Though I know he hadn't asked for me to come over, I just needed to talk to Shayne in person rather than on the phone. As much as it would be easier to just be on the phone, I wasn't ready to go home yet. I didn't want to stay out in my car and I didn't want to go to Tristan's after all this had happened. All Tristan would say was that he told me not to say anything and look where it got me; a dead relationship.
I don't regret pushing him, arguing with him, yelling at him, and even throwing those damn roses at him. He needed to hear all of this, but the one thing I do regret telling him is that our relationship was dead. Even though it's true, he didn't need to hear it in such a harsh way. I just couldn't keep him thinking that our relationship is fine when it hasn't been and it still isn't. Even with the million roses that he gives me, it's not enough.
I need him; not the roses.
I needed the guy who smiled at me every morning when I first woke up. I needed the guy who use to take showers with me and laugh as we struggled to fit in our tiny shower. I needed the guy who made me dinner every single night even when he was too tired from doing a shoot all day and who made sure that even with his vegan food, he'd make me something that I'd like. Where was that Anthony Padilla? Where was the man that I fell in love with?
To think back to previous relationships, I never fell in love with a guy as hard as I had fallen for Anthony. He was the greatest guy I had ever gotten with and I was absolutely grateful for him, but this past half year hasn't been the same. He hasn't been the same and it's all because of his unhappiness at Smosh. He couldn't deal with change and he kept living in the past, but I couldn't say much because I've been living in the past and hoping our relationship would go back.
It hasn't.
Tears kept going down my face and I stopped at a red light to check my phone that had the picture of Anthony and I. Why did he have to leave Smosh and why couldn't he have told me? I know we have had our problems and it has always crossed my mind that I've stayed with him because of work, but I never would've left him after having our problems. I would've left him because of him not talking about our problems. I needed him to admit that we had problems and that we could talk through it.
But that still hasn't happened.
I pulled up to Shayne's apartment building and parked in the parking lot. I took my keys out and wiped my eyes while taking deep, heavy breaths. Doing this was unlike me. I wasn't normally the type to just show up all of a sudden without calling first or even just planning it. I just didn't want him to hear me cry on the phone and worry about me. It still surprises me how much that man cares about me after everything we have been through.
After one deep breath, I opened my door and left my phone in my car. I had no use for it and I already knew that if I brought it with me, Shayne and I would have to hear the constant calls from Anthony, Boze, and Tristan. Plus, my phone was going to die soon anyway and I didn't want to worry about charging it. I shut the door behind me and started walking towards the front of the building.
I opened the door and started walking up the stairs. It's a damn shame that they don't have an elevator in his apartment building. They really should because lazy people like myself don't want to walk up all these stairs, especially people who live at the top floors. I couldn't even imagine a pregnant woman walking up these stairs. I placed my hand on my stomach and shook my head.
Guess I can imagine.
I finally made it to Shayne's floor and opened the door to walk into the hallway. It really surprised me that Shayne wasn't hanging out with Damien today and apart of me wondered why Damien was still at work while Shayne was not. Just the way he looked at me when I left hurt only because he looked with concern in his eyes and I hated that. I hated to know how much people care for Anthony and I's situation, but I know where his heart is.
He's so precious, I swear. He deserves a great girl in his life.
I walked up to Shayne's front door and put my fist towards it, but hesitated. My thoughts started to get the best of me, but I pushed them back and knocked three times on his door. I ruffled my hand through my hair and took a deep breath as the door finally opened. "Ronnie, hey," Shayne answered with a slight smile, but he could tell by my expression something was wrong.
"Can I come in?" I asked as my voice started to crack and eyes started to instantly water again. He nodded and moved out of the way as I walked in. I walked into his kitchen and sat my keys down while he shut the door and followed me in there. "Anthony and I got into a fight again today."
"Why?" Shayne asked me. He crossed his arms and kept looking at me. "Ronnie, I can't bear to see you like this. What's happened?"
I started to nervously chuckle and I shook my head. "Why couldn't you tell me about Anthony quitting Smosh?" I asked him. "You obviously knew before anybody else and you didn't tell me."
"Veronica, I couldn't. Anthony didn't want me saying anything because he knew I would," Shayne stated.
"Because you care about what Anthony says now? Makes sense I guess. You stopped talking to me," I pointed out.
"I had no choice, Veronica," Shayne said.
"You always have a fucking choice!" I yelled out. "Just because this is what Anthony wanted, what I want matters too."
"Oh now you want something?" Shayne asked me. I slight grinned out of anger and shook my head towards him. "That's a first, isn't it?"
"I just don't understand why you couldn't fucking tell me," I said. "As much as you wanted to sit there and say how you care about my feelings, you didn't today when you found this shit out."
"Are you kidding me?" Shayne asked me. "I don't care about your feelings? How about I don't care about my own since I'm putting myself in this situation with you?" I looked at him with tears in my eyes and started to feel guilty. "How about I was trying to protect your feelings from getting hurt anymore than it has with pushing myself away so your choice wouldn't be any harder than it has been?"
"I didn't ask you to make that choice, Shayne!" I yelled out.
"What else did you expect me to do?" Shayne asked me. "Veronica, you and I both knew that this little fling wasn't going to last because you weren't ready to leave Anthony. You weren't ready to let go and what have you gain from staying with him? Crying to someone who has been there for you since we first met."
"Can I ask you something, Shayne?" I asked him. He looked at me and slowly nodded his head to respond. "You've been in love before, haven't you?"
"Ronnie..."
"Hear me out, Shayne," I said to him. "You were in love with Frankie, weren't you?" He wasn't looking at me now, but he slowly nodded his head. "How hard was it for you to leave her? I understand she cheated on you and that probably made it a little bit easier for you to leave, but wasn't it hard to make that choice?"
He sighed and looked at me. "Of course it was hard for me. I almost chose not to do it," Shayne replied. "I loved Frankie and I loved the type of person she was, but when she cheated on me, I was heartbroken. I just couldn't imagine someone like her cheat on somebody, but that was the choice she made and I hated her for it but at the same time, I still loved her."
"That's my point, Shayne," I said to him. "I love that asshole and I hate myself everyday for it. This isn't one of those relationships that I can just ask somebody to end things for me. I have to do it myself, but I just can't physically can't. I can't get myself to do it." I started to tear up again. "Then I find out from fucking Joven today that Anthony is quitting and how everybody else fucking knew, but did I know? No, I didn't. Because I get made to look like a fucking idiot every time."
"You're not a fucking idiot, Ronnie!" Shayne yelled out. "I wasn't able to tell you."
"You were though! God, out of all the shit you and I have done behind Anthony's back, this is something I would expect you to do. To tell me this so you'll get what you finally wanted which is to get me all to yourself," I stated.
"Screw off, Ronnie," he said to me. I walked up to him and pushed him back, but he barely moved.
"Fuck you, Shayne!" I yelled out. I pushed him again and he just looked away from me. "You tell me what I'm suppose to do! If you've been there for me since day one, tell me what I'm suppose to fucking do!" I kept pushing him and he kept trying to grab my arms to stop me since I instantly started punching at his chest. "You got me into this fucking mess, tell me how to fucking get out of it!" He finally grabbed a hold of me and wrapped his arms around me.
My arms were still on his chest and though I was trying to still get out of his grip, he still embraced me and I instantly started crying into Shayne's chest. His hands gently touched my back and he rested his cheek on my head. I didn't think I could cry this much and I didn't think my heart would hurt this bad. I've ruined so much around me and I couldn't stop anything about it.
"I'm so sorry, Shayne," I mumbled into his chest. "I-I-"
"Shhh," Shayne said. He kissed my head and rested his chin on my head right after. "Don't worry about it, Ronnie. You're just upset after everything that's happened today."
I sniffled and started to pull away from him. "Yeah, well, there's also something else," I said as I started to wipe my eyes. I took a deep breath and looked at him. "Do you remember if we were protected at all that first night we had sex?"
"Yeah, I remember. We hadn't since we were both in the moment. Why do yo-" It really took me by surprise that it didn't click to him right away, but it finally did and he didn't look as surprised as I thought he would be. "How do you know for sure?"
"I don't," I said to him. "All I know is that I got sick in my office today and I'm close to missing my period. I don't want you to freak out since I'm not so sure but I just thought you should know since there's a chance I am."
He nodded his head and looked at me. "Obviously I'm not going anywhere," he said to me. "You can't get rid of me that easily, doll face." I smiled and chuckled as I looked down at the floor. "Now that all of this is out of the way, I'm going to get Netflix set up in my living room and get us a few snacks and a blanket. I know you aren't ready to leave here yet and I'm not asking you to. You can stay as long as you need too. I just need to be a good host."
I chuckled and slowly started walking over to him. "You already are a good host, and you're an even better person. I'm so glad to have you in my life, Shayne," I said to him as my voice cracked. He had his arm out and I went in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around me once again and I laid my head on his chest. "You mean so much to me." He kissed my head and pulled me in tighter.
Shayne
As the third movie finally ended, I looked at the time on my phone to see it was eleven at night. Veronica and I had watched any stupid horror movie we could find on Netflix (which there was a lot) while eating popcorn and just talking. We talked about how our past relationships were, how we were raised, and just kept joking around as the movies were on, but during the last movie, Veronica started to doze off.
When I looked down, she was tucked into my chest with the blanket slightly falling off of her, but was fast asleep. I smiled slightly and grabbed my remote to turn the tv off. I slowly started to hold Veronica to lay her down gently as I was sliding to the other side of the couch. Her body gently laid on the couch and I got up to grab the blanket off the floor to lay it on her.
I made sure to cover her whole body up since the living room was pretty cold and I kneeled down next to her. I placed my hand on her head and slowly brushed my hands against her head and through her hair. She's been through so much and I do blame myself for half of it, but it's hard to let someone like her be so sad half the time because of her relationship with Anthony. She deserves to be happy.
I kissed her forehead and sat myself up from kneeling and I started making my way to my bedroom. It's been a long day and even a long night and all I was wanting to do was go to bed. I turned my light on and I took my jean jacket off and instantly threw it on the floor. I grabbed my necklace and put it underneath my shirt while I took my shirt off and threw it right next to my jean jacket.
I walked to the bathroom and turned my light on to get ready to brush my teeth. I rinsed my tooth brush, put tooth paste on it, and rinsed it again and as I was brushing my teeth, I kept thinking about what Veronica had said to me earlier. The thought of me being a dad was weird since I still act like a child, but the thought of Veronica and I being parents, it wasn't a bad thought.
I know how she is with kids since Smosh has been around kids a lot and I know she would be a great mom, but I worry about how we would be if she is pregnant. Would she still be with Anthony after this whole thing or would she leave him and we try to make this work? With whatever choice she makes, I still want to be there for her. After our talk and after our little Netflix moment, I felt like we haven't been this close before. I didn't know if it was because of the thought of a baby or because her relationship with Anthony was dying, but I loved having her back.
I rinsed my brush and grabbed the cup that sat on my sink. I filled it up and put the water in my mouth while spitting it out instantly. I sat the cup and toothbrush down and started walking out of my bathroom, but something caught my eye as I walked out. "Veronica, hey," I said to her. She was standing in the doorway of my bedroom door and was looking at me. "I didn't want to wake you."
"I didn't expect you to leave," she said as she had her arms crossed and she just looked at me with this sad, innocent look.
I slowly started walking over to her. "I'm here, Ronnie," I said to her. "I'm not going anywhere." She smiled and started walking towards me too. We stood in front of each other and I placed my hand on her cheek and slightly brushed my thumb on her.
"I'm not stopping you," she said to me with a smile. It reminded me of what I said to her the second time we had sex because I knew she didn't want it to stop. All I could do was slowly lean in and kiss her. She smiled into the kiss and we slowly started kissing back and forth; something that her and I weren't use too. We never kissed slowly since every time we had sex, it was forceful and just in the moment.
It was different now.
She started slipping off her cardigan and I put my hands on her hips and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist and giggled as I laid her on the bed and I was on top of her, but my body wasn't on her just in case there was a baby in her. She put her hand through my hair and smiled at me. "You never fail to amaze me, Shayne," she said. I smiled and we both kissed once again.