Era/time period: Many centuries after the last WoF book
Ok
Name: Bog
A simple, but lovely name. I haven't seen it before, so good job (but then, I don't see MudWings very often either)
Also, when I was typing out his name for the title I almost put "Bob".
Age: about 35 years
Lovely
Gender: male
Even lovelier
Sexuality: asexual biromantic
The loveliest
Tribe: MudWing
Can it get lovelier?
Abilities: can breath fire and hold breath for up to an hour (regular MudWing stuff lol)
Apparently it can
Rank: Guardian (in backstory)
I have not seen Guardian as a rank, ever. I am very curious. And this is very creative.
Appearance: Bog is like any other MudWing, big and burly. He has dark twang scales with honey colored eyes, one of which is gone. His body has a few missing scales which makes him a bit weak if you manages to hit them. His wing membranes are lighter than his main body, with dark nearly black claws.
I love his appearance. Does he wear any accessories, or maybe does he carry around some sort of weapon? He looks like the kind of guy that would carry around a weapon just in case. It also sort of seems like he's missing something.... Maybe you could describe his height and width with a little more detail? Is he a bit chubby? Does he have any underscales or undertones?
Personality: He's quite and often times found staring off into the world. He's though of strange from him saying little but holding so much emotion in his eyes. He's grumpy when you bother him during the night. His emotions can switch from on to another with one wrong move.
This tells me quite a bit of nothing.
Is he generally mean? Is he usually kind or generous? Maybe he's sensitive? I'm not really given description of what he's like on normal circumstances.
Backstory: He grew up to a small family of three MudWings.
What? MudWings usually have at least twice as many eggs... is there a reasonable explanation for this?
Being the big wings of his family life was easy and simple. Keeping resistance in the kingdom only leaving for simple trips with his sisters, Delta and Lilypad.
I really like how simple yet nice names these are.
Later in life they met a lonely male and with such a small group of them they allowed him to join their sibling group. He explained how his siblings had fallen ill and left him to go and die. This deeply troubled Bog as it was a bigwings nature to never leave their sibs. For the next years Bog, Delta, Lilypad and Alligator grew closer. Later on the war between the IceWings and SkyWings began. The MudWings stayed away from the war until the other tribes began to join together. Joining the SkyWings Bog was forced into war with his siblings. As they fought their first battle they barely made it out alive Lilypad suffered from behind shot with frostbreath one of her limbs had to be taken off in order to save her. She was the first sibling to die. She died from loss of blood as they were unable to take off her limb safely. They went into another battle this time Alligator and Delta both perished. Bog was left on his own to fight, loosing an eye that day he said his finally goodbye to his adopted brother and younger sister. He never made it back to the Mud kingdom. He joined The Forsaken, a group similar to the Talons of Peace and later had a short period where he didn't trust anyone. After he healed his internal wounds of war he was entrusted into a group of guardians. Their names were Sunlight a RainWing, Python a SandWing, and Destinyseer a NightWing. These groups were created to watch over dragonets brought into the group so the war wouldn't kill them. They soon found five eggs and raised them. (I'm writing a story for the plot of the eggs also sorry this is so long)
Don't apologize. I really like long backstories.
Overall, I really like his backstory. It's a pretty good one. Maybe I'm wondering how they found the eggs, and how they plan to watch over these dragonets, and the details, but for the most part it's a pretty well-made backstory.
I do have a suggestion, though: Perhaps The Forsaken could have more guardians? They were created to watch over dragonets so they wouldn't die in the war, right? Wouldn't there be lots of dragonets to watch over, if that's the purpose? I feel like there should be more guardians. Or maybe The Forsaken is a small group that has only just been created, which is fine, but make sure there's more guardians to come in the future.
On another note, perhaps change the name "The Forsaken"? It's not a bad name, but it seems rather extreme for a group that was literally created to help out dragonets in the war.
On an entirely separate note, nothing seems to happen before the whole war thing. No adventures, no anything. That part of the story seems missing, and it shouldn't be.
Residence: He lives in a maze-like cavern with Sunlight, Destinyseer and Python along with the six dragonets (one of the eggs had twins). The cave is located near the SeaWing and RainWing border further away/ down the mountain from where The Forsaken had set up their base.
YES! A permanent, sensible base! Please don't change this, ever.
Family & Friends: Mother and Father are both unknown
Makes sense, I guess. I assume they died somehow.
Sisters: Delta - a short limbed MudWing with dark hickory scales and blue eyes. She was very calm and collected.
Lilypad - she is pale in comparison to her siblings. Her pale grey eyes round and seem to be nearly popping from her face as if she was always exited. She had a very bubbly personality even up until her death.
Very sad deaths, I'd be sad too if my sister died
Adopted brother: Alligator - a simple chocolate brown MudWing with green markings throughout his body. His eyes also green as well.
I suggest giving him at least 1-2 more siblings.
Friends - Sunlight - usually a pale yellow and brown in coloring with her eyes naturally grey. She reminds him a lot of a mix between Lilypad and Delta so their relationship is more of a sibling like one.
Honestly, if my sister died and I had a friend who reminded me a lot of her, I would actually try and avoid that friend more because the more I'm near the friend the more I get reminded that my sister's gone forever.
Python - a pale yellow SandWing with a dark brown frill and barb. She's stubborn and often times bickering with Bog.
Python reminds me a lot of Tsunami.
Destinyseer - a very dark purple NightWing with silver teardrops besides her black eyes. She is quiet and weary. Bog usually is seen at her side consulting her for future readings knowing that she is usually willing to share them with him.
Sounds pretty good. Destinyseer's not a mind-reader, though, right?
Mate: N/A
mk
Crush: N/A
mk
Dragonets: while none of his own he considers the six as his dragonets.
D'awww.
My Rating:
8.9/10
Originality: 25/25 (This character is completely original)
Realism: 19/25 (1 point knocked off for the lack of siblings/explanation for lack of siblings, 2 points knocked off for the personality, 1 point knocked off for the appearance, 2 points knocked off for the backstory)
Interest: 20/25 (I'm very interested in this character)
Uniqueness: 25/25 (This character is very unique)
Comments:
Bog's an amazing character, and he's good fanfiction-material. I would love to read a fanfiction about/including him. Yeah.
Anyway, the main issues were the personality and backstory.