The next two days resulted in nurses poking and prodding me until I wished I'd succeeded with the injection. Happy visited and nearly had a heart attack. Rhodey called. Pepper refused to leave, watching me like a hawk. She told them, but they deny it; I can just tell. Don't get me wrong, I love her, but now that she knows everything...I'm not about to chance it again. She acts like I'm a flight risk - like if she leaves, even to use the bathroom, she'll come back to my lifeless body lying here. Can't blame her, I guess.
They agreed to release me, and they drove me home to the Tower. Pepper took me straight to my - our - room, and put me on restricted access to Friday and the lab...figures. It's kind of funny, really. It reminds me of all the times she forced Jarvis to shut down because I didn't come to bed. I don't feel any different, but there's this little glimmer of hope somewhere in me...something that she sparked. It's enough to get me out of my shirt and into bed without a fight.
Pepper sits on top of the comforter, once again parting my hair comfortingly. I sigh and ease back into the pillows, resting my eyes.
"So I need to talk to you about something," she tells me after a moment, and my eyes snap back open again.
I sigh again. "Can't I just sleep?"
Her lips tug up and she's looking at me with amusement. Despite what she thinks, I really am just tired and want to go to bed. I guess trying to take your own life cures insomnia, because that's all I've been doing since the episode.
Pepper must realize, too, because she lowers herself onto the bed and curls into my side. At first, I'm hesitant; it's been a while. Then I welcome it...her warmth, her smell, her soft skin... She traces her hand around the circle scar on my chest and exhales.
"You know, you don't have to stay," I tell her. "I'm not going to spontaneously combust or something."
She flashes her eyes up at me. "No offense, Tony, but I don't think you're in any shape to be left alone right now."
"So, once I'm better I can have some personal space?"
"'Better'?" she asks me as if it's a sin.
"Yeah. Trustworthy."
She sighs again, but this time it isn't in content. "Tony, it's not like you're...broken. But...this isn't something that goes away overnight."
I groan internally. She's right. I still feel it calling to me, but not as strong as before.
"Fine," I grunt, not feeling up to the conversation, but she pushes forward.
"I want you to come with me to India," she tells me.
"Uh, cows and food that's gonna burn a hole in my stomach?" I joke. "Nope. No thanks."
"No," she smirks, "my cousin is getting married, and I think it could be...sort of a retreat for you. Something to clear your head."
"You don't look Indian," I deadpan, and she raises an eyebrow once I give her a lopsided grin.
"She moved there for work, smart ass. Ugh, I'm going to miss the peace and quiet," she teases, but then her smile slowly fades. "I mean...I-"
"Pepper," I dramatize, deciding to wrap my arms around her in a tight hug around her torso. "I'm not gonna do anything, okay? Please stop worrying about me."
"Tony, four days ago you recorded a video saying goodbye to me...so excuse me for caring, but if you want me to believe that, you're gonna have to work with me."
I sigh. Again, she's right. I fucked up big time.
"So, India?" I force out, faking an excited tone.
She can tell, but doesn't give me hell about it. Thank God.
"We leave Thursday night."
I think about it and realize the Tower is basically empty at this point, except for our personal belongings, so I agree.
"I'll keep Happy on the kid for now. But I'm taking the remote, just in case."
She rolls her eyes, I can tell. Even if I couldn't, her anger is almost expected when it comes to the suits.
"He might need help, Pep," I back myself up.
"I know. I just don't think it's a good idea given your current...situation."
She's kidding, right?
"Pepper, you want me to be happy, right?"
She glances back up at me as I release her a little and nods.
"Then you gotta let me have the suits. At least just to help the kid."
"Tony, you said yourself that they're what pushed you to -" she protests.
"I'm not planning on intervening anymore, Pep. Not after the Accords..."
She gives up. "I guess it wouldn't make sense to the press, either..."
Of course she wants to hide me from the world. Because the great Tony Stark couldn't possibly be depressed, right? Fuck that.
I realize I'm thinking to myself too long when she places a kiss on my shoulder and moves her hand to cup my face.
"What went through that pretty head of yours, Tony?" she asks quietly.
Her eyes are glossy; she's sad. I can't help but take her in. Her blue eyes, the thin lines of her lips, the light freckles... Everything familiar in her face warms me...isn't that sappy? I'm getting too soft. Or too old. Maybe both. Time to lighten the mood again.
I act shocked. "Did you just call me pretty?"
She grins and smacks me lightly, earning her own from me. God, I missed that smile.
"Am I a pretty girl, miss Potts?" I egg her on, drawing out her laugh for as long as I can.
"Stop!" she gasps, catching her breath as she wriggles in my arms. "Don't be such an ass!"
She's stunning. And she's here. And I can't accept her leaving again.
"God, Pep. I missed you so much," I tell her, now rather sincere.
She tucks her bangs behind her ear and holds my gaze, but I keep going.
"I don't want to stay broken up, Pepper. We can be happy. I can make you happy."
She doesn't respond right away, which starts to freak me out, but she doesn't leave either. After a few moments, she finally opens her mouth to speak.
"You need to accept yourself first, Tony," she tells me, but with a smile.
I swear I'm screaming on the inside, but I refuse to push it. That's too much emotion for one week. It wasn't the response I was hoping for, but she didn't say no...I think.
"Coming with me will show me you're trying," she concurs. "I'm not going anywhere, but I can't just jump back into things...especially if you're not okay with your own life yet."
I want to argue with her but that will just push her away, and that's the last thing I want. Her being here is like...like some of the pieces fitting back together. But, after a few moments of silence, I start to realize my selfish ass once again only talked about my own wants and needs.
"Is that what you wanted to talk about?" I ask her quietly, pulling her back into a tight embrace.
My eyes are starting to feel heavy, but I want to stay awake. I've been doing nothing but lie in a bed and somehow I'm still exhausted.
"What, your...accident? No, Tony, but I just can't understand...why?"
I sigh, audibly, but it doesn't stop her.
"You have everything-"
"And nothing," I cut her off, remembering Yinsen's words from almost ten years ago. "I'm a man with everything yet nothing. The name, the money, the suits...yeah, they're me, but they're not worth a thing when I hurt everything I care about."
She breathes deeply and nestles her head deeper into my shoulder, closing her eyes. I do the same.
"No, that's not what I wanted to talk about," she admits after some silence.
"Then what?"
"It's not important. We can talk about we get back."
I want to argue, but I want sleep more, and her warmth is controlling my brain. I nod off quickly, feeling nothing but remorse for having hurt her so much during this whole predicament.
When morning hits, I don't wake up until I can feel the sunlight heating my body from the windows. The bed is cold next to me, and I realize the sheets, though still pulled over my body, do no good without Pepper to keep me warm. At least there were no nightmares this time. Or any, as a matter of fact, since the last night before the hospital.
For someone who said they weren't ready to let me be alone, her absence is definitely surprising. I glance around, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, and sit up to inspect the rest of the room. Everything looks as I left it, but the bathroom door is closed.
"Pep?" I call softly, my voice scratchy from lack of coffee.
No answer.
Shit. No, there's no way she'd leave again...right? She made such a big deal. Fuck. I force myself from the bed and lightly pad to the closed door, my pajama bottoms hanging loosely at the hip. Slowly, I push it open.
"Pepper? Babe, you still here?" I ask gently.
I hear a cough, and then a response, finally.
"Y-yeah, I'm just...not feeling well."
I fully open the door and she's lying on the bathroom floor hunched over the toilet bowl. She's pale, and obviously sick. Her hair is in a loose bun and a few strands hang over her cheek as she tries to smile at me reassuringly. I'm not buying it. If she thinks I will, she has another thing coming.
"Hey," she greets, swallowing uncomfortably. "Did I wake you?"
"Not exactly," I tell her; she really didn't, but I was beginning to notice the temperature different in the bed.
Then, she's coughing again as she grips onto the toilet. I grimace; it's definitely not the most pleasant sound she's ever made, but she's seen my sorry ass do the same, if not worse. For years she cleaned me up after my parties. The least I could do is move her loose hair from her face, so I do and hunch over behind her.
"I probably just ate something that didn't agree with me," she tells me, but I can tell she's making an excuse.
"Pep, if you don't want to fly out today, we can wait until tomorrow. That's the point of having a private jet."
She shakes her head, wipes her mouth, and gets up to wash her hands and brush her teeth at the sink. I watch her through the mirror, noting my own ridiculous appearance; my hair is a mess, sticking out at every direction, and my eyes have dark circles underneath. Funny what stress does to you, I guess, but it obviously isn't helping her, either.
She notices and meets my gaze in the mirror as I lean against the wall behind her with my arms crossed over my chest.
"You need a hair cut," she teases.
"Just some gel," I counter. "And maybe a shower first. But yours is getting long."
She cocks half a smile, then wipes her hands on the towel next to the sink like it was ritual, despite not living with me for the past few months.
"Wouldn't kill ya," she tosses back about the shower, making me raise an eyebrow in judgment of the choice of words. She notices, and her eyes turn down apologetically.
Pepper's always been truthful. She definitely doesn't feel weird about shooting back her own bit of sass, either. Too bad she's right, so there's nothing I can really say to argue. Thankfully, she answers my earlier offer instead.
"I'll be fine to fly. This should pass by then."
For a moment, I study her, until she looks away and turns toward the room again, I'm assuming to pack and change into new clothes for the day. I watch her leave, then sigh and turn on the shower water. Bad move. She comes flying back in, looking at me with alarm.
Sighing, I toss my hands in the air. "Just getting clean!"
She glances at the water running behind the glass walls, then at the razor sitting at the side of the sink. Carefully, she reaches for it, then retreats back to the room.
Great, so I can't even be trusted around sharp objects now?! Fucking Christ. Whatever. I'll just rinse off, then have her tame this mess on my face, if this is the game she wants to play.
The shower does me well, not gonna lie. I have her trim the goatee and mustache down, because even Pepper agrees I'd look more wedding appropriate with it neat and tidy. She packed a few remaining clothes for us while I was cleaning up, so when we're finished in the bathroom, she's leading me down to the elevator, which would take us to Happy.
I'd love to tell ya that the flight was something spectacular, but it really wasn't. I had Happy relay his info on Parker back to me. He insisted on coming along, suddenly feeling too attached to me, probably from Pepper's orders to keep an eye on me. He's needed in New York, though. Parker's so clingy, I don't doubt he'll blow up his phone. Pepper restricted my access to alcohol (for at least the flight over) and anything Stark Industries until we land, so I decide to take a few hours of silence in the bedroom. Not necessarily sleeping, but resting. Thinking about things. By the time we make it over, it will be the following day, local time, and only one night before the wedding itself, so lying around feels fine to me. It was the first thing she didn't protest, and the first time she let me sit by myself, so I left her in the main lounge to do some CEO stuff on her tablet.
However, despite another day of rest, the first night in India was definitely more of a surprise. We stayed at a hotel of some sort, and she booked us one room. Weird? Not considering she didn't want to detach herself from me since we left the hospital. I don't think I'll ever be trusted again, but she's entitled to that one.
Okay, the part about the night being exciting? I lied. Sort of. The night itself was as boring as one of Banner's lectures, but what happens during the night makes up for it, I swear. We called room service, because of course, she didn't want to leave me alone then either, and shortly after I decided to turn in. Being on bed rest or house arrest or whatever the fuck she called it really sucks and it's only been a few days.
But then, it happens. I'm lying on my side, in the dark, away from her. Not on purpose, but I just can't sleep. All the nights I complained about not being able to sleep come rushing back, despite how tired I've been. Maybe the nap on the plane really was a bad idea. I let my eyes close for a few seconds, but then I caught myself jumping awake again. Nightmares, again. This time, it's Pepper. They're the first since Extremis.
"Tony?" I hear from over my shoulder.
It's urgent, and it's just like it was the night the suit went for her, only I'm almost fully awake already.
"Yeah," I breathe and realize I'm shaking. "Yeah, I'm good."
I can hear the frown in her voice. "Nightmares still?"
"Sometimes," I answer.
It's the truth. They haven't been as frequent, but they're still there. And this one...this one was her. It was her, only she had the syringe, and I walked in on her. I didn't make it in time.
"Talk to me," she begs.
I turn slightly to meet her as she hovers over my shoulder to comfort me. I missed this. Her, the only good thing to wake up to. Without her there, I'd lie awake the rest of the night.
"I'll be fine, Pep," I promise; she's obviously worried about me running off to stop them and end things.
She kisses my shoulder, sending shivers down my spine. And for some fucking stupid reason, I want to smile.
But I don't. Instead, I roll fully over and search her eyes in the darkness. She looks tired, sad, and worried all in one. I hate it; I made her this way. But she was so realistic in the nightmare. She was there, lying on the floor, and I wasn't even in the room yet. The shit I put her through...if it had been her... I'm feeling that stupid tug at my chest again and fuck, do I hate having a heart right now.
Then, I react from feeling and not my still asleep brain and hesitantly lean up to kiss her. Hell, do I want to kiss her. But we haven't since that kiss on the floor in the lab, and for what I know, that was just out of fear of losing me. I want her. And there's some weird desire in the pit of my stomach that needs her touch...probably just to make sure she's really here.
Hoping she doesn't turn away, I lift my hand to her bangs and brush them aside gently. She doesn't move or flinch or tell me to stop. She's just hovering, waiting, to see what I do. No words are needed.
Taking it as an approval, I close the rest of the distance and lightly brush my lips against hers, taking a moment to savor it. I've never done this...like this. Slow. Caring. Whatever this need is, it's not Tony Stark, that's for sure.
I can feel her eyes flutter closed, but mine are already squeezed shut. I linger for a moment, but then my hand moves back to her hair, and we slowly part and meet again as I slip my tongue into her mouth. Eager, she repeats, and soon we're fighting for dominance, but in a needy kind of way. Not a sexual desire, but a desire for a connection, and all I can think about is how sorry I am for what I'm putting her through and how to show her that.
Then, she's rolled on top of me, and her hands are desperately roaming over my chest and then under the hem of my pajama bottoms, so I reciprocate. I go for her tank top and pull the shoulders down carefully, exposing her skin along her collar bone. Then she's tugging my bottoms down and I can't help but squeeze her ass, earning a short gasp from her. Her hands are releasing fire on my lower body, and before I can function, she's kicking out of her panties and straddling my lap under the blankets.
Breaking off our kiss, I groan as she moves her hips over me. My eyes open, and heavy as they are, meet hers in the night. She refuses to look away as she finally lowers herself onto me, and fuck, does that make me want her more. I know it sounds sappy, but come on, it's been months.
"C'mere," I finally manage to whisper and pull her down so our torsos are pressing together in a hug through the top she still has on.
My arms wrap around her waist and I bend my knees so my feet are flat on the mattress. She lets a small moan slip as I dive deeper into her, but I refuse to do this the way we usually do, so I hold her tight, kiss the side of her head as she lays her head on my shoulder, and slowly move with her, wanting the closeness to last as long as it can.
I'm the world's biggest asshole for scaring her like I did, and I'm not gonna fuck this one up. She's in my arms, and I love the feeling of her breath on my shoulder each time I thrust into her and the small gasps she's making when I run my fingers across her back while I make love to her. She's here, and the nightmare means nothing, at least until morning.
Morning. Fun. Not my favorite part. Eventually we finished and went back to sleep, but morning rudely woke up ne back up, also waking up the small city we're staying in. The city streets buzz with people and a busy atmosphere, and when I finally give in and open my eyes, Pepper isn't in bed. Again.
"Hey," she greets, storming into the bedroom from the bathroom attached to the side.
Her hair is up in a nice bun and her make up has already been applied. Fuck, how long did I sleep?!
"I'm so sorry, Tony. I forgot to set an alarm, and-"
"What time is it?"
"Nine after ten. I have to help Katie get ready."
Shit. She said something about it being an early afternoon wedding. I grab for my phone on the nightstand, checking the clock for assurance. Then I sit up; two missed calls from Happy and a forwarded message on Parker's suit. Fuck.
"Tony? Is everything okay?" she asks, standing at the edge of the bed as she applies her earrings.
I close the phone and smile up at her; shit, is she gorgeous.
"Yeah, just...stuff with the kid."
"Peter?"
"The one and only," I mutter.
That fucker rewired my suit and pulled the training protocol. Yeah, he has another thing coming.
"Isn't Happy handling it?"
I blink and think it over. I have the suit. Sort of. Not the suit, but the remote. The glasses.
"Honey," I start, and already see the disappointment in her eyes. "You gotta let me do this, okay?"
"Do what?" she asks, her voice disapproving.
I smile, trying to reassure her. "I'll only be a few minutes. I can meet you there."
She tilts her head with a sigh as she's putting on her heels and shakes her head. "Tony, you know I don't think you should be alone right now."
"I know." I do. "But this is important to your family, and...I'm just gonna call the kid, okay? Nothing big."
A small, white lie. She won't find out, I hope. I press.
"Come on, Pep. All I have is a phone. I'll take the car right there after I'm done. Friday can set the GPS if you're really worried and take me there herself."
She eyes me for a long moment, pausing her rushing around, but finally gives in.
"Fine," she decides. "I mean, I have to let you be sometime... Just, promise me, Mr Stark. Please, just don't try anything."
"After last night?" I ask with a grin. "I wouldn't leave you without saying goodbye."
She glares at me, and I deserve this, too.
"That's not funny!" she snaps. "Tony, this isn't a joke!"
"I know, I'm sorry."
And I am. But I also made a promise to Happy and to the kid before all of this, so if things are ever going to go back to how they were before, I need to handle this first. Plus, she did say she wanted me to focus on myself, so this would be a great start.
"You wanted me to find myself, right?" I ask carefully. "So let me do this. I want to help him, Pep. It's good for me, and you know it."
"What?" she asks with a cocked eyebrow. "To care about another human being? Yes, Tony, that is very good for you."
"Good. So we're in agreement."
She sighs as she grabs her bag, then approaches me again and kisses the top of my head as I flip open the phone in my hands again.
"You have a half hour, Stark. A second more and I'm rushing back here with the police. Am I clear?"
"Crystal."
"Okay," she sighs. "I'll see you soon then. Please...don't make me regret this."
"Wouldn't miss it for anything," I mumble as she heads out the door, but all of my focus is on the phone.
There's a white suit of sorts hanging from the bathroom's door frame; the traditional attire for a guest of honor at an Indian wedding. Pepper's cousin insisted we stand out, I guess, but it doesn't bother me. I probably would've picked something worse if I had the choice on my own. I fumble out of bed and toss it on, then spend some time spiking my hair appropriately. It isn't perfect, but it'll do. Now, where the fuck are my glasses?
Thank God the people here still watch the news, because they know who I am and have the car ready in about two minutes once I wander outside to the dirt roads outside of the building. There's a courtyard and a fountain, and some tents with women passing out leis. I want one of those. Flowers can be cool, admit it. Plus, then I'd be getting laid twice in one day. Not funny? Okay, moving on.
The glasses are on and I power up Friday. Now, where's the kid.
"Scanning for location, sir," I hear the AI respond once I load up the systems in the Avengers facility. "Mr Parker is en route."
"En route?" I repeat. That's vague. "En route to where?"
"Calculating."
Holy fuck do I miss Jarvis.
"Whatever. Just...send Mark 47 after him."
"On our way, Mr Stark," Friday agrees.
I watch as the suit propels into the sky, and we're racing through the night sky above New York City. I forgot the time difference. What time is it there? Doesn't matter.
Suddenly, we're diving into a lake, and the suit's pulling Parker out, drenched and loopy. The kid must've gotten the shit beat outta him. Serves him right.
"Oh, hey," he musters, and I ignore it.
Okay, Stark. Don't get pissed. You can yell at him, but don't be an ass. Scratch that, say whatever. But would it get through to him?
I have Friday drop him at the small park next to the shore and wait as he dries out his mask. He won't meet my eye...time to make small talk.
"What the hell were you doing in a lake?!" I ask, the voice box on the suit attached like speaker phone.
Okay, maybe I need to work on my idea of small talk.
Or not. The kid's on a rant already, and he's pretty much done before I realize I'm not even listening. Oops.
"...And then he just, like, swooped down like a monster... ...and picked me up, and took me up like a thousand feet and just dropped me," he tells me, then pauses as he twists the mask again. "How'd you find me? Did you put a tracker in my suit?"
It takes everything in me not to make a dumb ass comment about the fact that I'm Tony Stark, so yes, I put a fucking tracker in his suit.
"I put everything in your suit," I inform him matter-of-factly. "Including...this heater."
Then, I use my hand to gesture toward it and tap on my glasses to start it up for him,
"That's better! Thanks!" he gasps, excited over the smallest of things.
I ignore it. "What were you thinking?!"
Parker watches me for a moment, then tries to defend himself.
"The guy with wings is the source of the weapons. I gotta take him down."
"'Take him down' now, huh?" I mock. "There are people who handle this sort of thing."
"The Avengers?"
"No. This is a little below their pay grade."
He looks down, probably feeling like a jackass. Good. Welcome to the club. Maybe he is my long lost kid...God, no, bad thoughts. Nope.
"Mr. Stark, you didn't have to come out here," he musters up after another moment. "I had that. I was fine."
Did I forget to mention I've basically been kidnapped? Yeah, it might've slipped my mind.
"Oh, I'm not here. Thank God this place has Wi-Fi... ...or you would be toast right now. Thank Ganesh while you're at it. Cheers," I add sarcastically, taking a sip of my drink; first one since Pepper found me, and damn, is it a thing of beauty. "Look, forget the flying vulture guy, please."
"Why?"
"Why? Because I said so!"
Thankfully, I'm handed a glass of something alcoholic as I wander across the courtyard; I'm beginning to love this place already. Is he trying to piss me off? Oh yeah, he's fourteen.
"Sorry, I'm talking to a teenager," I mutter as the woman with the leis approaches and tosses one over my head; not as attractive as Pepper. "Stay close to the ground. Build up your game helping little people, like that lady that bought you the churro. Can't you just be a friendly... ...neighborhood Spider-Man?" I offer.
I take a sip of the drink as I wander to the outskirts of the small area, placing the glass down on a ledge. My hands are shaking. Maybe the drink wasn't a good idea. Have I even eaten anything recently? Now that I think of it, probably not. And now the kid...he's insisting on making me panic...making me worry. That mixed with last night...it's a miracle I haven't had an anxiety attack here yet.
"But I'm ready for more than that now!" he protests, pushing me further into no return.
Keep your cool, keep your cool... "No, you're not."
"That's not what you thought when I took on Captain America."
I flinch at the name, but I can't show it, even in the suit remote. The last thing I want is for the kid to know what went down after I dropped him off. But...is he serious? God, is this what all kids are like?
"Trust me, kid. If Cap wanted to lay you out, he would've. Listen to me. If you come across these weapons again, call Happy."
With that, I wander over to the car and have Friday start the engine. Ah, finally something familiar. I could use a good drive. Tossing it in gear, the engine revs and I sink into the familiar fancy leather seats.
"Are you driving?!"
He looks confused. I glance at the time; I've got ten minutes before Pepper goes psycho on me, so I'm over this. The kid's fine, I did my job, even if I did just barely make it to pull him out of trouble.
"You know, it's never too early to start thinking about college," I tell him. "I got some pull at MIT. End call."
I tear off the glasses, heaving a sigh of annoyance. Part of me wishes I wasn't around to deal with this right now...but I shove that to the back of my mind. I promised Pepper.
Pepper. Shit. Eight minutes.