♪ Chapter 5 ♫
“Why do you have an engagement ring?” I winced at his hurt voice. I wanted to apologize for keeping this from him but I didn't know why.
The ring was once my mother's engagement ring when she was still alive. After my social worker, Mary, had me taken out of the Hastings home, she had returned my mother's ring to me along with my father's lucky green handkerchief, the same color as his mossy colored eyes. I kept the ring wrapped in the handkerchief with me at all times because I could care less if I had to sleep on the streets or if I didn't have a home to go to at the end of the day, as long as I had the last things of my mother and father and could remember them forever, I would be okay.
Instead I straightened my shoulders and prepared to tell him the truth. For some reason, I felt like I could trust Daniel, and that wasn’t something I felt often.
I held the ring up close to my face and for once, I let myself smile softly as I remembered my parents.
“This was my mother's engagement ring. And this was my father's lucky handkerchief.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “He thought that if he wore this handkerchief anything could go in his favor. He wore it to every meeting, job interview, and birthday party he ever attended. And my mother never took this ring off. From the day she got it from my father, she even wore it in the shower. She used to tell me that it didn't matter if the metal rusted a bit, she could always clean it, but if she lost it, then she would lose her second most loving memory. She always told me that my birth was the first.” I giggled for a second thinking of the times when she would wag her finger at me and tell me that I was the most important thing in her life, and when I asked her about my father, she would say that he was the second most important person because he gave her me.
When my eyes caught Daniel’s again, they were a mix between the deep gray I was so accustomed to and a softer shade of blue that I had never seen before.
“Where are they now?” Daniel asked me softly. His face was softer than I had ever seen. He was patiently leaning against a desk waiting for me to answer him.
Tears gathered in my eyes like every other time I thought of my parents and the life I had before that horrible accident that took away everything I ever loved.
Breathing through the lump in my throat, I spoke again, “They died when I was seven. It was my birthday actually,” a laugh escaped my throat but it sounded choked from the unshed tears, “They were taking me out for a surprise, which they knew I hated. My mom got me this new dress with I don't even know how many bows on it, and it was purple. They remembered that my new favorite color was purple that week. We got in the car and drove off like normal. We were singing at the top of our lungs and dad was holding mom's hand and for a second, he turned his head to smile and her and then there was a flash. I don't even know what it was to this day. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital, a little bloody, bruised and broken, with no family left. Dad was an orphan and mom had run away from her family long ago and changed her name. There was no trace back to her family but only her dad was still alive and by now he is probably dead too.”
“I was stuck at an orphanage for around three years. It's a dog eat dog world there, every child for themselves. Everyone knows that only the younger children get adopted. Nobody wants damaged kids.” A bitter laugh escaped my throat. “A month after my eleventh birthday, I remember a man walking into the orphanage with this huge smile on his face and a spring in his step. I remember thinking, I bet dad used to walk like that. By then, I had forbid myself to even think about my parents. It hurt too much and it would do me no good if I had just stayed depressed and in the orphanage forever. Now that I think about it, I probably would have been better if I had never approached him. If I had never left my bed. If I had never pretended to be happy when on the inside I knew I wasn't.”
I looked up to see Daniel staring at me. His face was pained, his eyes were a mixture of dark stormy gray and dark navy blue. As if both sides were warring against each other and Daniel’s eyes were the battlefield.
“Why? Did he adopt you?” Daniel asked.
In the background, I heard the bell ring twice, signalling beginning of class but I didn’t move.
I nodded. I wanted to get everything off my chest. I had never told anyone the full story about the Hastings or my parents’ death. It felt so good to let it all out.
“His name was Marc, Marc Hastings. He was the kind of guy that everyone laughed with and when he walked into the room, there was this air around him that made you immediately look at him. He was charismatic and knew how to charm his way into getting what he wanted. The day he walked into the orphanage was the day I decided that I would not be staying in the orphanage for another year. I cleaned myself up and placed myself in his way. We talked and bonded, and after a few hours he told me that he would come back with the rest of his family before they decided if they were going to adopt me. The next day, I got up early and picked out my best clothing and waited for them to come back. Marc and Susanna were amazing, just what I wanted in parents. I tried to forget about my parents but they were always there in the back of my mind.”
The unshed tears in my eyes slowly fell until they were racing down my cheeks, leaving little trails of water behind.
Daniel hesitated for a moment before pulling me into his arms just as I started sobbing. He rubbed my back soothingly and whispered, “Keep going. You’ll feel better when it’s done,” in my ear.
I nodded as I tried to control my tears.
“Everything was going great. I was going to have a family again. I was placed in their home for the trial period before the adoption process started and I loved them even more. They had a daughter, Lucy, and she hated me but that never stopped me. I was determined to start over and forget the past. After the adoption process was finished, everything changed. It all started the night they threw the first party since I had been with them. Lucy had locked me out of my room again and I went downstairs to see Marc and Susanna to tell them that I couldn’t get back into my room. When they saw me, their eyes were so angry. I-I could feel their absolute hatred for me pouring out of them. That was the first time they beat me. A broken rib, a fractured arm, two broken fingers and a broken heart.”
Daniel’s arms tightened around me as if to encourage me to keep going.
“They were a family of evil creatures, I still can’t believe they were considered human. Marc got mad a lot of the time I was with them. He broke a lot of bones but he didn’t do any permanent damage. Lucy was worse than Marc though. She loved her swiss army pocket knife more than anything and even before that party, she would knock me down, sit on me and pull out the blade and cut my back. She said she was being creative by giving me something that I could keep forever. I have so many scars, so many that I can’t even force myself to find them all. Susanna didn’t touch me often. Susanna would talk down to me. I never knew words could hurt so much before I met her. She changed everything. To this day I can’t look in the mirror without hearing her words in my head. Not to mention all the people I met in the foster homes. Most of them were like the Hastings’ but I survived I guess. When you go to war, you don’t exactly come back unscathed.” a broken chuckle escaped my dry throat.
Daniel was completely silent. I was scared to pull away now that I had told him everything. No one knew all of that. Not even the police knew of everything that went on in the Hastings’ home from the court case against them. I had to testify against them but I was as vague as possible, with just enough detail to land them in jail where they belonged.
I took a deep breath and tried to put up the wall that was always in place around other people that had fallen down without my knowledge during my confession.
Another second passed in tense silence with me still in Daniel’s embrace.
Suddenly, Daniel pulled my head out of the crook in his neck and stared into my eyes.
A gasp escaped me as I stared back into his. It seemed as if his eyes were unsure of what color to be as it changed every few seconds. His eyes were dark with lots of different shades of dark grays and blues all fighting to take control. All of the colors were smothered with a burning fire. Usually, I couldn’t tell what the color of his eyes were saying but now it was loud and clear. His eyes were burning in fury.
I pushed against his chest as fear crawled through my body and up into my throat. Panic clouded my thoughts as I tried to get away before he could strike.
You won’t ever speak out of turn again, got it?!
You are lucky that I only had one glass bottle or there would have been a lot more damage than that.
You stupid girl! You are lucky that I even give you a place to sleep! You don’t need anything else, do you understand? Next time I won’t be so lenient.
Loud screams and evil laughter reverberated through my heads as I was attacked with memories of my sorrow.
I pushed and scratched as I tried to escape. No more. No more pain.
Through my panicking, I didn’t understand that Daniel was trying to calm me down.
My breathing became labored and soon black spot danced across my vision, almost mocking me.
“Charlotte! Listen to me, I’m not going to hurt you okay?”
I was too far gone to listen, my hands began to curls up and vibrate from the lack of oxygen.
I felt him place my head on his chest, his heartbeat thudding against my head.
“Can you hear my heart?”
I nodded weakly as I tried to gasp in air.
“Alright, I need you to breathe in through your nose and out your mouth as slowly as possible while counting my heartbeats, okay? Don’t think about anything else, just count them until you can breathe again.” Daniel’s voice was strained.
I nodded as best I could with my head throbbing.
I did exactly what Daniel asked me to. I slowly breathed through my nose and let it out my mouth and began to count.
One, two, three, four...
When I reached one hundred and thirty-four beats the throbbing had stopped and my tears had slowed. The panic had disappeared by then and all I could focus on was my insecurities.
Daniel had helped me through a panic attack - although he had been the cause of it - and stayed with me the whole time.
Just like the first time I held a violin, I felt as if a part of me that I had not noticed I lost along the way had been returned.
Opening my eyes, I saw bright stormy eyes staring down at me with concern swimming in them.
“Are you okay?” Daniel asked me quietly, almost as if he were afraid to break the comforting silence surrounding us.
My throat was dry from crying so I nodded my head.
Daniel cast his eyes away. “I’m sorry for that. I’m not like them, I was angry that you had been through so much. That those lowlifes hit you, made you feel unworthy.” The muscles in Daniel’s jaw clicked and when he looked back at me, I could see the fire starting to burn again.
I flinched away and closed my eyes.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had to go through that. Do you need me to take you back to your dorm? I think you should restart your first day again tomorrow.” I peeked up at him again and saw that all that was left was the concern still etched on his face.
“Yeah, that would be great. I’ll call Mandy later and tell her that I’m starting school tomorrow.” My voice was hoarse and low.
Daniel stood up again and I realized that at some point during my panic attack, we had ended up on the floor.
Daniel cleared his throat and I looked up to see him holding a hand out.
I stared at his hand for a moment. It was still so surreal for me to see someone like Daniel helping me.
I reached up and put my hand in his.
Author's Note:
Another chapter updated. This is one of my favorite scenes between Daniel and Charlotte. Aren't they adorable?
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For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
-Becca <3