I had been talking to Carrie on and off for the last month, she had even went to a meeting with me and told me she was so proud of the progress I had made. I was proud of myself. The nightmares were almost completely gone. I only had them if I was overtired and hadn't slept. I found myself not needing Ronnie as much as I thought I did, but I still wanted him, still loved him.
I also knew that ship had sailed and he was officially in a relationship with some other woman. It was hard, even harder to see when they would be outside and I would run into them. He would always smile and be nice, but I could tell it was hard for him too.
"You know. I'm sure you could get him back if you wanted too." I turned around and looked at Carrie. I had been back at work for a couple weeks now and I couldn't be happier.
"I doubt it. He seems happy. I don't want to ruin anything for him. As long as he's happy, that's all that matters." I looked back at the menu I was working on.
"That is such bullshit. You two belong together. Don't you know that? Should he have left? No. But if he didn't, do you honestly think you would be where you are now? I don't. Maybe you should talk to him." I shook my head.
"I appreciate what you're trying to do but I'm not going to ruin what he has now. It's not right, Carrie. I don't want to talk about it or him anymore, ok?" She nodded and walked out. I just needed to move on, why couldn't she understand that? More importantly, why couldn't my heart?
I heard a commotion coming from the front counter and walked out to see what was going on. "You have a lot of nerve to show your face around here, Radke!" Stephanie yelled. "Do you have any idea how much you hurt her?" He nodded and looked at me as I walked out.
"Steph. Stop." I told her but she shook her head.
"No! He leaves you after what happened, when you needed him the most and then comes around now! Why?" She looked at him and shook her head.
"I just wanted to talk to Carrie." I felt a little disappointed that he wasn't even there for me. "I didn't know Sydney was back at work." He looked at me with sadness in his eyes.
"I'll get her for you." I turned and walked to her office. "Ronnie is here to talk to you." I didn't give her a chance to say anything before I turned to go into the kitchen.
******************
(Carrie's POV)
I walked out front and saw Ronnie standing there, wondering what he was even doing here. I motioned for him to follow me out front and he did. "What are you doing here?"
He ran his fingers through his hair and shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't know she was back. I just wanted to see if you had talked to her. I needed to know she's alright."
I shook my head and laughed. "Feeling guilty are you? Why the hell did you leave her? Do you know what you did? Instead of being there and letting her know you loved her no matter what, you just told her that she was right. That all this was her fault. You completely broke her heart and she still holds you on a fucking pedastol." He looked shocked.
"I told her over and over it wasn't her fault. I wanted to be with her, but she kept pushing me away. She acted like she wanted to be with me one minute, then like she wanted nothing to do with me. It broke my heart. I couldn't take it anymore." He started pacing and his hands were shaking.
"She's still in love with you, you know. I told her to talk to you about it. To tell you she wants a another chance." He looked at me and I saw hope in his eyes. "She refused. Told me that she didn't want to ruin what you have with your girlfriend. That you deserve to be happy too. I don't get her, really. If I was her, I would be pissed."
"She still loves me?" I nodded and he dropped his head. "I don't have a girlfriend. I broke it off with her. I still love Syd." I shook my head.
"Well, I hope you're happy with what you did to both of you. I dont feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for Syd. For all she went through before you and then during. I feel bad for the fact that she let you in and then you did this to her."
"I know I'm an ass, alright? I get it. I made a mistake." I stood there just looking at him.
"Then tell her that, not me." I walked back inside a slammed the door.
***************
"Come on, girl. We're going to have a good time tonight. I'm taking you out to celebrate everything you've overcome and how amazing you do your job." I laughed as I walked down the stairs and looked at Carrie.
"Alright. Do you think this is too much?" I turned around and she looked at my little black dress ans shook her head.
"It's perfect. You never know, maybe you'll meet the man of your dreams tonight." My smiled faltered and she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Syd."
"You're fine. It's just.... I already did and he's gone, so..... anyway. Let's just go and have a good time, ok? No talking about Ronnie or any of it." She nodded and we walked out.
The first thing I noticed was Ronnie getting out of his car and how he stopped and stared at me as I walked down to Carrie's car. I couldn't help but feel a rush knowing I still had some effect on him. He smiled at me as I got in the car and we left.
"See, I told you he still wants you." I shook my head, I didn't want to think about him or anything. I just wanted to have a good time and not think.
We pulled up the club and got out. Laughing, we walked up the door and they immediately let us in. We walked up to the bar and got a drink before finding a table to sit at. "This place is great. Drink up so we can go dance." I nodded and slammed it down as Carrie laughed and did the same.
We walked onto the dance floor and started dancing, losing all control, and not giving a fuck what anyone thought. I saw two guys walking over to us and suddenly for nervous. They stopped in front of us and I looked at Carrie.
"You ladies want to dance?" Carrie nodded and I smiled. As long as he didn't touch me, I would be fine. It started out fine, I was having a blast dancing with the guys and with Carrie. Until out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ronnie watching me. I looked at Carrie and she smiled, nodding toward him.
I looked at Ronnie again and walked the opposite way. I walked around the dance floor and outside. "Wait, Syd!" I turned around and saw Ronnie running toward me.
"What are you even doing here?" I asked him when he stopped in front of me.
"I just wanted to check on you." I rolled my eyes and turned away as I saw Carrie walk out. I started walking to her and the guy she was dancing with walked out behind her, his hands on her hips, both of them laughing. I heard Ronnie walk up behind me. "Come on, I'll give you a ride home."
I nodded and walked to his car, feeling like they had planned this somehow. "Where's your girlfirend?" He smirked as he started home.
"I don't have one." I looked at him, not expecting that answer.
"What happened to her?" He looked at me as he stopped at a red light.
"I'm in love with someone else." He said simply and I looked away from him. We didn't say anything else to each other. He pulled in my driveway and I quickly got out and wondered why he was following me. I thought he was just walking me to the door, to make sure I got in ok.
I unlocked the door and turned around. "Do you want to come in? I think we should talk." He nodded and followed me in.
"What did you want to to talk about?" He was standing close to the door and I felt my confidence wavering. I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders.
"You know, it's not important. Thanks for driving me home." I dropped my bag on the table and walked back to the kitchen. I thought he would leave, but he followed me.
"It was important enough for you to ask me in, what was it you wanted to say, beautiful?" My head shot up and my eyes widened. It had been so long since he called me that.
I took a deep breath. "I've been going to meetings, talking to a therapist once a week. I'm doing a lot better." He nodded when I stopped talking. "I thought maybe we could..." My voice trailed off as he moved closer.
"We could what?" He tugged a piece of hair behind my ear and closed my eyes at his touch.
"Be together again. I miss you so much, Ronnie. I'm so in love with you, I just want you." He didn't say anything for a couple minutes.
"Do you think you're ready for that? Because I need all of you, Sydney. I can't have you push me away again." I walked to stand in front of him before I pulled him to me and his lips landed on mine.