I don't know where Raegan gets these nicknames from but when she gets one it sticks. She met Amber and Raven last month and she's always on the phone with them every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. They watch Empire, Star, LHH, and Bring It together all night long. I even saw them watching soap operas early in the morning on FaceTime, like they some old ladies. Ever since they met, they've clicked and been best friends since
"yea, you seen when tommie-"
"uh-uh, y'all ain't a bout to poison my baby with that stupid ass show." he grabbed Raegan, tickling her. "what i tell you about that show?"
"not to watch it but it's sooo good." she giggled. "i wanna see heaven now." she looked up at me.
i was about to get up to get Heaven but Keraun held his hand up, "i got it baby." he kissed me, making me blush at everyone's reaction while he went to get her.
"listen sis, i'm bout to go. i don't wanna be around ya little friends." ari spoke up, making raven laugh. "something funny?" she questioned, while herb stared at raven in shock.
"you.. why is it that you have a problem with me." she turned towards Ari, making amber grab her arm. "your the one who slept with my ex fiancé and got pregnant. congratulations you stole my man, but yet your mad at me." she laughed, standing up.
Back story: Raven and herb were together almost 2 years ago and during that time he proposed to her. They were inseparable, anywhere you saw her he was there and vise versa. Everything was fine, we were planning a wedding, his career was taking off and she was expecting their first child. When she lost the baby everything went downhill, he started coming home late and was always at the studio.
Come to find out he was cheating on her with my sister and that broke Raven's heart to pieces. Even though she puts on this tough front, we know she misses him, she just won't allow herself to get back with him. The sad part of it all is that Ari knew they were together but she didn't care, it took me a while to actually talk to herb and Ari again but he's my brothers and she's my blood. He made a dumb ass mistake that he has to live with now.
"ima talk to you later girl." she kissed my cheek. "send us pictures of the baby." amber hugged me, waving goodbye with Raven behind her. Once the door closed, Ari started going off on me
"i can't believe you even invited her. you know what, ima just go... your really a motherfucking bitch sometimes, i can't-"
"watch ya mouth when talking to icey." Raegan said, rolling her neck.
"you know what, i don't need you to plan nothing for me... brianna's been waiting for the green light." she rolled her eyes, making me scrunch my face up.
"you doing too much Ari." Herb interrupted knowing how i am. i don't care if you're saying something out of spite and later on you change your mind. i'm gonna take what you said and run with it, therefore i will not be doing a damn inch of planning.
"shut the fuck up, i say what i want and i meant what i said. she hasn't done anything for our baby so why should i care?"
who the hell, she think she talking to like that... bitch you in my house. tell me if you want to plan a gender reveal party when your baby has been in the hospital the majority of her life and is finally coming home
"on that note, you can let ya self out." i stood up, taking Raegan with me to my room. i do not have time for her and her bullshit, i don't kiss nobody's ass.
My door slammed, making me close my eyes in frustration. she better be glad, god on her side.
Raegan jumped on my bed, looking at heaven sleeping in Keraun's arms. "can i hold her, please?" she pouted, i placed a blanket on her arms and sat her next to her father. He placed Heaven in her arms and Raegan giggled, "she's so pretty." she smiled, while i grabbed my phone to take a picture.
After a little while, Heaven started to cry, "uh-uh get this baby... no." she said, making us laugh. I took Heaven out of her arms, giving her a pacifier.
"what happened in there, i heard what she said to you." i shook my head.
"nothing, just something stupid." i shrugged, not wanting to talk about it
"i know what'll make you feel better." he got up, turning my radio on and once i heard the beat, i started laughing.
play music in mm
"don't you d-"
"girl you know i-i-i-i-i love youuuuu, no matter what you do." he sang off key, making me laugh out loud with Raegan in tow.
he lifted me off the bed and grabbed my waist, slow dancing with me "what you know bout this?" we rocking back and forth, with Raegan in his arms and Heaven in mine.
"boy, don't you even try it." i laughed, already forgetting about what Ari said. "baby, i'm thinking of you.. trying to be more of a man for you." i whispered to Heaven, swaying her in my arms.
"if it's in... if it's in... if it's in god's will." he sang loudly, getting down on one knee.
"i cannot i cannot." i mocked joseline, laughing my ass off with Raegan who held her eyes closed
"cause i...cause i... looovvvvveeeeeeee youuuu." i wrapped my arms around his neck, just rocking with him... i don't know it's just... i don't know how to describe this feeling
Couple of hours later...
After our singing session, we ordered pizza and watched movies until 9:00 hit. I washed Raegan and Heaven up and put them in their night clothes, while Keraun cleaned the kitchen up and played slow jams.
We were all in the bed, Raegan on the Keraun's chest, and Heaven on mine.
"Raegan, you wanna say the prayer tonight." she nodded, sleepily.
"thank you god for this day and for food. i love mcdonald's and pizza. Thank you for prince and herbie and ari and ra-baby and ambie and heaven and icey and daddy and me!" she smiled. "bless, the helpless and give them food so they won't be hungry no mo. Amen!" she snapped her fingers, closing her eyes.
we laughed, kissing her forehead and snuggling under the covers.
4:32 am
Hearing Heaven hiccup, i sat up and groaned. She hiccups before she actually starts to cry so i know i only have a little bit time left, before she wakes everybody up.
When she was in the hospital i never got a chance to really experience a whole night with her because visiting hours ended at 12. She doesn't have a sleep schedule yet so i'm just winging it. She's been crying nonstop every 2 hours and i'm just so exhausted, I reached over Raegan, turning on the lamp and taking her out of her little bassinet.
"what's wrong, mamas?" i placed her in the front of me, watching her face turn red from crying so hard.
she wasn't latching so i knew she wasn't hungry and she wasn't wet, so i couldn't figure out what was wrong. Everything was getting overwhelming so i started crying.
"what's wrong?" he sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"i don't know what's wrong with her, she won't stop crying." Maybe it was my hormones or something but i couldn't stop feeling like a bad mother. I starved myself into premature labor, i'm the reason her dad left... i just feel so inexperienced and unprepared.
You see all these moms with changing tables, strollers, cribs and all the other expensive things a baby needs and all i have is a bassinet, car seat, and some clothes. I can't afford all those things, and I keep beating myself up because I want her to have those things. my sister and herb have everything for their child and he's not even here yet, meanwhile I'm sitting here with a baby with barely anything
He grabbed her from my shaking arms and placed her over his shoulder, patting her back. She fussed a little bit longer until she actually calmed down. He cradled her in his arms while she stared up at him.
"am i a good mom?" he looked at me with a confused expression on his face.
"what you talking about?" he said, now fully awake. He wiped my tears, turning my face towards his.
"i just feel like i won't be able to give her everything that she needs. There's people in this world who have all this money from doing nothing and here i am, working two jobs and i can't even afford a crib for her." i held my head down the entire time i talked.
" Babe you got this , i know you do . Stop beating yourself up atleast you're trying and making sure she grows up to be independent and a go getter .. Things may not be easy right now but i gotchu and lil mama . Just relax babygirl and stop worrying yourself." he comforted me, kissing my forehead.
"your so sweet." i pecked his lips, reaching for Heaven, but he pushed my hand away. "she's still awake and i know your tired. i'll be fine." i yawned, knowing that i was tired as hell.
"nah don't worry about it, i know you ain't really get no sleep all night cause of lil mama. catch some sleep, i ain't that tired." he smiled, kissing my lips and walking out towards the living room.
"awwwww, my limb, my rib, my oxygen, my lungs, my kidneys my-"
"ight now, you play too much." he laughed, throwing my bonnet at me. i totally forgot to wrap my hair up. "and put ya bonnet on, i don't wanna hear ya mouth in the morning."
i put my hair in a makeshift bun and put my bonnet on, finally getting some peace. I wrapped my arms around Raegan and dozed off.