NOTE: This story is from The Adventurous Adventures of One Direction on Youtube by chimpshrimp or Mark Alan Parsons.
Transcribed by: LiamJamesPayne
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's a brand new day in OneDirectionville and four boys are just about to order breakfast in a wee restaurant.
"Good morning. Y'all ready to order?" The Westerner waitress approaches the four lads who were sitting with a round table.
"I'll have the french toast, please." Liam requests.
"I'll have the sausage biscuit, please." Louis follows.
"I'll have the Tacos, please." Harry says slowly.
"Harry!" Louis shouts at the curly boy.
"What? It's my favourite food."
"Tacos are not for breakfast." Louis, being sassy, reprimands Harry.
"They are now. Introducing Tac-O's." The waitress hands the box of cereal to Harry. "It's meat, cheese and lettuce flavoured O's in a tortilla bowl." He pours the cereal into his bowl happily.
"That's disgusting." Comments Louis.
"It even makes the milk taste like tacos." He gleefully pours the milk into the bowl.
"That's even disgusting-er." Liam adds.
"That's not even a word." Harry speaks.
"Hi guys." Zayn greets the four lads in his shirt with red sleeves.
"Hello, Zayn!" The boys chorus.
"Woah, new hairdo." Niall comments, looking at his quiff.
"Yeah, what ya think?" Zayn remains his smile.
"It's uh.." Harry hesitates.
"It's.. quite steep." Zayn's smile disappears. "Bit like a ski jump." Zayn's eyebrows furrow together. "Which I guess is what you're going for?" Niall asks with a smirk.
The boys' conversation were interrupted by a beep of Louis' watch.
"1D, come in 1D." The watch says.
"Oh look, a call from Psymon." Louis informs the boys.
"It's an emergency boys. Report to 1D HQ ASAP." His watch continues.
"No time for breakfast lads. The world needs our help." Louis says before they fly up in the air and turn into their super hero costumes.
~~~~~
Meanwhile, in the headquarters, the boys talk to Psymon for their mission.
"One Direction, thank goodness you're here." Psymon, a floating head in a light beam, greets the boys.
"What seems to be the trouble, Psymon?" Louis asks.
"It doesn't look good boys." Psymon continues.
"What doesn't look good? Oh, Zayn's new hairdo?" Niall teases Zayn.
"Niall!" Zayn shouts at Niall while the Irish leprechaun chuckles.
"What?"
"I will mess you up." Zayn threatens, giving him a glare.
"Mess me up? Oh like your hair dresser messed up your hair?" A smirk still painted on his face.
"Oh, it is on." Zayn states before slapping Niall in a girly way. Niall fights back, slapping him as well.
"It's on like Donkey Kong." Liam comments.
"What?" Harry raises an eyebrow at Liam.
"Boys, boys! The world is in a tour of need. We cannot afford to squabblelbel- ing." Psymon tilts his head.
"Why, what's up Psymon?" Louis asks eagerly.
"Yeah, what's up? Besides Zayn's hair, 'cause that's really up, isn't it?" Niall lets out a chuckle while Zayn's eyebrows continue to furrow and gives him a death glare. "It's like whoossh." It doesn't take long before the two boys start slapping each other again.
"Reports are coming in all over town. Pussycats are going missing by the thousands." Psymon ignores the two.
"Oh no, what a catastrophe! Or should I say, catastrophe." Harry jokes. Louis hits him in the balls for making that awful pun.
"No, you shouldn't." Louis advices.
"Okay." Harry says in his high voice.
"We just need to get out there and help people find their pussycats!" Louis says cheerfully.
"It may not me as simple as that. We have reason to believe Lord Faptaguise is behind this." The villains image shows up on a screen beside Psymon.
"Lord Faptaguise?!" The boys all chorused in shock.
"But we defeated him in the battle of Zandelor." Liam says, still in shock.
"Well, he's back, and we all know how much Lord Faptaguise hates pussycats." Psymon informs the boys.
"So the pussycats didn't just go missing. They've been kidnapped. Or should I say, catnapped. C-cat, catnipped," he looks among the boys to find a hint of small hope. "Yeah?" Louis once again hits the green-eyed lad in the balls.
"No." Louis shakes his head in disagreement.
"Sorry." Harry squeaks.
"So where is Lord Faptaguise?" Louis pays his attention back to the mission.
"His dreaded tank fortress, the Wrathosphere, has been spotted on the outskirts of town,"
"Mhmm.. Skirts." Harry's smirk grows bigger thinking about skirts.
"Heading east." Psymon continues.
"Towards the Dualmensional Gate!" Liam exclaims.
"Yes, we must act swiftly. If the Wrathosphere escapes to another dimension with the pussycats on board, we will never see them again." Psymon states.
"So what's the plan?" Louis inquires.
"Liam, Niall and Zayn. You three must infiltrate the Wrathosphere and find your way to the control room. It no doubt will be heavily guarded by guards. Niall and Zayn, you must eliminate them, allowing Liam to get an access to the control room." Psymon instructs.
"Easy." Niall puts both of his hands on his waist.
"Piece of pudding." Zayn adds.
"What?" Harry turns his head.
"Liam, once inside the control room, you must hack into the security terminal and open the prison cell doors." Psymon continues his instruction.
"Hey, I am on it, like Donkey Kong-it." Liam says proudly.
"What? No wait, what?" Harry shakes his head in confusion. "Just open the cell doors? But who's gonna round up all the pussycats and get them out of there?"
"Yes, all the pussies. That's where you come in Harry." Psymon says.
"You're telling me." A smirk plays in Harry's lips.
"You must go deep into the Marmatian Swamp and seek the help of an old knight named Paul. He will teach you the ancient art of retrieving pussycats."
"I don't need help. I can do it alone." Harry protests.
"No you can't, Harry. That's why you and Louis will seek out Sir Paul together. Only with teamwork can you save all the pussycats, including your own." Psymon informs the boys.
"Oh no, Molly! Did they get Molly?" Harry interrogates.
"I thought his name was Dusty?" Louis tilts his head in confusion.
"Depends which website you read." Harry informs Louis.
~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, at Louis and Harry's flat, they both go home to check on Molly. Slamming the door open, Harry barges in.
"Molly?" Seeing the room catless, Harry let's out a long procrastination. "Noooooooooooooooo—" Minutes later.. "—oooooooooo!" Harry finally finishes.
"Nice." Louis compliments him.
"Thanks. But Faptaguise, he stole my pussycat. Now, it's personal. Or, should I say, pussy-nal." Louis kicks his balls for his joke again. "My balls."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, in the Wrathosphere, Zayn, Niall and Liam quickly find a way to get inside.
"Whew! We made it inside the Wrathosphere." Niall says in relief.
"Now to make our way to the control room." Liam stays focused.
"This place is a maze. How are we going to find it?" Zayn asks the boys.
"Easy, just follow the pipes along the ceiling." Liam answers his queueing question.
"Duh, it's like you've never been inside a Wrathosphere before." Niall chuckles before walking ahead.
"Nerds." Zayn furrows his eyebrows at the boys.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile Harry and Louis seek the house of Sir Paul in the Martian Swamp.
"Right. The old knight lives in solitude, deep within this swamp." Louis informs Harry while holding a map.
"He lives alone? So that makes him a stag knight." Harry's grin grows wide.
"That's your worst one yet." Louis comments while Harry bows his head. He soon hits his balls again. "Now come along."
"We've been," Harry squeals before shaking of the falsetto. "We've been walking for ages. Are you sure we're going in the right direction?"
"Well, we are following the map." Louis shows his map.
"I think we're going the wrong way."
"What, do you think I can't read maps?"
"That, or you're holding it wrong." Harry's voice grows louder.
"What, with my hands? That's how most humans hold things. But I guess you wouldn't know anything about that." Louis' voice grows as well.
"What? Are you saying I'm not human?"
"I don't know, why don't you ask your four nipples, what they think? Maybe those will give you a clue." Louis shoots back.
"That's it, I'm going this direction." Harry turns his back at Louis and starts to walk away.
"Harry, come back! We can't go in two directions; we have to go in one direction!" Louis shouts at the Cheshire boy.
"Not anymore. I can save the pussycats myself. I don't need some old knight to help me and I certainly don't need you." Harry's eyebrows continue to meet each other,
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine." Harry gives up and walks away form Louis.
"Fine. You tetra-titted tosser."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, Zayn, Liam and Niall finally find the control room heavily guarded by guards.
"Woah. Those guards look dangerous. I'm not so sure we can take 'em out." Zayn whispers to Liam.
"Maybe you and Niall could distract them, you know like, dress up as hot girls or something." Zayn raises a brow at Liam. "Well I mean, at least that works in cartoons... What do you think Niall?" Liam turns around and find Niall dressed in a bra and skirt.
"Already there." He smirks.
"Hey there big boys." Niall greets the guards, flirtatiously while Zayn stands beside him awkwardly.
"Woah, check it out." The guard says.
"Hubba, hubba, hubba." The other one comments.
"Nice. I love dudes in skirts." The first guard adds while Liam sneaks up behind them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, Harry, who has been wandering off somewhere, talks to himself.
"Huh, like I need help getting pussycats out of the Wrathosphere. Huh, I've been getting pussycats out of the Wrathosphere since I was a—Woah, baby." His jaw drops at the sight of a tall Russian girl dressed in a yellow jumpsuit. Her hair was black and short.
"Hey there big boy." She greets.
"Hello, I'm Harry."
"April Okruschef. I'm a news reporter. I am doing a story on the missing pussycats."
"Oh, I'm, I'm gonna save them." He nods at himself proudly.
"You arrrrre? Oh, you must be very brave." April compliments Harry while he smiles confidently at himself.
"Mhmm, I'm brave." He nods while smirking at the tall lady.
"Well it sounds like we could help each other out. I would love to exchange fluids—Hee, hee, hee!—I mean information. Perhaps over dinner?" She invites the curly boy.
"...Okay."
"How about some, tacos?"
"...Okay."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, Louis seems to have found Sir Paul's house.
"Okay, this must be it." Louis knocks three times before the door slowly swings open. The loud creak of the door, screeching through Louis' ears.
"Who goes there?" A silhouette of a man shows inside.
"It is I, Louis, of One Direction." Louis introduces himself.
"Greetings. I am Sir Paul of the Beatles." Paul shows up and exposes himself in the light.
"And Wings!" Louis gasps, the twinkle in his eyes, visible.
"Ehh, the Beatles." Paul tilts his massive head.
"Well I am in need of your help, Sir Paul. Pussycats all over the land have been captured and legend has it that you hold the key to retrieving them." Louis informs the older bloke.
"Ah, I know what you're looking for. Now that, I haven't used in a long time." Paul nods. "A long time."
"What? What is it?" Louis' curiosity grows further.
"What you seek, is the pussy magnet."
"Behold!" Paul shows Louis a massive machine with a massive magnet attached to it.
"Nice!" Louis compliments. "So how do you turn it on?"
"One does not simply turn on a pussy magnet. It is activated by a series of tones. You know, like the key in the He-Man movie." Louis does not respond. "Allow me to demonstrate." He grabs the mic and holds it high to his lips. "Well she was just seventeen. You know what I mean. And the—"
"Woah woah woah woah woah woah woah. Paul, what do you mean?" Louis cuts Paul.
"I don't know. John wrote that bit. And the way she looked was way beyond compared. So how could I dance with another? Whoo!" He sings to the top of his lungs as the lights on the machine lighted up causing the massive magnet to vibrate. A few seconds later, a grey furry pussy was captured by the magnet.
"Woah, that really works!" Louis nearly shouts.
"Hitting the high note a t the end is the key." Paul advices.
"Well, I'll try. Though I bet, Harry could hit it." Louis bows his head in the thought of his best mate.
"Harry? Is he a friend of yours?" Paul asks Louis.
"Yeah. Or, we used to be. We had a bit of a falling out." Louis avoids Paul's gaze.
"Well you know you can't pull this off on your own. It's like I've always said, I get by with a little help from my friends."
"I thought that song was about drugs, though?" Louis asks in bewilderment.
"Sshhh!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sshh! Don't speak, Harry, don't speak." April puts her index fingers on top of Harry's lips as they stand inside a Taco Bell.
"But I'm crazy about you."
"I know, Harry. But I must order now." She faces the cashier to order. "Three tacos please."
"Hard or soft shell?" The bloke behind the counter asks.
"Oh, what do you think, Harry?" She asks the curly-haired boy.
"Hard. A good shell is hard to find, and a hard shell is good to find,." He points his finger in the air.
"Oh Harry. You always know what to say."
"Hey tacos are my favourite food. But you know I've never been to a Taco Bell before." He looks around the purple store.
"You mean, this is your first time?" April asks, slightly shocked.
"Mhmm." Nodding, Harry smirks at her.
"Then, you really must try the Nacho Bell Grande." She suggests.
"Well," Harry turns his head to the cashier and orders."One Nacho Bell Grande, please." He turns his head back to April while the cashier taps in his order. "Hey, what do you call a Bell Grande that isn't yours? Nacho Bell Grande." His cheeky grin grows big, proud of himself. After getting no response, April kicks him in the balls and he falls to the ground.
"Can we get those tacos to go, please? We have a date—at the Wrathospehre."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, Niall and Zayn continue to distract the guards with their not-so-brilliant idea.
"So, you two from around here?" The guard asks Niall.
"Oh no, I'm from Ireland. And Zayn is from a wee little town in England called—" Niall glances at Zayn's hair again. "—Dumbhairshire." He holds back his chuckle.
"Niall! I will slap you silly." Zayn threatens, furrowing his brows at the blond.
"Bring it." Niall accepts his challenge. The two start slapping each other, causing their disguises to fall, leaving only their underwears.
"Hey." The guard notices.
"Uh-oh."
"You're not cross-dressers. You're just dressed up like cross-dressers!" The guard continues.
"Uh, Zayn?"
"Yeah, Niall?"
"Run!" Niall rushes off and Zayn follows.
"Seize them!" The guard orders his fellow guard.
Zayn continues to run, not noticing Niall had hid inside a small compartment.
"Zayn, here! Let's take this elevator." Agreeing with him, he jumps inside before Niall pushes a random button inside.
"Ahhh!" They scream as they continue to fall into a deep hole. The door closes, revealing it was a garbage chute after all.
"The garbage chute, really wonderful idea." Zayn holds his two fingers to his nose and pinches them, not allowing a stench inside his smelling agent. "What an incredible smell you've discovered!"
"Don't be a cunt." Niall rolls his eyes at the Bradford boy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, Liam continues to hack the UNIX system in the control room.
"This is a UNIX system. I know this." He types in more random things on the keyboard. "I should be able to override the security system to open up the prison doors and let those pussycats loose." A message on the screen which says Access Granted shows up. "Yes." Typing in more shit, another message which asks:
Open The Prison Door
Are you sure?
[OK] [Cancel]
"Oh I'll open that door, like Donkey Kong 64." He says to himself before clicking the OK button before all the prison doors of the cats open. "Louis, Harry, the prison doors are open. It's up to you to save the pussycats and make it fast—"
"Not so fast." A guard shows up behind Liam and points his gun on Liam's temple. "You," he orders the other guard, "take pretty boy here down the Torturitorium for a nice acid bath. I'm sure Lord Faptaguise would enjoy seeing you burn alive to death. Take him away." The guard takes Liam away before the leader guard commands his fellow guard. "And you, close the prison doors."
"Dude, this is a UNIX system. I don't know this." The guard shrugs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, at the Torturitorium, Liam hangs above a pool of acid.
"Well, if it isn't Liam," Faptaguise greets Liam.
"It is—"
"Of One Direction." Faptaguise continues.
"It is Liam of One Direction." Liam assures.
"Well, not for long!"
"Oh, for long and longer. You'll never dip me in a pit of acid Faptaguise. I have powerful friends!" Liam shouts.
"Ha! You mean like this one?" April shoves Harry who's tied up as well.
"Harry!"
"Liam!" Harry looks up at the older boy.
"Well, if it isn't Harry." Faptaguise greets Harry.
"It is." The two boys chorused.
"Well done, May." Faptaguise compliments the success of April, who turns out to be May after all.
"May? I thought your name was June?"
"April."
"Whatever."
"Yes it's true. My name is May and I am Lord Faptaguise's henchwoman sent to capture you." She tells the Cheshire boy.
"You liar!" Harry accuses May.
"No, I really do work for him."
"No, I don't mean you lying right now. I just mean, you know, generally."
"Oh, okay." May avoids Harry's eyes.
"Okay." Harry does, too.
"Okay, tie him up and hang him from the ceiling as well." Faptaguise commands the guard. "He and his friend can burn in the pit of acid together. Oh but frisk him first, make sure he doesn't—well, actually, let me do it." Faptaguise scurries over to Harry and frisks him. "Ehehehehe mmm hehehe!"
"Oh, Faptaguise. I just not got that." Liam whispers to himself.
"Any weapons on him?" The guard asks his boss.
"No, just this taco. Dispose of this!" He holds out the taco and orders the guard.
"Yes, my lord."
"But I bought that for him." May tells her boss.
"Shut up May, no one likes you." Faptaguise rudely tells May.
"Oh, I'm now beginning to question my allegiance. I am a villian, but Harry is so sweet and Faptaguise is a total jerkface. I'm so confused!" She tells herself as she holds the back of her hand to her forehead.
The guard walks over to the garbage disposal and throws the taco. "Noooo!" Harry exclaims, while Niall and Zayn hear his voice.
"You hear that? Sounds like Liam and Harry are in trouble!" Niall tells Zayn.
"You hear that?" Not long after, the taco, which was disposed by the guard, fell down on some random plate.
"Ooh, yummy. I haven't eaten all day." Niall's eyes twinkly in the sight of food.
"You hear that?" Zayn repeats.
The two lads both hear nose-blowing, snot-sliming, throat-throwing noises before a filthy tissue full of snot falls into the taco.
"Well, I'm not eating that." Niall tells Zayn.
"Yeah, I hear that."
"Lower them in!" Faptaguise orders the guard. "Now you will meet your doom. And once the Wrathosphere passes through the dimensional gate, Earth will never see its precious little pussycats again!"
"I don't think so!" Louis breaks inside the Torturitorium with the pussy magnet.
"Louis!" Harry exclaims.
"Harry!"
"Louis!"
"Liam!"
"Louis!"
"Who are you?"
"May."
"May!"
"Louis!"
"Harr—hey, you already got one."
"Hmph." Harry ruffles his brows.
"Harry!" Louis sighs while the cheeky boy lightens with a smile. "And as for me, I got a pussy magnet!"
"Yes!" The two lads hanging from the ceiling chorused.
"No!" Faptaguise and the guard exclaim in unison.
"Maybe. I am questioning my allegiance I'm so confused." May holds out her hand again to her forehead.
"Here goes." Louis clears his throat before holding the mic to his mouth. "When she was just seventeen. You know, what I mean. And the way she looked was way beyond compare." The lights start to light one by one. "So how could I dance with another? Whoo!" All the lights turn red and eventually, turn off. Louis clears his throat before trying to reach that high note. "Whoo! I can't hit that high note. Whoo!"
"Seize him!" Faptaguise orders the guard before he takes him away.
"Nooo!" Harry exclaims once again, causing Niall and Zayn to hear this.
"Man, they really need our help up there." Niall says.
"But the only way out is up. How do we get up there?" Zayn asks the Irish.
"Well, there's this old skateboard here," Niall picks up a black skateboard with a skull on it. "And I could pick up some speed going down this hill of rubbish." He scans the pile. "If only we had some sort of ramp." Niall's eyes roll and land on Zayn's big black quiff, giving him an idea.
"What?" Zayn raises his eyebrows.
"Ready?" Niall asks Zayn who was sitting in front of the hill of rubbish. Niall's on top of the pile with the skateboard and taco.
"Yeah." Zayn furrows his brows.
"One, two, three!" He rides his skateboard down the hill of rubbish and lands on Zayn's quiff. He shoots out the garbage shoot and into mid-air where Liam and Harry was hung on. "Harry, catch!"
Niall throws the taco and Harry catches it with his mouth. Being Harry's source of strength, his muscles grow, ripping the rope tied around him. He lands safely on the ground before punching the guard who was holding Louis into the acid pit.
"Thanks Harry!" A smile plays on Louis' lips.
"No sweat. Now, how do you work this pussy magnet?" Harry asks the older boy.
"It's supposed to be activated by a series of tones. Hitting the high note at the end is the key. But if anyone can do it, Harry, you can."
"Aww, Louis."
"I mean it."
"And I mean it when I say," he holds the mic to his lips and is about to start singing. "Can we fall one more time? Stop the tape, and rewind." The bulbs begin to light one by one.
"Harry I think it's working. Keep going!" Louis cheers his best mate.
"Oh, and if you walk away, I know I'll fade. 'Cause there is nobody else. It's gotta be you! You!" He clears his mouth before attempting to reach that high note. "Y-y-you!"
"Oh no, Harry, you almost had it!"
"I can't hit that high note."
"Haha! You have failed! The pussycats are mine!" Faptaguise rejoices.
"Louis, hit me in the balls." Harry tells the older boy.
"What?"
"Hit me in the balls." He repeats himself.
"No, Harry I—"
"I can't be a pussy magnet without you. Hit me in the balls!" Harry orders the Don Caster lad.
"Harry, I only hit you in the balls when you deserve it. You know, like when you make an awful pun or something." Louis tells Harry before a smirk grows on his face.
"Hey, what do you call a Spanish toilet that weighs two thousand tons? El-ton John!" He flashes him another wide grin before Louis finally kicks his balls.
"Youuuuu!" All the bulbs in the pussy magnet lights up while the magnet gives off sparks.
"Harry, it's working!" Niall says.
"Only youu!" The cats are slowly being attracted by the magnet and finally sticking to it. "It's gotta be you!"
"Harry! You did it!" Louis praises the cheeky boy with a wide grin on his face.
"We did it." He turns and faces Niall. "Niall, get Liam down and let's get out of here."
"I don't think so!" Harry turns around to find out Faptaguise is pointing a gun at him and is about to shoot him until May knocks him out.
"April,"
"May."
"May, you did that for me?"
"Yes, I had to. Once you go Harry, you don't go.. Y-y-you don't—you don't go.." She looks up the ceiling, looking for a statement to complete what she started.
"Well you work on that, bye!" Harry trails off.
"Bye." April bids.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, after a long and tiring day, the four lads are back in the same restaurant.
"By George, we did it lads!" Liam praises them all.
"And Harry you really hit that high note. Didn't he Molly?" Louis makes face to the cat who was sitting motionlessly on the table.
"Dusty. And I couldn't have gotten that high without you. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that, I get high with a little help from my friends."
"Aww.." Niall and Liam chorused.
"I thought that song was about drugs though."
"Sshh—Achoo!" Harry covers his mouth while he had sneezed.
"Are you coming down with something?" Liam asks the curly boy with concern.
"Yeah, I think it was that taco."
"Oh yeah, someone's snot rag was all over that taco. Plus it was on a pile of rubbish." Niall informs them with a smile. "There's no telling what you'll come down with."
"More like, One Infection." Louis jokes as everyone laughs before Harry falls to the ground, unconscious.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meanwhile, the poor Bradford boy was left in the garbage chute, still sitting.
"Hello?" He asks generally.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, finally it's done. If there are any errors or typos, my apologies. I just listened to the video and transcribed it. lol. Thanks. xxx
(c) Mark Alan Parsons
(c) LiamJamesPayne