Ivy's POV
I stood in front of the mirror in my bedroom. I was looking at the small bump that protruded from my stomach. My vision blurred with tears at the sight. The t-shirts I wore didn't hide the bump anymore. I found out that I was two months pregnant, two months ago. Making me four months now.
'I have to tell mom.' I thought to myself, 'She'll figure it out on her own soon.'
'I can't be alone when I tell her, I need moral support.' I hugged my stomach. I knew that technically I wasn't alone, but it wasn't enough.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened the speed dial app. The first two names on the list were the only two people I trusted to help me: Matty <3 and Nadia✝✝.
I debated between which one to call for a few minutes. I really wanted both of them with me when I told my mom the truth, but I knew the moment I laid eyes on Matt, I would start crying. I began to tear up again just at the thought of it.
I finally decided to just call Nadia. I took a few deep breaths and hit the call button. I anxiously tapped my nails against my stomach while I waited for her to answer.
"Hello?" She asked, when the call picked up.
"Hey Nadia, it's Ivy. I was wondering if you maybe wanted to come over and hang out? We can watch a comedy and binge eat chocolate ice cream." I said, trying not let the shakiness in my voice be noticeable.
"Oh, hey! Yeah that sounds cool. What time?" She asked.
"As soon as possible." I replied, my voice cracked as I held back tears.
"Oh, um... yeah, of course. I'll be over in like five minutes, okay?" She said.
"Okay. I'll see you in a bit. Bye." I said.
Nadia said goodbye, and I quickly hung up the phone. I started to cry. I knew that Nadia could tell I was trying not to. Once I got the emotions out, I walked into my closet and pulled out my favorite hoodie. It was one of the hoodies that Matt had left in my dorm room at St. Cecilia's. It was the only one I kept after we broke up; it meant too much to me. It was always too big for me; due to Matt being so damn tall, so it would hide my bump easily.
I threw the hoodie over my head, and looked back at my reflection. The dark blue cotton of the hoodie made my eyes pop. I brought the long sleeves to my face and breathed in. It still smelled like his cologne. A small smile formed on my lips. I wiped the tears from my eyes and cheeks.
I walked downstairs to get the ice cream. I couldn't find any in the freezer, which confused me, because I saw it earlier. I walked into the living room, and found my mom reading a magazine.
"Um... Hey mom?" I asked, to get her attention.
She looked up from the magazine and smiled at me. I tried to remain calm.
"Yes dear?" She replied.
"Do you know what happened to the chocolate ice cream that was in the freezer? Nadia's coming over, and I told her we could have some." I told her.
"Oh yes, I had a small bowl a few minutes ago. I must have forgot to put it away. It should be on the counter." Mom said with a smile.
"Okay, thanks." I replied. I quickly turned around to head back to the kitchen, but mom stopped me.
"Oh, Ivy. On the subject of food; I've noticed that you have been eating a lot lately. Much more than usual. Are you okay?" She said.
'Shit. She knows. I have to stall until Nadia gets here.' I thought to myself. I balled my hands into fists and turned around to face her.
"I... um... You remember how my friend Jason... died a few days before graduation?" I said.
"Yes, he's Nadia's twin right?" Mom replied.
"Um... Yeah... Well Jason and I were really good friends. I've been... kinda depressed since it happened. I guess I've been eating more than usual to cope with it." I said.
"Oh. Well I'm sorry darling, I didn't realize you were affected that badly. I apologize for bringing it up. You go ahead, and get your ice cream." She said.
I gave her a fake smile and a nod. I grabbed the tub of chocolate ice cream and two spoons. I heard the doorbell ring, and rushed to open it. Nadia stood on the porch in purple pajama pants and an alternative band t-shirt.
*****
Nadia and I sat in my bed. The end credits of the movie rolled on to the screen. The tub of ice cream was completely empty.
"Hey, Ivy?" Nadia said.
"Yeah?" I replied.
"I know you didn't invite me over just to watch a movie. I heard your voice on the phone. What's wrong?" Nadia asked.
"...I'm gonna tell my mom about the baby. I didn't want to do it alone... I was in between calling you or Matt so..." I replied.
"Is that why you're wearing his hoodie?" She asked.
"...Yeah... I can't bring myself to face him yet... But I still need him... This is the closest thing I have." I said
"Can I ask you a question?" She said.
"...Sure..." I replied, with caution.
"Why did you break up with him in the first place? You both seemed really happy. He cares about you so much... I'm not not supposed to say anything, but he told me he really misses you." She told me.
"He misses me?" I asked, a small smile on my face.
She nodded her head in reply.
"I... I don't know why we broke up. I didn't even have a reason. I guess I was used to all the other guys leaving, so when he didn't, I didn't know what to do. I had my eyes on your brother for a while, which I know was wrong, but it just happened... Then at my party... I was so drunk... I just blew Matty off. I know now, that that's where I fucked up. I wish to God that I could apologize to him, but I know I won't be able to get a word out, without crying." I said, starting to tear up.
Nadia wrapped her arms around me in a hug. I did the same. We stayed like that for a few seconds.
"We... um... We should head downstairs and tell my mom now." I said, quietly.
"Are you sure? We can wait until you're ready." Nadia said.
"Yes, I'm sure. I need to get it over with, before she figures it out herself." I replied.
"Alright. Let's go." She said.
We walked downstairs and found my mom, again, in the living room. I cautiously sat down on the couch. Nadia sat next to me, and took my hand in hers.
'I'm about to change her world forever.' I thought to myself.
"Mom? I have something important to tell you." I said.
"...Okay... What is it?" She asked.
"Earlier... When I told you the reason why I've been eating a lot, is because of Jason... I didn't tell you the full truth." I said.
"What do you mean?" Mom asked.
I looked over at Nadia. I could barely see her through my watery eyes. She nodded her head, and gently squeezed my hand. I blinked away the tears, and turned back to my mom.
"The night before I left St. Cecilia's for spring break... Jason and I... slept together... Mom, I'm pregnant." I said.
She was quiet. Too quiet. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. I single tear rolled down her cheek. She suddenly stood up, and crossed her arms. Nadia and I stood up as well.
"You mean to tell me that my good little Ivy, had intercourse out of wedlock? And that she is now having a child of her own? And that the father will not be able to support them, because he committed suicide?" She said, her voice rising with every word.
I took a step back, my body shaking. My chin quivered, as more tears spilled out of my eyes. Nadia held my hand a little tighter.
"Mrs. Robinson, you don't know the full story. What Jason did was not the solution to any of his problems, but we have to live with the choice he made. My parents would be more than happy to help provide for--" Nadia said, but was cut off by my mom.
"How dare you speak to me, when your sorry excuse for a brother impregnated my daughter, then overdosed on drugs!" Mom screamed at Nadia.
Nadia's grip tightened to the point where my hand hurt. I was heavily crying by this point.
"... I lost my twin brother two months ago. The only thing left of him is the beautiful life that is growing inside of your daughter. All she wants is for you to love and support her." Nadia replied, in a quiet, angry voice.
My mom walked over to us and smacked Nadia across the face. I gasped as Nadia quickly pulled me behind her.
"Get out of my house! Both of you! And Ivy, don't bother showing your face here again!" My mom spat in disgust.
Nadia pulled me out of the house. She slammed the door closed behind us. I fell to my knees and cried. My body was shaking heavily. Nadia knelt down next to me, and held me.
"Shhhh.... It's okay. It's gonna be okay." She said. I could hear voice crack as she started to cry too.
"I... I just... don't know what to do... I'm so scared... How am I supposed to take care of this baby?" I said, in between sobs.
"Ivy... Sweetie, I know you're scared. But you want to know what I think? I think that baby is going to be loved by it's aunt, and it's grandparents... And it's mother. I know it's hard for you right now, but you will grow to love that child." Nadia said, with sincerity.
"Where am I supposed to go?" I asked.
"You can stay with my parents and me. They'll understand, I know they will." Nadia replied.
She helped me stand up. I wrapped my arms around her, and she did the same.
*****
1 week later
The sound of my alarm woke me up. My eyes fluttered open, and I reached for my phone. It was 9:30 in the morning. I turned off my alarm and stretched. I looked around the room.
It used to be Nadia and Jason's play room when they were little. It had been turned into a guest room since then. One old box of toys sat in the corner; for when Nadia's little cousins came to visit.
Nadia's parents accepted me with open arms. "Of course you can stay with us," Mrs. McConnell had said, "You are the mother of our grandchild, and our daughter's best friend; we would love to take care of you."
I took a quick shower, and got dressed. I walked into the kitchen and found Mrs. McConnell hunched over a pan of scrambled eggs with cheese. She looked over and smiled at me.
"Good morning dear, I made you breakfast." She said, piling the eggs onto a plate.
"Thank you." I replied.
I took the plate, and sat down at the table. Mrs. McConnell walked over and took a drink of her coffee that was sitting on the table.
"Where's Mr. McConnell?" I asked.
"He left for work an hour ago. Which reminds me, I'm running late." She said, putting down her coffee.
She picked up her purse and brief case, and kissed the top of my head.
"I should be back around 5:00. Call me if you need anything." She said.
She quickly walked out of the kitchen. I heard the front door open and close a few seconds later. I ate my scrambled eggs, then washed my plate. I got my self a glass of cucumber and apple juice. Mrs. McConnell told me it was very good pregnancy, plus it tasted delicious. I noticed that Mrs. McConnell only made enough eggs for me.
'She's trying to put Nadia on another "diet" isn't she?' I thought to myself.
Mrs. McConnell was overly nice to me, and though she was nice to Nadia too, she always made her feel really bad about her weight. I quickly got the eggs and cheese out of the fridge, and made more. Just as they were about done, I heard Nadia walk into the kitchen.
"Hey Mama Bear." Nadia said, letting out a yawn as she did so.
"Hey Nads." I replied.
She was wearing blue pajama pants and an old t-shirt from a show we were in sophomore year. She saw the eggs, and got ketchup and a fork. I got a plate from the cabinet, and piled the eggs on. I handed Nadia the plate, and we both sat down at the table.
Nadia ate the eggs, and I drank my juice. I ran out, so I filled the glass with more. I made toast with jelly for both of us.
"How can you drink that stuff?" Nadia asked.
"It's healthy and delicious." I replied with a giggle.
"It's basically pickle juice mixed with apple." She said, taking her last bite of toast.
"It's apple juice with like two ounces of juiced cucumber, that hasn't even been pickled." I retorted.
"You're crazy." She said with a chuckle.
"Oh, don't forget, I have my first ultrasound at noon, so I need to borrow your car." I said.
"... Oh shit... I totally forgot. I have an audition at noon. It's like twenty minutes away from the hospital." Nadia said.
"Dude, really? What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to get there?" I asked.
"Um... You could call Tanya and ask if she can give you a ride." She suggested.
"No, I think she has an art class from like 11:30 to 12:15." I said.
"Well you can't ask Lucas, because he's working at the pot shop till 3:00... You could ask Matt..." Nadia said.
"No... No, I can't. You know I can't. I'm still mad at him. I can't bare to see him." I tried to explain.
"Are you though? Are you really still mad at him? Or are you just afraid that you'll have to talk about what happened? I know you've forgiven him already, because I've forgiven him already. You even said the other day that you wanted to call him. I mean you're even wearing his hoodie, again." She told me.
"...Okay, I have forgiven him, and I miss him like crazy... but... you know what? You're right. I'm gonna have to talk to him at some point anyway, so I might as well do it now. And I do need to get to my appointment." I said.
"Alright, sweet. I'm actually meeting him at a coffee shop in town at 11:00, so we'll just ask if he can take you to the hospital. Which I know he'll say yes to, because he doesn't work today, and he's a good person that will go out of his way to make his friends happy. So let me just shower, get dressed, and put on some makeup, and we'll be on our way." She said.
She walked out of the kitchen to go get ready, as I washed the rest of the dishes.
'This is gonna be one hell of a day.' I thought to myself.
*****
Matt's POV
I sat in the coffee shop. My knee bounced up and down as I anxiously waited for Nadia. I knew she said that she forgave me, but I still thought that she didn't mean it.
'How can she forgive me? I drew Jason over the line. He's dead, because of me. It's all my fault.' I thought to myself.
I picked up my mug of coffee and took a drink. I put it back down, and continued to ridicule myself for the things I did.
I heard a bell jingle, as the front door opened. I looked up and saw not only Nadia, but also Ivy. Nadia didn't tell me that Ivy was coming too. I hadn't seen her since graduation. It felt like everything froze. I took this moment to really look at Ivy. She didn't have any makeup on, but she didn't need it, she was already beautiful. I forgot just how blue her eyes were. She was wearing my blue hoodie. I hadn't even realized she had it. I must have forgot it in her dorm.
I was confused as to why she was wearing it. I thought she hated me after everything I did. I certainly hated myself.
'Why didn't she throw it away?' I thought.
I looked over at Nadia. She looked a little thinner than she was when I hung out with her last week. She was wearing a grey tank top and a maroon scarf. Her makeup looked light and simple. She was really pretty too. She wasn't told that enough.
Time finally began to move again. Nadia started to walk towards me, but Ivy stayed put. I saw Ivy's eyes begin to water. A tear slipped down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away.
"Hey guys. You can come sit on the couch, if you want." I said after a few seconds of silence.
Nadia and Ivy sat down. Nadia smiled. Ivy looked at me for a second, but quickly looked down at the floor.
"Hey Matt." Nadia said, trying to defuse the tension.
"Hey Nadia." I replied.
Nadia nudged Ivy. Ivy looked up and made eye contact with me. Her eyes teared up again. It pained me to see the sadness in her eyes.
"...Um... Hi Matty..." She said in a quiet voice.
"Hi Ivy." I replied just as quietly.
"Um, what kind of coffee do you guys want? I'll pay." I said.
"I'll have a chai latte." Nadia said.
"I actually can't have coffee. It's not good for the baby." Ivy said.
"Oh... I think they have tea and smoothies. And they have muffins." I said.
Ivy's head perked up when I said 'muffins'. I smiled to myself.
"I'll have a blueberry and banana smoothie, if they have it, and a chocolate muffin." She said, with a small smile.
"Alright, that's one chai latte, one blueberry-banana smoothie, and one chocolate muffin coming up." I announced.
I quickly ordered everything, and paid. Once it was all served, I brought it to the girls. They started to drink their drinks.
"So Matt, do you have anything going on at noon today?" Nadia asked.
"Not that I can think of. Why?" I replied.
"Well, Ivy has her first ultrasound then; and I completely forgot. I scheduled an audition for Carousel at the same time. Normally I would drop her off at the hospital, then pick her up when I'm done; but the theater is like twenty minutes away. Ivy and I were wondering if maybe you could give her a ride." Nadia told me.
"Oh... um... Yeah, I can totally take her. If she's okay with it." I said, looking at Ivy.
Another tear trickled down Ivy's cheek. A small smile formed on her lips.
"Matt... This appointment is really important. I'll find out the gender of the baby. I really need to go. I don't care how I get there, as long as I do get there... But I'd feel better if you were the one to take me." Ivy said.
"Alright, I'll take you." I said, with a smile.
"Thank you... Very much." She replied; her smile grew a little.
*****
Ivy and I were in my car. We had been driving for five minutes. Neither of us had said a word in that time. I glanced at Ivy, and saw that she was rapidly tapping her nails against her stomach. She did that when she was anxious.
"This Is War" by 30 Seconds to Mars started to play on the radio. I was focusing on the road, but I knew that Ivy was mouthing along to the lyrics. It was one of her favorite songs. I quietly tapped the beat of the song on the steering wheel as I drove. Both of us started singing when the chorus kicked in. It was the first time I had seen Ivy genuinely happy in a long time. Her smile was radiating.
It got quiet when the song ended. Ivy turned the radio off. I looked over at her, and we made eye contact. It looked like she was about to say something, but it was only for a second. You could cut the tension with a knife.
'Say something. Say anything.' I thought to myself.
"Hey... I noticed you're wearing one of my hoodies. I didn't even realize you had it." I said.
"... Oh, yeah... You left a few of them in my dorm room... I gave most of them back to you, but I kept this one... It means a lot to me. It's my favorite hoodie. It's kind of like my version of a security blanket; I wear it when I'm sad or stressed out... I've been wearing it a lot lately. I hope that's okay. If not, I can give it back." She replied, her voice getting quiet with the last sentence.
"Oh no, you can go ahead and keep it. If it makes you feel better, I shouldn't be the one to take it away. You need it more than I do." I said.
"Are you sure?" She asked.
"Of course, Ivy." I replied, with a light chuckle.
Ivy pulled the sleeves down, so they were covering her fingers. She brought the sleeves up to her lips. The widest smile spread across her face. It felt like a warm light grew inside of me.
"Thank you." She said.
Neither of us said a word the rest of the drive. It was a comfortable silence this time. Ivy turned the radio back on. We listened to the alternative station until we got to the hospital.
When we arrived, I drove into the parking lot and parked the car. The clock read 11:30. I shut off the car, and opened the door. I started to get out, but Ivy pulled me back in.
"Matt, Wait! I um... need to talk you... I don't have to sign in until 11:45... So we can wait..." She said.
"Okay... What's up?" I replied, closing the door behind me.
"We... um... We need to talk about what happened with Jason..." She said, tears starting to form in her eyes.
'Oh fuck. I knew this was coming. She's gonna scream at me.' I thought to myself.
"... We had to talk about it eventually..." Ivy said, when I didn't say anything.
"... Um... Okay..." I said.
"Matty, look, I know... I know that you blame yourself for what Jason did... I know that you hate yourself for it... But you shouldn't... Jason was already spiraling out of control... Now, what you said was really fucked up. You outed both of them against their will; which is not okay. But I understand why you did it... You were already mad at Jason because of Megan. I know you think it was his fault. That's why you never really talked to him after it happened. But I was part of the reason too... I left you for no reason at all. I blew you off... I was selfish and stupid... I was so used to being left behind and having to move on, so I moved on without you... So when you heard that Jason got the girl you love pregnant, and he didn't even care... You had a right to be upset, plus you were confused because of what Peter told you.... And I know you love me. You never said it, but I could tell. Which is what makes what I did so fucked up..." Ivy told me, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Ivy-" I began to say, but she cut me off.
"I care about you Matty... So much... And I know this will hurt... But the honest truth? I didn't love you... I wanted to, I really did. I tried to love you. Because after everything you've been through, you deserve to be loved. But I didn't... Because I thought I was in love with Jason. Which I know is messed up, considering what he did to Megan, but it just happened... I'm not sure what else to say, either than I fucked up. I fucked up hard, and I'm so sorry. I forgave you for what you said already, but... If you can forgive me for what I did to you..." She broke down into sobs.
"Ivy..." I said, lightly touching her hand. "What you did really hurt, and I know you don't feel the same way... But it's okay. Of course I forgive you...I'm just surprised that you forgave me..."
She looked up at me, her face stained with tears. It broke my heart to see her so upset. I realized that I had been crying too. She took my hand in hers.
"Can we... Can we start over, and be friends again?" She asked.
I nodded my head in reply. She wrapped her arms around my chest, and hugged me tight. I wrapped my arms around her in a hug just as tight. We stayed like that, until we both ran out of tears.
*****
I sat in the waiting room. The clock on the wall read 12:50. The walls were a pale yellow, with storks and toddlers painted on them. A crate of building blocks sat on the table in front of me. Two toddlers played with the blocks, while a pregnant woman; most likely their mom, watched from her seat.
Ivy was currently getting her ultrasound. I played a game on my phone, while I waited for her. My stomach rumbled, and I realized that I hadn't eaten anything all day. I was too anxious to meet with Nadia.
'I'll have to grab something to eat after I take Ivy home." I thought to myself.
After a few more minutes of mindless game play, I heard the sound of the door opening. I looked up, and saw Ivy walk out of the office with her doctor. They were discussing dates for her next appointment. When they were done talking, Ivy walked up to the desk, and set up the date with the receptionist.
Finally, she walked over to me. She had a smile on her face. She was holding a small number of pictures.
"So, how did it go?" I asked.
"It went really well. The baby and I are both healthy. I saw the baby, and got to hear its heartbeat." Ivy said, happy tears in her eyes.
"I finally understand what everyone's been talking about. It was the most beautiful sound, Matty. How could someone not love something so pure?" She added.
I smiled as she spoke to me. I was so happy to see her so enthusiastic about her child. I could see the light in her eyes.
We walked out of the building, and towards the car. Once we got inside, Ivy grabbed my arm to get my attention.
"Hey, Matt?" She said.
"Yeah?" I replied.
"I promised Nadia, that she would be the first person to know the baby's gender, once I found out... But I don't think I can hold it in any longer. Would it be okay if I told you?" She asked.
"Of course!" I said, with a smile.
"Okay...... It's a girl!" She exclaimed.
"Oh my goodness! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!" I said, giving her a hug.
"Do you wanna see the ultrasound pictures?" She asked.
"I'd love to." I replied.
Ivy handed me the pictures that she was holding. Each one captured a blurry black and white image of the baby. It was the most miraculous thing I had ever seen.
'She's smiling! The baby's smiling!' I thought to myself.
"Ivy, she's beautiful." I said.
"Thanks." Ivy replied, her voice cracking.
She had the biggest smile on her face. A few happy tears slipped down her cheeks. She rested one hand on her stomach, while she held one of the pictures in the other. A small giggle escaped her lips as she stared at the baby. The sight of Ivy so happy, made me smile too.
"You're smiling." I whispered, not thinking that she could hear me.
She suddenly looked up, and took the rest of the pictures from my hands. She quickly wiped her tears away.
"I'm sorry, I just love her so much." Ivy said quietly.
I lightly grabbed her wrists, to make her look at me. We made eye contact, and I saw how embarrassed she was. She looked adorable when she was embarrassed.
"It's okay, you don't have to be sorry. I like it when you smile." I told her.
Ivy started giggling, as her smile came back. I chuckled quietly at the beautiful sight before me.
"Um, hey. Do you want to get some lunch? I've had nothing to eat today, and I'm really hungry." I said.
"Oh yeah! I'm starving! That sounds great!" She said.
"Alright, where do you wanna go?" I asked.
"Anywhere that serves chocolate ice cream!" She replied.