It was unfortunate that I couldn't tell Amy about my date tonight, considering she would normally be the one to get me ready. She would do my outfit and makeup and tell me all the things I should and shouldn't do.
At least, that's how I always imagined my first date going. I never thought in a million years that I would be going on a date where I had to hide it from Amy. She knew everything about me in any other circumstance other than this one. A part of me wanted to come clean and tell her, but there's a larger part that knows the reaction she would have. She did have first dibs on Sean, but technically, little to her knowledge, Sean chose me over her. Does that make this situation right or wrong? My brain pulled one way, but my heart pulled the other. Wasn't it more of Sean's issue than mine? After all, he's the one who brought on this whole predicament.
I stared in the mirror at my naked face and shook my head, trying to let all my thoughts about Amy and my parents loose for the night and just have fun. It wasn't fair to anyone to come into this date with prior expectations or fears. This was a test. That was all. One night to have fun and then we can return to reality tomorrow, right?
Sean and I have been texting nonstop since he visited me at the beach. This was a change from the last time we spoke. I expected him to treat me similarly; not hearing from him until the day of our date, however, he after his argument that he could change, and after my snide remark about how he ignored me for a week, he seems to be making more of an effort to keep in touch, even if it was only through texting.
I was glad that he left me alone at school. I suppose that came from my stipulation about our date: no one can find out that we're doing this. If we started hanging out at school, that would be bad news. I remember the day that Sean and I were seen multiple times talking in the hallway together after detention and how everyone was looking at me. Sean's every move is watched and this needed to be private. Especially until I find a way to tell Amy.
Then there's the possibility that this date could go completely sour. Maybe he is exactly what everyone says he is? This date could prove him to be nothing more than a player from a rich, conceded family who screwed over my family many years ago. This could be my first and only date with Sean Parker just as much as it could go alright.
I sighed and grabbed the foundation, smoothing it all over my face to make an even coat. I wasn't good at doing makeup. I hardly knew what anything other than foundation and mascara was, but I figured I could do that at minimum for today. After all, isn't that what you're supposed to do for dates? Look nice?
My make up was simple, but with the pop of mascara, my eyelashes looked luscious enough to add more dimension to my features. Just the smallest of changes to my face made a world of difference. Probably because I hardly ever did it.
The clothes part was a bit more tricky. My sense of style was flat, but I had to try to figure it out. After all, Amy wasn't going to be by my side forever. I would eventually have to learn to gain some substance of style.
I thought about Amy and what she would suggest to wear and then frowned. The first thing she would ask is where the date was going to be at and unfortunately, Sean refused to share that information with me. All he kept repeating was that it was a surprise and I'm going to enjoy it.
That wasn't very comforting or informational. How would he know I'd enjoy it? I felt that presumption was a little hard to make considering I don't like a lot of things that most girls would find as good date ideas. The thought of rollerskating or going to the movies made me want to hide in the rock cave on the beach forever.
I smiled as the rock cave came across my thoughts. Sean did have a good sense of romanticism there and a sense of what I would enjoy. Or was that just luck?
I glanced at my clock and felt the stress rise up my shoulders. Sean would be here any minute and I had no idea what to wear.
Maybe I should go with something simple like a sundress? That would be cute, plus I don't have to worry about matching two pieces of clothing together. But then what would I wear for shoes? Would flip-flops be too casual?
My phone vibrated against my pillow as I received a text.
Bring a swimsuit so you don't have to use your bra and underwear ;)
I'll be there in 5
~ Sean
My stress instantly left my body and I couldn't help but laugh. It's like he read my mind. Plus, the idea of being around the water gave me higher hopes for how tonight was going to go. Maybe he does pay attention more than I'm aware of.
I stuck with the sundress idea, grabbing a cute and flowery blue and white one from my closet, while also slipping on a black bikini underneath. Where could we be going?
I peeked my head out of my room to see if my parents were upstairs or if I would have to think of a more creative way to leave the house without them knowing, but luckily the living room and kitchen were vacant. I slipped quietly through the hall and, after grabbing my usual pair of flip-flops, I snuck out the front door and down the road to an awaiting white truck.
I opened the door to reveal Sean dressed in a white polo and a pair of mint boardshorts. Not something I was completely expecting, but it was something that made my stomach flip. He was cute. My cheeks flushed at the thought of being attracted to Sean's appearance, but it was a concept that I seemed to be adjusting to.
"You look..." Sean's eyes scanned me up and down as I hopped into the truck. This made me blush even harder as I awaited his response. Was I too dressed up? See, this is exactly why I needed Amy.
"I'm sorry if this is too much, I—"
"You look beautiful," he said. His words shocked me, again causing my stomach to do somersaults. Curse his ability to look at me and make me blush. At this point, my make had probably all melted off and it was only the beginning of the date. I suppose that would be a good thing, considering this date has something to do with the water. It was going to come off regardless.
"Thank you," I breathed with a smile. My top teeth began to gnaw on my bottom lip.
Sean inhaled sharply.
"God," he breathed as he took another large inhale before putting the truck in drive.
We began to drive down the road towards the beach, probably heading to one of the restaurants along the coast, but instead of turning down the scenic route, he continued going straight into the parking lot of the beach.
"Wait, we're going to the beach?" I asked.
Sean's face fell slightly. He glanced at me, obvious fear across his features as he clutched the steering wheel firmer.
"Yeah. But I promise there's more to it! Just wait," he said, stumbling quickly through his words. He was nervous. My heart fluttered.
"You don't know how much this eases my anxiety," I said without thinking. It's not often that I admit to being anxious, but when I do, it's usually not intentional. I cringed at my sentence and looked over to gauge Sean's reaction. To my surprise, his face lit up. The biggest smile spread across his features.
"Well, I just thought since this place is special to the both of us, what better place to have our first date?" he asked. This time, he held a lot more confidence in his voice.
I can honestly say, it was odd to see Sean so nervous. It was sweet and...vulnerable. I wonder who else has gotten to see this side of Sean? Or was this a common technique he used to reel girls in? The thought made my smile fade.
"Very smooth," I commented. "How often do you use that line on girls?" I couldn't resist adding the dig. I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but the opportunity was there and I refused to be one of those dumb girls who fall for his simple charm.
Confusion and frustration passed through his face, but he kept his cool.
"No. I told you, I've never told anyone about my surfing, so no one knows about how much this place means to me," he said. A twinge of guilt pulsed through my body, but there was also a warmth from his statement that burned through my veins. Pleasure. Flattery. Happiness.
He jumped out of the truck as I opened my door. He stumbled to the other side of the truck, unable to make it before I jumped out.
"I was going to hold the door for you," he mumbled in defeat.
"I'm not a 'hold the door' kind of gal," I said but was still flattered by the gesture. I don't know what came over me, but I leaned towards him and planted a kiss on his cheek. His skin was warm against my lips; soft and tender. The simple contact sent vibrations of pleasure through my body. The touch felt electric.
I pulled away slowly, allowing my slight exhale to catch his skin. I saw goosebumps ascend down his neck, which made me smile. The electricity was mutual, then.
"But thank you," I breathed, trying to keep my voice steady after our moment. It wasn't a real kiss, but after this, my body craved one. I wanted to know what his lips felt like against mine. If his cheek sent that much of a spark through my veins, I couldn't even imagine how much a kiss would do.
Sean smiled brightly and shut my door behind me. His smile was so wide that little craters formed into his cheeks. Dimples.
"You have dimples," I thought aloud. I didn't mean to vocalize my realization, but the dimples amused me. They somewhat added an element to his boyish vulnerability that he was showing tonight.
The smile fell from his face. I had hit a nerve.
"Yeah, unfortunately," he mumbled as we began to walk towards the beach. He didn't like his dimples. But I liked his dimples.
"I think they're cute," I mused, hoping that my compliment will make them show up again. He smiled, but his dimples stayed hidden.
"Thank you," he said. As we walked closer to the beach, Sean grabbed my hand, pulling me to a sudden halt.
"Wait here for a minute. Please don't move," he said before sprinting into the distance and behind the rocky edge of the parking lot. My body was filling with excitement and becoming aggravated by anticipation. What could he possibly be doing? What was this date?
He came back a moment later, looking more nervous than he did earlier. Before he approached me, he took a deep breath.
"Do you trust me?" he asked.
The question was complicated. Did I trust him? Would he tell me what he was doing if I said yes?
I nodded my head, more as a reaction than a solidified answer, but it still made his eyes light up.
"Close your eyes," he instructed.
I did as he said and waited for more instruction. Instead of hearing his voice, I felt his hand settle at the small of my back. My body sizzled at his touch, my skin burning with desire. What has gotten into me? This was a craving I had never experienced before. All I could focus on was his hand on my back. It was so close to my butt that it made me blush.
His other handheld my arm to help guide the way through the rest of the parking lot and into the sand. I stumbled a few times, my eyes threatening to peek, but he was insistent to keep them shut. We walked for a few minutes before we stopped.
"Can I open them now?" I asked. My impatience was taking over; physically and mentally. He removed his hand from my back and let my arm go and my body felt cold. I craved the same warmth, but I also wanted to know what the surprise was.
"Yes, you can open," he chuckled.
When I opened my eyes, I fought back tears. In front of me sat a table, decorated with a white, lace table cloth, candles, and flowers. Atop the table sat a big bowl of fruit, an assortment of chocolates, and, what looked to be, like some tropical drink.
"Oh my god," I breathed, unable to form a functioning sentence. This was more thoughtful and than any date I could come up with; not to mention how much work and effort he put into setting this thing up. The image of Sean coming out here and getting this date ready, made me want to cry even more.
I walked towards the table, taking the delicate lace between my fingers. This was something from a movie. This could not possibly be real life.
"This is beautiful," I said, barely more than a whisper. I felt his warm presence behind me, his body radiating against my back.
"You like it?" he asked, the same nervousness in his voice as was there before.
"Like it? Are you kidding?" I couldn't help but laugh. How would anyone in their right mind not like this? Did he even realize how romantic this was?
"Sean, this is like something from a movie. This is..." I lost my words again as I looked back to the arrangement. My eye settled on the tropical drink again, capturing my attention.
"Is that alcohol?" I asked, unsure of how I felt about that.
"No," he said almost immediately. "No, I thought about what you said to me that first day. You know, when I was asking if I had seen you at a party? You said you'd never partied before, so I just assumed—"
"Look at you and your observation skills," I teased, making him laugh too. I admit I was a little disappointed to find out that these were nonalcoholic. I had always been intrigued by the idea of drinking alcohol, but have been too nervous to try it.
"Of course," Sean said, sliding the chair back and motioned for me to sit. I nodded with a smile and took a seat in the wooden chair.
"But," he said, holding a finger in the air and reaching beneath the table. He revealed a bottle and sat it on the table for me to see. "In case you were interested in going outside your comfort zone, I did convince one of my college friends to help a brother out. Either way, it completely fine with me, but I figured I'd give you the option," again, reading my thoughts without me saying anything.
What was my deal? My body still craved Sean's affection and my stomach was now craving this substance that it's never experienced before. I have never had this kind of influence in my life before. Scratch that — Amy has most definitely tried to get me to drink. I should say, I have never had this kind of influence that I've wanted to try before.
I sipped on the straw of the tropical drink sitting out on the table. It was good, almost tasted like cotton candy, but my eyes wandered back to the bottle sitting on the table.
"What is it?" I asked, reaching for the alcohol. I rolled the bottle between my fingers as I read 14% across the bottom.
"This is just wine. I got the most generic and generally liked wine since you don't have the experience to base your judgment on. It's a white wine and apparently, it's pretty good. I'm not much of a wine drinker myself, but I felt it was more appropriate for the occasion," Sean said with a shrug, reaching for the bottle and rolling it between his fingers as I did.
"Elegant," I said with a smile. If I was already making my way down the rabbit hole by hiding this date from everyone, should I just continue my descent and try it? Really, what's the worst that could happen?
Do you trust this boy? my subconscious sneered. Stories of girls getting drunk and getting taken advantage of by drunk guys flashed through my mind and made me hesitate. Would Sean take advantage of me?
I remembered back to the day that Sean drove me home from the Boardwalk. We were at this same beach at night and he was worried about other guys taking advantage of me. Would that not have been the perfect opportunity to if he wanted that so desperately?
I swallowed my doubt and nodded to Sean.
"I want to try it," I said. If Sean wanted to hurt me, he would have already. He was trying and I felt that I had a good perception of people's intentions. Sean was not a malicious person; despite my previous thoughts. He was sweet, understanding, thoughtful, and, admittedly, attractive.
Sean smiled and popped open the cork of the wine bottle. The sentiment made it feel like an official, grown-up date. My heart warmed as he grabbed my glass.
"I'm only going to give you a little just to see how you react to it. We can put more in after a little bit," he said while gently pouring the liquid into my already-made drink.
I rose the cup to my lips and inhaled the scent. I was surprised by how much I couldn't smell the alcohol. If I wasn't paying close attention, I wouldn't notice anything at all.
My lips grazed the top of the glass and I felt the sweet taste of the previous concoction. I looked Sean in the eyes. I was nervous, but Sean watched me intently, gauging my every move. I did trust him. Who would have ever thought I would see the day that I would admit that I trust Sean Parker.
A smile toyed across my lips as I rose the glass to my mouth, taking in the substance in three large gulps. I hardly tasted anything different. It tased essentially like the drink I tried before, but with a slight sting in the back of my throat.
"It's good," I said, drinking another mouthful before setting the glass down. Sean smiled and poured some wine into his drink. He poured a significant more into his than he did mine, but from what the school has discussed, he's a seasoned drinker.
"To happiness and new beginnings," Sean said as he rose his glass into the air. I blushed thinking about how perfect his toast was.
"Cheers," I giggled and clinked glasses with him.
We began to much on the fruit and chocolate and discussed other practical information about our life; what our favorite colors were, how many siblings we had — which I found out Sean had an older brother who was ten years older than him — and what subjects in school were our favorites.
Once the fruit bowl was near empty and our drinks had been refilled twice, Sean decided it was time to take a dip in the water.
"You did bring a swimsuit, yes?" he asked.
"Yup! It's on underneath," I said pointing to the black strap peeking out from my dress.
We wandered towards the water and Sean reached out for my hand. The same electricity flooded my body as our skin touched. Sean's lips curled up as we walked hand-in-hand to the water's edge.
Once our feet were inches from the water, Sean dropped my hand and stripped off his polo to reveal a very fit and attractive physique. Everyone always said he had a good body, but with my hatred for the guy, I never wanted to see it. At this moment, alone with Sean on the beach and seeing him half-naked, I had to see it. He was gorgeous. Absolutely, drop-dead, gorgeous. And he wanted me.
"Your turn," Sean said with a playful wink.
Seeing his perfection in front of me made me hesitant. He had already seen me in my underwear for god's sake, why was I nervous to strip down to my bikini now?
I rubbed my arms, thinking about any way to get out of swimming with him, but then the water beckoned me in. This was the perfect day, there was no way I was going to ruin it by being self-conscious.
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs and revitalizing my bloodstream, before grabbing the bottom of my dress and stripping it off. In an instant, my dress was on the sand next to Sean's shirt and I was standing in front of him; more exposed than I had ever been in front of a guy before.
What was different about now versus swimming earlier in my bra and underwear? If anything, this situation was much less provocative, then why does it feel so different? So...sexual?
Sean's eyes scanned me up and down for the second time tonight. My cheeks flushed as I pushed a stray hair behind my ear. I wanted desperately to know what he thought.
"Don't do that," Sean mumbled. He inhaled sharply and took a step towards me, grazing his finger against my bottom lip. I released the grasp of my lip between my teeth as my breath hitched in the back of my throat. His proximity combined with his touch made me hungry for more. My eyes fell to his lips and then up to his eyes. He was staring down as well; down at my lips.
I'm not good at dating etiquette and I'm not sure who was supposed to make the first move, but at this moment, I didn't care. I wanted Sean to touch me. I wanted his electricity coursing through my veins and taking over my mind. It was all I could think about.
I lurched forward, my lips smothering his in a fit of pleasure and desire. His mouth against mine, moving in complete unison with one another, felt like an explosion on the Fourth of July; built up and intoxicating.
His hands traveled down my back while our mouths continued to move, finally settling at the small of my back as it had earlier. I pushed my body against him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him towards me. It felt like I couldn't get close enough. I desperately clung to him, wanting the warmth of his body to overtake mine. If I could crawl inside him, I would.
Suddenly, Sean pulled away, leaving both of us reeling and breathless. The passion that was there was now replaced with frustration. Why did he stop?
"Wow," Sean breathed. "That was...."
"Why'd you stop?" I demanded. We were still inches from one another, the heat of his breath was teasing me, beckoning me back in.
Sean chuckled, amusement clear across his face. This frustrated me even more. What was so funny?
"Why are you laughing?" I asked. I couldn't hide the hurt in my voice. Was he laughing at how bad it was?
"Brooke, I stopped because it was getting to be too much," Sean said, another chuckle escaping, "and I'm laughing because you seem mad about it."
"What do you mean it was getting to be too much?" Wasn't this what he wanted as well? With Sean's reputation, I would imagine he's used to this sort of procedure with girls. I can't imagine him pulling away and wanting things to stop. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe he couldn't go far with me.
"Brooke," Sean said, reaching his hand out and caressing my cheek. I closed my eyes for a moment, reveling in his touch, before coming back to my frustration. Was he intentionally doing this?
"I don't want you to push yourself into doing something you're not ready to do," Sean's voice was soft and quiet. If I wasn't so close to him, I probably wouldn't have heard him. "I'm doing this to protect you."
"Do I need protecting from you?" I asked, my eyebrows rising and my stomach dropping. This was not happening. After all this, he was not going to tell me that he's exactly what I've been avoiding.
"No. God," Sean breathed, now visibly frustrated as he ran his hands through his hair. "You're a virgin, aren't you?" he asked.
My face fell. Was that why he didn't want me? Was it that obvious that I was inexperienced with this stuff? My cheeks flushed as I held my head low, nodding slowly.
"Is it that obvious?" I asked under my breath.
"Not at all," Sean breathed, chuckling and shaking this head rapidly. "I'm just saying, I don't want to rush things. Your first time needs to be something special, not a heat-of-the-moment, first-date kind of scenario."
I kept looking to the ground, avoiding his gaze. The water rolled over our feet, each wave taking me more and more back to reality.
"Brooke," Sean sighed, grasping my chin gently and tilting my head to face him. Our eyes met; his warm, honey eyes that I've grown fond of mixed with his deep, dimpled smile made me feel warm. Not electric, but warm.
"If it was just my choice, I wouldn't have stopped. I'm just thinking about you," he said. "I don't want you to regret being with me."
His pupils shimmered against the dim light of night, which made me crave for that moment back again; our lips intertwined, our bodies molded together...but I knew he was right. I was just getting to know the guy. I would be so disappointed in myself if I let the heat of the moment take my moment.
"Okay," I breathed, leaning up and kissing him again on the cheek.
"Let's swim," Sean said, taking my hand in his and towing me out to the moonlit waters.