"Don't hurt her," I pleaded.
"Why are you so devoted to her? She hurt you and here you are, begging me not to hurt her. Don't you think she should burn the way you did for her?"
"No! No, please-"
A chuckle. "Please, what? You'll do anything I say? Or, wait...I'll pay for this? No, no, wait, I've got it. You'll never get away with this. Yeah, that's always a good one."
"Ray, please."
"I like when you say my name."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Hey, I only wanted to talk to you. See you. But your Army guy had to stick his nose where it doesn't belong. And then you ran from me. That really hurt my feelings, Eden."
"I'm sorry! Let her go and we'll talk. I'll meet you."
"Got your attention now." He laughed.
"Please. You can't do this."
"Eden, I already did. Now. Meet me and let's get this over with."
My shoulders sagged. "Where?"
"The woods. Under the power lines. You know the place."
Not really. I'd never been there but heard about it. That's a known hang-out where the kids who liked to party spend their Friday and Saturday nights. Not my scene.
"I'm leaving now."
"Great!" He said it like we'd made a date to see a movie or something. "I'll see you soon. And Eden. Remember. Tell no one. If you don't come alone, I'll know." His tone was calm, even polite, but it did nothing to reassure me. In fact, it had just the opposite effect.
"I won't, just... please don't hurt her."
Dial tone.
Oh, God, Belinda. How had Ray gotten near her? School just ended. The bus wasn't out of the lot yet. Maybe she'd cut class.
It took me only ten minutes to reach the wooded area under the power lines Ray described. I didn't have four-wheel drive, so I left the loaner car on the shoulder of the Long Island Expressway, slipped through the hole cut into the fence and ran for the clearing where my classmates hung out on weekends. I'd seen enough pictures posted online to have a vague idea where the spot was and picked my way through the trees, using the power lines as my guide.
It was hardly four o'clock but the shadows cast by the sun through the thick tree growth hid me well. Could I surprise Ray, sneak up behind him and knock him cold? I saw a short thick branch and picked it up, just in case.
A twig cracked.
My eyes darted to the sound, detected a flash of something black that blurred. A crow flew for the open sky.
I blew out a sigh, forced my system to relax, let my eyes slide shut for a second. Deep breaths. Silent, controlled exhales. No panting. Slowly, I moved forward again, the branch clutched tightly in my hands.
"She won't come. We're not talking anymore."
Belinda! Relief flooded through me. She was alive. I couldn't tell if she'd been hurt, but she was alive. That was something. I nearly ran to the sound of her voice but then I heard his.
"Of course she will, you stupid bitch." Ray's voice, calm and conversational, replied. "She loves you. Why, I don't know, considering how much you've hurt her. I should kill you just for that."
Belinda whimpered. I crept closer toward the sound, saw Ray shake her by her hair.
"I get it! You like her, okay? Just back off." She shouted.
But Ray didn't let go. I could see him only in profile. Grinning, his hand still tangled in Belinda's hair.
"Like her? Oh, I've been in love with her for about two years now. You know, I suppose I should thank you. If you hadn't been stupid enough to trap yourself in a burning car, Eden wouldn't have walked through fire to save you."
I could see the horror on Belinda's face.
"Don't you see? Now, Eden's just like me. It's a sign." Ray laughed and my blood curdled. "Nobody would ever look at me, not with scars like this, but now, Eden has scars just like these. She understands. You made her. You made us possible."
"No!" Belinda choked.
Another twig cracking sent Ray into a crouch. I froze, watched Ray track the sound. Another crow took off.
Damn birds.
Wait. Wonderful birds. I needed to make some noise. I collected rocks, a stick, a beer bottle – figured they'd sound heavy when I tossed them, away from Belinda, as far as I could get.
First, the rock. Carefully, I drew back my arm and pitched it hard toward the same direction as the bird.
Immediately, I transferred the heavy stick from left hand to right and pitched it after the rock.
Finally, the beer bottle. It shattered against a tree.
Ray giggled. "Show time!" He leapt up, followed the sounds. He was instantly swallowed by the shadows. I waited a minute longer and moved in for Belinda.
"Eden! Oh, God, Eden!"
"Shhh." I cautioned her. "Come on. Let's get out of here before he gets back." I tugged on her arm, tried to pull her up. Damn it. She was bound. Hands and feet. Desperately, I tugged on the knots at her ankles but my fingers wouldn't cooperate.
"He's coming back." Belinda hissed. "Hide."
I grabbed my club and hid behind a tree and held my breath.
"Eden." Ray sang. "Come out, come out, wherever you are."
My heart felt like the stone I'd just tossed. I was out of time.
"I'm losing my patience, Eden." His voice went deadly.
Belinda's scream made my heavy heart drop to my stomach, churning the bile. Slowly, I peeked. He had her by the hair again. She was on her feet – barely – dangling in his hands by her pony-tail, her bound hands batting ineffectively at his arm.
This was it.
Now or never.
I leaped, swung my club with all the strength my still-healing arms could manage. The crunch of wood over bone reverberated up my arms and the acid churning in my stomach nearly spilled out. Belinda fell, scrambled away on her elbows. Ray fell to his knees, clutching his head. Blood matted the hair of his wig where the branch caught him.
I raised the branch over my head again but a fist to my stomach brought me gasping to my knees. A hand shoved me into the scrub, twigs poking into my face. I screamed and the hand moved to my head, shoving my face deeper into the leaves and debris, muffling the sound. I struggled and kicked and then a heavy knee slammed between my shoulders. Ray's hands wrenched my arms behind my back and the scars screamed in protest.
"I knew you were here, Eden. I knew you would come." He leaned down to whisper into my ear. A tug on my wrists and I screamed into the twigs and leaves again.
I'm bound, just like Belinda. We're both done. Ended.
I screamed and screamed again.
Ray pulled on an arm, ratcheting up the pain from burning to searing, and dragged me up against a tree. He pressed his other hand to the wound on his head, pulled it back bloody. "I should punish you for this. But not now. Right now, you and I are going to play with matches." Ray's voice took on a sing-song cadence that raised goose bumps on my skin. "Now, where's Belinda?"
He stood, looked around, the feral glint in his ruined eyes making him look deranged.
Which I supposed, he was.
"Ah, there you are." Ray bounded around a few trees, caught Belinda, still trying to crawl away.
My legs!
My legs weren't tied. I squirmed to my feet and ran.
Ray's curse stopped me dead.
"I'm losing my patience with both of you. Maybe we should just forget the bonfire and get rid of Belinda right now." Ray removed a huge knife from his boot, tossed it from one hand to the other while Belinda cowered. "Would you like that, Eden?"
"No! Don't hurt her."
"Get your ass here. Now."
No. No, no, no. Think, I demanded. But I was out of ideas. On leaded feet, I walked to my death, sickened by the look of triumph in Ray's eyes.
"Drop the knife, asshole. I'm armed."
Adam?
Oh, God. Adam.
A bone-deep joy washed over me, infusing every cell with its warmth. He was here! My eyes darted over the thickly wooded landscape, desperate to find him, to make sure he was real.
Ray grabbed my arm, hauled me against his chest, held the knife to my throat. "You weren't supposed to tell anyone where you were going. You promised." The knife bit into my skin.
"I didn't! I swear, I didn't tell him."
"Let her go, Ray." Adam's voice was cold, threatening. "She didn't tell me a goddamned thing. I followed her here. And I'm not leaving without her."
"Where are you, soldier boy? Come on out, let's talk this over like men."
"Let her go. I'm not gonna say it again."
Where was he? His voice seemed to echo and bounce off the trees. I saw no sign of him. A sharp crack and Ray's hold on me slipped. He fell to the ground, and suddenly, Adam was right there, hauling him up by his shirt, only to knock him back to the ground with his fist.
Ray's wig was gone. He reared up, caught Adam on the jaw with his bald head. Adam grunted in pain, then screamed when Ray drove his elbow onto his injured leg. His fist crashed into Adam's face and Adam fell. Ray grabbed the knife, raised it high.
No.
Please, God.
No.
He moved. The scream lodged in my throat as Adam's hands shot up, caught Ray's. The blade glinted in the tree-filtered light, shaking from the strength in the two pairs of hands pushing on it. Sirens wailed but they were so far away.
Too far away.
The tip of the knife moved an inch closer to Adam's chest.
The branch. It was right next to me. I hefted it up with my bound hands. Slowly, I moved behind Ray.
Adam's eyes shot to mine, widened. "Eden, no-"
I brought the limb down on Ray's head with every ounce of strength I could push from my muscles. And because it felt so fucking good, again. And a third time. I couldn't see, couldn't hear anything but the rush of wind over that branch and someone's screams.
"Eden!"
My name penetrated the white noise. Abruptly, it dawned that the screaming was me.
"Eden, enough."
Strong arms caught the branch, pried it from my hands.
"It's okay, baby. It's all over." I blinked up at Adam. He was splattered with blood. I looked at my hands. I was splattered, too. Oh, God! What did I-? I turned to find Ray, but Adam grabbed me by my arms, pressed me against his chest.
"No. It's okay, baby. You did what you had to do. Don't look. Don't think about it. Just don't."
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
"Come on. Let's find Belinda."
Belinda. I couldn't see her. Adam scanned the woods in wide arc, pointed to his left. She was curled in a fetal position against a tree. "Belinda." I touched her hands and she shrieked, cowering.
"Shh. It's okay. It's okay."
"Eden," her hands clutched at me. "Eden. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
I fell to my knees and held her until she sobbed it all out. The sirens eventually found us. I was barely aware of the pounding feet and loud voices until they'd surrounded us.
"On your knees. Put your hands on your head."
"Adam Olinek, United States Army Specialist, tenth mountain division."
"Hands on your head, Specialist."
Feet pounded in the brush and more shadows cut across my visual field. Belinda continued to cry. I got a clear look at Ray's body and gagged. Jesus.
A soft click and another knife winked in the light. I jerked back. "It's okay, Miss. Let's get these ropes off you." I blinked, numb. The blade tugged on the ropes biting into my wrists and then my arms were free. I lowered them to a neutral position, moaning with the burn that ignited my skin.
"Eden," Adam called but his voice sounded so far away. "Eden, rotate your arms. Come on. Rotate them the way Ranger showed you."
Rotate. I couldn't make sense of the word. I watched the blade slice through Belinda's ropes. She remained curled on the ground. The pain in my shoulders and in my arms was blinding; I blinked and saw what I'd done to Ray and couldn't breathe, couldn't process anymore and let the dark claim me.
Fog cradled me and it was soft and warm... and noisy. I shifted and pain shot through me.
"Eden? Eden, open your eyes now."
A voice. Soothing. Familiar. My brain wouldn't connect.
"She's unconscious again." A sob.
Mom.
"No. She's sleeping, Ms. Leighton. She's just had a bad shock."
Ranger. Was I in the hospital again?
"This is my fault. I couldn't get to her in time." Another voice. Full of pain.
"Adam, stop. She'll be fine."
Adam. Adam. My soldier. My eyes wouldn't open. "Adam," I murmured.
"Here, baby, here." A hand squeezed mine.
"Stay." I managed before the fog thickened again.
"Not going any..."
Birds chirped. The racket hurt my head. My throat burned. I swallowed and stretched, but couldn't move. Panic, raw and lightning-fast, ignited every neuron. A scream clawed its way out of my throat.
"It's okay, Eden. You're safe." Adam's voice. Rough, deep.
I pried my eyes open. I was in my room, in my bed, Adam's arms wrapped around me. I blinked, cleared some cobwebs. Adam's face came into focus, stubbled, bloodied, and bruised.
Adam! I wanted to shout, to laugh, to cry, to kiss, to hit. All I could manage was a hoarse croak.
"Stay here." He shifted me off his chest, limped to my bathroom and came back with a glass. I hauled myself upright as he sat with a wince on the edge of my bed, one strong arm around my back to support me.
"Your leg. How bad?"
He shook his head. "Not now. Just drink."
I gulped, sputtered.
"Easy, Eden." He put the glass on the table beside my bed.
"Hurts." I circled my hands around my throat, rubbed.
"Not surprised. You were screaming and screaming and I-" His face twisted. "I couldn't get to you fast enough."
I grabbed his hands, and shook my head. "You came. That's enough."
Adam's dark eyes grew haunted. "He had a knife to your throat. I'm trained for that, Eden. Hand-to-hand combat, disarming an attacker. But I couldn't move." He dragged both hands through his hair. "Fuck, I nearly lost you."
Lostme. The word sobered me, obliterating the euphoria I felt seconds earlier. I pulled my hands back, tried to hide their tremor behind a humorless laugh. "That's what you wanted. To be rid of me."
"No." He whispered. "No." This time, with conviction. "Not like that."
Oh. "Yeah. I get it."
He drew in a breath to argue, but a knock on my door stopped him. We turned, expecting my mother.
Belinda stood framed in my doorway.
I blinked, unable to believe it. A sound escaped my mouth – part sob, part gasp, part laugh.
"Sorry. I... didn't mean to interrupt."
"No, it's okay. I'll go. Let you two talk." Adam said. "But I won't be far."" He added, like a warning.
He picked up his shoes, limped to the door. Belinda's hand reached out, squeezed his arm. He managed a tight-lipped smile and nod and left.
"I should have called first."
I shook my head violently, still incapable of speech.
She sat next to me on the bed, her face bearing half a dozen scrapes and scratches. "I'm so sorry."
She wrapped her arms around me. Finally, she pulled away.
"I should have called you back in February. I was so mad at you and I thought I had a damn good reason." She laughed, a single breath of air that sounded anything but happy. "Now it just seems idiotic."
"Just tell me," I begged.
She nodded once and stood up. "Okay." She took in a deep breath. "Just... just let me get it all said before you kick me out, okay?"
I frowned. I'd never kick her out, no matter what she said.
Belinda paced. "Okay. Matt Lambert was very important to me."
My eyebrows twitched at her use of past tense but I stayed quiet.
"But you had a shoot the day of his party. Another one. It was like, the third one that month. You kept telling me how much you hated the work, but you kept doing it."
I did. I couldn't break Maddie's heart. I didn't know why that was so horrible.
"I don't know why that's so hard for you to admit. Everyone knows you didn't like missing so much school and had no plans to be a model after graduation."
My ribs tightened around my lungs. All this time. All this pain. And it came back to my job? I couldn't believe it.
Belinda coiled her long hair around her hand, unable to look at me. "You promised you were gonna quit, you were gonna tell Maddie you were done. But you chickened out. Again. You sent me this lame text. I can't hurt her feelings or something. So instead, you hurt mine. I needed you that day. I was so scared, Eden. I liked Matt. I more than liked him. I was in love with him. And I thought he felt the same way about me. I was wrong."
More past tense.
"I had something to say, something so important, it would change lives. I needed courage and support and you weren't there." Storm clouds blew over her face.
Oh. Not jealousy but disappointment. Oh. Oh, no. All these weeks, I thought of a dozen reasons why Belinda could have been mad but I never knew I'd let her down.
"So I got more nervous, more anxious. And when I finally told Matt what I needed to say, I fucked it up. Now it's too late."
I shook my head. "No. No, Belinda. It's never too late."
She laughed once, a mirthless breath of air. "Yeah, it is." She looked at her hands, brought them slowly over her stomach and I knew.
I knew.
"It's too late because now, I'm not pregnant anymore." Her face crumbled and I couldn't stay silent anymore. I crushed her in a hug.
"Oh, God. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
She hugged me back for a moment and then pushed away from me. "No. I'm sorry. It's my fault you have these scars. That you're still in pain." She managed a wry grin. "I was so busy hating you for being a bad friend, I never noticed I was a worse one." She sobered fast. "The part of me who loves you just can't bear it," her breath hitched. "You pulled me out of that fire and all I got was a pair of melted shoes and a bad sunburn and I thought my life was ruined. Over." She laughed once, an off-key chord of ache. "But you... you ended up full of scars and out of work and I tried to tell myself I did you a favor. I got you out of modeling and convinced myself you should be grateful. I'm so sorry, more than I can ever say."
I shook my head again and opened my arms. "I miss you."
Belinda pressed her hands to her mouth and fell into my arms. We both cried for a minute.
"Bee. Tell me what happened. To the baby, I mean."
Again, she pulled out of my arms. "I had a lot to drink that night. I mean, a lot. I finally got up the guts to tell Matt, you know, when we were dancing. He said... he had the balls to ask me if I was sure it was his."
Bastard! My eyes narrowed.
"Before I could say anything, he'd left me standing there and next thing I know, he's playing Rock Band with you and I totally lost it."
I reached out, squeezed her hand. Belinda stared at our joined hands.
"I didn't say anything to the doctors. About the baby, I mean. By the time they discovered it on their own, they'd already given me medication that could cause problems. On Wednesday, I...uh...... wasn't pregnant anymore and by Monday, I was back in school, listening to everyone tell me what a hero you were and God!" She paused to roll her eyes. "I just hated us both even more."
I battled to make sense of the emotions that spiraled from heart to head. This was... this was crazy... way too crazy to be believed. "Bee, I get that you were mad and I let you down and you... you hated me."" I swallowed loudly. "But... Adam?" I whispered.
Belinda's shoulders sagged and she stared at her hands. "But Adam." She echoed. "You won't believe this but I did what I did to save you.""
"Save me." I echoed, frowning.
"You were doing it again, Eden. You were ready to get lost in whatever Adam wanted, whatever Adam needed. I didn't want you to go backwards. God, Eden! You just stopped living Maddie's life."
I bristled, opened my mouth to argue, but she held up a hand.
"Seriously, Eden. You live to please. Newsflash – nobody's pleased – except maybe your mother. You're not happy. You......you sort of, I don't know, close up. So, I thought you needed an intervention."
A what? "You had no right." I was abruptly furious.
Belinda nodded. "Yeah. I know. And I'm sorry. Because the truth is, that boy is gone over you."
I looked at the door.
"Yeah. I'm gonna go now. You should, you know, go after him." Belinda stood, opened the door.
I was right behind her.
Adam sat at the top of the steps, waiting.
"Hey." Oh, God, I'm so lame.
Adam hauled himself up, nodded to Belinda, and practically dragged me back to my room. I sat on my bed. Adam sat heavily beside me and drew the sheets over me.
"More water?"
I shook my head. My throat didn't hurt as much now.
"So. You and Belinda. Everything's okay?"
Not yet. I shrugged. "We will be." I smiled wide.
Adam gasped and looked stunned. "God, you're beautiful." And suddenly, his jaw clenched. "I hate that."
My eyes slid shut. Would everything always circle back to that? I batted the sheets away and got up, my shoulders, back, and arms throbbing in protest.
"I need to shower." It was important to face him, to look him right in the eye. "Thank you." I had to stop then and collect myself. Poise. Projection. I smiled wide. "Good luck with everything." I'd planned to offer my hand, but I refused to let him see how badly it shook. With a nod, I didn't wait for his response and all but ran to the bathroom.
The door clicked shut. I started the shower and crumbled into a heap on the floor beside the door, the sobs shaking my scarred and throbbing body. He should have just let me die. Instead, I'd live the rest of my life reminded of the guy who didn't want me every time a damn scar hurt.
The door flew open. Adam stood in the doorway, braced for battle. He took in my tear-stained face and a look of total triumph spread across his face. "You're a fake." He jabbed a finger at me. "A total phony." His tone was amused. "You know what you are?" He asked conversationally as he stepped over my sprawled legs and sat on the toilet lid. "You are a coward."
Shock halted my tears. Why was he still here? Why was he so flipping happy? And where the hell did he get off calling me the coward?
"I'm gonna ask you a question, Eden, and so help me, you'd better answer it honestly." His amusement evaporated and suddenly, he looked... desperate. "What. Do You. Want, Eden." He delivered the words slowly. Deliberately. They weren't a question.
They were a command.
My temper flared. "You want to know what I want?" Want, want, want. I thought of my list and the floodgates opened. "I'll tell you what I don't want. I don't want to smile for cameras anymore or strut down runways. No more posters, no more calendars. No more snickers from guys who recognize me on the street or glares from their girlfriends. No more psycho stalkers. No more cleanses and liquid diets. I don't want to be perfect anymore!" I shouted, spittle flying on popped Ps but I was just getting warmed up.
"I want real school, a real degree, a career that wouldn't be over the day I get my first gray hair or wrinkle. I want soft curves instead of hard angles. I want to eat a fucking piece of pizza or a double cheeseburger even if they give me huge zits."
I wanted it all. Everything. Wrapped and tied in a bow. All of it. I jumped to my feet. "You want to know what I do want? Fine!" I ranted. "I want my nursing degree. I want to work with Ranger and Sam and SOAR and help people like us accept their scars instead of suffer to erase them. I want Maddie to be proud of me because I help people and not because I look good in some magazine and I want Belinda and Ashley back and I want you to fight with me and play with me and...and... challenge me and... and... oh, fuck, I want you to love me." I pounded my chest.
Chest heaving, fists clenched, I was finally spent. I stared at Adam, dared him to get up and leave. When he stood, my heart dropped to my feet and my knees buckled. But instead of leaving, he took my face in both hands and kissed me, a sweet, chaste kiss that squeezed my heart.
"It's about time."
What? I pulled away, frowning.
"It's about time you admitted what you want, not what you think everyone wants you to want."
Belinda's words replayed in my head, I opened my mouth to argue, but he put a finger on my lips.
"Uh uh. I'm not done yet. You want the words? Fine. I love you. I love you so much, the thought of losing you was worse than almost losing the leg – worse than losing the Army - and you know how much that freaked me out. I think I've loved you since the minute I saw you, dripping wet, in Ranger's torture chamber and it's not because you look good wet, it's not because you're beautiful, it's because I can't. Fucking. Help it." Anger laced his tone and he practically spit out the words.
My eyes blurred.
"Belinda messed me up." His voice was softer now. "A lot." He laughed once, his eyes pained. "I didn't want this, Eden. I didn't want a woman who could spread my ribs apart and tear the heart out of my chest but you're here and you did." He shifted his hand, ran his thumb along my jaw, smiled slightly. "When she said you were with me only because your mother thought it was a good idea, I did believe her. I can't lie about that."
My heart shuddered, his words skewered it straight through. With both hands, I shoved him back a step. "How?" I yelled, my throat miraculously cooperative. "After all this time, how could you believe I was that shallow?"
He looked at the floor. "Easy. I wanted to. I had to. I was leaving, Eden. I was going back to my unit. Easier to put the blame on you than admit how I feel."
"But you're not going back."
Adam shook his head. "The truth is painfully clear. I can't... uh, be a solider anymore."
The truth. I smiled bitterly. "So, what you're telling me is I'm the consolation prize. No more Army, so now you'll have me?"
Adam's dark eyes narrowed and he sucked in a sharp breath. "No. No, that's not what I'm saying."
"Just go." I turned off the shower and shoved past him, went back to my bed, and lay down, face first. I was certain no pain could ever be worse than my burns. I was wrong.
I won't cry. I will not cry.
Adam's bare feet padded on the carpet. I wished he'd leave. The bed sagged. God, I hoped he'd stay. His hand tangled in my hair. The pain in my chest expanded, felt like it could crack a rib or two.
"I know I hurt you, Eden, and I'm so sorry." His voice was weary. "You have no reason to believe me. So maybe this will help." I felt something hit the bed beside me. "Open it. If you still want me to go, I will."
I opened my eyes, saw a large envelope on my bed. Where did it come from? I wondered if Adam slept with it tucked into his waistband or something. I sighed, but shifted to open the envelope.
"This is why I called you yesterday. Good thing, I did, or I wouldn't have followed you."
It held a certificate. Adam's honorable discharge certificate. And it was dated days ago.
This... this can't be right. He told me he'd never leave the Army. He said if he couldn't fight, he'd find something, something that would let him continue his military career, even if it was a desk job. I squeezed my eyes shut.
"It came with the uh... Purple Heart. They offered me my choice of duties, Eden."
I opened my eyes, stared at him, wishing he'd let me in just once, just once so I could be sure what he really thought. The eyes that looked down on me – eyes that have made me shiver with their intensity – were filled with remorse.
"I couldn't leave you. I wanted to, Eden." His jaw locked. "I almost had the flight booked. But I couldn't leave and-" He broke off, scrubbed a hand over his face. "That really pissed me off." His lips twisted.
I remembered. "I... I don't know where this leaves us, Adam."
He snatched up my hand. "Don't say 'leave.' It doesn't leave us anywhere. It just means we have the chance to be together. Really be together. Live together, marriage, whatever you want, Eden, it's yours."
I threw his own words back at him but tainted them with bitterness. "How, exactly, can we be really together? Nothing's changed. I'm still only eighteen and haven't done anything and don't know what I feel, or what I want, remember?"
He jerked like I'd slapped him and finally nodded. "I was scared when I said all that. I'm not scared anymore. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, pushing you to make yourself happy, if that's what it takes."
It was several minutes before I spoke. "I'm scared now."
Adam laughed, a sound filled with surprise and relief. "At the risk of killing my carefully cultivated image as the bravest guy you know, I'm fucking terrified, too." He tugged my hand and I shifted closer. "You, uh, won't go spreading that around, will you?"
A smile tugged at my lips. "Don't worry. The legend lives."
Adam wiped imaginary sweat from his brow. "Thank God." The humor in his eyes faded. "I mean it, Eden. Whatever it takes. I won't hold you back. If you want to work with Doctors Without Borders, I'll cross out days on a calendar until you come home."
A wide smile spread across my face. "That's... good, really good." I spread my hands apart. "I still have no idea what I really want. All I know is right now, I want to be a nurse and I want to get SOAR off the ground and..."
"And what?" Adam nudged me with his elbow.
"And see where this leads– not leaves – us. Are you okay with that?"
"I love you. I'm okay with anything as long as you are."
I cradled his face in my hands. "Say it again."
"No. It's your turn, princess."
I leaned in, cradled his face between my hands and gave the words back to him.
Adam's lips curled into one of those patent-pending blindingly white smiles and I knew that even if I never found my reason for being, I was going to have a great time trying to find it -- as long as Adam was along for the ride.
The End