Maddie's POV
One day in and still no sleep, cried a lot and nothing's changed.
I get out of bed going to the washroom and brush my teeth after that I head downstairs. Mom was at work. Christmas is in 2 and a half weeks. I never ended up talking to Nathan. I was upstairs crying to Lila and lily that night. Never came out of the room.
I make myself a coffee rubbing my eyes. I wonder how mason slept.i really just wanna be able to kiss him, hug him or really anything. Talk. I feel the tears come up but I blink them away. Maybe he's better without me maybe he isn't miserable even though he does look tired and hurt. I don't fucking know. All I know if I hate myself and what I did and life. I finish the coffee and sit. Everyone's asleep. I stare at the coffee thinking of mason.
"Hey" Nathan walks in. I look up my eyes probably teary but I blinked them away.
"Morning" I said. "We never got to talk" I add in. He grab water and sits in front of me. "So how's basketba-" he cuts me off.
"Why did you cheat on mason!?" He said. So he did tell him. My lips part.
"Uh-" I start and feel a pang if guilt and hurt. He's got a hard look on his face.
"Huh Maddie, Because right now he's miserable. He was barely talking. He hasn't slept in 3 days and...and he thinks you hate him. He think that's you don't care about him anymore and I haven't seen him like this since his sister" he tells me. My lips part again.
"Nathan please don't hate me" I manage to get out without tears.
"That's what he said to me. 'Don't be rough on maddie' 'don't get mad at her' 'don't hate her' he didn't even want to tell me. I thought he did something to you and so he just blurted it out like he didn't even wanna bring it up. Being drunk or thinking he cheated on you is no excuse. Especially since you had a perfect opportunity to even check if that was him. To at least try to get his attention before you made out with the guy" he said. His voice was low so he wasn't yelling but his fist was clenched. Mason didn't want to tell Nathan. He also told him not to be mad at me. It just all made me wanna ball.
"I know Nathan, I hate myself. I haven't slept either because I've been trying to give him space, to think about what he wants to do. He broke up with me" I said. "I feel like a whore."
"I don't think he broke up with you, he never told me that" he said.
"He said he was done." I stated.
"Well Maddie I wonder why the fuck he said that, what you did was horrible. To my best friend to your boyfriend who is literally obsessed with you. He literally pretty much risked our friendship for your relationship. He's been loyal, he doesn't lie, and you did this. Last night he cried. He doesn't cry he hasn't cried since his sister, last night he told me maybe he overreacted, maybe he was wrong to yell at you! And you, you were crying to your friends for something that you did wrong. I don't even get why you're crying over this. He did shit all to you" he tells me and I felt the tears fall. "I'm pissed at you Maddie, I would never in a million years think you out of anyone even mason would do that. He's my best friend and no one wants to see someone who is pretty much there brother get that hurt."
"Nathan, please listen" I sniffle.
"I don't want to listen to your bs, you can talk to your friends all that shit" he said. The hot tears stream down my cheeks.
Masons POV
"Nathan, please listen" Maddie sniffles and I feel like literally ruining Nathan for doing this.
"I don't want to listen to your bs, you can talk to your friends all that shit" he said. His chair squeaks as he gets out of it. "I'm disappointed."
He walks out into the hall and sees me. I glare at him. I push him into the wall.
"What the fuck!" I said. Not too loud for her to hear.
"I had to mason, I'm pissed. You would do the exact same thing if it were me" he tells me.
"I didn't want her feeling like shit Nathan, I fucking can't stand when she cries, why didn't you just listen?" I asked. I wasn't being too aggressive because it was nice but still.
"Because! She deserved it. Mason I don't want to see you like this again. It sucks. Knowing I can't do shit until you get over it sucks. So deal with it" he remarks.
"What you did was nice, but really you did not have to be that rough on her" I state.
"I'm sorry but at the same time I'm not" he said and walks away. I sigh. I lean my head against the wall. Maddie please don't cry.
Maddie's POV
I heard what mason said to Nathan and it made me cry even more. I ran up to the washroom and cried. For about 30 minutes. He really cares. I'm horrible. He didn't want Nathan yelling at me. He blamed himself for the horrible thing I did. And I can't stand thing. I was swollen and all. Since lily and Lila were still very asleep it was early I texted Ryan asking if he could come with me on a walk and he said yes. So we're meeting at the park we first met.
"Hey!" He smiles hugging me.
"Hey!" I muttered.
"You don't look good. Did something happen with mason?" He asked.
"That's what I wanted to talk about. And please don't hate right away" I tell him he nods as we walk along the side walk. And that's when I began my story. About everything that happened that night.
~
"You haven't said anything the whole time" I said playing with my fingers after I finished telling Ryan everything. And he seemed shocked and confused and understanding. But he said nothing. Zip.
"I don't know what to say" he finally breaks his silence.
"I'm a whore" I mumble.
"No" he said slowly. "I'm just...in confused."
"I can tell." We we're walking the whole time we stopped to get coffee and kept going. It was nice out not too cold obviously not hot.
"I just can't really believe it, honestly I could never see you doing that. Especially since...like your guys' past and how when you were separated you were both...like miserable."
"Yeah I know. We are again. Mason definitely is and what I heard today made me feel 10 times worse and I feel horrible already. And I know I'm horrible for doing this. But what he said to me really got to me" I admit.
"Well, do you think that it getting to you is a sign that he was right?" He asked glancing over to me. My lips part.
"No! I didn't want to cheat on him. There's no possible way I would want to or be bored of him. It's mason. He's amazing. I love him, and he thinks I don't. He blamed himself Nathan told me" I said.
"Well Maddie. I don't know h at to tell you. Honesty I don't. Like I'm not gonna give you sympathy and I'm telling you that now. Sorry but I won't. But I'm not gonna be a dick and yell at you since we're friends" he said.
"Understandable" I nod my voice shakes. "Ryan, he doesn't even look at me. I don't ant him back but I also want him to have space. I want him thinking if he even wants to ever forgive me, but I also feel like if I do talk to him, he's gonna just yell tell me I'm a whore all that even though he deserves to I don't want to hear it from him" I state.
"Do you think he wants space?" He asked.
"I don't know" I muttered looking at the sidewalk.
"Don't you think you should know?" He asked.
"Maybe" I sighed. "I don't know anything anymore. I haven't slept in 3 days and I've been living in coffee" I admit. "I should get back, thanks for letting me talk to you and you being honest" I said hugging him again.
"That's what friends are for Maddie" he said.
"Have you found a girl yet?" I asked he shakes his head.
"Kinda concentrating on school" he admits I nod.
"Well I'll see you later, you better visit and text me" I tell him he nods. And then we walk out separate ways.
Mason's POV
"So...are you just gonna be staring st the wall the whole time and not talk to me about what's wrong? Cause I know somethings up with you and Maddie. You're both being weird and distant and haven't slept. I'm not that dumb" Luke said. I blinks an look at him. I don't need someone else getting mad at her.
"It's fine" I lied.
"Stop telling me that mason. I know you what's wrong?" He asked. "I'm not gonna deal with you if you're like this, it's annoying and if I don't have the reason for your reason of doing this then I'm just gonna annoy you even more. I'm not letting you ruin my mood" he said. I roll my eyes.
"How would I ruin your mood if I'm not talking to you?" I asked.
"Because, you're depressed you're sad obviously, you look like you're fricken contemplating life. You're one of my best friends dude. What do you expect!?" He says. I guess he's right.
"Fine" I run a hand through my hair. "Just...just promise not to tell anyone else or even confront Maddie about it."
"Okay" is all he said back.
"She cheated on me" i said in a low voice. I know she told Lila and lily. His jaw drops pretty much to the floor.
"And you don't want me to confront her why?" He asked.
"Because Nathan did already. Pretty rough and I can fell she's having a hard time...and...and I don't like it" I said in a mere whisper.
"Mason" he sighed. "Jeez. I never expected Maddie..."
"I know" i nod. I tell about what happened the whole night. Well like that whole part.
"Do you think...maybe I should've just seen her side a little more?" I asked.
"No!" He immediately says. "Shes a fricken bitch for this."
I give him a death glare.
"Shut the fuck up Luke, you have no right to call her anything" I said.
"Fine, but I'm just saying!" He puts his hands up. "You did nothing wrong. And everyone knows if this was the other way around. Everyone would be on her side and no one would see your point of view" he tells me.
"But I don't care about that Luke. Do you think, that she doesn't even love me anymore. She hasn't even tried to talk to me. And if she's giving me space. I don't want it. I want her back. But I know that every time I look at her I think of them kissing. But I'm willing to push that aside just to be with her" I admit.
"Mason, honestly do what you want. But just don't blame yourself." He replied.
God Maddie. Why do you have the biggest effect of me. I haven't felt this horrible since I don't know when. When we broke up that one time doesn't even compare to this. I can't get her out of my mind. But I also can't get that nasty ass guy out of it too. And then that part where they kissed. Sloppy, drunk and I saw tongue. It hurts. And I'm surprised I lasted this long. And really I think I need more time to get over it since when I look at her I think of them kissing. Her saying "how does it feel."
"I gotta go ok, text me?" Luke said I nodded he got up and left.
Lila walks in and sees me. She grins.
"Hey!" She said.
"Hey" I replied. She sat across from me.
"Can we talk?" She asked.
"What are you gonna apologize for Maddie?" I asked.
"Oh god no! That's her thing" she shakes her head. "I just...I wanted to know how you feel about it all" she says.
"Like shit" is all I said. "You should know that."
"Yeah, But...I know you won't fully talk to Nathan or Luke mason, you aren't the type of person who just actually says things about how they feel" she said. "And, believe me. I'm not gonna hate on Maddie because she's my best friend but I'm not gonna excuse her behaviour. Because what she did...that was horrible and nasty. And I'm not gonna be like 'she was drunk and didn't know' but I'm gonna tell you this right now hands down. She still loves you."
A wave of relief passes through me.
"Lila I feel like everything's falling apart" I admit. "Like...ever since the beginning of the year. We've fought more than I expected. And...and I don't know. I just have this feeling that she's just not as into it as I am. Because I know that...I can't live without her. Like I'm happy to be in the same house as her. But the thought of her being far from me even with her in the house. It's horrible. And now every time I look at her. I see them kissing. It all replays and. At the same time. I feel like. I was hard on her and maybe I should've seen her side of it. And if she really doesn't want to be in this relationship. I'd rather her tell me now. Because she can still love me but not want to be anything with me."
It looked like Lila was tearing up. Why!? I didn't say anything bad. I don't think.
"You really think she's starting be wary about your guys relationship?" She asked.
"At times yeah. A lot. The things we fight about, and all that shit. She let a guy do a body shot off of her. Like...you do know how it works right the last part is pretty much them kissing. But...god it fucking sucks to think and feel this way. But I want..." I sigh. "I want what's best for her and what she wants" I manage to get that out. Lilas lips part.
"Mason, I'm sure you're best for her. And I'm positive you're what she wants" she said. Her eyes were glossy.
"Why hasn't she even tried to come talk to me!? Why is she not even looking at me!?" I asked.
"She's giving you space" she replied.
"I don't fucking want space. I want her, even though I'm not ready to just forgive her. To me her not even trying makes me feel like she really doesn't care. And don't go telling her this so she can just start coming back. She should know this. We dated for more than a year. And I know every single detail of her. Everything. She can't even tell that I don't want space because I can't stand to be without her even though i tell her this daily" I was now a little mad.
"You're right, and I won't. I promise. I'm really sorry mason. That this all happened. It sucks. You don't deserve it. And I'm not trying to be nice and pity you I mean this. You really are a great guy. And especially for Maddie. And what she did to you sucks because of what she's been through in the past" she said. My lips part. She has been through shit in the past. Aka. Tyler cheated on her. And she...she went and did the same thing to me. I don't care if they weren't even that close as we are. It still sucks to know.
"I'm happy you talked to me though!" She smiles.
"Don't bring it up, I hate being like this" I tell her she laughs.
"Yeah I can tell. But to be honest. I love you like this" she nudges me.
"You can leave now it's getting awkward" I tell her she rolls her eyes.
"You still manage to be a complete asshole while in the process of being a nice human being" She pints out getting out of her chair.
"Well I cant be fully nice that would be weird" I said. She rolls her eyes. I'm actually kinda glad I talked to Lila. It was kinda refreshing knowing she's not just excusing all of Maddie's behaviour. Plus she was nice. She walks out of the kitchen and I just sit there thinking about everything.
Maddie's POV
Lila walks into my room.
"Where were you?" I asked.
"Just getting water. I actually gotta go I'll text you and see you later yeah?" She asked I nodded. "And please don't lay in here all day crying and moping. I don't like when my best friend does that."
"I'll try" I muttered with a weak smile. She hugs me then leaves. I didn't try at all. That's exactly what I did.
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A/N
These chapters are getting pretty long. Sorry not sorry. I hope you all liked it. I'm feeling hella bad for Mason. Like break my heart. Even tho I'm writing the book it kills to see him like this. I'm also a dramatic piece of shit. Hahahaha. Hope you guys liked this chapter. A lot of feelings involved with everyone. Xoxo.
-Jana🤙🏽