WHAT WAS I feeling then? I didn't know. I was afraid, yes, but what was I afraid of? Losing you? Letting you go too early? I couldn't control whether you stayed or not, and that was something that felt like a stab to the chest with every thought of it.
I felt an affection for you, Mabel. I didn't want you to go and take my love with you. What would I be left with? The longing feeling of your cool fingertips against my cheek?
I couldn't bear the thought of you in a hospital bed, clad with your hospital gown asleep, deep in an eternal slumber. I didn't sleep very well that night, I awoke with a headache.
That day had been a Friday, I remember it so well. I'd been at my locker unpacking, sliding off my jacket and shrugging on my school sweater. Someone tapped me lightly on the back, but I didn't respond. I was fed up with that kid Lucas' charades.
"Jacob," a girl called out to me, catching my attention, "your girlfriend's trying to get your attention. Why don't you show her some love?"
I'd swerved around, instantly meeting your amused gaze. My eyes had widened instantly. "What the heck?"
"Surprise!" You'd sung softly with a wide smile. "Please close your mouth. I know I'm beautiful, but-"
I'd engulfed you in a tight hug, hugging you with every ounce in my body. I felt your arms wrap around my waist, hugging me back just as tightly. We stayed like that for a moment, just us, ignoring the stares we'd gotten by students walking past.
"Jacob, I kind of can't breathe," you'd whispered and I quickly released you. You coughed violently, and I'd looked on in worry.
"S-sorry, I'm so sorry," I whispered. "Are you okay? I didn't know I was hugging you so tightly, I was just-just happy to see you."
"Not many people can take my breath away, but you don't even have to try - literally," you tried to joke but I didn't laugh. I couldn't now.
"I don't think now is the time to be making jokes like that, you're worrying me," I'd frowned. I patted your back softly. "I'm sorry again, but are you okay now?"
You'd nodded and cleared your throat. "Yeah, sorry," you smiled, "I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to come see you before I went to my rendezvous today." Your voice had lowered, considering the unbelievable amount of nosy people that went to this school.
"Yeah, yeah. I completely understand, I'm glad you stopped by. But I wish you could stay for the whole day, I don't want you to go." My voice trailed off at the end, and it seemed as if you got the hint.
"Ah, no! Don't worry, I still have more time," you assured me. Your cold hands cupped my cheeks, "please don't stress yourself over this. I-I'm fine." That was one lie.
"Why don't I stop by your house afterschool, huh? That way we can spend as much time as we'd like together," I suggested and I'd seen your face light up with excitement.
"Yes, yes! That sounds great, I can't wait," you slowly pulled away whilst taking a step back. "I'll speak to my parents about it, but don't take too long to come. I'll be there waiting for you, right at my doorstep."
"You promise?" I'd asked with a grin.
"I promise," you nodded.
That was another lie.
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