Chapter Six: My New Motto Is To Have The Honest Brutality Of A Cardi B Track
Tessa
April
It's funny just how long you spend planning a wedding and just how quickly the day goes by. Months and months of stress, of nitpicking and freaking out over the smallest things all leads to a day where the thing that matters the most is knowing that you've found your forever and making the promise to belong to each other. I downright sob as I watch my brother and Beth exchange their vows and across from me, on the groom's side Cole catches my eyes and winks at me. He'd told me I'd be an emotional wreck because I do tend to cry at most weddings but I'd promised him that this time would be different. The fact that I chose not to wear waterproof mascara speaks volumes about my misled confidence in my ability to not cry and I probably have major raccoon eyes right now. Beside me, Megan is a blubbering mess as well and the only person up here exhibiting great self control are the bride and groom themselves. I can see how close to breaking down my brother is and how Beth's voice trembles as she says her vows.
For all the panic leading up to her wedding, Beth's been the calmest bride today. She utterly beautiful today, like Snow White in her ivory lace dress. I'd went with her and Megan to pick it out before leaving for London and it looks so I knew what it looked like but on her, it's absolutely exquisite. Despite my mom's not so subtle hints about having a super expensive designer dress, we found the perfect little bridal boutique in town and Beth fell in love with this one the moment she saw it. She's never been one to dress super girly and I think we all feared she'd go ahead and wear a pantsuit to her wedding but she surprised us by picking this soft, whimsical dress that makes her look like a summer fairy. It's got lacy long sleeves, a deep v neck line at the front and an open back. The bodice is fitted till her tiny waist, emphasising her amazing hourglass figure and flows out into a full floor length white skirt, with a not too long trail. She opted to have her hair down her back, with two twisted pieces pulling it away from her face and the hairstylist did such an incredible job with the flowers in her hair and the veil. The look is all Beth, simple yet breathtaking in its simplicity. The look on my brother's face as he watched her walk down the aisle to him says it all and even now he looks like can't believe that she's going to be his wife.
His wife, even to me that's so crazy but also for the two of them makes all the sense in the world.
As the ceremony ends and the newlyweds kiss, Megan grabs my hand and squeezes. "Can you believe this? One of us is actually a married woman?"
She's still got tears in her eyes and so do I. I'm so happy for these two, so happy that they found one another and saved each other in so many ways. Of course people said they were too young to be getting married but hey, if anyone can make it work it's Travis and Beth.
"It's crazy." I laugh as the kiss goes on for a little longer than expected and someone coughs, probably the priest and they finally break away to the sound of good natured laughter coming from the crowd.
"It's definitely crazy but it's perfect for them isn't it?"
It is, I completely agree with her.
***
While we tried keeping the ceremony small, my parents went all out for the reception. It is at the same hotel that Cole and I are staying at which makes it easy for me to run back and forth from Beth's suite to my own. She's going to change into a more fun version of her wedding dress which she claims is necessary for her to dance all night long. When I get to her room, Cami and I help Beth manoeuvre her dress so that she can go to the toilet in peace and a hairstylist comes and redoes Beth's hair in more relaxed waves for the reception and retouches her makeup but despite all the crying she did, it's not like Beth needs it. She's practically glowing from the inside out and unable to contain her joy. We're all high on life and giddy as we help her gather her things to go to the reception hall but before I go, I decide to give Beth my wedding present. They've decided against going on a honeymoon immediately and will go back to work in a couple of days but I've figured if they want to hole up together and go at it like bunnies then they might as well do it in a scenic location. My parents contributed to this gift and I managed to snag them a week long stay at the snazziest, fanciest spa and resort in Stowe, Vermont. I have it on good authority that they're going to love it there and my brother has always been fond of the mountains. So when I give Beth their itinerary and their reservation details she squeals and hugs me tight.
"Tessa, this is too much, I can't believe you did this." Given all the crying she's already done today, I didn't think she was capable of more but she seems pretty close to breaking down again and that's not a good idea so leave it Cami to ruin the moment and make her laugh.
"Ooo, sounds fancy but ten bucks says you two never leave the hotel room. Gotta stay warm somehow eh Mrs. O'Connell, there's a lot of consummation that's going to take place. "
Mrs. O'Connell is my mom and it feels weird hearing Beth be referred to as that but she did say she'd be changing her last name so, Oh My God, that's exactly who she is.
Beth, who talks unabashedly about her sex life actually blushes and sputters before hitting Cami lightly on the shoulder. "Don't say that, I'm already nervous as it is." She groans and hides her face behind her hands.
"What are you nervous about?" I did get that vibe from her at times today but I chalked it all up to wedding jitters. I thought she'd be more relaxed by now but I can sense that she's still a little tense and that's not what you want from a newly wed bride.
"It's just...it's official now isn't it? I'm someone's wife." Cami looks at me with understanding in her eyes, the psychiatrist in her already having reached some conclusion. "It's such a huge role and it's not like I've seen what a model marriage looks like. Hell I don't even know who my dad is. What if I fuck it all up? Travis doesn't need another girl breaking his heart." She looks at us with wide panicked eyes and my heart aches for her.
Beth's mom never told her about her dad before passing away although the people in this town made several assumptions. Travis has told me that it's something that weighs her down a lot and of course when it came to her own wedding, the fact that she's got very little family to speak off did upset her. She calls herself an orphan and I can never quite tell whether she's being self-deprecating or whether it's truly something that haunts her. She had a view distant relatives and aunts and uncles at the wedding and she chose to give herself away which was such a true Beth move and we'd never ask anything else of her. But seeing her now with her doubts plaguing her, I can't believe I forgot about difficult and daunting this day could be for her as well.
"Hey, listen to me. You and Travis have been together for years and he's crazy about you. A piece of paper isn't going to change your relationship, he loves you just as you are."
Her eyes are watery and I curse myself for not noticing the signs before. She's scared out of her mind right now and Cami and I exchange a look. Megan enters just then and notices the not so happy scene before her.
"Tessa's right you know, marriage won't change who you two essentially are as a couple. You love him, anyone can see that and from what Tessa's told me, you've been so good for him."
I nod earnestly, "My brother's so lucky to have found you and I have no doubt that you'll be the perfect wife for him. Not the most perfect wife in the world, but the best one for him because no one loves him like you do and that's all anyone can ask for."
She sniffles, I think we all do.
"Hey," Megan approaches the newly wed bride and takes her hands in hers. "Remember when you guys were secretly crushing on each other back in high school and you tried so hard not to fall for Tessa's brother." She nods, smiling at the memory.
"You told us that you just couldn't stay away, that he treated you better than any guy ever had and that you fell in love with him before you could talk yourself out of it, it was like magic."
"It was. He was just so...persistent, I never really had a chance."
"He wants you Beth, he chased you and loves you. He doesn't want a perfect wife or a perfect marriage not as much as he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, making mistakes together and learning from them. So what are you worried about."
She swipes at her eyes and shakes her head. "I'm not worried, not anymore. You guys just won't let me freak out will you?"
"Just not today when you've got thousands of dollars worth of decor and food downstairs. Enjoy that, pose for your overpriced photographer and maybe freak out tomorrow?" Cami teases and just like that, my best friend is back on her feet.
***
"You're a difficult girl to get a hold of O'Connell." I smile as Jay slips his arms around my waist, moving in on me before anyone else gets a chance.
We've been dancing for what seems forever and the party doesn't seem close to coming to an end. I see Beth dancing with my dad and Travis with Nana Stone and feel a sense of fulfilment and comfort that only being home can bring. Not to sound too ungrateful but as amazing as London is, nothing beats being surrounded by all the people I love so much.
"It didn't look like you've been trying too hard to find me." I raise my eyebrow and look in the direction of Beth's friend Alana whom he'd been cozying up with the entire day.
He grins, looking pretty proud of himself. "Just trying to be hospitable, that's all."
"Sure seems like she's pretty impressed by your brand of hospitality, she keeps looking here like someone kicked her puppy."
We sway gently side to side and I'm so relived to know that this isn't at all weird, slow dancing with Jason Stone. We'd become better friends once he moved to the city but seeing as I'd been gone for a few months now, I thought it would be awkward seeing him again but Jay is his same aloof self.
"I'll get back to her in a second, you've always got to keep them wanting more."
I roll my eyes, "Does that usually work for you?" Out of the corner of my eyes I see one of Travis's friends approach Alana, the one she'd been in the wedding party with and he asks her for a dance. I try to stifle my laughter because what Jay can't see will definitely kick him in the ass later.
He shrugs, "Most days but this one's definitely in the bag. I've been laying it pretty thick all day."
"Uh huh." I watch her giggle at something the groomsman says and watch the starry eyed expression on her face.
Oh she's in the bag alright, just not one belonging to Jason Stone.
"You know what women really don't find attractive?"
"Nice guys who treat the well and don't break their hearts?"
"Ouch, no that is not my point. You can't just treat her or any woman like an object. What? You just need to brag to your friends about you bridesmaid?"
"I'm not that big of jerk you know, despite what Cole thinks. She seemed lonely and didn't know anyone here so I thought I'd give her some company."
I feel a pang of guilt until he opens his mouth again, "And if I get a lay out of it why is that so bad?"
He twirls me around and pulls me back in. "Now I think I better go before your boyfriend decides to chop my arms off." He looks behind me and I turn around to see Cole glowering at the two of us, sulking in the corner.
My heart both soars and sinks at the sight of him, if that's possible. We'd had the most perfect day together and his face when he saw me dressed in the sleeveless lavender floor length gown us bridesmaids were wearing, each a little different. Mine happens to have a slit at the side and like we've already established this week, Cole seems to have a thing for my naked legs.
He'd been unable to take his hands off me tonight, much to my friends' amusement and my chagrin. But the night is drawing to a close and the reason Cole left me alone for long enough for Jay to slip in is because he'd been packing and getting changed to head to the airport.
It's embarrassing how quickly the tears come to my eyes. I'm not ready to say goodbye to him for another three months and there's no way we'd be able to see each other between now and then. I'd be buried under work and once school let off, Cole would be at his internship and preparing for his second year.
Jay slips away quietly as Cole approaches me. Although he's changed out of his mouthwatering tux into a pair of jeans and t-shirt, I still want to maul him despite all the people here. The man can pull off a suit but he's just as gorgeous dressed down. The number of women both young and old who'd stopped and admired him had both annoyed me but also filled me with a sense of pride because this guy? He's all mine.
"That didn't take him long." Cole glowers in Jay's direction, who now seems to be missing a date.
"Come on, do you really want to spend this time arguing about Jay? Do we really need to go there again?"
He seems to think about it and eventually realises that as always, I'm the mature one in this relationship and by default, always right.
"Let me just say goodbye to my family real quick, can we slip out then?"
"Sure." I know my voice quivers on that one word.
I'd done my share of hostess and bridesmaid duties and glancing at Travis and Beth assured me that they were okay and that the night had turned out exactly as they'd wanted it to. My parents were getting along surprisingly well and I'd sensed no friction between them and their respective dates. Nana Stone had only brought up her great grandchildren once which I counted as a victory and Cassandra for the most part had kept her distance but I feel her eyes on me now that Cole's back. He kisses me quickly before doing a round of the room and suddenly I feel very, very cold. I wrap my arms around myself to try and warm myself up but it's like Cole took it all away with him. My eyes search him out as he says goodbye to his parents and grandmother, slaps his brother on the back and heads to my family. He laughs at something Beth says to him as he hugs the two of them again and get teary eyed again when Dad pulls him in for a tight hug.
When did I become such a sap? Oh, right it's round about the time I fell in love with Cole Stone.
Once he's done with the congratulations and goodbyes Cole comes back to me and takes my hand.
"Ready?"
Don't cry Tessa, don't you dare cry.
I'm proud of just how little my voice shakes when I say yes.
***
His Uber won't be here for sometime and I take full advantage of that by taking him back to our room, slipping back into our bubble. Every step feels laden with a heaviness that hadn't been there last night. Oh God, had it just been last night when we'd been so happy unconcerned about the future? We'd come back here after the rehearsal dinner and even though a lot of the wedding guests were staying at the same hotel, we'd managed to hide away. I feel like an idiot right now, why'd I need to sleep for eight hours when we could have stayed up all night talking, touching and just being. Words bubble up in my throat but there's a huge knot there that won't let them pass. I'm afraid that if I open my mouth nothing but big fat sobs will come out and he doesn't need that right now.
To be fair, Cole is quiet too and looks more sombre than I've seen him in a while. But we've got this one hour together and I want him to know everything that I've been keeping from him these past few months. I want to give him some hope of a future that we can cling to and that'll make these next few months fly by because if there's one thing I've decided is that life's too short to continue to put ourselves through this kind of pain. No job is worth staying apart from him especially if it's a job I'm not even sure I'm the best fit for and where I belong. So I'm adamant that we'll make this work and it's about time I step up and do what needs to be done.
Housekeeping has clearly been in, the room is spotless and the bed's been made. It's very unlike how we've left it the past two nights and a feeling of utter panic claws at me. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to change our situation stop him from leaving or quit my job. The reality that he's leaving now and that even when I get back we'll have to live apart the next two years makes me want to throw something. No, that's not going to happen. I'm going to get a job and I'm going to tell him that...
"Tessie, there's something I need to tell you."
I'm thankful that we're sitting on the bed as Cole says this and takes my hands in his. His voice sounds ominous and suddenly I don't want to hear whatever he wants to say to me. Yes, I've been dying to find out whatever he's been hiding but this seems too much too soon. There are too many emotions, too little time to process and I'm mentally and physically exhausted.
"I'm scared." Admitting this to him instead of keeping it to myself for a change seems like the best way to go. Miscommunication has nearly ruined us in the past so my new motto is to have the honest brutality of a Cardi B song.
That's not a hard ask right?
"Why?" He looks surprised like he genuinely has no idea that I'm this close to breaking down.
"I don't know. I've had this feeling all day like something's coming, something I'm not aware of and right now it feels like whatever you're about to tell me is something huge."
He nods, "It is."
"Oh God, Cole are you trying to kill me? What is it?"
He's quiet for a few too many seconds and I think my heart actually stops and it is very much possible that I die and am simply resurrected because of my curious nature. What the hell is he hiding?
He grabs his bag from the floor and takes out a manilla envelope. He hands it to me and jerks his head, "Open it."
Can he legally serve me divorce papers if we're not even married because envelopes like these usually mean bad news.
I lift the clasp gently and open it with trembling fingers. There's sheets of papers held together by a paperclip but all I need to read is the very first page and I gasp, my body reacting almost immediately to what I'm seeing and if I'd been shaking before it's nothing compared to just how badly I'm trembling now, a fully body shake that ends with me struggling to breathe.
"You don't need to read the rest of it. I just...I wanted there to be something I could give other than just the words. I'm working on it, I've been working on it since the start of the semester and I'm so close Tessie, it's not nearly done but my professors are confident that I'll be able to do it."
"Is this real? Oh My God, are you actually doing this?"
I don't know where to look, at his application to Columbia Law School or at him looking at me so earnestly and expectantly.
"I want to, yes if you'll have me. I could be rushing things and I know we said the time apart would be good but..."
I don't let him finish the sentence and instead kiss him like he's made me the happiest girl in the world right now and he has. He's gone above and beyond and if I've got less than an hour to show him that then there's no time for words.
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Sigh, nothing is as fulfilling as the first wedding in the TBBG fam <3 Yay for Traveth and for what's to come in the next couple of chapters! I'm so happy to write them for you and loving your support!
Follow me below <3
P.S If you'd have to pick a wedding song for Beth and Travis what would you pick? Maybe I'll edit it in the published version and this chapter and credit you hehe
Happy reading!
Love,
Blair