On June 28th, I peered through a small window in a hospital door as Xander walked over to the pale, unconscious body of Ms Tabitha Catherine Doyle. Machines next to her flashed and beeped, signalling she was still clinging on to this world. Marcus sat at her bedside, stroking her hair, just as I'd done for him six weeks ago.
Xander hadn't spoken to her since March, but now he perched on the side of her bed and held her hand. I might not care about Tabitha bloody Doyle but, despite everything she'd done to split us up, Xander did.
I refused to go in.
I'd been making tea for my builders when Marcus rang to tell us she'd taken an overdose and she might not make it. Tabitha could die and what had my initial reaction? Hurrah. The stupid cow had tried to ruin my life and she'd slept with my husband. What should I do? Look worried and feel sorry for her? Lie through my teeth and question why she'd do such a thing? Or dance a merry little jig? Ding dong, the bitch is nearly dead.
I stared out of the vast Georgian windows, admiring the perfect June day - twenty-two degrees and not a cloud to mar the cyan sky. The hospital gardens were real Ratty and Mole country, with the river and sprawling view of the fells. Hell, there was even a picturesque stone footbridge and huge willow tree downstream.
For God's sake, I needed to get my head together not dream of picnics and dangling my feet in the water.
Was I supposed to cry? I didn't feel like crying. I'd actually said to Xander last week, I hoped I never saw her again. So I wouldn't miss her, but wasn't I worried she might die? No. I wasn't worried. Her bed, she made it. Bugger it, bugger her and bugger that I should feel sorry for her.
James and a doctor walked towards where I sat in one of the visitors chairs. From James' reddened eyes, he didn't go for the strong, silent routine. The doctor went into Tabitha's room but, to my surprise, James sat next to me.
'Are you okay?' I asked.
He shook his head and I put my arm around him. To my astonishment, he let me.
'Her parents are in Sri Lanka,' he said, his voice cracking as he rested his head against mine. 'Opening a school they paid for.'
Her poor parents. They'd be feeling smug and worthy only to be told their darling daughter was lying in a hospital bed after taking far, far too many recreational drugs. I could've throttled Tabitha bloody Doyle.
God, if she genuinely did this then I felt for her, but what the hell made her so unhappy she'd do this? Didn't get the Corrie gig? Rather cynically, my money was on this being an attempted suicide - aiming to look vulnerable so she'd score several gossip column inches. It'd worked so well for her in January.
Xander's eyes darted around when he came out and I wanted to go to him but James leapt up, dragging him off to talk in a corner. Marcus hobbled towards me on his crutches.
'Doc's booting us out 'til this evening,' he said. 'They need to run tests and she needs to rest. Whatever, she's in a bloody coma. We're going back to ours. I need a fag and a very large glass of something white.'
How the hell could I get out of drinking and smoking without telling Marcus I was pregnant? Panicked, I glanced at Xander, hoping for an 'it'll be fine' wink or supportive nod. Instead, he donned a pair of sunglasses James had given him and stalked towards the exit. I'd never seen Xander in sunglasses - he was undoubtedly hiding his eyes. Why didn't boys just cry?
I managed to smile my thanks to the grungy porter who held the door open for us. You'd think management at a private place like this would insist on smarter staff. The porter stared at my arse as I walked past and I tried not to grin. Even pregnant, I could still pull. Hurrah.
At the Dowson-Gunn estate, I rather oddly spent the afternoon sunbathing in a bikini of India's on the floating deck at James' boathouse while the three boys drank and smoked to ease their worry. I'd volunteered to drive, scoring a suspicious frown off Marcus, and the second he and I flopped down on the sun loungers, he offered me a cigarette. Testing me?
'She's finally given up,' Xander said, stripping his t-shirt off before he stretched out in a chair. Tanned, toned and married to me, double hurrah.
'His nagged me into submission.' I crossed my fingers behind my back, hating lying to my Jiminy Cricket.
Marcus fought a smile as he raised his eyebrows. He didn't believe a word of it. 'Mum wondered if you two would like to come out to our place in Italy this summer. In August?' He glanced across at me. 'We can tour the vineyards, getting hammered.'
No, that was so unfair. I'd be four months pregnant and unable to drink.
'It sounds heavenly,' I said, looking out over the lake, hoping Marcus hadn't picked up on the insincerity in my voice.
Marcus laughed and gently kicked my foot with his. He so knew. 'Look, the plan is not to let anyone know about Tab until she comes round and her parents have been told, but it could take a couple of days.'
'Good luck with keeping it a secret. The press knew before I did when Tonio died.' I tried to passive smoke off Marcus. 'Not that she will, of course,' I added hastily.
Marcus blew his smoke away from me. 'Her agent's spun them the usual suffering from exhaustion line.'
'Didn't she leave a note, you know, explaining?' I asked.
'I don't think this was intentional,' James said as he joined us, carrying a bottle of Sancerre and four glasses.
'Who found her?' Xander asked him.
'Some guy,' James replied. 'He disappeared after he let the paramedics in. The police are trying to trace him but all they know is he's an American with dark hair.'
'Todd,' I suggested. The New York DJ fitted the bill and he'd done a runner last time Tabitha took too many drugs and keeled over.
'That's my guess,' James replied, handing me a glass with an egg cupful of wine in.
Marcus laughed, gesturing to Xander's torso. 'Nice tat.'
Xander glanced down at it and grinned. 'Bajan rum.'
James sat next to Xander, peering at the tattoo. 'Please don't tell me they're this hideous wench's initials?' Xander nodded and James shook his head in despair. 'She's an awful influence on you.'
'Hey, you can't blame me. I wasn't even there.' I smiled at Xander, but still hiding behind the sunglasses, I had no idea what he was thinking. 'Xand, why do you never normally wear sunglasses?'
Xander didn't answer but downed half his wine, smiling a little.
James leaned forwards as he spoke to me. 'Because his big brother once told him that you shouldn't hide your best pulling tool behind a pair of Oakley's.'
'But now I've pulled,' Xander said, 'I might buy some.'
I threw a cork at him. 'FYI, your eyes aren't your best pulling tool.'
'What is?' Even with the sunglasses on, I knew he was looking me over.
'Your well stocked drinks cupboard.'
'You must be the only girl he's had to ply with drink to take to bed. Well done for playing hard to get, tesoro.' Marcus high-fived me.
It was a lovely afternoon, marred only by the doctor ringing at five to say Tabitha was awake, she was going to be fine and we could visit. Oh joy.
'Can I wait here?' I asked as the others stood up. The deck was blissfully sunny and peaceful.
'The only thing I like about you,' James said, pulling me to my feet, 'is your unfailing honesty. You could've lied through your teeth today, faking concern for the person who fucked your husband. But you? I don't think I've ever met anyone less two-faced.'
'OMG. James, are you aware that was a compliment?' I blew James a kiss and he gave me the finger. We both smiled. He was definitely warming to me.
Finally getting off the phone after my hour long chat to Clara, I found Xander, fresh out of the shower, lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling.
'I hate Clara not knowing. I daren't meet her in person. I feel like I've got PREGNANT written across my forehead. Do I look different?'
Xander's eyes lit up with a cheeky glint.
'Boys are so predictable.' I studied my chest in the mirror, sideways on. 'I don't think so.'
'I do.' He winked. 'I know what you mean though. Whenever I see Rob, I'd swear he knows. Look, it's only three weeks to wait and then we can tell everyone about Bean.'
After I'd been to the doctor, passed his test and become officially pregnant, my new hobby was reading about the development of the baby. Last week, I'd read our eight week-old unborn child was growing hands and feet and was about the size of a kidney bean. Since then, Xander called it Bean - a definite improvement on It. I sat next to him, taking hold of his hand.
'Shouldn't you be going for a shower?' he asked.
Yes, but I didn't want to get ready because I didn't want to go out. It was July 1st, the night we were going to the OBB to reveal how we'd completed our dares. I'd done my real dare but I'd got a girl at the grocers to write Steal something worth ten grand on a new card.
'I can't summon the enthusiasm, too tired.'
At least that was the truth. Each week, I'd become increasingly tired. I'd yawn throughout the day and barely made it to half-past nine before falling asleep on the sofa, but send me to bed and I'd be wide awake. Xander squeezed my hand, frowning with concern. If he'd treated me like a princess before, it had nothing on how protective he'd become now I was pregnant.
'I'm fine,' I said. 'Anyway, why are you looking so thoughtful?'
'I've been trying to work out when I fell in love with you.' His fingers linked with mine, his thumb brushing the back of my hand.
'I thought it was on Tonio's birthday.'
'No, that's when I realised I was already in love with you. Do you know I stood outside Clara's cottage, staring at you for about five minutes? I kept thinking, oh fuck, no. I'd have been happy to be in love with the Daisy I took to James' party, but the skin and bone mess I saw in August? You were a wreck.' He tipped his head, smiling an apology. 'But I'd never felt like that about anyone before, not even Imogen, and no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't run away.'
'So when was it? James' party? The morning after out on the deck?'
'No. That's when you realised something had happened. You didn't know what but you knew things had changed.' He pushed my hair off my face. 'I fell in in love with you at Vanessa's birthday barbeque. We were sitting on the chair-swing just talking. Christ, I could've sat there with you forever but Clara said her and Scott were leaving. You looked up at me and I was dying to kiss you. That's when it happened.' He rested his forehead against mine. 'Nothing's changed. I love you, Daisy.'
'I love you too.' With tears stinging my eyes, I kissed him. I had to tell him the truth about Bean. How could I lie when he was so honest? I dragged my lips from his, pasted on a smile and got ready for a world-rocking night out.
At the OBB, I'd expected... something, anything to mark the occasion. Instead, a few other customers sat dotted around the place, the barman wiped down tables and we sat on Chesterfield sofas sipping drinks like it was any regular July evening. It wasn't. Xander and James chatted quietly at the other end of the table while Marcus and I discussed the faux-wine he'd subtly left for me behind the bar. It was alcohol free but looked the part and tasted almost like the real thing. I wasn't going to drink anything else until Bean popped out.
'I take it Xander knows?' he asked.
I nodded. 'Please don't say anything.'
'Happy?'
Again, I nodded.
'Congratulations,' he whispered, dropping a kiss on my cheek.
'How's the model-doctor kick-ass girl?' I'd not met her but the other day, Marcus had texted me a photo.
He ran his hands through his hair, sighing. 'She wanted to go out tonight so I had to explain what I was doing. She... she basically told me I was a self-indulgent rich kid with too much money and not enough morals. She doesn't want to see me again.'
Oh poor Marcus. 'Don't take any notice. You're not least bit self-indulgent and your morals are better than anyone I know, even my parents. Prove her wrong. Win her over.'
'I'm going to see her tonight.' Marcus frowned, looking over my shoulder. 'Why are you here?'
I looked behind me and cringed. Daniel Campbell. Xander's jaw was already twitching. Oh God, this was awful.
'Same as at New Year. I'm getting paid to be here,' Daniel said, sitting on the armchair opposite me. 'But I wouldn't miss this for the world. It's a great story.' He slowly looked me over and, from the glint in his eye, I'd say his imagination filled in the areas my little, black t-shirt dress covered up. 'How are you, Daze?'
'Fuck off, Daniel,' Xander snapped as he moved along the sofa to sit next to me.
I gave Xander a reassuring smile before I turned back to Daniel. 'This isn't a great story. What are you going to do?'
'Publish a massive feature in Head but sell the full story to the highest bidder, blackmail stories and all.' He winked at me. 'Down to every last detail.'
I pushed Xander back in his seat. 'Leave it.'
'We'll all deny it.' Marcus scowled.
'You might, but she won't.'
'Of course I will.'
'Not you, sweetheart. Tabitha,' Daniel said.
The silence was deafening. It was James that spoke.
'Tabitha's in no fit state, she's...'
Walking into the bar wearing a fabulous clashing-with-her-auburn-hair pink dress and a mega-watt smile. Jesus Christ. For the last three days, Xander had visited her at every opportunity but there was never any change. She'd lain there, staring out of the window - her doctor even had her reassessed for brain damage. But now? She stood hand on hip, laughing that stupid tinkly bloody laugh.
'Ta-Da. You didn't really think I'd miss tonight, did you?' It was a good act, but she couldn't hide how fragile she looked. Her hair had grown out - it was in a perfectly tousled bob, tracking her jaw-line, but she must've lost a stone since March. 'Have you all done your dares? The overdose was mine.'
What? She did it for a dare?
A camera flash distracted me from the clearly insane Ms Doyle.
Daniel laughed. 'Your faces.'
Xander and Marcus stared at her, stunned, but James stood up, walked over and slapped her - really, bloody hard, hard enough to leave a huge red mark. Slapping was so underused these days.
'For a dare? You stupid bitch.' His hands gripped her shoulders - the anger in his face suggested he might shake her to death but, when she looked up at him, her enormous green eyes filled with tears and he groaned. Disappointingly, instead of murdering her, he hugged her. 'You stupid, stupid cow, Tab.'
'Ding dong, the bitch isn't dead,' I said. 'Try double the dose, next time.'
From James' enveloping hug she glared at me with venom. Xander told me off and before a cat-fight broke out, James dragged Tabitha to the bar. We watched as James held her face in his hands, asking if she was crazy, didn't she realise she almost died.
'I'm not convinced this isn't part of her Coronation Street master plan,' Marcus said
'Don't get jaded on me now,' I replied, 'Your trust, honesty and integrity are giving me hope for the future of the human race.'
When James and Tabitha came back, she sat on the arm of his chair, smiling down at me like she'd never slept with my husband or tried to ruin my life. Things got worse when she took a mouthful of my wine, nearly spitting it straight back out again.
'What the hell is that?' She wrinkled her nose in disgust. 'Sweetie, is that alcohol free wine? What are you, pregnant or something?' She laughed the irritating tinkle.
I resisted the almost overwhelming urge to slap her myself - there were more important things at stake. This was it, the moment Xander would hate me again. 'Yes.'
'You did it?' James' brow creased.
Xander turned to me as I tossed my dare card on the table.
'I did.'
I focused on his eyes, waiting for the disbelief, the horror, the look of hatred. They never came. His face was emotionless as he kept eye-contact with me and dropped his dare card on the table. A second item landed on top of it and made me sicker than morning sickness ever had.
It was our marriage certificate.
*** Author Note ***
Oh. What do you think? Who's done the worse thing - Daisy or Xander?
Love you.
Cx