By the time I had finished my first slice of pizza, I was definitely feeling the presence of alcohol in me. My world was slightly dizzy, yet I was feeling great. I knew that Rosie, Elliot, and Carson weren’t as drunk as I am, but they seemed to get a kick out of the drunk me. They asked me endless questions about my life, though I refrained from telling them details about why and how I left, as well as my lack of friends.
The more time went on, the more personal the questions got. Rosie took a bite of her third pizza (I would never have known she ate that much because of how skinny she was), and pointed a finger at me. “Okay Finn,” apparently they had all adopted Elliot’s idea to call me by my last name, “how many guys have you slept with?”
If I had been sober, I would have probably mumbled something about having to go somewhere and leave. But since I was slightly drunk, my response slipped out before I could stop myself. “Zero. Nada.”
All three of their eyes widened, followed by just a few seconds of silence. “How old are you again?”
“Twenty-three….” I said, looking down at the table in embarrassment.
“It’s okay, Stella, there’s nothing to be ashamed about.”
I frowned. “Yeah there is! It’s sad. I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’m so inexperienced, it’s laughable.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.” Rosie said, as the boys stayed silent. They probably thought I was such a loser.
“I was so shy in high school and college that no one ever noticed me. And I never had those wild college years to make out with random guys, I just lived at home. I’m such a loser.”
“No you’re not.” Elliot said, which surprised me. “Trust me, guys are assholes. I am one myself.” He said, and Rosie nodded in agreement. “They are too stupid to see the good ones since all of the bad ones are throwing themselves at them.”
“Wow Elliot, I never knew that you actually had a clue of what you were doing.” Rosie said, impressed.
Elliot nodded, then looked back at me. “From what I can tell, you’re an awesome girl. You know what you need? To just get laid. It’s not that hard, trust me.”
“Elliot!” Rosie spat.
“Rose, I agree with Elliot on this one. At this point, she has nothing to lose. What she needs is experience, and this is a great way to do it without pressure.” Carson said.
“This is why guys are never good at relationships.” Rosie pointed out, glaring at Carson. “Don’t listen to them, Stella. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to. The right guy will come along and they won’t care that you’re still a virgin.”
I winced once she said The Word, which seemed like an insult even though Rosie didn’t mean for it to be. I had always told myself that I was saving myself for my first boyfriend, that I wouldn’t sleep with anyone unless I was in love with him. But waiting for that was like waiting for summer as it snowed outside, useless. Maybe I did need just one wild night to gain confidence in myself. Maybe I needed to feel like someone wanted me, even if it just was to get me into bed. The only people in New York who knew how inexperience I was were the three people staring back at me, waiting for a response.
“No Rosie, they’re right. I need to just do it. Without feelings, with no strings attached, with no pressure on me. Let’s go find me a guy!” I said, excitedly.
All three of them dropped their jaws in surprise. “Come on guys, you don’t know me well enough to judge me yet. I’m a good girl, but I’m in fucking New York City! I have to live it up, before I regret it tomorrow. If you are all feeling uneasy about this, then we just need more alcohol.”
They continued to stare at me in amazement for a moment, and then Elliot yelled, “Hell yeah!” and gave me a high five.
“Oh shit, I look like crap right now. I’m not going to attract a guy looking like this!” I exclaimed, looking at my bland outfit and tangled hair.
“You look great.” Elliot complimented. I blushed and noticed that Carson and Rosie gave him a stern look.
“Maybe I could just go back to the apartment and change real quick. You guys could show me your favorite bar or something.”
They all agreed and once we paid the bill, we took a cab back to the apartment. I had left my duffle bags in my new room and I scavenged through them for a decent outfit. When I had packed my life away into two duffle bags, trying to pick up guys hadn’t been on my mind. The only decent dress I had was the one I had worn to Amelia’s bachelorette party. It was a fitted silver dress that had matching gems covering it. Amelia had picked it out herself, saying that I looked slutty in it. I knew that she was lying; I could never look like a slut, even if I tried to. I got carded wherever I went.
Rosie knocked on my door. “Hey. Look, you don’t have to do this Stella. I don’t want you to feel pressured by us.”
I shook my head, making my world spin. I held my arms out for balance, smiling at my lack of balance. “No no, I really want to do this. I think that it’s what I need in order to get confident. I am tired of being single, tired of being a virgin. I’m going to do it, that’s my final decision.”
Rosie walked towards me, still seeming unsure. “Okay, I’ll support you on this. Just know that I’ll look out for you once we get there. I won’t let you go home with some douche bag like Elliot.” I smiled, though didn’t think Elliot was a douche bag. Rosie pulled a curling iron out from behind your back. “Need help getting ready?”
I nodded. “Are you even drunk?”
“Not really, just a little buzzed. I didn’t drink as much as you guys did.”
“Good, I’m going to need you to keep an eye on me.”
“I promise.” She said, and began curling my hair.
A half an hour later, I emerged from my room looking like a new woman. Elliot and Carson were sitting on the couch watching a rerun of Saturday Night Live, and both pulled their eyes away just to look at me. Elliot’s smirk returned on his face and Carson gave the thumbs up.
“Ow oww hottie!” Elliot yelled.
Rosie and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. “Who’s ready to party?” I said, and we all yelled.
Ten minutes later, we were in a bar that was filled with twentysomethings. I went right to the bartender and asked for a shot. Elliot, Carson, and Rosie crept up behind me and ordered one as well. Once we got them, we raised our glasses together.
“To Finn!” Elliot said, and we all repeated, clinking our glasses and throwing our heads back as we drank.
After a few more shots, I was feeling good. I ran my fingers through my hair and flirted with guys across the room with a simple stare, something I had never done before. My new roommates were all still sitting next to me, having a good time on their own. Yet after a while, Rosie nudged my arm.
“Look at that guy over there.” She whispered. “He’s been staring at you since you came in. He looks like he’s not a total asshole.”
“Who? What does he look like?”
“He’s the one sitting in a booth with all of those people over there.” She pointed quickly. “He has black curly hair and he’s wearing an army green shirt and khaki shorts. Do you see him?”
I nodded and smiled. The man was staring at me, and smiled back at me. I turned to Rosie and we giggled like little girls. “Okay, it’s time.” I said, confidently.
“Are you sure?” Carson asked.
“Yeah.”
“Okay, well we won’t stay here too long, we don’t want to cramp your style.” Rosie said.
“Stay as long as you want, just don’t stare at me the whole time, that would be too much pressure.”
“Okay, we won’t. If you need anything, call me. Be safe.” She said, giving me a hug.
I waved goodbye to the boys, and walked towards the dark haired man. When he saw me coming over, he smiled and stood up. We met halfway, and I finally got a good look at him. His dark curls made him look sexy as well as his piercing green eyes. He had perfectly straight teeth and dimples. I could picture him reading a classic novel at a small coffee shop, with black-rimmed glasses and sipping on a latte. To me, that was sexy.
“Hey.” I said simply.
“Hi. I’m Max.” He held out his hand, which I took. We moved them up and down slowly, not breaking eye contact.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Stella.”
“What a beautiful name for such a beautiful woman.” No matter how drunk I was, I couldn’t refrain myself from blushing. No man had ever called me beautiful before.
“Thanks.”
“So can I buy you a drink?”
“Sure.” I said, smiling. “Let’s get a table.” I said, and once he bought me a drink, we walked over to a tall table with two stools.
Max and I talked for an hour. I told him that I had just moved to the city and didn’t know where anything was. He told me that he just got his master’s at NYU and is looking for his dream job in the city. He was at the bar with his fellow graduates, yet he told me they were all quite boring.
After a few more drinks, I was ready to move to the next step with Max. After he stopped talking about how awesome the Yankees were (it took everything I had to agree with him on that one, being a die hard Red Sox fan). I just stared at him, smiling. He did the same, but didn’t get the hint.
“Umm, sorry if this is too forward, but…” I said, then leaned toward him and kissed him quickly on the lips. I pulled back, watching for his reaction.
His lips spread into a smile. “Well that was quick. Come here.” he commanded.
I obeyed and we kissed again, this time more passionately. It felt so good to be kissed, it had been so long. I didn’t want to stop, I wanted to keep going and get out of the smoky bar.
“Let’s get out of here.” I whispered slyly in his ear. Max looked at me and nodded, grabbing my hand and leading me out the door.
Once we were outside, he pushed me up against the building wall and kissed me again. I put my hands around his neck and his were on my waist. I breathed in his scent, some sort of cologne that left me wanting more.
“Do you wanna go somewhere?” I asked.
Max looked at me with surprise. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Positive. I would invite you back to my place but I don’t have a key or sheets on my bed.”
He laughed. “You really are brand new, aren’t you?” I nodded. He looked at me for a minute, which made me nervous. Wasn’t this what all guys wanted, a one-night stand? “Okay, let’s go.” He said, getting us a cab.
We continued kissing the entire way to his apartment. I was still drunk, though whether it was on alcohol or Max I wasn’t sure of. A few times we had to break apart in order to get air, and I would just smile at him and breathe heavily, He was a good kisser, not to mention attractive. It was obvious that he felt the same about me, otherwise, no matter how drunk he was, he wouldn’t have agreed to go back to his place.
The taxi stopped in front of a dark bricked apartment building. I barely noticed it as Max held my hand and led me up the steps, opening the door for me. We walked hand and hand to his apartment on the second floor. As soon as Max shut the door, I pushed him up against the wall and kissed him.
This newfound confidence was simply due to the alcohol I had consumed, but if that is what it took to forget about my insecurities, I was okay with it. Tomorrow I knew I wouldn’t feel that way, but at that moment, I wasn’t thinking about tomorrow.
Things between Max and I got heated fast and before I knew it, I was lying on his unmade bed, looking up at his ceiling fan as he kissed my neck. I tugged at his shirt, and he pulled back and gave me a sly smile. With one swift move, he pulled his shirt off, showing his thin arms. Then he mimicked my move, lifting the bottom of my shirt slightly, touching my skin in the process. I pulled back at his touch, tickled but wanting more. I threw my shirt off, less gracefully than Max had. He leaned into me and he put his lips to mine once more. I felt like I was drowning in kisses, unable to reach the surface.