"i lost myself between your legs.
your medicine is in my head."
- jaymes young
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AURORA WOKE UP the next morning to the sound of rain. She tip-toed out of bed and pulled back the curtains to see that the sky was a dark grey, rain clouds dangling above. When lightning struck, illuminating the hotel room, she shut the curtains quickly to not wake Gus.
"Leave it open." Aurora spun around to find Gus laying in bed, watching her. The smile stretched slowly across his face. "I like storms," he added.
Her breath caught from the way he was staring at her. Like she was the lightening, powerful and bright. Aurora returned to bed, nestling herself against his side. His skin was warm, dark curls spilling over the tangle of white sheets.
"Why's that?" she asked, kissing his chest.
Gus' arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling Aurora closer. "The thunder was always louder than my parent's yelling," he said. "You know what I realized, Rory?"
"That last night was the greatest night of your life?"
"No." Gus chuckled. "Well, yes," he added after a moment. "Seriously, though, we kind of cheated last night."
Aurora lifted her head from his chest to stare at him. "What do you mean?"
"Well," Gus began, twirling a strand of her dark hair around his finger, "last night was supposed to be a one-night-stand. Right?" Aurora nodded. "But I have no intentions of never seeing you again, Rory. So technically, last night wasn't a one-night-stand."
Aurora rolled her eyes to fight off the burning in her chest. "Then what was it, Gus?"
"I don't want one night with you," he said, lips finding hers. "I want every night."
Thunder seemed to shake the room, lightning lighting up the walls from the cracks in the curtains. Aurora pulled back slightly, the sadness creeping in. "Gus..."
"I know," he said, laughing lightly. "I'm just saying that a forever would be nice."
"You know we don't have forever," Aurora said.
Gus placed his palm on her cheek. "No," he said," but we'll always have August."
Thunder rang loud through the room again and Aurora was sure the storm raging outside was nothing compared to the one Gus coaxed out of her. His lips were warm, slow, and she wanted to lose herself in him. She wanted to die kissing him. And from the way her heart was beating, she was sure it was possible.
Her hands found their way below Gus' waist before he grabbed them, stopping her. "What's wrong?" she asked, peeking up at him.
"I need to tell you something." Gus straighten himself until he was sitting on the bed, his back against the headboard. "You're not going to like it."
"Okay," she said, stretching out the word as she sat beside him. "On a scale of one-to-ten, how bad?" Gus chuckled as he pulled the blanket above his waist. Aurora raised her eyebrow, he simply shrugged. "Is it a ten?" she asked.
He chewed on his lip. "Higher."
"Gus," she emphasized, crossing her arms. "What is it?" Lightning struck, reflecting in his eyes like they were being lit up by thousands of tiny stars. Aurora reached for him until she straddled his lap, hands hooked firmly behind his neck. "Tell me," she said again.
Gus swallowed, his eyes drifting downwards to her bare chest. "You're making it very hard for me to speak right now," he said.
"Am I?" she asked, smirking. Aurora trailed her fingers down his chest. This time, when they moved below his waist, he didn't try to stop her. Gus' body relaxed, leaning back against the headboard as she kissed his neck. "You can tell me later," she whispered against his skin.
Aurora remembered what it felt like to jump into the ocean that first day. To have the waves crashing against her from either side. Being in bed with Gus reminded her of that. Instead the waves were now bodies, and she no longer feared drowning.
Now, her only fear was falling in love.
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Aurora kissed Gus' cheek when they were standing on her front porch. Her touch still made him burn. That feeling of infinity from last night began to disappear now that they were back home, reality settling in.
"You never told me whatever it was you wanted to say, Gus," she said. The sunlight was hitting her eyes, turning them gold as she squinted against the light.
Gus felt the three words he had come so close to saying lodge themselves in his throat. "It's not important." He waved it off with his hand.
Aurora's eyes narrowed as she planted her hands on her hips. "What if I die today, huh? Then you'll go your entire life regretting not telling me."
Gus rolled his eyes, ignoring the mention of death. "You're not going to die today, Rory."
"How do you know that?" Gus fell silent. "Exactly," she said triumphantly. "Tell me." Aurora reached out, grabbing his hand.
And he wanted to tell her, more than anything, that he was in love with her. What stopped him was knowing that those three words would change everything. That they would push Aurora away, lock her inside herself, and then he'd spend the rest of the summer wishing he could take it back.
Gus knew Aurora didn't want him to love her. He knew she was trying to protect his heart so that when she died, he wouldn't feel like part of him died, too. So instead of telling her how he felt, like she was the lightning and he was just the thunder that follows, he sucked in a sharp breath and kissed her.
Her hands pulled him closer and Gus could hear as Aurora unlocked the door to her house, mouth never leaving his. It would have been too easy for him to go inside, to lose himself in her another time today, but Gus didn't trust himself around Aurora. His heart felt like a ticking bomb and soon, the words he tried to keep hidden would spill and their world would shift.
Aurora walked inside and Gus saw his heart follow her, but he remained standing on the porch. Her eyebrows crinkled in the middle. "You don't want to come in?"
Gus' hands trembled at his sides and he looked anywhere but her eyes that made him feel like he was standing on that cliff again. "I should go home," he managed to say. "My parents are probably worried."
Aurora grinned, taking a quick step to close the distance between them. "Okay," she said, sliding her hands around his waist. "I'll see you tomorrow? I have many adventures planned for us."
Gus kissed her because he couldn't seem to resist. "Yeah", he murmured, holding onto her face. "Tomorrow."
Aurora waved as he walked down the driveway, fading from sight. His mind wandered as he walked home in silence, the only sound the faint call of seagulls and the ocean in the distance. By the time he walked into his house, his head ached along with his heart.
He just wished he could tell Aurora that he was in love with her.
He wished she wasn't dying.
"Gus?" Gus turned to the sound of his mother's voice. She was standing in the kitchen, apron around her waist, cooking something that smelled slightly burnt.
"Hey, Mom." The chair creaked as he sat down at the table. It hit him how exhausted he felt. He expected his mother to hound him for details about where he was last night, but her son's absence was something she was all too familiar with.
"I wanted to ask you something, hun." His mom wiped her hands on her apron before walking to the table and sitting in front of him. Gus tried to read her eyes but they were empty, as they now often were. "I'm going out of town at the end of the month to stay with your grandmother. I want you to come with me."
Gus mind immediately locked on Aurora. "No," he said quickly. "I can't leave until August is over."
His mother recoiled slightly. "Why not?"
How was he supposed to tell her that he loved a girl who was dying and the month of August was all they had? Gus shook his head. "I just can't," he said with a sigh.
"Okay," his mother said slowly, drumming her fingers on the tabletop. "Will you come the first week of September then?"
Gus didn't want to think about September. He didn't want to imagine what the end of August held. "Sure, Mom," he said, quickly pushing his chair back. "I'm going to shower."
He ran up the stairs before his mother could respond and slammed the bathroom door shut, collapsing against it. September was like a ghost in his mind, haunting and deadly. Gus pushed the thoughts down, turned the water the hottest it would go and began to take his clothes off when a sound from outside caught his attention.
"What is that?" he said to himself, turning towards the window. He opened it slightly until a siren came blaring through. Gus' clothing dropped from his hand when he realized what the noise belonged to.
He ran out of the bathroom in nothing but his underwear, down the stairs, then flew out the front door fast enough to spot the ambulance turning off the main road and onto Aurora's street.
He stood frozen, staring at the red and blue lights that flashed. "Gus!" his mother called from the doorway but he was already running, hoping he wasn't too late, hoping the ambulance would stop at a different house or that he was dreaming and he would open his eyes to find himself still in the hotel room, Aurora wrapped around him.
When his lungs ached and he was one house from hers, he felt his blood run cold. The ambulance was parked in front of Aurora's house. Paramedics ran up and down the driveway. The door was open. It began to rain. Thomas stood frozen, tears streaking his face, eyes locked on someone Gus couldn't see.
He didn't want to do it, but his feet carried him forward until he passed the ambulance blocking his view. Aurora was laying on a stretcher, a tube sticking out of her mouth, eyes closed, as people in blue coats rushed her into the truck waiting at the end of the driveway.
Gus heard himself scream before he sank to his knees.
Then he was standing on the cliff again. But this time he jumped and drowned, the I love you he never said tugging him down like an anchor into the ocean.
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A/N: i'm sorry.
EDIT: GUS IS NOT DEAD PLS STOP CRYING. THAT WAS A METAPHOR !!! and no the story isn't finished either. there is much more (: