Chapter 38
That evening there was a soft knock at the door before it opened a moment later and they saw Samantha McAndrew poke her head around the corner, her straight blonde hair no longer in a bun but rather brushing the tips of her shoulders. Her eyes darted around the room at each of them before settling on Marc and the machines he was plugged into. Jules saw her pause for a second before looking to the ground in unease. Julia heard Carlos sit up from where he had lying on his bed that was pressed up against the wall behind her so she let him deal with this and simply turned back to look at her husband. She did not have the energy to expend on anything else except holding his hand which lay on top of the covers, but where her fingers squeezed shut around his hand Marc's fingers couldn't return the affectionate gesture and it tugged at her chest to think that she might never feel that again.
"McAndrew," Carlos spoke, the sombre atmosphere in the room calling for him to speak in a soft tone of voice but there was still an edge to it. Samantha understood why, after all she had been investigating them, tailing them and, as her eyes lingered on the bandage on Carlos's arm and the one around Twitch's leg, she had got them shot.
"It's healing well, thanks," Twitch remarked harshly when he saw her looking but didn't comment.
"I'm sorry," Samantha told him genuinely before she looked back at Carlos, "I did not come here in my official capacity. In fact I was never here at all." She added before she turned and took a step towards Marc until she stood on the opposite side of Jules.
Carlos and Twitch shared a look. "Spooks," Twitch rolled his eyes and shook his head whilst Carlos gave him a nod in agreement.
Samantha swallowed as she saw Langdale unconscious in the bed with a ventilator tube stuck down his throat forcing his chest up and down in almost mechanical movements. It hardly seemed human, and neither did Jules when she looked at her properly. Her skin was an off colour, her eyelids drooped slightly and her body was curled inwards as if it was protecting itself. Samantha could almost feel the pangs of loss and pain coming off of her.
"The doctors showed me his records when I came in," Sam offered the sergeant some comforting words, "They said they are very hopeful and that it's just a matter of time before he wakes up."
Jules forehead creased a few times as she seemed to process what Samantha was saying before she looked up at her in confusion, "Why would the doctor's show you his-"
"-I can be quite persuasive at times," Samantha replied.
Jules parted her lips to speak when she realised that she did not actually care that much. She nodded at her to show that she recognised her attempt at sympathy before turning back to Marc.
Carlos stepped forward and crossed his arms over his chest as he saw Jules take a step back from the discussion. She was not in the right frame of mind for this so he took over, "I take it this is not a social call so what do you want?"
Samantha looked to Twitch in the corner, aware that he did not have the correct level of security clearance to hear what she needed to discuss with them.
Twitch looked up as the room descended into a heavy silence and saw Carlos and MacAndrew staring at him. "No," Twitch's eyes widened when he saw the way Carlos looked at his feet awkwardly, "No, I'm not being left out of the loop on this. Not again. I got shot! I deserve to know!"
"You don't-" Samantha started to speak when she was interrupted.
"He stays," Jules sighed, settling the matter, "He deserves to know."
She wanted to argue but after she thought about it for a moment she realised that everything else about this was unconventional so why not this as well? It would hardly be the worst thing that had happened. "Very well," MacAndrew nodded, "I came to tell you two things, the first being that MI5 has dropped its investigation into you."
"They didn't have anything anyway," Carlos told her defensively to which she simply arched an eyebrow.
"I am not going to disclose the information we have but we know that you were involved in a special joint task force under Ridgeway's command which, let's say, bypassed a lot of red tape where targets and missions were concerned."
"You were in black ops?" Twitch gasped, his eyes lighting up, "I knew it!"
"Not exactly," Carlos held his hand out to Twitch, stopping his train of thought before it got out of control.
"Anyway I just came to tell you that and. . ."MacAndrew stopped and took a deep breath as she leaned back on the heel of her boot. It was harder to break the rules than she thought it would be. If she carried on speaking then she would be committing treason but as she looked out of the corner of her eye at Marc she knew that something had to be done. Maybe this was it, the spark that ignited the fire which would eventually bring Ridgeway to justice. And if it wasn't then at least she could live with herself knowing she hadn't helped cover it up.
"And?" Carlos frowned.
"Okay," She collected herself, "The other thing I wanted to warn you about is that you weren't the only ones under Ridgeway's command- or at least you aren't any longer."
"What do you mean?" Carlos took a step closer.
"He's got the green light to set up another joint task force. The team he was with the other week are the potential new members. Muhammad Abbas was the trial run."
"But he can't!" Carlos exclaimed as he looked at Jules in shock, "Evans and Jackson they-" He shouted "Ridgeway should be put on trial for their deaths! He called in the air strike!"
"That may be but after recent events he has the Prime Minister's and the President's blessing. He'll have access to more funds and resources making him ten times more dangerous," Samantha sighed.
Jules blinked slowly as she tried to let everything she was telling her sink in, "He'll be untouchable." She really had sold her soul to the devil.
"We can't let this happen," Twitch reached for his crutch and struggled to his feet, "How do we stop him?"
"We don't," Samantha told him.
"What?"
"He's already on a plane back to America," Samantha waved her arm out to the side, "And none of you are even supposed to know about this. I told you because I thought you ought to know and because I probably owed you but that is as far as it goes. If they found out I told you I would lose my job or worse. Now, my advice would be to get as far away from Ridgeway as possible."
"Easy for you to say," Jules scoffed softly, running the pad of her thumb over the back of Marc's hand.
"I should go," Samantha licked her lips, "I doubt we'll meet again so I hope everything works out."
"Yeah, thanks," Twitch muttered because his manners were far too ingrained in him not to but he wasn't sure what he was thanking her for. It probably would have been better if she hadn't told them about Ridgeway. There was some truth in the phrase 'ignorance is bliss'. Carlos was stood with one hand on his hip and the other over his mouth and Twitch could almost see the gears working in his head. Jules just continued to stare at Marc's face and the way his eyes flickered beneath his eyelids. Twitch had seen and felt the love that both of them shared for each other so he could not imagine the pain she was going through so the best he could do was be there for her and Marc.
Samantha reached out and opened the door when she turned back all of a sudden, "Oh Julia?"
"Hmm?" Jules groaned not looking up at her as she felt the burden of something else land squarely on her shoulders.
"Let me be the first to offer my congratulations." Samantha gave her a small smile when Jules raised her head and looked at her in confusion, and with that Samantha slipped out the door. Quietly shutting it behind her Samantha looked up the corridor before she turned to walk the other way and saw Truro stood with his hands in his black jacket pockets waiting for her by the nurse's desk.
Pretending she hadn't seen him she gathered her thoughts, and a convincing cover story, and started to walk towards him. Keeping her eyes downcast she raised them again when she drew closer to the exit and part of her hoped that she could just slip past him but when she looked back up again he positioned himself right next to the door.
Truro greeted her with a wide smile, "Did you and Reynolds have a good chat?"
"Michael," Samantha said his name softly, "Before you say anything just let me explain-"
"-You don't have to. In fact I'd rather you didn't," Michael told her as he reached out and held the door open as he placed his hand on her back and guided her through it, "Plausible deniability and all."
Samantha walked out into another, larger, corridor which led towards the main elevators, "How did you know to find me here?" She asked.
"Just a hunch," Michael shrugged his shoulder as he gave her a sly look out of the corner of his eye, "I did train you after all."
They walked on in silence for a few moments before the tension between them and where he had caught her grew too much, "Aren't you going to say anything?"
"About what?" He asked, acting oblivious as he reached out and pressed the button for the elevator.
"About-" Samantha lowered her voice as a big group of doctors passed them, "About what I'm doing here and what I told Reynolds."
"I can add two and two together and make four you know so I can easily guess what you told her," Truro remarked.
"Are you going to report me?" Samantha asked as the lift pinged and the doors slid open. An orderly pushed a wheelchair out of the elevator past them and they slipped in.
"Report you? Heavens no," Truro laughed as he leaned back on the railing in the lift, "In fact I'm actually impressed."
Samantha was taken aback by his words that she forgot to press the button and Michael had to lean past her to do it. As he did so she caught his eye and the temperature in the lift seemed to skyrocket as everything between them came flooding back.
"I'm-" Samantha swallowed, "I'm just sorry that there isn't any more I can do."
"You've done everything you can without being arrested for treason," Truro reassured her as he reached out and clutched her shoulder in support, "Ridgeway is no longer our problem."
As his hand slipped off her shoulder she could still feel where it had been and she suddenly wanted to feel it all over her, "Are you still up for going for that drink?" Samantha asked on a whim, her breath caught in her throat as the elevator slowly moved downwards and the floor felt like it had been taken out from underneath her.
Truro regarded her curiously out of the corner of his eye. After months of refusing him and giving up she was the one to ask this time. "Yeah," Michael nodded, "I'd love to."
The corner of her lip twitched, about to spread itself into a smile before she caught herself and bit the inside of her cheek to compose herself. "Okay, great," Samantha nodded as they reached the ground floor and the doors opened, and as they walked out of the hospital Samantha realised that if the last week or so had taught her something it was to live life in the present.
Marc and Julia had been walking side by side one day and now one of them was led in a hospital bed. It hurled the fragility of life into her face and she realised that she didn't want to spend it alone. Her and Michael may not work out the second time around and the old issues they had might resurface but at least she could say she gave it a try, and that's exactly what she was going to do.
*
"Let me be the first to offer my congratulations?" Carlos repeated as they all stared at the closed door, shadows of people outside walking past the window, "What the hell does that mean?"
The muscles around Jules's mouth relaxed suddenly and her lips parted in shock as her eyes darted to look down at her stomach. No it couldn't mean- Before she let herself finish that train of thought she quickly snapped her head back up and pushed the idea out of her head. It wasn't possible. The doctors had told that her that it wasn't the numerous times they had miscarried and there was no way it could happen after the events of last week. Besides her and Marc hadn't even had sex since- Jules closed her eyes briefly as she remembered the time in Hassan's apartment, surely it couldn't have happened then she rationalised but despite everything she found herself gazing back down towards her flat stomach.
"Jules?" Carlos said, drawing her out of her reverie.
"I don't know," Jules snapped, running the back of her hand across her mouth, "Probably just some silly mind trick MI5 is playing anyway I can't think about that right now." Grasping Marc's hand with both of hers she squeezed it tighter until she thought she was going to break it. She needed him desperately now because she was suddenly petrified.
"Okay," Carlos drew the word out, sharing a look with Twitch, "What are we going to do about Ridgeway then?" He asked, changing topic.
"What exactly did you guys do for Ridgeway? I mean how did you even meet?" Twitch asked from where he was sat back on the chair, his leg stretched out before him in the plastic cast.
Carlos looked to Jules to see what she thought about it but her eyes were firmly set on Marc and they were in their own little bubble so he made up his mind and decided to tell Twitch everything. "We volunteered-"
"-You volunteered!?"
"Yes, they told me that it was going to stop attacks against our country," Carlos snapped, "Now are you going to let me finish?"
"Sorry," Twitch sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Thank you," Carlos took a step back and sat on the edge of his bed, running a hand through his hair as he tried to think about where to begin. It had been such a long time ago. "Jules and I didn't know each other then. We were each from different regiments when our CO's told us about a new joint task force being set up by an American and they had to put their best men, or women," Carlos looked to Jules but she still didn't turn around so he carried on, "forward. Jules and I were our CO's choices but we had to agree to go.
We were taken to an old training base outside London where we were given an . . ." Carlos tried to think of the right word, "An audition, let's say. Just a few scenarios we had to run through. We weren't told whether we had passed or failed, we were just sent back to our regiments. A few weeks past and then we were informed that we got through to the next stage."
Twitch was almost on the edge of his seat as he listened intently. He had only been getting dribs and drabs about their past over the years so it was exciting to finally learn everything.
"We were taken back to the same training base and given more scenarios except there were fewer people there now and then another few weeks would go by and we would be sent back and it carried on until there were only six of us left. I don't know what happened to the other two but the next time we were called up there was only four of us; me, Jules, Evans and Jackson. The scenarios stopped and we were taken to a building off site where we were asked to sign the official secrets act. Everything from thereon in we could never speak about again," Carlos looked at Twitch, "The training intensified a lot. We were taught everything from counter surveillance, hand-to-hand combat, explosives, torture-"
"-torture?" Twitch's eyes widened.
Carlos nodded as he remembered one pretty gruesome episode of where he had been water boarded so that he knew what it felt like and how to overcome it, "We were trained on how to be tortured and how to torture others to get the information we needed. You know," Carlos rubbed his eyes as images flashed behind them of bloodied corpses and explosions, "Sometimes I envy Jules's memory loss."
Jules heard everything Carlos was saying behind her. He did not speak of their time often with Ridgeway and it was good to fill a few gaps but as he spoke of torture her throat started to close up a little. She knew that it must have been horrible what they went through but she would give almost anything to remember it and not feel like half of her had been snatched away but she also understood why Carlos wanted to forget. Small things had returned to her over the years and the dreams helped- the dreams, Jules suddenly thought. She had been having a recurring dream recently but she was struggling to remember it. It was like trying to clasp at mist.
Carlos carried on, "We were probably being trained for months but we were released from our old regiments and placed into the care of Ridgeway. He was just another CO to me at the time, giving us our orders and tasks, until the thing with Evan and Jackson happened. That was when I learnt who he truly was and that he didn't care about anything else accept climbing the ladder and he would tread on anybody to do it."
There had been an explosion; Jules closed her eyes as she tried to remember. It was in the desert, like most of her dreams were, and she had been worried about Marc but she didn't know why. And there had been a boy in front of her . . . she had shot him, Jules gasped, snapping her eyes open. Looking back at Marc she frowned as she remembered the flashbacks he had been getting ever since they started this mission and wondered if they were connected. Her gut told her that they were.
"Carlos!" Jules spun around in her seat, "Who was Muhammad Abbas to Marc?"
Carlos looked at her in shock before his eyes darted to Marc still unconscious in the bed, "He, um-"
"Carlos," Jules slowly got to her feet, "Why have I been remembering shooting a kid in the face before screaming Marc's name? Did that really happen?"
Carlos nodded his head, "It was after you and Marc got engaged. We were ambushed and Marc was taken prisoner by Muhammad Abbas."
Jules stared at Carlos in shock.
"He was tortured and we were sent in with another squad to get him back. You were on the war path," Carlos remarked, "We were close to entering the building when an explosion went off. That's why everyone thought Abbas was dead because Marc told them he was in the building. Abbas had been torturing Marc when the bomb went off. We managed to get Marc out but they couldn't find Abbas's body so they put it down to him being too near the blast and so there was nothing left to find. That's what Marc has been reliving and why he wasn't acting the same."
"Why didn't he tell me?" Jules fell back into her seat and stared back at Marc, there was so much that had happened which she didn't know about. Angry and frustrated she kicked out at the side of the bed with her boot causing it to shake violently, her heart dropping into her stomach when she realised what she had done. A moment late the machines started to bleep loudly, the screens flashing in alarm.
"Marc!?" Scrambling to her feet Jules leaned across and started to reach out to him when another louder noise went off around the room. Looking at the screen she turned and regarded Carlos and Twitch in sheer panic, "What do I do?" Had she just killed her husband?
"I'll get a doctor," Carlos ran for the door and started to shout down the hallway whilst Twitch hurried over as fast as he could in his cast.
Her heart was pounding against her ribcage as she turned back to Marc and let out a small scream in surprise as she found his eyes open and staring straight at her.