The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal -- Unknown
Arnav Singh Raizada sat with his eyes glued to his sister's unconscious form while he recalled his wedding night.
He has successfully started his revenge. On the very first night he has stunned her to silence. Literally!
He has crushed her dreams she has weaved with him. He knew she has been expecting him to be gentle, caring and altogether loving and attentive he always was with her in their 6 months of courtship. That was why he has felt it necessary to break her illusion on the very first day itself.
He has had thought that when he would crush her dreams.Crush her. Rip her apart on their wedding night then he would enjoy it. He would revel in it. He would make sure he did. But ever since he has seen her in the morning with her disheveled and desolate condition something was pinching in his heart.
That was the only reason he has repeated his monstrosity yet again in the morning in order to cut down all of the soft corner he may have developed for her while faking his affections to her. To his bad luck it didn't work.
Even talking to his sister didn't help. Not that she could listen or respond or console him but still opening up to her helped him gain strength. But now it was all weighing him down. Lack of courage, lack of happiness, lack of control everything was taking a toll on him.
"Nothing is more important for me than you Di. Nothing or no one." He gritted as his ears buzzed with her yells of pain and his mind reminded him again and again of how heartlessly he has behaved with the woman who was now his wife.
"And I mean it." He added kissing her hand before standing up with his eyes glinting with madness. Darkness.
"I will prove it to her that no one can make Arnav Singh Raizada weak." He spoke in a low menacing voice with a determination to turn every feeling inside of him to hate even if he has already lost a part of him to someone as deceitful as her.
"I am not Anjali Singh Raizada and neither are you Shyam, Khushi that you'd fool me and I'd accept defeat without a fight. No. Not at all." He left the farmhouse with the burning rage and boiling nerves.
Whole of his day in office he spent on egg shells as a voice kept ringing in his head testing his sanity.
"What has happened to you?" She has cried out.
"Did I do something wrong? Why are you doing this to me?" She has pleaded.
Leaning back on the chair he stared ahead as a red hue of restraint shone in his eyes. His hands at arm rests clenched in anger before he swiped a hand across a table causing the things to fly all over the room right there on the floor.
By the time he reached home, he was frustrated with himself and highly pissed off too.
Making up your mind to take revenge was one thing, acting on your cruel plans was another. And seeing the repurcussions of your own actions before your very eyes with your subconscious nagging you every moment of your life was altogether a different thing.
Right now Arnav Singh Raizada was going through each of those conflicted emotions of anger, hate, rage, remorse and rage, hate and anger all over again.
In those moments of his self-rebuke and trying to defend himself he found himself standing face to face with his wife who was standing with the cradle of the phone held in her hand which soon started shaking seeing him before it slipped from her hand and crashed there on the floor when he took a step to her.
Seeing him moving towards her she retreated her steps petrified and right there at the left side of his chest his heart crushed the same way he has crushed hers not so long ago.
Revenge is like a parasite, an infection that when it infects you it deranges not only the normal functions of your body but also flows like a plague in your blood. If you don't treat it, it grows and spreads to every organ in your body and eventually nothing remains normal inside you. Nothing remains pure. Neither you nor your feelings even if you have any whatsoever.
Same things was happening with Arnav Singh Raizada as even if he had feelings for his wife, those were mixed with that parasite, that infection in his body. Eventually nothing remained pure. Actually nothing remained there at all because next moment Khushi found herself there on the floor as his hand struck her cheek hard before he crashed the telephone against the wall ahead vengefully.
"Who gave you the permission to touch anything in my house?" He growled standing over her head who was still processing of what was actually happening to her.
Holding back her sobs while tears soaked her cheeks, she looked up with her hand on her imprinted cheek.
"I-I wanted to talk to my family." She stuttered crawling back on the floor while looking up at him frightened.
Oh she wanted to talk to her family after reducing his only family to bed huh?
Let's see!
"Sure. You can." He said taking out his cell and extending it to her. Khushi who wasn't meeting his eyes till now shot her eyes up to him in surprise.
Then she saw the same man with whom she has fallen in love with, with whom she has agreed to marry.
The monster from the last night and this morning was gone.
He was flipped. All over again.
"She would give him tough time. She knows what he is doing for her yet she is finding reasons to negate his efforts by any means possible." Akash spoke to which they all agreed.
"He knows that Akash. Don't worry about that. I have been constantly in touch with him." Shashi said to which they all nodded praying in their hearts that things work out for the couple one way or the other.
Akash and Payal along with Pari left to their home an hour later bidding bye to everyone.
"Okay, I'll talk to him. Now eat." Shashi said with a sigh when at night they all gathered at the dining and Khushi refused to touch the food.
She didn't know but she was behaving the same way their old Khushi did whenever she wanted something from her father. Shashi and Garima exchanged a knowing look of happiness. Their real daughter was coming back and they had no one but Arnav to thank for that.
"You will?" Khushi asked expectantly.
"Oh sure I will. He must be coming any minute from now."
"Matlab? (Means?)" Her ears perked up while her heart skipped a beat.
"He will join us for dinner, Khushi. Simple."
Khushi dropped her head in her palms.
"Why did you call him here?" She whined.
"He is our son-in-law now titaliya. Yeah again but still. Of course we have to follow some protocols." Madhumati spoke this time.
"Uffo Buaji, Babu ji, come on." She bent her head and touched it to the table in exasperation making her family smile.
"He was already coming to pick you up-"
"No Babu ji. I was thinking of staying here tonight. Besides if I had to go back then I have my own car. I could go by myself. He didn't had to come." She raised her head and pouted involuntarily.
They chuckled.
"What's so funny?" She exclaimed.
"Bitiya, you can't run your whole life from your own husband." Shashi said seriously this time. Khushi averted her eyes. Just then her phone beeped. She gritted her teeth in frustration as she didn't have to check to know from who was it and what was written inside. Another hour must have passed and hence this message.
She took her cell phone vengefully and threw it carelessly at her back hoping it to stop ringing. She was expecting a loud crash to the floor but when nothing of that sort happened, she turned frowning and found her cell in his hands as he walked to the dining greeting everyone.
Khushi turned back with her heart thudding in her chest thinking for how long has he been standing there? And how much has he heard? How did he enter at the first place itself?
She looked around the table and realized instantly. Her family was expecting him and that was why they must have left the front door ajar for him.
Argh!
"Here, your phone." He passed it to her taking the chair besides her opening the front button of his blazer. Without looking at him, she snatched it from him and stood up.
"I am done." She said.
Arnav stood up too.
"Great. Then let's go." He said buttoning up his blazer.
"I am staying here tonight." She announced turning to him. "So you can have your dinner and leave."
Shashi, Garima and Madhumati continued eating pretending they were invisible knowing that Arnav would handle her alright.
"Just for tonight?" He asked frowning.
"What if say no? Would you force me to come with you again?" She squared her shoulders challenging him.
"You just need to assure me that you'd come back home tomorrow and I'd let you stay here." He said seriously.
"What do you mean that you would let me stay here? It's not that I need your permission to be with my family now do I?"
Arnav swallowed. That was one another sensitive topic between them. He knows how he behaved when he married her for revenge and how she had to have permission from to do anything in his mansion.
At Arnav's silence Shashi, Garima and Madhumat raised their heads and saw Khushi on the verge of losing her composure. She looked like if she didn't get the acceptable answer from him then she'd herself throw him out of her home and maybe her life too.
But thankfully that didn't happen because Arnav handled it. As if he figured out what they saw too.
"I am requesting you Khushi. Please do come home tomorrow. With me."
He saw her calming down visibly. Exhaling a sigh he stepped to her as her family held their breaths.
"You want to stay here. Stay. I am no one to stop you from being with your family."
He saw her expressions turning normal and inwardly he thanked heavens for getting to her. He just have to read her correctly and say what she wants to hear if he don't want to lose her.
"I guess I still have a lot to do to make you feel at home with me." His hand reached over cautiously to touch her cheek as she blinked her eyes at him. In a daze.
"I hope someday you'd consider me a part of your family, too and you'd want to be with me as much as you want to be with them." His voice has turned just a whisper but everyone at the table heard it as there was pin drop silence in the dining hall.
"Can we talk somewhere alone before I go?" He asked huskily forgetting all about dinner he was here to eat with her family.
Khushi found herself nodding despite herself.
As they left upstairs Garima noticed Shashi's restlessness as his gaze followed Khushi and Arnav leaving for Khushi's room.
"What is it Shashi ji?" Garima asked.
Madhumati looked at her brother with concern as she noticed his worry too.
"N-Nothing. I am just-" He inhaled sharply before looking over at his wife and sister.
"I am amazed at the hold that man possess over my daughter. No wonder she couldn't get over him for years even after all that he did to her." He croaked at the end as he said. "He literally, almost, killed her. But look there, if you'd look at Khushi, my daughter.. she seems she would die a thousands deaths at his hands and still would love him only."
Madhumati and Garima gasped.
"Are you saying he is playing with her feelings again?" Garima was on the verge of panicking.
"No. I am saying that now they are sailing on the same boat. If Khushi feels this way, Arnav does the same too. That's what bothers me. I can see how he is trying to get through her. If Khushi asked him to kill himself for her to prove his love, he would."
Madhumati and Garima sucked in their breaths.
"And I am afraid Khushi could ask that to prove herself and him that she loves Rahul more than Arnav which--which is definitely a lie."
Garima's eyes filled up and so did Madhumati's.
"Our titaliya loves Arnav more than anyone. More than her baby. More than us. Even more than anything else in this world." Madhumati said bleary eyed which they all already had figured out.
"Right. For Khushi to lead a normal life she has to, has to realize that and not feel guilty about it at all either. She has to understand that she.. she can't help it even if she want to." Shashi added with an exaggerated sigh as his eyes prickled thinking about all his daughter went through in such a young age and she was still suffering.
In the past that wasn't her choice. But now, she has herself chosen to live deprived of the love she always have pined for. Just because she thinks she would be disgracing the memory of her lost baby who was long gone and was never coming back.
She thinks she doesn't have the right to live for herself with the man who snatched her child from her. And if she did she would be letting Arnav win who was yes, the murderer of her child.
Shashi flinched.
That was one complicated mess his daughter thoughts must be while living with a man who was once worst than a monster with her. No wonder she was giving Arnav a tough time.
Honestly, he wouldn't have let him enter back into his daughter's life if he hadn't seen Khushi's condition on her marriage day when Arnav tried to commit suicide.
That day he realized.
Never did Arnav Singh Raizada left his daughter's life and he never would.
Ever!
(Mature content ahead!)
"Come on Khushi. Take it now already. My arm is hurting keeping it extended for about ten minutes." He said encouragingly.
"I just want to talk with my family I swear. Please don't be mad." She looked like she herself didn't know how should she handle him.
Good!
He thought as he saw her extending her trembling hand to the phone shivering nonetheless. The imprint of his fingers on her cheek and the blood clotted on the corner of her lips told the story of his heartlessness of minutes ago.
As her hand retrieved the phone from his hand she lowered her eyes and was about to dial her familiy when he said.
"One minute with your family would cost you two hours of submission.Are you ready to pay the price?"
The phone slipped from her hands as her head shot to him with her eyes widened.
"You'd do whatever I'd ask you after you'd be done talking to your family." He added ruthlessly.
She gulped as tears threatened to escape her eyes.
"So do we have a deal?" He hovered over her and she trembled in her shoes.
"No. I-I don't want to talk to my family." She said hurriedly with panic written on her face.
"Good choice." His words sent chills down her spine.
"For as long as you're here you'd pay for everything you'd use in this mansion. Let's start from paying for the clothes you are wearing."
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked up at him with pain. She seemed like she wanted to scream that she wasn't a paying guest but his wife. It took all of her self control not to utter that.
"Do you know how much that saree costs which you have so casually draped around yourself?"
"P-Please stop it Arnav ji." She cried out as one of his hand reached over to the pin at her shoulder.
"20,000 Rupees." He said breathing on her face chilling her.
"Now even if you served me the whole day you'd not be able to pay even half of it."
The pallu was off her shoulder and her shivering started. She tried to escape from one side in one moment and found herself seized in his death grip in the next.
Terror filled her insides as she saw him back. The man of her wedding night was back.
"What did you eat today Khushi?" He asked all of a sudden.
When she continued to shake in his arms he repeated himself squeezing her arms causing her to whimper.
"N-Nothing." She cried out.
"And what did I tell you when I left in the morning and I swear if you made me repeat this question then I'd make you pay for it." He gritted.
"You said I had to eat to restore my strength for what you've in store for me tonight." She recited as it is in one breath.
"Then why didn't you EAT?" He shook her hard.
"I wasn't hungry." She burst out sobbing lowering her head as her pain shoot through her arms because with each of the words uttering from his mouth he was increasing the pressure on her arms.
"Now listen to me very carefully. From now on whenever you're not hungry you'd eat double your capacity and if you didn't I'd myself shove it down your throat myself. Did you get it?" He growled before leaving her with a jerk and smashed his phone against the wall which crashed to the floor and broke into pieces right besides the telephone causing her to yelp at her place.
When he looked at her this time she nodded vigorously knowing that if she made him repeat himself than it would affect and cost her only.
"Now that's settled. Shall we start working to get back my 20000 from you?"
She stepped back startled and scared as he advanced towards her like a lion approaching his prey.
"Please.. don't." She had all the intentions to run but he was smarter than her to catch her before she could.
"Before doing anything explain to me what is my fault at least?"
His eyes darkened manifolds at her question before he smirked.
"Top most businessmen in India and all over the world has to wait days or even years to make an appointment with me to propose their deals. To work with me. Many bribes, many pleads and many do anything they could to reach me but look here, you are standing here so close to me and all you could think about is your questions and not me? Do you know how many people wishes to be in the place you are right now. And look here, you are crying not reveling in it."
"They must not know your real nature to think like that." She gritted with pain in her voice and he laughed. Darkly.
"I promise you Ms. Gupta you don't know the real me at all. Either!" He chewed each words. Not only words but her lips too.
She squirmed in his arms trying to break free as she could feel the blood oozing out of her lips. She winced when he rubbed his thumb over her lips wiping the red liquid before diving in again.
"So what was I saying? People die to meet me and you're standing here with me asking questions you shouldn't have." As he said that a shiver ran down her spine.
"Let's make another deal. I will answer one question of yours and you'd pay me 1 lac for it? Can you?"
Her face twisted in hurt and disbelief.
"So Ms. Gupta. Can you pay me that much to earn an appointment with me?"
"N-No." She stuttered as she shuddered with fear because his eyes were warning her to reply otherwise he would punish her well for not answering at once.
"That's it. Another issue solved. If that question of 'why' left you little mouth again then you'd have one lac to pay me to earn my time to sit with you and explain without me doing what I so intend to do right now."
Her eyes widened and she couldn't reply because his hand which was roaming at her back has slipped inside her petticoat and squeezed her hips before it reached in between her thighs. He dipped in a finger inside her then another and then another and she cried out in pain because he wasn't gentle at all. Besides she was still sore after all he did to her last night and this morning.
"I SAID NO WORDS AT ALL!" He yelled at the top of his voice and all of her cries got stuck in some region of her throat.
"Now stay here and recall what sins have you done for which you're getting punished." He said hours later at night when they were in the bedroom and he was done with her.
She took the liberty to moan in pain as even though he was done but he hasn't move out of her yet. Not only her heart but every muscle and bone in her body was screaming out silently of the pain he made her go through for hours and hours.
Now his words only added to her misery.
"Until you won't figure out you'd be punished every single night the same way."
She winced as he pulled out of her once before thrusting inside her once again roughly causing her to place her palm over her mouth to stop herself from crying out loud.
"I suggest you work your brain if you want to get yourself out of this suffering. If you didn't I'd make you pay for being oblivious to your own sins as well." He gritted before removing himself off her while she turned to the other side and burying her head in the pillow submerged into tears.
"Get out of my room!" He ordered sitting with his back to her. She turned on her back with her tears stains cheeks knowing that she won't be able get up with her bruised body at all. He knew that too then how could he--
When she didn't move at all he closed his eyes once before saying more firmly this time.
"You will sleep in the kitchen from now on. Get a pillow and a blanket and get out of my sight." He said and immediately felt like he has just shown mercy on her by asking her to take pillow and blanket so he rectified his mistake by saying.
"You will pay the rent to stay there too. Also for using that pillow and blanket as well." He still hasn't turned to her.
"I-I can't get up. It hurts." She managed to say in between her sobs.
He clenched his jaws and hands as his eyes prickled.
"If you didn't get out of my sight in five minutes Khushi then you'd have repeat episode of what you just endured." He growled teetering on the edge of his patience. That got the desired result out of her. She felt strength to save herself from his monstrosity because she didn't feel like she could endure it one more time tonight so she wrapped herself in sheets, grabbed her clothes torn from edges, pillow and the blanket before scurrying out of the bedroom to the kitchen downstairs.
Upon reaching there she let the pillow and blanket fall on the floor with herself and cried throwing her face in her palms.
Her voice was muffled as she didn't want him to hear her and revel in her misery but then a thought struck her. His room was at the tenth floor of this mansion he wouldn't hear anyway.
As soon as the thought struck her she screamed out loud in agony which shook the foundation of RM and Arnav sitting in his room too.
He paced in his room with his hands clenched into fists because her cries continued to echo in the mansion till the morning and kept him on his toes too until he heard the silence. The quietness which thickened with every passing second. He came out of the room and used the lift to go floors down to the kitchen.
Once there he saw her lying curled up like a ball in the middle of the floor with her swollen eyes closed and body still shivering because of all the breakdown.
A hand clawed his heart when he crouched down to her level and heard silent whimpers still leaving her trembling lips. He frowned as his vision blurred as he placed his hand on her tears stained cheek. She squirmed.
"You have to know I love my sister more than anyone. More than y-" He stopped as knots formed in his stomach before retrieving his hand vengefully and storming off as fast as he could because right there on his hand a water drop has fallen from maybe the roof he thought. Just that he realized later that it was his eyes which were crying without his permission. For her. Even when they shouldn't.
She doesn't deserve pity or mercy. She deserves what she was getting.
All of it and more!
(Mature content ended)
Just yesterday night he has slept holding her and now just a day later he was back to stay without her on this empty, cold bed. Alone.
He was amazed that how a night spent with her in his arms could change his life and turn it upside down that now not having her besides him was making him feel excruciating pain all over him. A longing so potent that could feel it poking his chest with needles.
Just hours ago he has gone to fetch her from Gomti Sadan and she refused straight away. Not only did she look defiant she also seemed she was testing him on another level based on their past. Brutal past. He still remembers how he behaved with her right on their second day of marriage.
"I just want to talk with my family I swear. Please don't be mad."
"One minute with your family would cost you two hours of submission.Are you ready to pay the price?"
"You'd do whatever I'd ask you after you'd be done talking to your family." He added ruthlessly.
"So do we have a deal?" He hovered over her and she trembled in her shoes.
"No. I-I don't want to talk to my family." She said hurriedly with panic written on her face.
No wonder she turned defiant and her eyes spitted fire at him when he refused her at first to stay at her parents.
She hasn't forgotten anything and he was afraid she won't. Ever. The past was something that was permanent in their life. Something which unfortunately he can't change. All he could was make new memories for her to make her learn to live with it. It was necessary for their future. For them to move on.
"Nothing is more important for me than you Di. Nothing or no one."
"And I mean it."
"I will prove it to her that no one can make Arnav Singh Raizada weak."
"You have to know I love my sister more than anyone. More than y-"
He paced every inch of the room in restlessness as his eyes prickled and his heart soared.
"Please I love him more than anything. He means everything to me. No one else. Not even you. Did you get me?" She cried out with her fingers buried in her hairs.
"Let me clear one more thing. I am not that type of woman either, who cries and begs for her husband's attention. I am not weak. At all."
History was repeating itself. Roles were reversed but the fire of revenge and hate and resistance to love between them was still there mocking on his face. Laughing at him. Telling him that neither it had let their love succeed then nor would it allow it now.
He groaned running his fingers in his hairs in sheer pain before taking long strides to the couch and dropped himself on it with his shoulders slumped.
"Ab ye baat mai uss ziddi ladki ko kaise samjhaun k nafrat ki iss aag mai jalne k siwah aur kuch nahi milta? (How do I make that stubborn girl understand that the fire of hate doesn't give you anything but at the end , eventually swallows yourself only)"
He pursed his lips trying to curb both his frustration as well as helplessness.
Did she feel the same in the past when he refused to be considerate towards her?
If she did which he sure was she must have then he sure as well was getting the taste of his own medicine!
"Mujhe hi dekh le. Samajh kyun nahi aati usse? (Can't she see a living example in me? Why can't she understand?)" He gritted.
The night passed with him revisiting the same past memories. Mostly dark ones. And by the time it was morning he was calmer than before as he realized he deserved all of what she was making him suffer and more!
That made his nerves settle and heart ache because seeing yourself on the wrong side wasn't pretty at all.
He knew of his crimes and sins he committed. He has paid for them. In jail. But was that enough atonement for his wrongdoings?
He don't think so.
As he went through another guilt trip all of his anger on Khushi was slowly, slowly leaving him and by the time he was on his way to Gomti Sadan he was relaxed enough to face whatever his wife would throw his way this time because he knew she won't like seeing him on her door this early in the morning demanding to take her back to Khushi Mansion before she leaves for her work.
He had had a tiring and pain strikingly heartrending and not to mention sleepless night. Now he wanted some peace. Some relief. Some of .. her.
And he would.
Whether she likes it ... or not.
He smiled knowingly to himself. Latter possibility was more likely to happen and he wasn't wrong because as he rang the bell and the door opened. He found her standing there at the threshold with an half eaten apple in her hand held casually with her left arm half flexed up in air whilst her mouth was full of the fruit.
His lips quirked up into a smile as her eyes dilated in surprise and jaws dropped open seeing him and some pieces of apple fell off her mouth on the cue. He reached over and taking one chunk from the corner of her lips placed it in his mouth looking straight in her startled eyes which turned more wide seeing his seductive act causing her to gulp hard resulting in a piece to get stuck in her windpipe.
As expected she was coughing in the next moment getting attention from not only her family sitting in the open living room but also worrying Arnav whose smile faltered as he quickly rushed and pulling her in his arms rubbed her back while Garima came rushing to them with a glass of water in her hand.
"Be careful." He ordered in concern when her mother offered her water and she took hug gulps of it too. On his order she finished it in one go in vengeance causing her mother to sigh and Arnav to shake his head.
"Why are you here?" She pounced on him stepping closer to him.
"To get you!" He raised his eyebrow.
"Isn't it too early for you to come here? I told you I'd be back by myself." She exclaimed pointing the apple at him subconsciously.
Garima bit back a smile because Arnav extracted the apple out of her hold and bit into from the side she has already eaten making Khushi speechless for a moment as he chewed the fruit with his lips turning into a devilish smirk before she shook her head and squared her shoulders in defiance once again.
"I will be back after work in the evening. You can go now!" She looked like she would make him go from the door only.
"Khushi?" Garima whispered to her tugging at her shirt seeing Arnav's expression turning in moments. He was hurt.
"Won't you even let me in for a minute or two?" He asked masking his emotions.
"No!" She said straightforwardly.
"Why not?" He asked calmly.
"Because I said so!" She shrugged royally.
His lips curved into a smile surprising Garima because anyone at his place would've felt offended but on the contrary he looked amused and calm.
"What do I have to do to get in?" He knew she was on a spree to make him 'work' to spend some time with her and also knew the reason why.
"It's not that you need the door to get in. Go and come through that pipe you used twice already." She placed her hand on her hips.
"What?" He exclaimed. "You want me to climb the pipe again when I can enter by the door all right? I don't have to hide anymore to meet you." He tried to curb his annoyance.
Garima saw Khushi was taking it too far so she intervened.
"Khushi, let him in bitiya." She said softly.
"No. If he wants to come in then he would've to use the pipe otherwise I won't be going to his mansion even in the evening." She said stubbornly and alarm bells rang in his head.
"You aren't serious are you?" He asked quietly.
"I don't think we have such a casual relationship that I'd pass jokes on you." She seethed.
His eyes prickled with hurt. He swallowed before averting his eyes and Garima felt really bad for him. After a few moments he was looking back at her with the same calmness which has become his nature exclusively with her.
"Fine. If you want me to climb the pipe then that's what you'd get." He took her hand and placing the apple back in her palm turned around.
"Arnav!" Shashi called him from behind.
Khushi's eyes widened a bit before she turned to her father who seemed like he knew what she was up to.
"Get in. Come on." He gestured through his hand.
Arnav looked from Shashi to Khushi. The former's eyes were encouraging him to step his foot in while the latter was warning him not to. In a severe dilemma he chose the middle ground.
"I will come later after work. I-I am getting late for office." He said and saw his wife smile in triumph.
His lips curved in to a smile too. If seeing him lose would bring that smile on her face then he was ready to be defeated by her in every possible way. All of his life. Their life.
"Have a nice day." He hasn't forgotten to complete his unsaid tradition of side hugging her and kissing her temple making her dumbfounded because she didn't expect him to do that before her parents.
He was gone then but she stood rooted to the spot. Why she had a feeling that he turned the game on his side by just a hug and a peck on his temple in a mere moment?
As if she didn't win this round, he did?
She clenched her jaws as answered mocked her right on her face.
All of her anger came from his several messages which contained only three words in it.
I love you!
He has kept his promise. Not only did she receive a message every other hour but after midnight along with the messages she got voice mails too of the same with his husky voice full of emotions professing his love for her.
All of those messages kept her fully wide awake the whole night.
Also, it was just yesterday she has found herself entangled in his arms on his bed and now she was all alone on her old bed in her old home with her old sleeping arrangement. Alone!
Does that mean she wanted to sleep besides him in his arms?
As soon as the thought came she shook her head vigorously and reprimanded herself for thinking so!
Later at night she has received a voice message on whatsapp which has unarmed her. Literally!
It shook the foundation of her being. Made her well built walls crack from every corner until she could feel a hole drilling into it working hard to get through her.
It all weighed down on her.
Because not only was his voice turning heavy with every word he barely was able to form coherent syllables by the end of it.
I was recalling our second day of wedding. First marriage. I remember how I behaved with you on that day. I- (He breathed) don't know how you endured all of that cruelty. I don't know how you- (He rasped) survived. All I know is that as I relived everything it felt like it was just yesterday. Just-- yesterday when I married you, hurt you on our very first night of marriage. Later in the morning and then it continued the next day as well. And many more to come.
There was a pause for a moment.
I made you sleep in the kitchen. I heard you break down there. Yet.. yet I didn't have it in me to come and console you. I-I came to see you in the morning Khushi. And you were- you were-
His voice was cracking by now and she heard silence from his side for many moments in which only his ragged breathing could be heard.
You were lying there curled up like a ball on the floor.(She heard him clearing his throat before he took a sharp intake of breath) I-I am sorry I can't speak clearly. My own voice- seems hoarse and unclear to me. (He sniffled) But then--(A dry chuckle left him)-that is just an excuse. I- I really can't speak about that time without breaking down just like you can't. It is cutting me by only recalling those memories I am wondering what must they have had done to you who have suffered all that. Khushi I-
She heard his shuddering breaths. Not only him, she was shedding tears too.
I couldn't say all that being there. Being in front of you. Because I know it would make you fall weak and shatter into pieces before me which I-I can't bear to see you. Sorry I am sounding coward but I can't see you cry like that. I can't bear to see those broken expression on your face which I know I bestowed upon you. Khushi.. Khushi! It is killing me.(He gritted) Why did you stay in your parents today? Why?
He stopped again.
I-I miss you. I miss you like hell even though it has been just hours you've been away.
She sobbed as she heard his mirthless laugh.
In order to divert my mind off the bad memories I recalled our relationship prior to marriage when I was dating you. When I was working to make you fall for me. It was so so easy then. You were so naive and... innocent. You were so.. pure- so- trusting. So.. so.. open.
She covered her mouth with her palm as a scream brew up inside her and it became unbearable for her to listen anymore so she pressed the stop button and placing the phone under her pillow placed her head over it and closed her eyes. Then she has submerged herself into tears soaking the pillow beneath.
He hasn't changed a bit. He made her cry then and he was successfully doing it again.
So yes, he deserved every suffering he was getting. But even that thought didn't calm her or gave her relief. It only added up to her restlessness.
Instead of reveling in his brokenness, she wanted to go running to him. Snuggle to him. Whisper sweet nothings in his ears and tell him it was alright but.. she knew. It wasn't. Nothing was alright. Neither in her life. Nor in her heart. And certainly nowhere around her.
"Khushi?" Someone called her bringing her back to present.
"Huh?" She said looking around and found herself sitting with her mother, father and Buaji on the dining table having the breakfast.
"Eat bitiya. What are you thinking?" Shashi asked despite knowing it all.
"Nothing. I am eating." She shook her head turning her head to her plate. Her parents hasn't asked her anything about her recent encounter with Arnav right in front of them and she was thankful to them for that. She don't know if she could explain her behavior to herself at all let alone them.
Preoccupied she was playing with her food still not eating.
"If it made you this much sad then you shouldn't have sent him away." Garima spoke this time.
"I am not sad." She turned defensive and starting eating before going upstairs to get ready for her office.Today she has to file a case against Sunit Kapoor for not only domestic violence but also for getting her client Niti Kapoor rid of her abusive husband.
Yes. She better concentrate on her case rather than her doomed messed up personal life. It has been like that ever since she could remember.
But she didn't know why as she started her car settling in she put on headset and played his remaining voice message.
She shouldn't have. At least not while driving. And she realized it a little too late.
Burying himself into work he tried to keep his mind off the things. Precisely, off her.
Is that how she felt when he gave her the cold shoulder in the past?
Then damn well he deserved feeling the same because it felt like thousands needles are being plunged into him with no sound coming out of him but screams brewed and crashed within him crushing some more of him if there was anything left of him to destroy anyway.
With every passing second he would notice the time and wait for the evening to come when he would go and get her back. To their home!
Also he didn't forget sending her the messages of his love confession every hour today too. Last night along with those messages he has sent her a very detailed voice message through whatsapp.
Though he did see the two blue ticks indicating she saw it but heard? Has she? Or did she just delete it irritated with his continuous texts? Or maybe she saw it but thought to hear it in the morning because he sent it too late. At 3am precisely. She must be too sleepy to listen that long message.
He wouldn't have sent that voice text if he hadn't been on the brink of his emotions. Memories keep coming back with vengeance and by the time it was 3 past night they has become so overpowering that it became too difficult to contain it all inside so he had to let it out. As she wasn't there nor could he say it all in front of her meeting her eyes so he used the other mean to tell her his real feelings. He has never been honest with her in the past. But now he would be. Always. Whatever it takes.
He kept his promise so far and he would in future too.
Did she hear the message?
Question lingered in his mind again.
Maybe she did.
Was that why she was so pissed in the morning and didn't let him come in?
Probably!
If that was the reason how would he calm her down now?
How?
He rubbed his temples. His head would explode with all the heavy thinking. Taking the glass of water he took two huge gulps and exhaled sharply before leaning his head back on his leather chair. Closing his eyes he tried to calm his nerves. Overthinking would only make things worse for him and eventually, them.
He has to have a serious talk with Khushi about their relationship and he won't be having that conversation in India but England. Because if anything upsetting came out of it that she could cancel their trip which he couldn't afford at this moment.
Having set his mind on one track he took his things and headed for another scheduled meeting with his mind still on the woman with a pair of most beautiful hazel eyes which promised him pain and suffering every time he has seen in them ever since their second real marriage.
Do you remember the time when you got upset with me the very first time? (Smile could be heard in his voice) How you gave me a tough time to ask for forgiveness but yeah, only, when I got pissed off and tried reverse psychology with you. Only then you relented and let me in. (He chuckled) Those were such happy, light days. Sometimes, no, most of the times I even forgot why I was with you. I just ached to be with you. With you. I know I was stupid enough not to have realized that sooner but now I do. I know your importance and I'd never, ever take you for granted I promise. (His voice has turned below to whisper again coupled with misty tone)
I have so much to apologize for. So much to say. Someday when you are ready I'd tell you everything. This, is just a snippet of my inner self Khushi. Your Arnav's. When he was that monster and now when he is still yours when he has changed. I just want you to know that.. that.. (He rasped)
Khushi sniffled wiping her cheeks with the back of her one hand while keeping her hold on the steering wheel with the other as his voice reverberated in the car clenching her heart into a fist.
I don't regret courting you neither do I regret marrying you the first time I did. Both the things got you in my life. How would I have had you if I hadn't plotted all that? What I truly regret is what I did to you in those six months. I know it doesn't justify anything but believe me it wasn't just you who has suffered those six months. Not more than you but I.. did too.
There was long pause before he spoke with such compassion slashing Khushi and taking her concentration away from the roads.
Forgive me Khushi. Please just.. forgive me already. Please.
A whimper escaped Khushi, her vision blurred and the next thing she knew the car crashed to something hard pushing her forward with a jolt that if she hasn't had the seat belt on then she would've had her herself badly injured.
With her heart thudding in her chest and nausea building up inside her she wiped her eyes and tried to focus as her head buzzed with not only her heart pounding in her chest but also by the horns and screaming she vaguely heard coming from the people on the road.
Someone banged her side of the window. Shaking her head to come out of the shock she opened the door and stepped out and saw the occupant of the other car which crashed with hers standing besides the driving seat door with stunned expressions.
Soon her expressions matched hers because right in front of her just at a few feet distance was standing the woman who was the reason she suffered miserably at the hands of her husband.
Right before her eyes was the one woman with whom her one harmless hug costed her a nightmarish experience in her life.
The woman who though was in coma then but still she managed to turn her life upside down by speaking a few unthoughtful words before her(Anjali) brother who later went on a spree of revenge to destroy a girl named Khushi Kumari Gupta by any means possible and he did. Without any fail!
Right before her was none than Anjali Raizada nee Jha.
Khushi's jaws clenched as Anjali took a step to her but stopped when she noticed Khushi's posture warning her not to.
Mustering all her courage not to spit out some hurting words Khushi got back in the car and turning it around took off the road and seeing that no one from either of the cars were harmed people dispersed too except for one person.
Anjali Jha stood against her car with her hand gripping the door tightly along with tears glistening in her eyes.
As Khushi filed the Niti's case successfully in the court she finally got some time to relax after hours of working that had kept her mind off the several love confessions texts and a certain voice message from a stubborn man who happened to be her husband. It also helped her ignore the stinging feelings she felt seeing Anjali Jha after years.
But now as it all came back his heartfelt confession of the past and his admittance of his mistakes- Correction--sins took a back seat as his sister's unexpected meeting with her overpowered her with rage, helplessness and to some extent.. hate.
She didn't want to hate anyone. No. It was just that it brewed inside her for her sister-in-law without her knowledge. Not that she would stoop low to her or her brother's level to destroy her but she wanted only one thing in life. Never to see that woman's face ever in front of her.
Like.. Never. Ever!
She don't know what happens to her when she sees Anjali. Yes it's correct she was in coma when her brother considered her guilty and punished her for it but then all said and done Anjali jha was responsible and she couldn't help but feel repulsive of her..seeing her.
Was that normal?
She didn't know and she didn't care. She was long past being all nice and cordial to everyone.
Now if she doesn't like anyone she didn't hesitate showing it. Just like she did by walking out on Anjali Jha on that road.
Well, lady, blame not me but your brother for this change!
With all of her inner self monologue she felt a lot better and stood up to collect her things as now it was about time she has to go to Gomti Sadan and then back to Khushi Mansion.
She wanted to go back by herself. She didn't want to be picked up by him.
No. Not at all.
So she exited her cabin an hour before the office time and reached home.
Just that she realized he may have left his office more earlier than her because right there in the living room of her maternal home he was sitting enjoying a cup of tea with her parents and Buaji who seemed too pleased to have him with them.
Her eyes teared up. She don't know why.
It was Arnav only who noticed her first. Not only her stance but her misty eyes too. He stood up bringing the other three attention to her too.
She reached him in three long strides and stood determined before him despite the moisture seeping more in to her eyes.
"What are you playing at?" She seethed.
Her parents and Buaji stood up alarmed because they have never seen Khushi this angry and.. looking helpless too at the same time.
"What did I do?" Arnav asked cautiously feeling his heart slashing when a tear rolled down her cheek and burned his whole being.
"Are you planning on snatching my Amma, Babu ji and Buaji, MY family too after snatching my baby, my womb?" She growled grabbing his collars shook him hard.
Arnav could not do anything but stare at her stumped.
"I swear if you did anything to them I'd kill you!" She pushed him away.
He staggered back dumbfounded.
"Khushi. Bitiya. Calm down. We were just talking. He isn't doing any harm. We are safe. Okay? We are fine. Relax." Shashi stepped in and pulled his daughter in his arms as she seemed possessed. As if she herself didn't know what she was saying or doing.
"Babuji ask him.. ask him to go away. I lost my Rahul. I can't lose you all too." She sobbed on his chest. Just a glimpse of Anjali Jha made her terrified of her future.. and family's safety. She was destroyed already. Now there wasn't anything left of her to ruin. Now, maybe, he was after her family to hurt her by other means. More painfully, more emotionally this time.
Shashi's eyes teared up. Garima and Madhumati already were crying seeing her getting hysteric. It was like those times when she was suffering PTSD and mostly she didn't know what was happening. She tried to kill herself many a times and surprisingly the man who brought her to that condition only he made her come out of it.
Irony wasn't lost on Shashi Gupta as he eyed the man who now had both of intense emotions of his(Shashi) daughter. Love and.. hate. And he tearfully saw his daughter continually juggle in between them.
He saw Arnav standing there. Silent. With hurt and red hue of remorse shining in his eyes. His jaws were clenched and his hands were balled into fists as he kept his glance glued to Khushi crying profusely before she went silent and ran to the direction of the stairs.
Just that Arnav stepped in between her and the stairs making her family suck in their breaths.
"We had an agreement Mrs. Raizada. Stick to it and come with me. Back home!" For a record his voice held authority that sent chills down her spine and she couldn't speak nor retort.
"Whatever is bothering you, we will discuss it and sort it out. Calmly and personally!" He has closed all the distance between them and was now standing breathing on her face towering over her.
"What if I don't want anything to be solved? What if I don't want anything to do with you? What if I say that there is no 'we' and there will never be?"
"Then I'd say you should jog your memory Mrs. Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada because you yourself made you and I 'we' again."
She held her breaths when he reached over and cupped the side of her cheek which try as might she didn't ward off.
"And if you stood 'us' out now then you'd be admitting that I do affect you. Pretty badly. Don't I?" He probed her and succeeded.
"Rubbish!" She stepped back.
"Then prove it." He retaliated.
"I don't have to." She hissed.
He blocked her way again as she tried to escape. He could feel uneasiness on her face whilst she tried to curb her emotions.
"Then it would also reflect that you can't bear being this close to me and not love me too. That's why you are escaping. Running away. That you can't have-"
"SHUT UP. SHUT UP." She shoved him and turning on her heels took her things she had dropped at the floor before turning back to him.
"Fine. Let's go back to your so-called home!" She said and meeting her family she walked out of the door.
Arnav let out a huge sigh of relief for finally getting through her. Finally!
Today was another big day for them. And it didn't turn out any good for either of them.
But one thing he was sure of.
Letting her stay over at her parents wasn't a good idea. She would have to give that away until or unless he wouldn't accompany her himself.
He has been giving too much of him in their relationship and now it was time she give something of her too.
Probably a promise. That she would never leave him alone at night ever again.
She can work all she wants. She can do whatever she wants. She can visit and meet her family for everyday too if she wanted but no.. no way in hell he would let her stay over. Anywhere. Ever.
He needed her more than anyone dammit. And she needs to understands that.
She has to!
He followed her out after a reassuring nod to his in-laws that she would be alright. He would make sure of that. They gave him a trusting nod back that was enough for him to regain his strength and join his wife in her car because he saw her stubbornly sitting already on the driving seat.
Sending a quick text to his driver to pick up his SUV from the mentioned address he took the passenger seat of her car and she jerk the car to start before zooming off without sparing him a glance.
As much as he has started to know this new Khushi, he knew she never burst out without any reason.
There was something definitely wrong with her.
Was it Niti's case again?
God!
He should've accompanied her today as well even if it made him break his promise to her. Maybe some more details of Niti's case has been revealed that must have upset her. He thought worriedly thinking ways to cheer her up hoping that it doesn't have any permanent damage to their already sinking relationship.
Oh if only he knew!
Banging the door shut she passed the key at the driver who took it and parked the car while Arnav followed his wife to her room.
"Will you now tell me what's wrong? We were doing just fine when you went to live with your parents yesterday."
"Sorry to burst your bubble Mr. Raizada. If that was your definition of fine then I pity your knowledge. We were anything but fine." She turned sharply to him but said calmly with a fire in her eyes.
"Don't give up. Not just yet. Please. You always stayed strong when I put you through hell. Now when I want to lay the world at your feet you are being too.. hard. Not only on me but on yourself too." His heart clenched with every word he uttered. Pleading, begging was never his forte but he was learning. The same way he has made her learn to obey him in the past.
Tears glistened in her eyes as she exhaled.
"Let me breath Arnav. Just get yourself out of my room." She rasped.
"Just the day before yesterday you were there in my bedroom demanding to be with me. Besides me. What happened now? Please tell me. You're killing me here. I can't bear.. your.. aloofness let alone your tears and anguish. Please?" He breathed out the words laced with sheer pain.
In answer she walked in the bathroom and banged the door shut on his face.
An anguished cry left his mouth just above a whisper before he punched his hand against the door several times until his knuckles hurt and skin turned red. Khushi stood against the wall besides the door on the other side with her hand gripping the basin tightly. Her composure barely contained inside her.
What was happening to her?
To them?
Where were they going with all this?
She didn't sign up for this.
She never signed for this.
It was supposed to hurt him. Not her.
Then why, why was her whole being felt like it was being scratched and burned with every passing freaking moment?
It was getting too painful for them to be together. She don't know for how long would she be able to stay with him. Nevertheless, as long as she was with him she would never let him be in peace because she herself wasn't. Vengeance burned her heart and body. It came pouring from every pour of her being and threatened to consumed her whole.
When after many minutes she came out gathering her broken pieces back together to face him, he was gone.
She don't know why but her heart dropped in disappointment. An exaggarated sigh left her.
What the hell did she want exactly?
Shaking her head she concentrated on trying to divert her mind off-
"Hey Khushi. Good to see you back. ASR told me you're back and I was so thrilled that you are." She came up to her and moved to hug her enthusiastically but then stopped realizing she was just a servant and it doesn't look—
Khushi herself took the final step breaking Anila's thoughts and making her relax.
After the brief hug Anila informed Khushi that ASR was waiting in the dining hall for her for dinner. Silently Khushi followed her as she was too tired and somewhat hungry too.. to argue. It would be stupid of her to starve herself for a man she wished to hate.. to the core.
Anila and Rehan left to the kitchen after serving the dinner. Sitting across each other keeping their gazes at their plates with the atmosphere thickened with tension, they had the meal silently before they stood up at the same time to head to their rooms probably.
"Stop it!" Khushi shrieked as when she reached her room and stepped her foot in she found her wrist grasped firmly in his hold before he dragged her to his- their's room and shut the door behind and cornered her against the door with his hands on either sides and his eyes a mixture of red and pink with rage and downright angst.
"Would you speak up what happened today at office that had you so mad. Koi baat buri lagi tumhe mairi? Kuch galat kaha maine? Hurt kiya tumhe? Agar aisa hai toh btao mujhe. Mai maafi maang lun ga. Par iss tarah chup reh k mujhe torture mat karo Khushi. Please.(Did I say or do something wrong? Did I hurt you? If that's the case then tell me. I will apologize but.. but don't torture me by going all silent on me Khushi)" He dropped his head on hers cupping her cheeks firmly even when she tried to protest and wriggle out.
"There is anything you should know. My life is going fine as it is." She shrugged him off.
Running his fingers in his hairs he pursed his lips to stop himself from shouting out loud. He don't want to behave with her the same way he did in the past. Dammit, he wants to be calm, collective and patient with her. But goodness, she was really pushing him too far.
"I am trying. Can't you see? I am trying." He gritted trying to curb the screams brewing inside of him and that was the moment Khushi saw herself in him and without a doubt she understood what he must be feeling because she had been there. A millions times in just a short span of six months. Sarcastically funny and not to mention ironic how those months overshadowed everything.
The knowledge of his helplessness should've made her heart burst with joy. But it didn't. On the contrary, it made her feel awful. It made her feel abnormal. It made her feel.. like she was.. she was him. ASR of the past. A beast. A merciless monster. A cunning manipulator. A ruthless satan in the skin of a human!
He raised his hand to cup her cheek but stopped an inch away from her face. She swallowed and so did he before pulling back.
"Can't you see the effort I am putting to make this relation work?" He choked letting his hand fall at his side before turning dejected with tears stuck to the corner of his eyes.
"I do." The words left her without her knowledge.
He stopped without turning to her and his heart jumped up to his throat when he felt her arms wrapping on his stomach from the back before he felt her placing her head on the back of his shoulder.
"I know. I see everything." She whispered silently creating goosebumps all over his skin and his muscles to tighten.
Arnav stood stiff at his place not moving, not twitching and probably not breathing at all either. Afraid that if he did then she might as well come out of trance and push him away to break the serenity of the moment.
"It's .. it's the new case I am handling as you know." He heard her as she mumbled in the same position and was about to remove her hands but he tugged her hands both together causing her to crash at his back again as he entwined his hand with hers on his stomach.
"Don't." He said out loud. "Don't move. Stay there. Here."
She didn't say anything for a moment. Probably was trying to absorb the way he has took her by surprise. She didn't know why she didn't mention Anjali. Probably she didn't want her to ruin what she was now having with him. Maybe that was why she was so mad that she lashed out at him earlier in Gomti Sadan.
"You were saying something." He reminded bringing one of their intertwined hands to his mouth and brushed his lips to her fingers. She inhaled.
"I-I was talking about N-Niti's case." Quietly she narrated him Niti's whole story at the end of which he heard her voice turning teary and hoarse. Yes, she has discovered more. Half of his perception was did true that she was upset over her new case. Other half, he was still oblivious too.
Turning to her he placed her head on his chest and murmured.
"Don't do it if it hurts you so much."
"I can't back off. I can't let her become another victim of the abuse. No way." Within a moment she pulled back and opted to the washroom door only to be whirled around by him to face his chocolate brown pools filled with trepidation and confusion.
"Kya kar rahi ho tum?(What are you doing?)"
"Humne kya kiya? Apna kaam hi toh kar rahe hain. Aur aap humein rok nahi sakte Mr.Raizada. Koshish bhi mat kijiye ga.(What did I do? I am just doing my work. And you can't stop me Mr.Raizada. Don't even try!)" She said fiercely.
"Mai uss bare mai nahi. Hamare baare mai baat kar raha hun.(Not that. I am talking about us)" Cupping her shoulders he pulled her up softly to look deep in her eyes.
"Hamare baare mai kya? (What about us?)" She feigned innocence.
"Tum kar kya rahi ho maire sath? Karna kya chahti ho?" He paused. "Dammit." He gritted.
"I don't know what you are talking about." She protested. He pulled her only more closer until tips of their noses were touching.
"You very well do. Don't force me to lose my patience Khushi because if I did then you do know what would happen. Mai pyaar karta hun tumse. Bohat pyaar. Tumhe samajh kyun nahi aata? (I love you. I do, very much. Why can't you understand it?)" He gritted out helplessly.
"Maine bhi kiya tha. Bohat kiya tha. Apko samajh mai aya kabhi? Toh mai kyun samjhun? Nahi samajhna mujhe.(I did too. I did love you very much. Did you ever try to understand? No, right. So why should I? I don't want to understand it. At all!)" She pushed him off before storming in the bathroom leaving behind a highly frustrated Arnav.
In one moment she gives him something to hold onto and right in the other, she snatches it from him as if he never meant anything to her.
When would she forgive him?
Just when?
He was losing hope with every passing day and he was afraid the tiny hope that still lingered in some part of his heart would soon fade away and so would she. From his life!
Thereafter, he would be left alone with a burden of his crimes and remorse that still won't leave him even after years. Even after he served the legal punishment for all of his sins too.
Sometimes he wondered.
7 years were his well due punishment which he deserved legally and now.. now was it karma that was getting even with him, not Khushi?
If it was then surely it was far worse than that seven years imprisonment he suffered with tons of guilt, many what ifs and an agonizing ... pain of wait!
The door of the bathroom opened and she reappeared in the room. Silently she took her side of the bed and covered herself with the blanket up to her head.
Feeling like shaking her hard to blurt out her true emotions he hardly managed to keep himself from acting on impulse. It took him many minutes to calm himself before he joined her on the bed taking his side wistfully gazing at her back which mocked him on his face. Told him how she was literally and willing keeping her back turned to their relationship as well in order to hurt him.
Well, then, goddammit, you are succeeding with flying colors Mrs.Raizada!
Yes, it was karma. He knew the answer the very next day itself because even though the whole day went uneventful with nothing but normal morning greeting in his traditional style, his usual texts to her and she started getting used to them but.. as he came home from work and entered their room the sight that greeted him whooshed the air out of his lungs.
"Khushi?" He choked at first. She stilled for a moment with a dress in her hand before she resumed her work.
"Khushi what has happened to you?" He exclaimed scared seeing her throwing her clothes in a suitcase. Not only that she had her eyes swollen and filled with unbound rage.
She didn't answer and with every passing second his heart was dropping. His pulse was slowing.
"Dammit say something. I am worried sick here. What are you doing?" He reached and stood an arm length away as she zipped the suitcase and muttered a low hoarse.
"Packing!"
"Why?" He whispered with his head pounding with alarms.
"Because I can't stay with you anymore!" She burst out and along with her words came the tears that rolled silently down her cheeks.
"Please. D-Don't." He didn't know what else to say neither did he know what went wrong. Again?
"I had had enough. Neither would I go with you to England nor do I want to stay here anymore. If I did then I would suffocate to death." She cried out blinking back the tears.
Throwing cautions to wind he snatched the suitcase from her and whirling her around pinned her to the wall behind before demanding earnestly.
"Tell. Me. What. Happened?" He chewed each word taking the liberty to brush his lips to her pouring eyes. She whimpered as his touch didn't bring any calm but only caused her more pain emotionally.
Defiantly, she rose her wet lashes to him and demanded.
"Let. Me. Go!" She mimicked his tone. His shoulders sagged and his grip loosened.
"Not again Khushi. You have to talk to me. Talk. To. Me. Dammit. I can't let you go like this." He growled."In fact- I can't let you go at all." He pressed his lips to her cheek firmly and felt her stiffen in his arms.
"Don't. Touch. Me." She said hoarsely. He was now on the verge of panicking seeing her mind made up to leave him.
"I don't need a man whose ego is bigger than his love for his wife. I'd happily leave that type of person even if it turned out to be my very own husband." She has said.
So he shed all his ego and requested in a tone so loving that Khushi couldn't help but stare at him leaving all her struggles to shove him off.
"If you have ever loved me then please.. for that time sake.. for those moments you cherished tell me why? Why were you packing? Why are you leaving me?" He choked at the end brushing his fingers on her cheek. She took a long shuddering breath. It took all of her self control to break off the trance he put her in so successfully but even then she gave him what he wanted. She answered. Because she was too wounded. Too torn. Too broken to stay or.. or be with him anymore.
"What is your sister doing here in Lucknow?" She weakly punched his shoulder as if all her strength has been sucked out of her as she recalled who gave her a visit to her office yesterday and what she actually said to her.
"Anjali?" He asked perplexed and folded her arms at her back gently yet firmly when she tried to push him. That made her stand chest to chest to him with every inch of their bodies touching to other's.
"Who else?" She felt her anger overpower her helplessness.
"I don't know Khushi." He replied genuinely.
"Oh please. Don't pretend!" She pushed him through her shoulder as obviously her hands were caught in firm grip at her back.
"I am not lying Khushi!" When did his sister come to Lucknow? If she did then why did she meet Khushi and not him? Agreed he was pissed at her for trying to tamper his consciousness back then but he knew his sister much that she would never give up on her relationship with him. Her brother. Then why, why did she go to Khushi first?
"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. You called her here with HER SON to scratch open my old wounds didn't you? You wanted to remind me I LOST my RAHUL and the one who was responsible for it is enjoying being a mother? You want to break me all over again?!"
His hold loosened on her hands as his eyes widened at her allegations. Taking the chance she pushed him away with vengeance.
"Khushi?" He could only croak. He never, never could hurt her.. or scratch her wounds like that. Fuck it, he wanted to heal her. Heal them!
By all means!
She wasn't done yet.
"I showed you my weakness in drunken stupor and you made sure to take advantage of it to break me all over again. I should've known. I should've. You only know how to hurt me. You have not changed. You have not changed at all." She yelled slapping his chest many a times and he felt like she wasn't just punching his chest but penetrating his skin, his heart. As if she was squeezing the life out of him.
He pulled her in his arms despite her protests at what she said next.
"You called your Di with her son to make me realize that I can never be a mother. That your sister have everything I have ever wished for!" She sobbed out and his Adam's apple bobbed. Breathing had never been so much of a task but whenever he see her cry, he just feel all of his breaths leaving him.
"Where did you meet her Khushi?" Holding her shuddering form in his arms he asked caressing her hairs seizing her tightly.
"At my office." She mumbled against his shirt clutching on to him as she let go of the restraint she was putting up for so long. So very long. For the time being it felt peaceful to surrender to your emotions. So she did. If this was needed to bring her strength back then so be it. She would regain her vigour and strike back more forcefully the next time he or his sister tried to wound her.
"I will talk to her and I promise she will never come in front of you ever again. I promise!" He rubbed her back soothingly and whispered through her ear inhaling her scent. He didn't ask her what did she say that had her so much angry. He just said what he knew would soothe his wife. His world.
"You will talk to your sister? For me?" She asked unsure raising her head just a bit up to look into his sincere chocolate brown orbs. Her confusion was natural. He has chosen his sister long ago over her. He though indirectly always made her believe that he loved someone else.
Now she realized who that someone else was. It wasn't her but his sister. His sister was his topmost priority and he was always thinking about her, Anjali, all those six months when he tortured her. Every time he hurt her, he was thinking of his sister and his resolve to avenge her by destroying the only woman who ruined her life. Her happiness.
Somehow, he understood her insecurity too as he saw shadows passing across her face.
He wiped her cheeks before kissing each one by one and he pecked her nose.
It's time to relieve one more of her insecurity and settle a few more scores between them. He had to show her his priorities today , in present, and set them right.
"She may be my sister but.. you.. you are my wife. Right now and for about years nothing, nothing or no one has been more important for me than you in my life. Trust me on that."
For some reason in that pain strikingly helpless, desperate moment she did what he asked her to.
She gave him the benefit of doubt. Another brick of the wall around her shattered and her defense weakened as she.. heard and saw sincerity in his tone and eyes.
So Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada as he liked to call her listened to her heart for the first time after years without putting up any fight against it and.. for those brief moments of letting her guards down she did what she has promised herself she never would. Ever again!
But now she did.
She... She trusted him.
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