Chapter 5
Colton Haynes as Arranio de Leon IV
Jensen Ackles as Paxton Isagani de Rossi
Felicity Jones as Miranda Jimenez
●●●
Past
"You bought another travel guide?"
Napangiti naman ako sa tanong ni Arran sa akin. Sinundo niya kasi ako sa mall. Pagkatapos kasi ng work ko kanina ay dumirecho ako sa National Book Store para tumingin-tingin ng mga libro. Wala kasi akong pasok sa law school sa gabing iyon. Most of my classes in law school are in night and in weekends.
"Yep. Travel guide papuntang Italy. Nabili ko na kasi iyong France so Italy naman ako." I answered him truthfully. My boyfriend knows my plans and dreams in my life. Alam na yata nito lahat ng gusto ko sa buhay eh - and one of which is after I'll be successful in my law career, gusto kong pumunta sa Europe. It was always been my dream na mag-Europe trip balang araw. Isa iyon sa bucket list ko na tutuparin ko, maybe in the future.
And for me, if nakapag-Europe trip na ako, it means that I'm already successful with my life. I'm a lawyer already - at natupad ko na rin ang mga pangarap ko sa buhay.
Gustong-gusto ko talaga kasi ang magtravel pero hindi kasi keri ng budget ko kaya nagpupursige ako ngayon sa law school.
It's like my finish line if I can travel outside the country - especially in Europe.
Arran smiled at me as well. Hinawakan naman nito ang kamay ko at hinalikan ang tuktok niyon. Nagdadrive kasi siya gamit ang Range Rover Velar niya habang ako naman ay katabi niya sa driver seat.
"I'm just here to support you with your dreams, baby," He just said as I giggled. I felt giddy alright. Talaga kasing napakasupportive sa 'kin ni Arran lalo na sa career ko. Siya iyong understanding and supportive na boyfriend. I'm really so lucky to have him. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano siya nagkagusto sa 'kin eh when I'm the complete opposite to being a perfect girlfriend.
I kissed him on his cheek, "Thank you. After ng Europe trip ko in the future, we'll travel po together, promise."
Natawa naman siya, "Of course. We should. Travel buddies na tayo dapat, Attorney."
I laughed as well, "Yes! Travel buddies for life!"
Soon. It will really happen.
●●●
Present
"I hope I didn't bother you, Attorney." Arran said to me apologetically. Nasa cafeteria kami ng hall of justice at doon namin napiling mag-usap regarding sa legal assistance na iniinquire niya sa 'min. May meeting kasi si Paxton so he forced me to talk with my only ex instead. Kahit ayaw ko, wala akong ibang choice kundi ang harapin siya. Ayoko rin namang mag-unprofessional because Arran is here just for simple business nothing more.
"It's fine," I tried to smile at him. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong mararamdaman ko sa mga oras na iyon. I feel awkward. I feel overwhelmed. Of course, fresh na fresh pa kasi iyong huling pag-uusap namin 'nung baby shower nila. Iyak pa ako ng iyak sa gabing iyon at more than two weeks akong depressed. Tapos kung kailan akong bumangon para magmove-on, bigla naman siyang sumulpot. Nasaan ang hustisya?!
"Marami naman kaming public attorney kaya you didn't bother me that much," I added. Totoo namang hindi lang kaming dalawa ni Atty. De Rossi ang kasapi ng PAO, may ibang kasama rin kaming iba pang mga abogado sa opisina.
He chuckled. Hindi ko naman maiwasang mapatitig sa mukha niya. I mentally sighed. Ang gwapo pa rin kasi niya. Maliban sa nagmature lang ng konti ang itsura niya, he was still the same Arran whom I fell in love so hard years ago. The Arran whom I give my heart, body and soul willingly and happily because I loved him so much.
And I know, until now, I still do.
Sumisikip na naman ang dibdib ko. Parang gusto ko na namang maiyak. Bumabalik na naman kasi ang mga pagsisising ginawa ko sa buhay. Sa buhay naming dalawa.
"Basta bukas, papuntahin mo na lang dito ang employee mo from the Airlines to formally file a complaint," I said casually.
To be honest, I really thought he was here for something else. Naiimagine ko nga na kagaya kami sa mga novels na nababasa ko kung saan kailangan niya ng legal assistance kasi maghihiwalay sila ng asawa niya tapos gusto niyang magtanong kung anong process ng annulment or 'di kaya fraud iyong kasal nila dahil kasal naman pala sa iba ang asawa niya tapos pinakasalan din niya - which is bigamy in terms with law. I was imagining things before he finally made it clear that he's just here for his employee (Arran's family own one of the largest airlines in the Philippines as well as in Australia) to help him file a complaint. May kaso kasing kinakaharap ngayon ang empleyado nila sa airline - and Arran, as always the kind person, helped out his loyal employee.
Ako na lang talaga ang nag-aassume na pwede pa kahit hindi na pwede. Ako na lang ang nastustuck-up sa past. Ako na lang talaga ang nagiging tanga. Pwede na ata akong maging patron saint ng mga tanga at mga taong hindi pa nakakamove-on.
"How's work, by the way?" He suddenly asked me like he was interested. Naalala ko na naman 'nung kaming dalawa pa. Lagi niya akong tinatanong kung kamusta ang work ko at ang pag-aaral ko sa law school tapos kakain kami ng mga street food sa labas dahil magstrestress-eating ako.
So much memories are now really flooding in.
I shrugged, "Okay naman. Sobrang busy din. Marami rin kasing mga kliyente ang pumupunta at humihingi ng tulong sa PAO every day."
"Ganun ba? I hope hindi mo pinapabayaan ang kalusugan mo, Miranda. Remember to still eat properly, palagi ka pa namang nagstrestress-eating." He replied worriedly. Napangiti naman ako. Sa kabila ng mga ginawa ko sa kanya dati, sa relasyon naming dalawa, he's still kind. He's still even worried about my health.
Kahit alam kong labis-labis ang pagsaktan ko sa kanya noon, kahit 'nung mga panahon halos lumuhod na siya at nagmakaawa para lang maisalba pa ang relasyon namin, kahit muntik na niyang ikamatay ang paghihiwalay naming dalawa, hindi pa rin siya nagtatanim ng sama ng loob sa akin.
Despite that I hurt him so much, he didn't hate me.
That's why, because of it, I hated myself more.
"You still really sound like a father to me," I joked, "Kamusta kayo ni Beatriz? Huwag mo siyang pababayaan, Arranio, ha? Kaibigan ko pa rin naman siya bago naging kayo."
Natawa naman si Arran sa sinabi ko. Two years silang naging magkarelasyon ni Bea tapos after two years, he married her.
Sometimes, I wonder if only I agreed in marrying him 'nung nagpropose siya sa 'kin. May magbabago kaya sa takbo ng mga buhay namin ngayon? But then alam kong hindi pa kami pwedeng magpakasal. Arran, when he proposed in marrying me, was still 24 years old tapos hindi pa siya nakakagraduate ng engineering course niya, ako naman ay nasa crucial year ng law school ko.
"She's fine and healthy. But you know, how pregnant women get moody sometimes, she's really tough to handle." He answered enthusiastically. Mas lalo namang kumirot ang puso ko habang napapansin ko ang pamumungay ng mga mata niya habang pinag-uusapan namin ang asawa niya. Like he was really proud of her and he really loves her so much.
But I know, I sound like a hypocrite but... how did he manage to move on that quickly? Alam kong matagal na kaming hiwalay... More than six years na rin tapos 'nung naging sila ni Beatriz, apat na taon pa lang kaming magkahiwalay noon.
How did he move on and love someone in those span of years?
Bakit ako, ang tagal kong makamove-on? Bakit masakit pa rin hanggang ngayon? Dahil ba ako iyong nang-iwan? Dahil ba... ito ang karma ko sa pagsaktan ko sa kanya?
Pero kasi... ang tagal na. Gusto ko ng maging masaya pero hindi ko alam kung paano. Kasi... mahal ko pa rin siya. Mahal ko pa rin siya kahit ang sakit-sakit na.
Sawa na akong umiyak. Lagi na lang akong umiiyak. Ayoko ng umiyak.
"How about you? Have you already gone to Europe? It was always your dream."
Hindi naman ako nakapagsalita dahil sa tanong niya. I smiled. I smiled sadly.
Since we broke apart, I didn't think of it anymore. I was too hurt. I was too devastated. I couldn't focus on things until I decided to just concentrate on my field of work para makalimutan ko kahit paano ang mga nangyari sa amin. Paxton helped me as well as Mama Ellie in coping up with my law career. Tapos last year, my father died. I really don't know how I manage to survive with those years.
I shook my head, "I'm busy pa kasi. Maybe sooner or later. Hindi naman kasi ako nagmamadali."
I always had sacrificed my happiness just for my family and friends... kaya siguro ngayon, hirap akong hanapin ang kasiyahang iyon. Nakalimutan ko na kasing maging masaya. Iyong totoong masaya.
Bago pa man siya makapagsalita ay biglang tumunog ang phone niya. He answered the call and I knew already who it was. His wife.
After a minute ay ibinaba na nito ang phone. Arran then smiled at me shyly, "Miranda, I really need to go. Sasamahan ko pa kasi si Beatriz sa prenatal check-up niya."
I nodded at him in approval, "Uy, sure. Pakisabi na rin kay Bea na nangungumusta ako."
"Okay," Tumayo naman kaming dalawa. We shook hands. His hand was still really soft and firm, "I'll see you tomorrow again, Atty. Jimenez. Sasamahan ko iyong employee ko para makausap niyo ni Atty. De Rossi at matulungan sa kaso niya."
"Sure. I'll see you again tomorrow then, Mr. De Leon." I tried to be casual. I didn't even really expect na magkikita pa kaming dalawa bukas.
"I'll see you again, Miranda." He smiled back at me as well before finally bidding me a goodbye.
I just sighed.
---
Tinanggal ko naman kaagad ang sapatos ko matapos kong ipark ang kotse ko, a simple Toyota Fortuner sa labas ng bahay ko. Mga 9pm na rin kasi akong nakauwi sa bahay dahil napili kong mag-overtime sa araw na iyon. I don't know. I just needed to divert my thoughts on that day - kaya sa trabaho ko sinubsob ang sarili ko. Wala rin kasi si Pax buong araw sa office kaya ako muna ang nagmanage at nagmonitor sa 'min sa PAO.
Nang makapasok na ako sa loob ay napatigil naman ako nang makita ko si Pax sa living room. He already took off his coat and was just wearing his white formal long sleeves and black slacks. Nakatayo ito ngayon habang hawak-hawak ang tatlong soju drink. May dalawa pang soju drink akong nakitang nakalagay na sa center table. Nakabukas pa iyong TV ko. Kanina pa pala nandito ang mokong.
Then he looked at my direction and saw me. He grinned at me and offered up high the drinks, "Let's get drunk?"
Napailing naman ako at napangiti na rin. I immediately went near him and got a soju drink from his hand. Naupo na kaming dalawa sa couch. Tinanggal ko rin iyong suot kong blazer at nakasleeveless blouse na lang ako at pencil skirt. It was a tiring day.
We started to drink. We just really talked about random things. Complete opposites talaga kasi kami ni Pax. We always argue with our likes and dislikes dahil iba-iba kami ng gusto, iba-iba rin kami ng ayaw. Kahit talaga sa inuman, hindi pa rin kami nagkakasundo.
"Nasaktan ka na ba dahil sa isang babae, Pax?" I randomly asked him. Ubos na iyong isang bottle ng soju drink ko at alam kong tipsy na rin ako. Siya, nakadalawa na pero hindi pa rin tinatablan. Ang taas din ng alcohol tolerance nito eh.
He turned his head at me and looked at me in disbelief. Minsan talaga ay nakakainis na ang mga reaksyon niya.
"What? Nagtatanong lang naman ako!" I defended, "Pero oo nga pala, malamang hindi pa. Ikaw naman iyong nang-iiwan ng mga babae." Inirapan ko pa siya at kumuha pa ng bagong bote ng soju. It was true though. Sa dami ba naman niyang kasex na babae, milagro nga wala siyang sinesex ngayong gabi.
"You're judging again, Miranda." He mumbled and drank the soju on his hand immediately.
Natahimik naman kaming dalawa bigla. Hindi ko alam pero naiiyak na naman ako. Nakakaramdam na naman ako ng sakit.
"Ang sakit pa rin talaga, Pax. Ayoko ng umiyak pero ang sakit pa rin talaga." I told him as I tried wiping my tears from my eyes but it won't just stop.
Bakit kasi ang tanga-tanga ko? Bakit kasi hindi pa rin ako makapagmove-on? Ang tagal na eh... Dapat hindi na ako nasasaktan ng ganito.
Huminga naman ito ng malalim at nilingon ako. He was just staring at me as I looked into his eyes as well. Although it was blurry because of my tears, I just realized he has beautiful eyes. It wasn't the same as Arran's but his eyes... were more intriguing.
"Healing takes time. You're just taking it longer but I know, you'll heal when the right time comes."
Napangiti na lang ako sa sinabi niya. I giggled even. He's not really the type of person na tinotolerate ang pagiging tanga ko.
"Antok na ako, Pax. Tulog na 'ko." I just told him as I lied down my head into his lap. Ang bango pa rin niya ha kahit gabi na.
Nakahiga lang ako sa kandungan niya. I even felt comfortable with it and it's fine. We're friends. We're always been friends.
Naramdaman ko namang nilalaro na niya ang buhok ko. He was caressing it like I was his kid.
"I really think tatanda akong dalaga." I said out-of- blue. Iyon na lang talaga ang role ko sa buhay. Ang tumandang dalaga at maging ninang ng bayan.
Pax sighed again, "You never know, Jimenez."
I laughed. I was already closing my eyes, "I always damn know, De Rossi. Maybe this is my fate. To grow old alone, sad and miserable."
"Then I'll grow old alone, sad and miserable as well, Miranda."
I smiled, I'm really starting to get sleepy, "You won't. You're a good guy although sometimes I hate you, but you're a good guy. You'll marry somebody soon, Pax. You'll be happy."
Naramdaman ko namang hinawakan niya ang kamay ko. I just let him hold my hand. It was warm. I like it 'cause it was warm.
"I'll help you fix yourself first even though I know, I'll bleed picking up your shattered pieces," I couldn't hear him clearly anymore but I know, his voice was somehow soothing me, "I can't be happy if you aren't, Miranda."
I finally felt asleep.