There was a lovely quietness in my bedroom, something I'd never experienced before. Jordan and I would drift back to sleep after a few minutes of talk, lovemaking or merely staring quietly into each other's eyes in the darkness of my apartment. It was very intimate, a bit scary to be honest, but it fit into the kind of relationship we were building: he would push, I would kick and curse, eventually melt into a puddle of hormones and that was it. I guess that's what people usually call compromise.
"How many tattoos do you have?" I asked him, as we both lay on our sides, me caressing his tattooed pecs, him caressing my naked back.
"I stopped counting after number... twenty-five? I think that was it" He shrugged.
"Twenty-five?!" I gasped, looking up and down at his naked chest "How can you stand the pain?"
"It's nothing." He shrugged again, but winced "Well, actually, the ones on my ribs hurt like a mother fucker."
"Ah... my poet!" We both chuckled "How about your arms?"
"Nah, was good. Ribs, back of the knee and shoulder blade. I almost cried." He winced, and I chuckled "You know... If you would let me, I would love to tattoo something really small and classy right here." He touched my shoulder blade "You would look like such a sexy badass."
"Well, if you would let me, I would put a tiny elegant tie on you" I scowled.
"Ah, touché." He chuckled, kissing the tip of my nose. "I still believe you will let me do it, one day."
"I wouldn't hold my breath, if I were you" I smiled, patting his peck.
"Can't be worse than labour," He joked.
"Don't joke. I'm having nightmares about that." I trembled "Do you know that some women pee and defecate during labour? I'm not ready for that!"
"Hum." Jordan blushed "Then my advice would be not to eat for a full twenty-four hours before you deliver that baby."
"Don't be an ass." I chuckled with him "I mean, I don't feel ready for anything baby related. I haven't baby-proofed the apartment, I don't have a baby room, a crib or anything! A diaper changer or... I don't even know what they're called."
"We have close to seven months to figure every detail, down to the colours of the room, to names... Hell, we'll pick his college if that makes you happy"
"Or her college" I snorted.
"Ma'am, I'm a Marshall. We Marshalls breed males only" He played.
"Do you have any names? I mean" I quickly mumbled, embarrassed "have you thought about any baby names at all?"
"I have... given it some thought" He admitted, and rubbed his head with embarrassment.
"Oh, share!" I giggled, sitting on the bed and pulling the sheet to cover myself, "I haven't thought about anything baby related."
"Nah, you're gonna hate the names" He grunted, lying on his back and crossing his arms under his head.
"Oh, come one!" I begged "Why would I hate it?!"
"Because they're not fancy names like Violet or Benjamin" He shrugged, pouting.
"Come on, tell me!" I pouted as well, lying over his chest and batting my lashes at him "Please?"
"Alright..." He sighed, caressing my naked back "For a boy I have a couple. I like Jett, Colt and Axl."
"Oh, dear God!" I snorted into laughter.
"See, I knew you would hate it" He grunted, feeling embarrassed.
"I don't." I promised "I was just imagining my stuck up dad calling little Axl to dinner!"
He joined me into laughter, as he kept his hands on my back.
"So I take it you haven't thought about any baby girl names, then" I put in.
"Well, although it's a long shot... I have." He shrugged "You know, just in case. Julie."
We were quiet for a little bit, him looking into my ceiling, and me into his rough features turning soft.
"Julie..." I smiled "I like it... It's beautiful. Too bad we're stuck with Axl Colt!"
We laughed, turning on the bed. He gave me a long soft kiss, caressing my back and relaxing all my muscles.
"So... Your dad wants to meet your boyfriend" He crocked a brow.
"Yeah... He assumed I had one since I'm pregnant. And... I didn't deny it" I winced.
"So, are we saying we are a couple, then?" He crocked his brow deeper.
"God, I hate this..." I moaned, rubbing my eyes "Look, I don't like this pressure, having a baby is enough pressure as it is at the moment."
"No pressure. I want to be with you." He shrugged, caressing my hair behind my ear, "You clearly want me to be your boyfriend, so...!"
I pinched his belly, which made him squeal in a very un-manly sound.
"Let's just get on with it, ok?" He shrugged, caressing my lower back "We have plenty of time to sort the details out. I mean, nine months is a long time, isn't it?"
"Well, you would think, wouldn't you?" I sighed, enjoying his soft caresses on my lower back "Look, I just want to put it out there: my dad is really pushy, he will want to know what you do for a living, what your plans are to support this child, everything down to what college we're gonna send the baby to."
"Right, I see the type." He chuckled, kissing the tip of my nose, "It's an older version of you."
"You're making jokes now, we'll see what you think about it tomorrow" I snorted.
***
We stood by the front door of my dad's massive house, and I couldn't help shaking from head to toe. It was a hot as hell summer day, and it felt like I was covered in a layer of ice. Jordan's hand rested on the base of my spine, and I had to be grateful because that was the only part of my body that actually felt warm.
"You need to relax." He warned as a maid opened the door for us and let us in "Fancy!"
"Sweetheart!"
Benjamin Conrad's smile was the size of the world as he came down the massive staircase. He looked at us and his big smile and arms spread wide dropped to a tense moment of awkward silence as he eyed Jordan up and down.
"Who the hell is this?" He tossed, pointing at Jordan like he was a vase.
"Dad" I started, cleaning my throat and shaking "this is Jordan. M-m-my boyfriend."
My dad's face turned bright red like he was about to have a coronary heart attack.
"Is this a joke?" He tried to chuckle "It is, isn't it?"
"Dad..." I warned, feeling Jordan get tense.
"You're the one." Benjamin snapped, his top lip sneered "You. He looks like that Charles Manson guy from TV!"
Oh boy...
"Dad, can we sit down and have lunch? Let's sit and talk, all of us" I offered, trying to smile, and the two men eyed each other with sneers.
"It's obvious I'm not welcome" Jordan tossed, not taking his eyes off my dad.
"You sure as hell are not! What were you in for? Grand theft auto? Armed robbery? Definitely something exciting like that!" My dad grunted.
"Dad!" I yelled.
"No, sir. Contrary to men like you, I don't steal from the less fortunate" Jordan grunted himself.
"How dare you, you-"
The two of them started to argue back and forth, words were said, fingers were pointed, and all the while I was stuck in the middle of the two men of my life, not knowing what to do. Ok, I was a regional manager, I've dealt with big fights that turned nasty, and I always managed to resolve them.
"Alright, shut up you two." I snapped, pushing both of them away from each other - their noses were almost touching at this point. "Jordan, this will be the grandfather of our baby; he's tough and hard to love, but you will learn." I turned to my dad and he gaped at me, offended "Dad, he's the father of your grandchild; you will get to know him and you will respect him. No, no!" My hands were up as both of them started to argue again "This is non-negotiable. This is my baby, and I'm not raising it in the middle of all of this. Either you two learn to respect each other, or I will set up a whole bunch of rules."
They both turned their backs, Jordan going out of the house, and Dad going towards the hallway, to his office. Who to follow?
"Dad." I called from the front door "He's a really great guy."
"I can't believe that's who you've chosen. Your mother would have been so disappointed" He muttered, stabbing my heart before he got into his office.
I went out to follow Jordan into my car. I fought back the tears, which was really hard because of all the hormones. Jordan was surprised to see me there, which wasn't great for me - did he have that little faith in me?
"You look awful." He sighed, grabbing my hand and kissing it "Was he nasty to you before I left?"
Yes.
"No, it's fine." I lied, shrugging "Look, I know he can be... difficult" I shrugged.
"Hey." He suddenly smiled "Tell you what, let's go back to my flat and I'll make you some lunch - all pregnant lady friendly."
I smiled a bit, and he leaned down to kiss me softly.
"Babe, I'm here for you, ok?" He promised.
"I know." I nodded, looking down at my lap "I just have to deal with the fact that... my dad is just a bit... judgmental." I sighed "Will you really make me lunch? I'm starving."
"Anything you want." He chuckled, getting the car on the road "He'll come around... I hope..."
***
"Wow." Eva winced, as she sat in my office back at work "That's really hurtful... Your dad can be a real piece of work. Have you spoken to him?"
I looked out my massive windows towards the busy and sunny Miami as I heard Eva. Dad and I hadn't spoken for a few days, and I was definitely getting worried. What do you do when the last person in your family doesn't approve of the person you've chosen to... have a baby with? Ok, maybe I hadn't chosen this, but it had happened and... that was that. Jordan was in this, and there was no turning back.
"No. I'll give him some time, I guess" I shrugged.
"You two are so passive aggressive" Eva snorted, shaking her head.
"That's family," I smiled.
"Violet, that's not family." Eva frowned, taking my hand over my big desk "You and your dad have been through a traumatic experience in your lives, but it's been over fifteen years, sweetheart. He can't put shackles on you for the rest of your life, and keep you from living."
"He hasn't." I defended my dad "I'm fine."
"Clearly." She snorted "Babe, you're crushing on your baby daddy, and you're feeling guilty about it! That's not healthy."
"I don't want to talk about my dad anymore if that's ok" I grunted, my back turning as straight as a fork.
"Ok... fair enough. So, how's the little one?" Eva smiled at my bump.
"Healthy." I grinned, caressing my belly. "We have an appointment in a couple of weeks, but everything looks fine at this point."
"And... How's daddy?" She wiggled her brows.
"Good." I smiled, and she shrieked when she saw me blush "We're... trying. For the baby."
"Riiiight! So, you're telling me you're having hot sex with that little piece of sin for the baby?!"
"It's the practical thing to do" I shrugged, looking down at my desktop.
"Sweetheart, just be honest: you're gaga for him, and he is definitely crazy about you. In a twisted way, you two actually look great together. He's good for you, to loosen up and actually enjoy life!"
"He does make me do things I wouldn't" I shrugged, feeling my belly flutter.
"Oh, girl, you're so gaga!" Eva giggled "Right, how about we go out for dinner, the two of us, sometime this week?"
"Definitely." I agreed, "Let me just check my diary," I lied.
"A diary named Jordan?" She grinned "OMG, you're so into him!" She added when she saw me blush.
***
Jordan's tattoo studio was such a cool place in the city - tattoos were not my thing, but I've known celebrities like musicians and such had popped by and gotten a tattoo off him. Apparently, they were the best around, and people would travel miles and miles just to get Jordan Marshall to ink them. I walked into the shop in the afternoon just after work, expecting to make him a surprise visit - and, honestly, to get some support.
"Hey, mama!" Rocco greeted me as soon as I walked in "Looking great! Jesus, your bump is getting big! How far along are you?"
"About ten weeks now." I smiled, caressing my tiny bump "I'm just starting, really."
"So you're still a nice pregnant woman." Rocco grinned; at my confused face he elaborated "My sister, she was mean when she was pregnant with my nephew. I mean, sure, she was delighted and glowing at first... I think it was about... Maybe around month 5 or 6... She turned evil."
"Ignore him." Stella laughed as she came from her little corner. "He can't take too much personality."
"Is that right? Then what am I doing with you?" He grinned at his girlfriend and pinched her butt when she sashayed his way.
"He's in the back, checking stock" Stella jerked her thumb at the door next to the toilets.
I followed to the storage room and heard Jordan's voice in the very back, humming some song with his baritone voice. I chuckled to myself as I saw his massive thighs and back swaying side to side as he checked the inventory of ink, a tablet in his hands. I pressed my hands to his back and kissed the back of his neck, making him both shiver and jerk in surprise.
"Bloody hell, woman, I could've punched you by mistake." He gasped, turning to put an arm around my waist and kiss my lips "How is mommy doing?"
"Fine. Tired today, to be honest. I actually got out of work earlier, I thought why not have an early night in?"
"You thought right. I'm proud of you." He jokingly stroked my head, like the good girl I was "Wanna have dinner and a movie at your apartment?"
"Oh, yes, please. Will you cook for me again?" I showed him my best smile.
"Honey, you've got me wrapped around your little finger." He kissed the top of said finger and bit it afterwards "So, you're tired. Anything to do with pops?"
"Hum... It might." I had to admit, leaning into the cabinet behind me, as he continued to check his inventory "He hasn't reached out to me yet. I'm starting to worry..."
"It's been over a week. Do you think he's just being stubborn, or..."
Jordan didn't finish that thought, probably because he didn't want to hurt me with the thought of my baby's grandfather hating my baby's daddy. Jordan thought I respected and needed my dad more than anyone else - he was not mistaken.
"Or. Definitely, or." I sighed, pressing the tips of my fingers to my eyes "Nevermind, he'll have to come around... Eventually."
"Baby..." He sighed, putting the tablet down to stroke my shoulders "Do you want me to go and have a word with him?"
"No, no. Leave it; it's best to let him stew about it, and when he's ready, he'll come to us."
"Sounds like you're talking about an abandoned pet" He smiled, tense.
"He's just not used to having to share my attention and affection. You have to understand, it's been just the two of us for... God, over fifteen years."
Jordan sighed and put his arms around me. He whispered sweet words in my ear, caressing my back. How had I turned from being a self-sufficient single woman to a needy baby momma? God, I hated hormones. Could this be only hormones? And... After I had the baby... would it go away? Just vanished with all these feelings I got around my stomach and my heart? The flutter, the butterflies, the need for a hug and a kiss every time he was near?
God... I didn't even know if I wished for that to happen or not to happen. Sure, it was easier to wish for it to happen, as we would only need to see each other for the baby, there would be no obligation than for the baby. Whereas... If it didn't go away... What would I do, God?! Clearly, Jordan wasn't Dad's favourite person, and he wasn't happy that his very first grandson was, in fact, a bastard, and that the dad was the last person he would've approved of.
"I know he still shouldn't act the way he does. I mean, I'm not excusing his... prejudiced ways." I explained to him, rubbing my forehead "I just... need you to understand-"
"You're the last family he has. You and that little baby in there." He caressed the bump, so tenderly that all my fears seemed to dissipate in that single moment "The last thing I want is to get in the middle of you. Still... you two are my family, too."
I bit my lip at that. Family... were we family, now? A happy family, just starting our lives together? How did this all happen so fast?!
"Look... give him time. He'll come around, ok?"
I nodded, trying to smile a bit. Jordan's side smile was soft and tender. He lowered his lips down to my forehead, then my nose. I felt my belly clench, my toes curl, and my knees wobble. I turned my face up and kissed him hard. He seemed taken aback, as he grabbed me by my waist. He tried to mumble something about 'You're pregnant, this is not safe', or something else along those lines. I ignored him, pulling his t-shirt over his head and moaning at the sight of his muscled belly and pecs.
"You make my hormones crazy, you know that?" I whispered to his lips.
"Yeah, I-I-I know what you mean" He muttered back, trying to breathe around my lips.
I pushed him to the shelves behind him, not taking my lips off of his. He moaned and fought with my blazer and white shirt. He whispered the sweetest things to my ear, as we undressed each other. He suddenly stopped and ran to lock the door. Jordan quickly came back to put his hands on me, devouring me, in lack of a better word.
We were passionate and crazy, trying to be as quiet as we could manage. He was so strong he could pick me up in his arms and make love to me in the darkness of the tiny inventory cabinet. His warm body made me feel safe, loved and capable of doing the most amazing things in life. It felt like I drew energy and strength out of him, and that he was happy to be my charger.
"Feeling better?" He whispered as the waves of our climax rushed through my body.
My breathing was rugged, my hands clasping his muscled shoulders. He kissed my neck and dropped me from his lap. Helping me get dressed, Jordan was very quiet and barely looked me in the eye. Once we were both dressed as before, he grabbed my face and turned it up, making me look at him. His eyes were soft and worried.
"I'm here for you." He promised again, "And I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, I promise."
I only nodded, my lower lip quivering with emotion. He pulled me to his embrace and let me cry in silence there, on his pecs, listening to his fast-paced heartbeat. The sound was reassuring and felt like home. Maybe this was the beginning of my new life: me, the baby and the baby daddy.