Dear mental health community,
How do you do. Before I say anything else, I want to mention that I have been battling situational depression and anxiety for so, so many years. So I joined the mental health community to find support. Unfortunately, after looking at the support groups out there and looking at what the mental health community has to say, I found very little support and hope and a lot of self-pity, attention seeking, and a lot of hostility. I've seen way too many people coming out saying they have a mental illness to the point that it seems like mental illness isn't an illness anymore. It seems as if everyone has a mental illness, and when everyone has a mental illness, no one does. I honestly think we all have our own unique demons to battle in our heads. I found myself falling into this trap as well; using my mental illness to feel sorry for myself and seek attention. Then I started asking myself why does the mental health community want attention? And the answer is quite simple; we are afraid of being left alone. Part of the Maslow's Hierarchy of human needs is to love and to be loved, and many people with mental illness complain about feeling like this need to be loved is not being met. I use the term "attention-seeking" loosely here because let's face it, it's not really a cry for attention, it's truly a cry for help and love. We all want, no, need, to be loved and we think that displaying our illness out there for the world to see will earn us love and support and will prevent people from abandoning us. Because the only thing worse than being sick is being alone and ignored. But the problem is that when we do NOTHING but post about our struggles without hinting at asking for help or hinting at trying to cope, all it does is drag people down. But I'm here to tell you there's a better way! We don't have to air our dirty laundry out for everyone to see to earn love and attention, the healthier ( and much more effective) way to earn love is to offer love. No, not everyone will reciprocate, but many will! As I had mentioned, part of the Hierarchy of human needs is not to only receive love, but to give it as well. When you use your experience to help others instead of getting sympathy, you will in turn truly help yourself, and if you help just one person, that is enough. You don't need validation from others to know that you're lovable. Don't seek the validation, know it yourself! And what a glorious feeling it is to be able to cope and recover! Trust me, getting well is far better than any attention or sympathy being sick will get you. And how proud your loved ones will be when you start making progress and start recovering. We don't have to live like this!
And another thing that disturbs me is when we excuse peoples' unhealthy, harmful coping mechanisms and other bad behavior due to mental illness. This DOES NOT help them!!!!! What helps them is to let them know that the bad behavior is not okay and to offer a better alternative to handling their illness. You're actually hurting the person when you say "Oh, don't judge! It's just his/her (insert illness here) he/she can't control it." because they will continue that bad behavior when they are not given a better alternative. So honestly, is that what you want? If you really want to help someone with mental illness, don't let them get away with bad behavior! If I seem a bit harsh here, it's because I want you to know just how dangerous it is to justify harmful behavior.
No, I'm not trying to judge, I'm in the same boat as you are. No, I'm not trying to be harsh, but we all need a bit of tough love. People, don't do this to yourselves. Get the help you need to recover and put in the hard work and the effort it takes to change the way you think, which will change the way you feel. As I've said earlier, we ALL have our demons to battle in our heads! With that, I leave you with this lovely song called "get well " by Icon for Hire as the singer puts what I'm saying here into song form.
With all love,
Someone who suffers from mental illness.