During the following months, I took Abigail's example, praying and reading my Bible any time I felt angry. Because even if I didn't believe anything else she said, I knew she was right about the fact that holding on to my anger didn't harm Charles in any way. It only allowed him to continue to affect me. I'd never be at peace if I continued to hold on to it.
And it really did help. Not noticeably at first, but after a few weeks, I started seeing some changes. I didn't think of Charles as often, I wasn't losing as much sleep over him, and it wasn't affecting my behavior with the children or anyone else as much.
Once I noticed a small change, I kept it up simply for the purpose of achieving the goal of being able to forget about him. Maybe I wouldn't forget him entirely, but knowing that one day I might be able to go for days or weeks at a time without having him barge in on my thoughts, was an amazing and alluring prospect.
I doubt that I'd ever get to the point where I'd have any desire to forgive him, but I wouldn't allow him to control anything about me any longer.
It was also thanks to Abigail that I was able to appreciate the meetings on Sundays the way I should. Now that I understood why they did it and that they didn't expect the same from me, I could enjoy my time with those amazing women. I could rejoice with them when something wonderful happened in their lives and I could support them when something was hard.
The fulfillment I got simply from being there, silently supporting them, gave me some understanding of Abigail's and Minnie's motivation. How much more wonderful would it feel to have an active role in truly helping these women?
Levi and I settled into a comfortable friendship. We didn't allow ourselves to become too comfortable the way we had on that one occasion, but we were friends. We could talk and laugh without feeling the sting of our limited relationship quite so much.
The children progressed marvelously with their schooling. Everyone had improved with arithmetic and spelling. I improved right along with them in science and history, and we had even attempted beginning French. There was much to cover, and without having anyone around who actually spoke the language, there was quite a bit of guessing involved concerning the pronunciations, but it was a start at least.
Oliver was reading whole books with no assistance, for fun. He hardly ever asked for help or confirmation anymore, and Cassie was so motivated that she had surpassed me in just about everything. Keeping her teaching goal in mind, she started assisting me with that aspect of it.
I decided that I was going to have to figure out a way to get a hold of some more advanced books. It wasn't fair for Cassie, and eventually all the others, to have to cease learning because we didn't have any other books.
But I would worry about that a little later. At the moment, we were taking a long break from schooling to enjoy the lovely weather of early summer.
The children had begged all winter long to return to the lake for more picnics, but the weather had just been too cold. Apparently in Texas the temperature didn't tend to drop quite as much as it did in other places, but it was still pretty frigid sometimes. We'd even gotten the occasional snowfall.
But now we were finally free to enjoy the outdoors without worrying about pneumonia. As a way of making up for keeping the children cooped up all season long, Minnie and I decided to treat them to a massive picnic at the house. We invited all the neighbors as well as anyone else who cared to join. The children were incredibly excited about it.
The planning was much more involved than I'd originally realized, but thankfully it was mostly finished now. As soon as I made the final decisions about the apples that I was currently browsing for the pies, all that would be left would be the cooking and the actual set up for the event.
I stood in front of the General Store, holding up an apple for inspection, when an odd commotion got my attention.
"Matthew!" a woman screeched. "Come back here!"
It wasn't the words that claimed my attention as much as the terror in them.
I looked up as a giggling little imp with wild blonde curls ran past me and into the busy street. Once he cleared the last step, he tripped over his feet and sprawled in the dirt, looking stunned and about to wail.
I quickly glanced between the woman who was screaming and running after him, and the wagon with the inattentive driver in the front seat. The boy lay directly in the path of the wagon, and it would reach him long before his mother could.
Dropping the apple, I hurried down the steps and snatched the boy in my arms just as the wagon barrelled by.
Stunned by the fact that I'd actually felt the wagon brush my arm, I stood frozen, clutching the howling boy until his mother caught up to us.
"Matthew!" she cried, reaching for the boy and I immediately released him into her arms.
She hugged him tightly, momentarily closing her eyes in relief before focusing on me.
"Thank you so much," she said with teary eyes. "I looked away for one second and he was gone!"
"I'm glad I could help," I said, wondering if she remembered me. Grace had seemed so friendly that first day I visited the town church, but after the Snedekers spread their gossip around, she'd kept her distance along with everyone else.
After a second, I saw recognition fill her eyes. She didn't seem overly pleased though, so I offered a smile and moved to get back to the job of picking apples.
"Annie?" she called before I could climb the few steps.
Warily, I turned back.
"I, um..." she looked uncomfortable as she moved to stand in front of me again. "I've been wanting to apologize to you. For some time, actually."
I just watched her skeptically. If that were true, why hadn't she done it already? I'd gone to the town church for several months.
She lowered Matthew to the ground, keeping a tight grip on his hand.
"You were perfectly nice when we met," she said. "And Matthew loved you, but um..." she hesitated, looking even more awkward then before.
"You heard that I was a prostitute," I supplied for her.
Her face flushed, but she nodded.
"I know now that wasn't true," she said. "And I'm sorry I ever believed it."
It would be so easy to walk away and refuse her apology, but what if Levi had done that to me? After all, the situation wasn't really that different. And she didn't have to apologize at all. It couldn't have been an easy task. She simply could have walked away, choosing to get on with her life and hope she didn't run into me again.
"Thank you." I sighed with a small smile, but then I wondered. "What changed your mind?"
Looking relieved that I'd accepted her apology and grateful for the chance to explain, she said, "I was speaking with Mrs. Weber. She lives out near Minnie, and she attended the Christmas party. Anyway, your name came up and..." She hesitated, seeming to rethink her willingness to go on.
"Oh." I glanced down, embarrassed. My little breakdown at the Christmas party hadn't been my shining moment.
"Anyway," she said, awkward again. "I'm sorry."
I took a deep breath and met her eyes offering a small smile. At least people knew the truth without me having to correct them.
"It's okay," I said. "I understand why people made that assumption, but I appreciate you coming to me like this."
She flashed a relieved smile. "I wanted to do it sooner, but I didn't see you at church after that...and I wasn't sure I'd be welcome to visit."
I shook my head. "Forget about it," I said and then I realized that another way I might begin to eradicate Charles from my mind, was to not constantly have to worry about people finding out about him.
"I left my husband because he was violent and controlling, and I thought he was going to kill me."
Grace looked shocked and appalled.
"Minnie was good enough to take me in when I had nowhere else to go."
It didn't appear as if my confession made Grace feel any better, but I didn't regret it. And if I could tell the world what a wonderful woman Minnie was, I would do it.
"She's such a generous person," I said. "I don't know what I would have done without her."
Grace forced a smile - not in a false way, but more in an effort to try to put her discomfort aside.
"I'm glad you found her," she said genuinely.
There was a momentary awkward silence before she noticed the unusually large order that Levi was loading into the wagon.
"Does it take that much to feed the children?" she asked, startled.
I laughed. "Sometimes it seems that way. But this load includes the supplies for the picnic we're planning to welcome the summer."
"Oh." She chuckled. "I bet the children are excited."
"I've heard about nothing else for the past week," I said before getting an idea.
"You should come," I offered. "And your family. It's a good thing we can hold it outdoors because the Christmas party barely fit everyone, and I think this will be twice as many people."
Grace seemed uncomfortable again and it wasn't difficult to guess why.
"Oh, I'm not sure we can..." She struggled to think up an excuse.
I thought of letting her go through her charade, but I was becoming tired of all the ridiculous prejudice while people pretended it didn't exist.
"They're not bad people, Grace," I said.
She glanced away, ashamed again.
"I understand why you feel the way you do," I said, causing her to look at me again. "But Minnie and Abigail and Jenny, and all the others... They're the strongest, most kind, generous, and amazing people I've ever met. They know what people think of them, but they remain open and accepting, and they refuse to hate the people who hate them."
She frowned in thought, really seeming to consider my words.
"And you know, they didn't have a choice. Most of them were forced into it. Some by their own parents," I said. "I can tell you felt sympathy for what I've been through, but... I chose that life. Naively. But I chose to marry my husband. They didn't get to make that choice, but they have to live with it."
Grace still looked thoughtful, but also troubled. Like she might really be trying to understand.
As a distraction, I brought my attention down to little Matthew who was watching me solemnly.
"My, you've gotten big!" I smiled, making him grin adorably.
Seeming grateful for the new topic, Grace smiled. "He grows like a weed! And he never slows down." She laughed a little breathlessly. "Like you saw."
"Annie?" Levi called from the now fully loaded wagon. "About ready?"
I waved and nodded at him before turning my attention back to Grace. "Seems I have to be going," I said before looking down at Matthew. "Don't make your mother work so hard," I mock-scolded, drawing a giggle from the boy.
"Have a good day," I said to Grace before grabbing the apples I'd already picked out. With a quick stop in the store to pay, I joined Levi on the wagon seat and we headed home.