1 3 M O N T H S L A T E R
H A N I Y A H ' S P O I N T O F V I E W
A sigh left my lips as I looked at the precious life in front of me. His little feet trying to kick the blanket I had placed on him, as it was cold out. His bright green eyes glared at me, just as his father used to, as I placed the blanket back on him, this time even tighter. I smiled as he pouted and squinted his little eyes. I took a deep breath and continued to post the stroller down the pathway that led to where my love laid.
As I made my way, my heart filled with pure sorrow, my heart ached, it cried. My eyes filled with tears as my eyes laid on the gravestone.
The loving son, brother, husband and father.
AABAN ZAVEER WAHEED
April 7, 1995 - February 27, 2017
A tear fell from my eye as I lightly brushed the snow off the stone as I traced the name of the man I loved with all my hearts.
It had been 13 months since he was killed, yet the hole in my heart feels like that the events took place a mere moment ago.
He never got to meet our son, he never got to be there through my pregnancy, he never got to be there when I found out we were having a boy, he wasn't there for the baby shower our family threw to make me feel content, he never got to be there for me when I went into labour, he didn't get to be there to hear the first cry of his child, he didn't get to cut the cord that attached our baby to me, he wasn't there to hold our baby for the first time, he never got to experience fatherhood. It was all because a selfish man took his life away. Took his life away because he couldn't handle the fact that my heart belonged to another man. I felt lost, I felt hopeless.
My baby never got to meet his father.
As I sat there for Allah knows how long, my mind wondered to the dreadful night.
He turned around and his bright green eyes meet my teary ones.
"I love you, Aaban," I said, I just wanted him to know, I felt like I had to. Whatever was going to happen was going to be bad, really bad. I had a feeling that this was the last time I'll be saying I love you to him, and that scared me.
"I love you too, doll"
And with that, he walked out.
"Aayan what did he say to you?" Asiya turned to her son.
Aayan smiled a small sad smile and shook his head. "Whatever happens tonight, remember that he loves us all more than anything, especially you and the baby Appi." I lightly smiled at my brother-in-law.
I slowly made my way around the room to Asiyah. She opened her arms and welcomed me into her warm arms.
"He'll be okay, right mama?" I spoke
"my darling." She spoke softly, "He'll be fine, he will never leave his wife and child, he won't." she spoke as if she were trying to convince herself "everything will be okay."
We stayed there for how long, I can't remember, but I remember the fear that crept into my heart as I heart three gunshots. I remember me praying, praying that it was the enemy that was shot and not the man I love. I remember the lights turning back on, and pure terror on everyone's face in the room, including Aayan.
"You girls stay here, we'll go downstairs and see what's going on" Shoyeb spoke as he, Aayan and Adam walked towards the door.
"No! We're going to come with you." Asiya stood up from her chair and walked up to them, me and Barakah following behind her.
Shoyeb tried to protest, but Asiya's glare was enough to shut him up.
He opened the door and we followed behind him. As we made our way downstairs, the hall was a mess, there was broken glass scattered on the floor, the furniture was flipped over along. My heart stopped as I saw the lifeless arm that I saw.
That ring.
I stopped walking, as everyone followed my gaze.
Shoyeb let out a sharp breath as he walked towards the body.
The way his body shook as he fell down next to the body, confirmed the suspicion.
I lost control of my body, I was in a daze as I walked towards Shoieb as Adam tried to hold me back. I fought through his arms and made my way to the body.
The face was brutally bruised, you couldn't even make out who he was except for the clothing and the single ring that he wore.
I held onto the cold, lifeless hands of Aaban, but something felt wrong, it didn't feel like the hands that I've held a million times.
I shook my head,
"This, this isn't my Aaban" it sounded like I was in denial, but that didn't feel like my husband. It didn't feel like the man I loved. This man's hand were cold, my Aaban's hands were always warm. I sat there watching the body, I didn't know what was going on around me until Adam moved me away from the body, I sat there lifelessly as the paramedics lifted the body on a starchier and covered the body with a single cloth.
Then it hit me, it hit me like a tone of bricks, I don't know what went through my mind, was it my hormones.
I cried. I screamed. I cried for as long as could, I cried till I had no tears left to cry. He was gone. My Aaban was gone.
I lost two people who meant everything to me in a span of two weeks.
The crying of my baby, brought me out of my thoughts. I quickly wiped my tears and stood up glancing down at my son.
I gently picked him up and brought him towards the grave.
"Salam Jaan" my voice shook as my baby stared at me, trying to figure out why his mother was in pain. "I brought our baby with me today. Zahid say hi to Baba" I sat down on the bench that Zuber and Aayan had built as I bounced Zahid on my lap, trying to calm him down "I wish you were here to meet him, I wish you were here to hold him, I wish you were here to love him." I sniffled " I miss you. It's been 10 months Aaban, I don't know how I did it, how I've been living without you, but I'm doing it. Allah is helping me through this. But it hurts." I blinked the tears away. I couldn't be here any longer. Like the last time I came I left a piece of me behind.
I took a deep breath and placed my baby back into the stroller, tucking him back into the warm blanket as his tiny eyes closed shut, falling into a light slumber.
And as I walked away, I whispered the words that I felt I never spoke enough. Whispering the same three words I told to him the night I lost him.
"I love you, Aaban, I always will"
THE END.