He put his arm around me and kissed my head. "Can we have a few minutes?" Tay asked.
"Sure!" Mike said leaving.
"Dad, you too!" I laughed.
"Oh! Uh.... Right!" My dad chuckled wearily then slowly walked out.
"Oh, how I love that your related to that man!" Tay said smiling. "So, what do you think?"
"I love it!" I replied hardly giving enough time to breathe! "But what do you think?"
"I think you have your heart set on it!" He laughed as I rolled my eyes. Tay looked around. "I like it! I think this is deffiantly where we can start our family." He rubbed my belly.
I grinned widely. "Are you sure?"
"Of course, its perfect!"
So the new Bungalow was officially ours. On sunday we hired interior designers to help us freshin up the place. Vibrant colors were to be used in the new baby's bedroom. The kitchen was to have a diner type theme. Our living room was to be warm and cozy. The master bedroom to be light and airy, or peaceful. I'm sure you guessed our theme, mix and match! And surprisingly, Taylor was just as excited as me!
On the flight back home on tuesday it was the only thing we could talk about! Well, and the fact that claire STILL didn't have her baby! That was crazy! I peerd out the window and smiled, things were finally working out for me...
"I love you too, Jonas." I whispered running my fingers up and down Joe's chest which made him turn a smile.
"So when are we gonna have babies?"
I laughed. "Not till you place a ring on my finger." I kissed his cheek.
"Why are you so dedicated to the idea of waiting?" He asked.
"I don't want things to happen that aren't planed out, ya know? I'd just rather wait, do it when the time is right."
"There is such thing as protection, ya know."
"Well, duh!" I laughed and rolled my eyes.
"Then I don't see the problem! We both know we are soul mates and will be together for the rest of our lives whether we like it or not!"
"Agreed. But I just don't wanna risk anything. If we are soul mates then why rush anyway?"
"What's the rush to get married then."
I rolled my eyes. "That's different!"
"How so?"
"It shows me that your commited!"
"You know I'm commited!" He pulled me in for a deep kiss then backed away. "Does that do it justice?"
"I'm waiting." I huffed and rolled over, pulling the blankets up over my shoulders.
"Taylor," he wrapped his arm around my waist, "don't be like that..."
I wripped his hand off, "I said I'm waiting."
"Taylor.... Taybear? Swiftie?"
I snaped out of it and looked at Taylor. My vision went instantly blurry from tears. I colapsed into his arms.
I'm not sure which was more sad. The fact that the flashbacks started again, or the fact that Taylor didn't have to say anything, and he knew what was happening. Whichever it was, I didn't realize till later, after I stoped crying. "I love you, I love you, I love you." I continued to say it until my voice couldn't even be heard and I fell asleep.
And just a moment before I drifted off into my lullaby, I heard and felt Taylor sigh. All I could think about was his stress level. If he was stressed, how stressed? If not, why? Was he as stressed as I was and just... Not showing? All of this flowed through my mind as I drifted off into la la dream land.
The night was terrible! I don't remember getting from the plane, to home, but I know somehow I did. When I wasn't tossing, I was turning, when I was asleep I was have nightmares, when I wasn't having nightmares, I was awake! I couldn't take it for the next however many months I had left. Eight? I think that's what it was.
I woke up and wasn't able to take it anymore. Not the nightmares, not the stress, not the responsiblity! I wasn't ready for someone to call me mommy!
So I slithered from Taylors arms and blew him a kiss. Hurrying to get ready, there was only one obstical in my way! ...my cat. Changing my clothes, my cat was meowing at me. Tracking my purse, my cat was meowing. Slipping on my lucky cowboy boots, my cat was meowing. I picked up the delicate body in my hands and kissed the top of her head. "I'll be back soon, honey." I set her down and snuck out the door. I sat in my car wondering where to go. Who would take me to the doctors? I couldn't goto Julianne, she would convince me otherwise. Ashley and Jackson were out of town till tonight visiting her parents. Selena was an obvious no! I guess there was only one person left... Joe.
I took a deep breath and put the car into drive. I started backing up and driving down a way too firmiliar road. A place where just months ago, I called home... But hey, if he was with Julianne, he wouldn't want this baby and I could depend on that!
I swallowed hard when I reached the door step and all lights were on. My heart was beating extremly fast and I didn't even bother to check the time till now! Five am. Not really what I was expecting. Before I knew it my knuckles were boucing off the door and it opened!
Joe stood there, wide eyes. He took a deep breath. "Come in." He opened the door wider and I walked in, I hesitated to take my boots off. "It's fine, leave them on." He sighed and turned around, calling upstairs. "Julianne, I think its best you go."
She came hoping down the stairs, buttoning up one of Joes shirts. "But Joey Baby... Tay...!" She bit her lips and paused on the staircase. "It's not what you think!" She said as if him and I were still together and I have caught them cheating. It wasn't until then when I realized he had no shirt or pants on, just boxers.
I shrugged and sat down in the living room on the black leather couch, pulling a brown velvet blanket that we used to cuddle in, on top of myself. Julianne dashed for the door throwing on slippers and before I could blink she was long gone. "What's with that?" I asked Joe as he wallowed over. "Actually, before you answer, can you put on some clothes?" I asked.
He laughed, "ya, I'll be right back." He came back with sweats on but still no shirt. Whatever. "So whatcha here for?"
"You know... don't you?"
"Know what?"
I pointed at my stomache. "The reason I'm here. Julianne told you, didn't she?"
He sat down on the other side of the couch and covered himself with the blanket as well. "Are you sure its mine? It could easily be Taylor's."
"Its yours."
"How do know."
"Cause nothing has ever happened with Taylor."
"So it's true?" He asked confirming.
I nodded, "well, for a few more hours it is..."
"What do you mean?"
"I need your help. I cant do it by myself!" A tear started to arise in my eye.
"What is it?"
I took a deep breath, "I need you to come with me..." I liked my lips and hesitated... "To get an abortion..."
He raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes. "An abortion?!"
I nodded, "I can't do it, Joe. And I need you to support me on this!"
"Why though? Taylor is ought to support you."
"Its our baby, Joe. Not Taylor's! He doesn't have to! And its what I want anyway! You should have seen the look on his face when he saw the baby on the screan. Complete terror! He wants to move to Nashville and raise our baby there, bur I think he is just doing it for me."
"Of course he is doing it for you!"
"What's that supossed to mean?"
"It means he loves you! Someone would have to be a fool to not give you what you want."
I rolled my eyes. "Look whose talking."
"I tried to get you back!"
"So are you taking me... Or?"
There were quite a few moment of silence before he said anything. "Are you sure this Is what you want?" I nodded. "Ok then! If that's what you want! But I'm not taking you this early in the morning. So how about you sleep on the idea, and if tomorrow you still wanna do it, we will go."
"Sounds like a deal! But I'm going to tell you right now, my mind won't change!"
"Okay, well, why don't you goto my bed?" I raised an eyebrow. "We used to sleep together in the same bed all the time and didn't have sex, so what's going to change now?"
I agreed, and got up. I pulled off my boots and hopped up the stairs. The room hadn't changed a bit! The bed against the back wall. The curtains still pined by the ribbons and the closet was the same... All of his stuff was there. Just not mine... It seemed a bit weird!
But after I was nearly asleep, I felt his lips touch mine. Low with energy I couldn't pull away.
When I woke up the next few hours passed like the seconds hand on a clock. Before I knew we were at the doctors office in a private room. Waiting to be helped. My heart was beating faster than ever and I was for some reason, terrified! I held my knees to my chest.
There was a knock on the door, followed by Joe walking in. "So your sure you wanna do this?"
I rolled my eyes. "What do you think?"
"Okay okay."
"... Is the doctor coming soon? I want to get this over with..."
"I know. I hope you realize what your doing though." Joe sighed.
I bit my lips and rubbed them together. Millions of things running through my head! I couldn't hear myself think. I closed my eyes and tried to block everything out. But it just wasn't working.
"Hey... Tay..." Joe said poking me.
"Yes?"
"We are in room thirteen..."
I squeezed my eyes tight! At least I knew whatever was going to happen I'd be safe. Thirteen alway ensues that! One releif gone, how many left?
"I'll be back." Joe mummbled, as he said to stand up and leave.
Seconds later there was a knock at the door. Nervous and more scared than ever that it was the doctor, I quietly said 'come in'. The door creeped open and all I could make out was spiked brown hair and a way too familiar calonge
Soon, but not soon enough, I saw brown sparkling eyes and the purest smile ever. He ran to me and I completely let down all my walls. When I'm with Taylor... It happens a lot. "Why on earth are you here?" I didn't reply, but instead clinged and squeezed harder. "Babe... Why are you here? Don't you want this baby?"
I slowly pulled away. "Just a little."
"Then, I think we have a problem..."
"We do?" I sighed.
"Yup..." He huffed. "I'm not sure if we should paint her room pink, or purple."
I hugged him, but this timke with more joy than sorrow! "Are you sure?"
"I'm more sure than I have ever been... Well besides asking you to marry me."
I grabbed his face I'm my hands and kissed him. "Let's go home. This idea was stupid and I am so ready to get my mind in order." I paused. "Why are you so set on us having a little girl?"
"Because a little boy with your beauty would be a waste."
I felt my cheeks heat up to tamato red. "Why don't you check me out, I just have to goto the washroom."
"Ok." He kissed my forehead. "I love you." He said then leaving the room.
I roamed the narrow halls of the hugh end clinic. No Joe... No where! Creeping down the halls, I knew I had limited time. I gave up after walking in on a pregnant lady's counseling session on adopting... woops!
So I headed back to Taylor's black fancy car out front and got it, being very unsuccsessful of my finding-Joe-and-thanking-him mission. "Ok, ya, thanks bud! I bet she'd love to! Kay, bye."
"Love to what?" I asked as he hung up the phone.
"Love to goto a... I don't know... John Mayer concert?"
My mouth dropped as I squeeled with excitment! "Are you serious?"
"Yup! Jackson just called and they won't be back till tomorrow!"
"Well whens the concert?"
"Tonight!"
I wrapped my arms around him. "You are the best fiance ever!" I kissed his cheek over and over again.
"Okay," he laughed. "But let's get home, and get ready, after all, it is already five in the afternoon."
"I was in the doctors for two hours? Wow!"
"I held them off as long as I could."
"Where were you?"
"Looking for you."
I curled my hair into perfect non-frizzy curls and loaded my face up with some covergirl make up. Taylor picked out a airy white shirt that I had actually wore to the grammy's and some jeans. Anything that hid my belly bump was my new favorite little number!
Acsessorizing here and there, I couldn't seem to find an appropriate necklace. Tay saw my struggle then wrapped his arms around me. "I may just have the perfect thing." He backed away as I turned around. Pulling off his, one of many, key necklaces he smiled, then placed it over my head and let it fall. "Its yours. Consider it a... Pre-marrige gift!"
"Isn't that what the ring for?" I asked twisting my hand, letting the ring sparkle.
"Well ya, but, whatever, its just a present then." He laughed. "You own the key to my heart."
I kissed him. "Alright, you ready?"
Nodding, he zipped up his black hoddie. "Let's go!" He took my hand and we started walking.
Taylor and I had been dancing around front row for the first hour of the concert, just having a perfect time. Then Mr Mayer brought himself and his guitar down stage and announced that he had a special guest.
"Who do you think?" Tay asked, whispering in my ear.
I shrugged. "You guess is as best as mine!"
"Alright." He wrapped his arms around me from behind. "Wow, your cold!" He said surprised, as he squeezed me tighter.
"Am I? I didn't realize it! I guess its been super natural for me lately. I kinda have just been cold since I found out I was pregnant."
"Have you been eating enough?" He asked as he pulled off his sweater and put it on my shoulders.
"Have you seen what I eat? I eat more than my brother!" I slipped my arms through the sleves and zipped it up.
"This is the most important time!" I raised my eyebrows. "So I did a little research..."
I laughed and wrapped his arms around my tummy, snuggling into him. "Let's give a round of applause..." John paused as he clapped and waited for people to stop clapping. "The one... The only... JOE JONAS!"
The cheers were outrageous. Outstanding. Crazy. And loud beyond belief!
Taylor and I stood there clapping, trying to not look too out of place. "Just our luck, eh?" He asked.
"Whatever, he puts on a good show. I'm not going to let it get me in a bad mood." The spotlight joined Joe. "Its not like he will be singing about me."
"Hello everybody!" Joe's smiled sparkled. A piece of my heart ached. "How is everyone tonight?" I sighed. "So this first song a wrote awhile back." My eyes widened, "its about a girl a dated for awhile." Oh no. "Like three years. And I'm sure you all know who its about..." Oh god. "She's actually engaged right now and I'm really happy for her! She finally gets what she has always wanted, prince charming! Both of the songs I'll be singing are for them. So Taybear, this is for you. Love Bug."
I sighed and turned to Taylor and soon as john started strumming. I took his face in my hands and stared into his deep brown eyes.
No way I was having this feeling this way again! I told myself I wasn't going to even think about being in love with Joe again.
I turned around...
Called you for the first time yesterday
Finally found the missing part of me
Felt so close but you were far away
Left me without anything to say
Don't you even try me Joe
Now I'm speechless
Over the edge, I'm just breathless
I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again
Hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I'd get hit by this love bug again
Taylor kissed my forehead, followed by a kiss.
I can't get your smile out of my mind
can't get you out of my mind
I think about your eyes all the time
You're beautiful but you don't even try
You don't even, don't even try
Modesty is just so hard to find
Joe... Please don't
Now I'm speechless
Over the edge, I'm just breathless
I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again
He always takes the words from my mouth...
Hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I'd get hit by this love bug again
No.No.No.
I kissed her for the first time yesterday
Everything I wished that it would be
Suddenly I forgot how to speak
Hopeless, breathless
Baby can't you see?
Some of the best kisses of my life...
Now I'm speechless
Over the edge, I'm just breathless
I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again
Now I'm hopeless, head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I'd get hit by this love bug again
Ohhh
Love Bug again
I'm hit by this love bug... Again...
My eyes were locked on joe. But my heart was locked on Taylor.
I think.
And that's all that mattered...
Right?
"This next song is an old fav of ours." Not Free Fallin, not Free Fallin... "Its called, Free Fallin, by Mr Tom Petty. Hope you enjoy!" The crowd went wild...
"She's a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus and America too
She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too
It's a long day livin' in LA
There's a freeway runnin' through the yard
And I'm a bad boy, 'cause I don't even miss her
I'm a bad boy for breakin' her heart
And I'm free, I'm free fallin'
All the vampires walkin' through the valley
Move west down Ventura Blvd
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
All the good girls are home with broken hearts
And I'm free, I'm free fallin'
I wanna glide down over Mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
I wanna free fall out into nothin'
Gonna leave this world for awhile
And I'm free, I'm free fallin'"
All I could reply in my head is its possible to be in love with two people, right?
Because Taylor treated me the way I wanted to and should be treated. He showed me a different side to things and no matter what he would always be there for me. He is moving to Nashville for me...
But Joe. My first real love. The boy that showed me how to love. We took thins slow and it was best for the both of us. But I cheated on him because I thought he was cheating on me. And if I am over him then why can't I 'get him out of my mind'... I do 'think about his eyes all the time.'
And he is the father to by baby...
But Taylor.
It can't be healthy to go back and forth like this...