One of the biggest drawbacks to living my life out a second time was the one most unfortunate thing that came with being a female-puberty. At least, I never saw it as something pleasant. Hell, who does like it? The monthly visitor was a huge pain-completely literal there-and then there was all of the developing involved in the matter. The hips, I could handle, but the breasts...? Just something else to weigh me down. Judging by Emiko's size, and my love for sugary and sweet, unhealthy things, I wouldn't be lucky enough to be small in that area.
If I had everything the way I wanted it, puberty could have been pushed off until I was fifteen or so, but nope. Mother Nature had other ideas.
And Emiko was more than happy to take me shopping for new unmentionables and feminine products-even if I completely rejected the idea and claimed I could do it all on my own. Hell, actually, I never even shopped for this kind of stuff with my original mother! She just bought it all for me and brought it home once she knew my sizes! Until I was old enough to do it all myself, anyway. I just knew Emiko was going to be naggy and doting and make the whole situation even more awkward than it already was.
At least it was only the initial phase of it all that was so embarrassing. After a while, it would become something routine; hardly something to bat an eyelash at, much less blush at. If Emiko butted out of that aspect of my life and let me be, at least.
I was pretty sure she'd already bragged to her circle of housewives and mothers that her "little Rika has begun to blossom" and wasn't that just disgusting? Here I thought I did a pretty good job of humiliating myself before she had to go and get involved in my adolescent life.
She should be happy I didn't dig around in her underwear drawer and run around with her bra on my head anymore-but the idea was tempting, for payback.
"Rika, dear, a brassiere does not go on the outside of your clothes. Please put it on properly."
Giving her a hard time was worth it, though. "I dunno, it looks kinda cool don't you think?" I spun around in front of the clothing shop's mirror and tugged at the straps of the cute, light-peach colored training bra strapped firmly across my deep-plum colored Uchiha shirt like a bizarre superhero costume. "Full support!"
She just barely resisted the urge to slap her hand to her forehead-I could tell by the violent eye twitch. "It's improper and you know it. Please try it on correctly so we can find out if it fits!"
"Aw, Mom, but-"
"If you don't behave, I'll make you wear it home like that."
"Can't I just wear sports bras? Underwire sucks!" I groaned, reaching around to unhook the damn thing-and letting Emiko help when I couldn't do it myself because I had T-rex arms or something. "Back clasps suck, too. I want something manageable."
She leaned back and sighed wearily before holding up about fifty other various, lacy, brightly-colored, polka-dotted bras on those tiny useless hangers that displayed them. "But-look, Rika, these are so cute!" she fawned, and I swear there were hearts in her eyes. And a bit of jealousy-bras her size didn't come with cute patterns and were only ugly shades of blah and bland. In a way, she was living vicariously through me, I guess.
"No one's gonna see them but me, though!"
"Oh-just go try them on!" She shoved the pile of undergarments into my arms and pushed me back into the small changing room without allowing room for further argument.
"Doesn't fit," I mumbled blandly, throwing one of the bras over the top of the flimsy curtain-doorway for Emiko to catch, followed by a handful of others. "Neither does this one! Or this one! Or this one, or-"
"Rika, are you even trying these on?! Don't make me come in there, young lady!"
"This one doesn't fit either-wait, wait, okay, okay, I'll try them on for real, get out!"
Ten minutes later, we left the store with three new cute, childish bras and a little less dignity than before-at least in my case.
And then came our mandatory visit to the feminine hygiene section of the grocery store.
I didn't even think people in this world needed those types of things, but I guess it would be pretty silly to think otherwise, since they were human, too. It just wasn't a topic many authors braved because it tended to be pretty awkward, rocky territory-especially for males. But then again, most normal bodily function topics were ignored or glossed over because it was sort of gross and off-putting regardless.
Either way, I would've preferred if I never had to find out the truth firsthand.
At the very least, this world provided proper, modern sanitary options. Nothing as convenient as tampons or birth control pills-maybe that was an option for some, though, I wasn't sure and Emiko didn't bring it up yet-but it was an improvement from the set-up women had during the mid-twentieth century and such that my first mom and grandma told me about. Ah...what an era.
Good riddance to that.
But, somehow, moms always had a way of making this type of thing uncomfortable and embarrassing.
"Do you think you need regular or maxi, Rika?"
"Mom! I don't know?! Wanna keep your voice down?" I waved my hands frantically and held my index finger to my lips, glancing around wildly to check and double-check no one else was nearby.
Shamless. She was shameless!
"Oh, why? It's a natural thing! I don't understand why you're overreacting so much." Emiko huffed, holding out the colorful boxes of pads and examining their contents, weighing the pros and cons of each type and brand. "These are cheaper, but... I don't know."
"I'm sorry I don't want the whole world to know I started my period!" I turned on my heel and marched down to the end of the isle before smacking my hand against my forehead, half-considering just running myself into a hard brick wall and knocking myself out instead to spare myself the Mom-induced trauma.
"Then you may want to keep your voice down a little," she grumbled from behind me, and I heard her set the boxes back onto the shelf moodily and rummage around, browsing the other products. I was too busy massaging my burning eyes to see what she picked up next.
(Hell, maybe trauma in the vein of humiliation qualified to awaken my Sharingan.)
"I-" Ugh. She had me there. Don't get me wrong-I wasn't really a prude about it or anything, but there were just some things that should be kept private in a person's life. My journey through puberty (for the second time) was my business and no one else's. Except my mom's. And maybe my doctor's.
Definitely not Satoshi's.
Definitely definitely not Shisui's or Itachi's or any other Uchiha's.
No one else's.
"Alright. Just get whatever pads sound best, okay?" I breathed out a sigh after counting to three and opened my eyes-only to see a face that I would rather, under normal circumstances, and especially after this moment, never see again. "Oh, come on!"
My face went up in flames.
It was Kakashi-again. He'd had the grand luck to be passing by the isle the moment I spoke and-poor guy-looked like a deer caught in the headlights. An extremely awkward deer. Who kind of looked like he'd rather get run over by the car with said headlights than be where he was now.
I did too, actually.
The preteen and beginning of teenage life wasn't always so laughable or damn awkward, though. In fact, that one little outing with Emiko was about the brunt of it.
Things were moving along and happening quickly, now, like a landslide of unfortunate events.
Kou died three weeks into the beginning of summer, leaving Shisui an orphan. It was from natural causes-possibly spurred on by his heavy drinking habits and sheer recklessness. Whatever it was, the root of it was kept confidential and he was cremated and mourned normally, as any other within the clan would be.
Shisui was pretty broken up over it. Emiko and Satoshi mentioned he'd been the one to find his dad dead, after returning home from a mission, but at least he'd gone peacefully. Could have been sleeping, from what I heard.
That event could have quite possibly been the occurrence that pushed his Sharingan into the Mangekyō state. I didn't know, and I couldn't ask about it. Not only out of common decency, but because I probably shouldn't have known that about the dōjutsu since I hadn't explicitly studied it. That topic wasn't something normal civilians would know too much about.
Clan tensions were as tight as ever-some days were better than others, but most of the time the atmosphere was so thick with animosity and paranoia that I could barely stand staying in the district. It really helped, having a job outside of the compound's walls.
There was no telling what was going on with politics and whatnot-since I was a civilian, I wasn't privy to those matters.
But everyone felt the stress.
Even they knew something was coming, even if they didn't know what.
I found myself missing the good ol' days when me and Shisui, and sometimes Itachi, could just act like normal kids and have fun worrying about normal, kid things and not ninja-world politics and fighting. But, most of all, I missed the days where I could dismiss all of this as fiction and go on living an average person's life...only occasionally worrying about politics and corrupt government and war...
It really wasn't all that different here in Konoha, if I didn't count the supernatural chakra powers and all that.
Well, maybe one day the village could find peace. That is, if the problems they'd been seeking to change had actually been changed and weren't just put off and postponed, shrunk, to come back bigger and stronger at a later time. That was the biggest farce of peace that ever could be.
Either way, I wouldn't be around to see it-not personally. Neither would Shisui. Or Itachi. Or any of the Uchihas besides Sasuke, who, in the truest sense, became the last-surviving member of his clan once everything was said and done.
I did wish those two were able to have more time together that didn't involve rallying up a coup or suspecting the elders, spying on the clan and trying to prevent mutiny... and I did wish Itachi and Sasuke were able to have more time together, too, to live and grow up properly as brothers. But it just wasn't in the cards; wasn't prescribed in paper and ink.
C'est la vie.
On the days where I wasn't working at the hospital, I still went to babysit or hang out with Sasuke and visit with Mikoto. Mainly because, even though she was the wife of the Clan Head, she didn't let clan matters interfere with her parenting or household (at least, when Fugaku wasn't around) and sometimes...sometimes, things felt normal there. Like everything might have just been an illusion and there was still some time remaining.
Three years-a little under-wasn't long.
It wasn't long at all.
"Rika, you look a bit distracted," Mikoto commented gently as she approached where me and Sasuke were drawing pictures atop the living room table. He was never let anywhere near paints again, thanks to our little debacle with the 'Itachi' mural, but crayons and colored pencils were fair game. No markers, though-that ended badly, too. For the walls of Mikoto's house.
"Me? Distracted? Nah, nah, I'm just concentrating super hard on this picture, Auntie!"
She smiled a smile that wasn't really a true smile but one of those skeptical ones that said "I don't believe you but if you say so I won't pry" and picked up one of the colored pencils that fell to the ground before setting it onto the tabletop between me and Sasuke, who was also extra-focused on his drawing, to the point where his little tongue was sticking out between his teeth and he didn't pay us any mind. I think it was a tomato or something. Maybe it was supposed to be a Sharingan. Or a very round Itachi.
"Working at the hospital must be...exhausting. And a little shocking, too. I can only imagine the things you see there on a daily basis."
Ah, she thought it was my job that was getting me out of sorts. A fair guess, since I shouldn't know anything about the clan's current state of affairs. Sure, there were stories, but clan-related gossip was highly frowned upon within the walls of the neighborhood. And also outside.
"Rika-nee pulled out a splinter I got the other day! She knows how to do it without making it hurt," Sasuke piped in from across the table, beaming. A second later, he buried his nose against the tomato-whatever-drawing and went silent again.
"Yeah, I guess so. It's not the kind of stuff you'd run into normally, at least. I'm just glad I get some down time every now and then."
"How would you like to take this lunch basket to Itachi and Shisui? They went out to train earlier today and should be worn out by now. Take Sasuke with you." Mikoto set a wicker basket onto the edge of the table as she spoke and a small, sincere smile rose to her face. It was her way of helping me take my mind off of whatever was troubling me-fresh air was good for that. And so was hanging out with friends and family.
"Yeah! Take me with you, Rika-nee, I wanna see Itachi train!" Itachi was the only thing that would make that kid abandon his messy sketch of a tomato-actually, it might have been a Sharingan (Itachi's, obviously) after all, now that I got a better look at it-and get so gung-ho about lunchtime.
"Alright. Let's go."
It was incredibly rare that all three of us had a day off at the same time and just so happened to be pushed into a situation where we would all hang out together-it felt like some type of calm-before-the-storm situation where the real turning point would soon be upon us.
Probably, the impending moment was when Itachi would enter ANBU. He'd already become an authenticated chūnin like Shisui, so it was only a matter of time.
But...when I saw those two fighting, giving it their all and just having fun, I didn't want those times to end.
Both boys had their Sharingans blazing, they were armed with kunai-Shisui was even wielding that tantō blade he carried on his back-and I was pretty sure by their mannerisms that they were employing genjutsu as well. Something else I never really could comprehend-only the victims of the attack really could, though, because it didn't appear that anything was happening from an outsider's point of view. It was a pretty powerful thing.
And they barely looked like they'd even broken a sweat, for supposedly training all morning. They never ceased to amaze me.
The match came to a jarring halt-but it wasn't like they were going at each other all-out anyway-when Sasuke waved his arms in the air and called out to his brother. "Itachi! Hey! It's lunch time! Me and Rika-nee brought food!" I tried to stop him from interrupting them, but the kid had a mind of his own. When he wanted something done, he did it. And that never changed.
"Sasuke? Rika?" Itachi's expression didn't shift much from its calm mask, but there was just a tiny bit of pleasant surprise in his tone when he spoke and glanced over.
Once the kid got the two boys' attention, he bounded right on over, grinning a bright, toothy grin and making a beeline for his brother.
I rolled my eyes and held up the picnic basket as I followed after him. "Aunt Mikoto packed it. She said you two would be beat by now, but it looks like you were just getting started. Are you even hungry?"
"I am!" After he and Sasuke exchanged a quick greeting before the younger boy became engrossed in an animated conversation with Itachi (nothing could interrupt those two; they were in their own little brotherly world now), Shisui sheathed his blade and jogged on over to me, taking the basket from my hands to investigate. It was nice to see he'd bounced back from Uncle Kou's death, but there was still something serious about him that just stuck no matter how upbeat he tried to be.
Ah, Right. It was the stress lines around his eyes. I knew they'd catch up to him sooner or later.
He was only thirteen-going on fourteen-but the youth had already fled from his features.
"Hey! Don't be so greedy, Shisui." I reached out to pinch the back of his hand when he tried to start eating the food Mikoto provided without everyone else and he recoiled, looking offended.
"But I said I was hungry." He rubbed his hand mockingly because like hell something like that hurt him even a bit, and put on a pouting face as I snatched away the picnic basket and closed the lid securely. "Don't be stingy, Rika." He faked a pout and I promptly ignored it.
"Itachi? Sasuke? Where do you guys wanna eat?" The training area they'd chosen was the spot by the cliff side that led down to the Naka river-a steep fall, but...also the location of Shisui's death. I didn't really think I could stomach it if they wanted to eat in that same area.
"Here is fine, isn't it?" Itachi responded, completely innocent.
Of course.
"A-ah, yeah, I mean-I dunno, it's sort of dangerous, isn't it? With the long drop and all." All three of them turned to look at me strangely. "What? What if Sasuke rolls right over the edge? He-he's been looking a little round lately!"
"He won't," Itachi replied evenly, ever the overprotective, loving older brother. But, probably against his better judgment, he did look down at the kid clinging to his leg to see if he was getting as round as I claimed.
He wasn't.
Shisui raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, studying me carefully. "Rika... you're not afraid of heights, are you?"
"Me? Psh, no. Are you kidding?"
"Rika-nee is afraid of spiders," Sasuke contributed oh-so-helpfully, nodding sagely, like that information was the most important thing he'd ever filed away into his little sneaky brain. Really, of all the things to remember...
"Oh, really?" Shisui grinned smugly, totally amused by this revelation.
"Yeah, yeah!"
Damn Uchihas.
"You know, out of the three of you, I think I like Itachi the best right now." I sent them both the stink eye.
"Aw, Rika, don't be like that..." Shisui grinned apologetically and threw his arm around my shoulders, but really he was probably trying to get closer to the picnic basket and he knew I'd caught onto his intentions because he removed his arm the moment I glared and held it out of his sticky-finger reach.
"We can go somewhere else, then." Itachi cut in before the argument could escalate, ever the peacekeeper. "Anywhere is fine with me."
Sasuke nodded enthusiastically from his place beside his brother. "I go where Itachi goes!"
Shisui just shrugged. "Alright. Can I have something to snack on while we walk?"
"No way."
"Rika, that's so cold..."
"We won't go far. There's a clearing up ahead that's perfect for an afternoon picnic. It isn't like you'll starve, so don't be a baby."
That shut him up during the short walk to our destination.
I set down the picnic basket under the shade of the trees and started unpacking the food while Sasuke wrangled Itachi into teaching him how to properly hold and throw a kunai a little ways away, in the sunlight. Shisui lazily lounged against the trunk of a tree and watched the brotherly-bonding moment.
It would probably end with Sasuke nicking his finger on the blade and me patching up the scratch.
"They get along pretty well, don't they?" Shisui wondered, setting his hands behind his head and smiling faintly. Funny, now that I was actually putting out the food, he wasn't even paying it an ounce of attention. Sometimes he was just annoying to be annoying.
After a moment, he abandoned his spot against the tree and plopped down across from me, eyeing the four bentō boxes that were specially tailored to our specific tastes. Mikoto was magic with the kitchen and her cooking was way better than Emiko's-no offense to her but most of the time Satoshi had to save the meal.
Again, he didn't bother reaching for the food. "If I had a sibling, I think I'd want my relationship with them to be like theirs. Dependable and cute! But all I really have is you, Rika, and you're so self-reliant and stubborn that it's impossible to think of you as a cute little sister."
I managed a smirk. "To be honest, you're a perfect example of an annoying older brother, Shisui." He never tried to drown me in a pool or anything, though.
"Hey, remember when I used to spin you around so much that you'd puke when I put you back down?"
"Don't remind me! Emiko spanked me so hard because I ruined the tatami mats and it wasn't even my fault. I changed my mind-you'd be an awful big brother, Shisui."
"Harsh." He'd opened his mouth to say more, but I quickly pushed one of the lunch boxes in his direction and took off the lid. "Oh, time to eat!"
"Hey, Itachi, Sasuke? It's lunch time. Come on and eat now."
"'Kay! Come on, Itachi!" Sasuke tugged on his brother's arm as he hurried towards us, and the boy allowed a small, fond smile onto his face as he followed after his younger sibling without complaint.
They were a right pair of model siblings, there.
Sasuke demonstrated how Itachi taught him the proper way to hold a kunai before he sat down to eat, and I politely complimented him on the feat. His grip was still a little clumsy and I was worried he'd cut his hand right open, but it never came to that.
Aside from Sasuke's constant chattering and Shisui's clever remarks-and my inevitable addition of a few comebacks-the picnic was comfortable. Calm.
It was only a small fragment, but it was the last little peaceful interlude we would share together.