Chapter Fourteen
I leaned over the photo. The handwriting was definitely Daddy’s distinguishable chicken scratch.
I pulled it out of Violet’s hand, turning it over with trembling fingers to study the woman’s happy face, the face of my mother. At that moment, my world stopped spinning and gravity evaporated away. The pieces of my life no longer fit neatly into a perfect picture, albeit an unhappy one, but one I knew. My entire life had been a lie.
While Violet called Aunt Bessie, my eyes remained glued to Dora’s face, willing her to float out of the photograph and tell me everything. Instead, she sat frozen in time on a country blue-and-white checkered sofa, holding a tiny me. Who was she smiling at? Daddy?
“Aunt Bessie is cancelling all her clients for the rest of the day and is coming right over, but she has to tie up some loose ends. It’s probably going to be another hour and a half.”
I suddenly remembered Muffy. Crappy doodles. Strike two on responsible pet ownership.
“I have to go home.” I stood up and grabbed my purse.
“What?” Violet’s mouth fell open. I wondered if Violet would get high blood pressure from all the surprises I had thrown at her the last week.
“I’ll come back, I promise. I just forgot about Muffy.”
“Who’s Muffy?”
“My dog. I left her alone all day and I need to go let her out.” I hated to even think about the possible state of my bathroom.
“Your dog?” Violet stumbled backward. I literally pushed her over the edge with that one.
“I’ll explain it to you later. I just have to go.”
I ran out of the house, temporarily surprised by the convertible in the driveway. My day came rushing back and now it felt so superficial. I drove home, leaving the top up, not finding any joy in the car anymore. It was a tangible item that had no meaning in my life.
I found Muffy in the bathroom, lying on the cold tile, her face on her paws. She looked as sad as I felt. We made a good pair, she and I. Can you be soul mates with a dog? I wondered as I put on her new collar and attached the leash. If only I had found her sooner. But before a couple of weeks ago, I hadn’t even considered looking.
I watched her sniff the grass and relieve herself all over the backyard. She seemed to be less timid and I wondered if she would be bouncing all over the place in a week. Then I remembered I wouldn't be here in a week. What would happen to Muffy when I was gone?
Tears stung my eyes. Lucky day, my ass.
I started to laugh at the absurdity of it all and it was then that I felt Joe’s presence. I hadn’t heard him, between my laughing and my crying. I turned to face him. He stood at the corner of the house, watching me with brooding eyes. Then he came toward me, as if in slow motion and a million thoughts went through my head. Why was he home so early? What was he doing back here? Did he really care about me?
He stopped about a foot in front of me and stared down into my face. The worry in his eyes answered my last question.
“Rose,” he said, his voice full of regret and pain. Even in my inexperience I recognized the longing in his smoldering dark-brown eyes.
I studied him, amazed he really did want me, and not like Daniel Crocker had in the bar. This was different.
His eyes widened when I reached up to touch his cheek. Then he closed them, seeking refuge in his despair. I brushed the hair off his forehead, intrigued at how soft it felt between my fingers. I had never touched a man other than Daddy, well, other than the few times I had kissed Joe. But in those moments, I had been lost in myself and hadn’t paid attention to him. It occurred to me I might never get another opportunity. I let my fingertips trail down his cheek, feeling the stubble of his five o’clock shadow. My thumb skimmed across his lips, warming with the rush of air from his sharp exhale. The muscles in his shoulders looked like they were melting as his tension fell away.
I did that to him.
I was hungry to know more.
I moved both hands to his waist, dropping Muffy’s leash, and lifted up the edge of his t-shirt. His eyes flew open in alarm and he started to say something, searching my face for an explanation. The intensity in my eyes willed him to be still. He seemed to understand and let me lift his shirt up and over his head, pulling it off the rest of the way himself. Then he waited, the pain on his face more profound than before. I wondered what he saw on my own.
We were a pair, he and I, even more so than Muffy and me. Both lost in misery, only his was of his own doing and mine was thrust upon me. But misery is misery, no matter what its cause and we were both drowning in it. I had no idea why he wouldn’t go to the police. But in that moment, I knew he would never hurt me, not if he could help it. I had four days left and I didn’t want to spend it alone. In the end, it didn’t matter what his motives were. I’d be dead. The first twenty-four years of my life had been a lie; would it be so bad if the last four days were too?
I reached my hands back up to his cheeks, marveling at the contrast of his soft skin and the roughness of his beard. I slid my hands down his neck, feeling the bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed, and down to his chest. The rise and fall of his breath became faster under my palms. I closed my eyes and absorbed the moment, attaching it to the scrapbook of memories.
My hands slid lower, down his sides, stopping at the waistband of his jeans. I ran my fingers up his back, feeling his muscles tense as I stepped closer, reaching higher. I stood pressed against his bare chest, my hands splayed across his upper shoulder blades, feeling the heat of his body seep into mine. I opened my eyes to look up into his questioning ones and smiled, the tiniest of smiles. If I never got more than this, I’d die happy.
My smile was the catalyst that freed Joe from his trance. His arms reached around my back, pulling me even closer as his lips found mine, hot and needing. The kisses on my front porch and the night before where nothing compared to the primal force pulling me to him now. Those had been flirtatious and fun. This was desperate and hungry.
I discovered I’d lied. I wanted more.
Joe’s hands seemed to be everywhere at once, on my back, in my hair. One hand moved to my breast and I gasped, surprised at the fire that burst within me at his touch.
That got Joe’s attention. He lifted his face and pulled my head to his chest, sucking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly. My heart hammered away, while the rest of me questioned why he stopped.
“We can’t do this, Rose,” Joe said, his heart racing in my ear.
“What? Why?”
“We need to wait.”
I didn’t even try to hide my disappointment, proof I truly had become sinful. “But I only have four days. There isn't time to wait.” The words fell out before I could censor them.
Joe wrapped his hands around my arms and jerked me backward. “That’s the second time you said that. What happens in four days?” He looked angry, far angrier than he had a right to be.
“What does it matter to you, Joe? Why do you care?” I asked, defiant. What right did he have to question me?
His face softened and his grip relaxed, but he still held my arms. “I care about you, Rose. I don't want anything to happen to you.”
It was my turn to get angry. “Yeah, I can tell by the way you’re running off to the police to clear my name.” I jerked my arms away from him, searching for Muffy. “It doesn’t matter. It will be over soon.”
He grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. “Why do you keep sayin’ that? What aren’t you tellin’ me?” he asked through gritted teeth.
I stopped to reevaluate the situation. I only had four days left and while Joe’s character was currently suspect, I somehow knew he wouldn’t hurt me. As long as I ignored the not-clearing-my-name part. I didn’t want to fight with him. I liked Joe a lot and it wasn't like I was looking for a long-term commitment here.
That made me laugh.
Joe’s eyes widened and he looked like he expected me to start strutting around the yard like a chicken. “This isn’t funny, Rose.”
“If you only knew what I knew, you’d be laughing.” I laughed a few seconds more and stopped. “Or maybe you wouldn't.”
He tried a different tactic. He pulled me close and whispered in my ear. “Why don’t you tell me and then we’ll know whether I think it’s funny or not.”
A fire spread through my body, an automatic response I couldn’t turn off even if I wanted to, which I didn’t. Let him play his games. I knew what he was doing. “Are you tryin’ to persuade me to tell you?”
His hands worked their way up my back, sending chills in their wake. “Tell me,” he whispered, kissing my neck and I shivered.
If he only knew I’d hold out all night as long as he kept doing what he was doing.
He left a trail of kisses across my cheek but avoiding contact with my lips.
I groaned in frustration.
“What happens in four days, Rose?”
If I’d been capable of laughing, I would have. He played into my hands, not the other way around.
His lips moved to my mouth, soft and tantalizing, but still holding back.
“You told me it could be better.” I said.
“What?” he whispered as he moved to my ear, biting and sucking on my earlobe.
I gasped. “The night you first kissed me, you told me it could be better. I didn’t see how. Show me how.”
“Tell me what happens in four days.”
“No, you’ll stop.” I said, my knees getting weak.
Joe paused. I’d showed my hand, as my Daddy used to say. He pulled away from me, mischievousness in his eyes. “You are wicked, aren’t you?”
“No, but I'd like to be if you’d just cooperate.”
My answer caught him by surprise and he laughed. “How do you do that?” he asked, catching his breath.
“Do what?”
“Make me forget all my problems.” As soon as he said the words, he looked sorry he had.
“What troubles do you have, Joe McAllister?” I asked.
He smiled and raised an eyebrow. “I have secrets of my own.”
“That’s nothin’ I didn't already know. Ordinary people go to the police, especially if their friend’s in trouble.”
His smile disappeared, replaced by guilt. “Rose, about…”
“Joe, it’s okay. It doesn’t matter.”
Shock replaced the guilt. “They’re going to arrest you.”
“I know, but not until next week.”
“Is that why you say you only have four days? You think the police are going to arrest you in four days?”
I didn't want to lie but I couldn't tell him the truth either. I decided it was better to let him believe his theory. Lucky for me, I waited so long to answer that he took it as confirmation.
“Rose, if it comes to that I’ll tell them everything I know. I swear. I just can’t go right now. Will you trust me?”
If I was thinking long-term, I didn’t know that I would. I had no guarantee Joe was a safe bet. But four days? What could happen in four days?
“I’ll trust you until Monday.” I wasn't sure if I had told a lie or not, considering I'd be dead Monday. I reached up to kiss him, to seal our deal. But he leaned back, keeping his mouth out of reach. “No, we can’t do this until Monday.”
“What?”
“I want to prove that I’m trustworthy. I won’t touch you until Monday, then you’ll know I really like you and I’m not wanting to take advantage of you.”
“Maybe I want you to take advantage of me.”
Joe laughed and shook his head. “I’ll take advantage of you after Monday.”
“That doesn’t help me at all. It’s on my list and I have to do everything on my list by Sunday, preferably Saturday.”
He looked confused. “I thought you said Monday.”
I groaned in frustration at my slipup.
He forged on. “My guess is they’re trying to get evidence to make the charge stick. It’s all circumstantial at this point, right?”
I narrowed my eyes. “How do you know that?”
He shrugged. “Common sense. I watch Law & Order just like everyone else.”
“How’d you know I couldn’t leave the county?”
“What?”
“I didn’t tell you I couldn’t leave the county, but yesterday you knew. How’d you know that?”
He scowled. “I told you, Law & Order. In any case, the police are waiting for the DA and he’s not going to file the charges on Sunday. It wouldn't happen until Monday at the earliest.”
I raised eyebrows. “And you know this from Law & Order?”
He grinned and shrugged again. “TV is very educational.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t know about that. So are you gonna help me with my list?”
“You mean your Walmart List?” He looked downright ornery when he said it. “You’re working on your list?”
“My Wish List; I have thirteen and a half already.” I lifted my chin, daring him to mock me.
“How do you get a half?”
“I bought the bra and panties, I just haven’t worn them yet.”
Joe started choking and his face turned red. “Excuse me?”
“Number nineteen. Wear a lacy bra and panties.”
It took him a second to speak. “I suppose you need me to help you with number fifteen?”
“You know what number fifteen is?”
“Of course, how could I forget do more with a man? But technically, you did. We got to second base if I remember correctly, and I’m positive I remember correctly.” He winked.
“Ha, barely! You very well know what I meant. I am not goin’ to die a virgin!”
“Who said anything about dying?” His words were sharp enough to cut through ice.
“Figure of speech.” I waved my hand, trying to convince him. “Who knows what will happen to me in jail.”
He looked like he didn’t believe me. “Well, tonight I’m not doing more. I’ll eat dinner with you and hang out with you, but I’m not helping you with number fifteen,” He finished with a frown.
“If you don’t want to help me Joe, you don't have to. I can always find someone else. Why, just the other night I had a man practically offer.”
“Your date?” he scoffed.
I turned up my chin. “No, someone else.”
His expression changed. “Who?”
“It doesn’t matter. I turned him down, but if you don't help me, I'll find someone else who will.”
“Don't do anything stupid, Rose.”
We stared at each other. “You’re tryin’ to boss me around again, Joe. I won’t stand for it. I let people boss me around the last twenty-four years. I’m sure not gonna be bossed around my last four days.” My voice was hard and cold. “I'll give you until Saturday night.”
I picked up Muffy’s leash. “Come on, Muffy.”
“I thought we were eating dinner together.” He called after me.
“I never agreed to dinner, you just assumed. I already have plans.”
I glanced over my shoulder and saw his stunned face. I kind of felt bad for him.
“Help me with my list,” I blurted out.
He grimaced. “I already told…”
“No, the rest of them.” I'd realized it would be more fun to experience everything with someone I cared about. I had to admit I actually did care for Joe. “Do you work on Saturday?”
“No…but you have Sunday too.”
“No, Saturday. I want them all done by midnight.” I only knew that I would die on Sunday, I didn't know what time. It could happen at 12:01 a.m. for all I knew, although I hoped it was closer to 11:59 p.m.
“I need to see your list again, to see what you still need.”
“I still owe you dinner for the lock. Come over tomorrow night and we’ll go over it then.”
Joe looked happier. “Okay.”
“And if you're lucky, I’ll wear my new bra and panties.”
He shook his head. “You’re not gonna make this easy for me, are you?”
I smiled, but it didn't quite reach my eyes. “Not on your life.”
Or more accurately, mine.