Song on the side. (Sorry I haven't updated.. School keeps me busy plus i procastinate a lot, lol)
➴ estella
"I need to tell you something," he said.
"Okay."
He gripped the steering wheel harder, knuckles losing its color. Eyebrows knit, bottom lip brought between his teeth. His eyes began to fill with worry which caused me to worry.
I know that I said I didn't want him donating, but I wanted to be free. Free from this unruly curse, free from this stupid tank that now sat in the back of his car. Free from it all. I was now worried that it didn't work. That his blood wasn't a match to mine.
We finally pulled up in front of the flat, Harry attempting to make his way through the crowd of girls. Security helped out, keeping them in order and away from the driveway. Finally in, Harry parked and took his keys out of the starter with a sigh.
He sat there, staring at his lap. I looked at him waiting for some sort of reaction, waiting for any sign. He stayed the same, stuck in a trance.
"Harry? What'd you need to tell me?"
He squirmed in his seat, eyes quickly flickering to my face then back at his hands. He then turned to face me, opening his mouth to speak and quickly shutting it. He reached for my hands, engulfing it in his. I looked down at them, his thumb rubbing my knuckles. I shook our hands as a push for him to talk.
"Estella.. I'd do anything for you, and I'd be there if you need me, you know that, right?" He said. I nodded my head. "Continue," I said.
"Well.. You know what I do, I travel around and sing to thousands of people, and try to make their lives better and happy. It's obvious that we didn't go on tour for the summer. But that's because we're going for Winter instead. It's what I already told you about, On The Road Again, but we're leaving a bit early. This October.." He said.
I stared at him in confusion. What?
"Harry, why are you telling me this? I know what's going to happen, I know that you're going to eventually leave to make others happy as well. Your job is your top priority. I don't mind."
He shook his head in frustration. "Estella, you have it wrong. You're my main priority. My top five. It's my mum, Gemma, you, you again, and then my job. I want to be here, for.. You know." He didn't finish the sentence, and I knew exactly why. I was dying. I had nearly four and a half months left.
July is almost over leaving me with four months. October left me with two months left. I pushed away the thoughts focusing on the one I should be paying attention to; I was his main priority.
I knit my eyebrows together, both confused and in awe. Cupping his face, I rubbed my thumb back and forth. "Harry, whether I go or not while you're gone, I'll go happy. Before I even met you I thought I was going to die unhappy. But stumbling upon you changed that. You gave me hope, and I don't plan on losing it in December. I rather die happy than sad, no matter where you are."
His eyes watered. He raised his hand, placing it on top of mine. "I know.. I just want to be there when you do, want to be there when you're weak. Be your strength. I don't want to be miles away, I don't -"
"Harry," I laughed. "It's July, we have to enjoy it. Stop thinking about the future, just live in the now, please. If you're so worried about me dying while you're gone, why not make it an even better death? Yeah, it sounds pretty morbid," I chuckled. "But lets enjoy the time we have together, not waste it."
And so we took my advice and walked together in the flat. The tears were now gone from Harrys eyes, his eyebrows no longer furrowed. He was now in a bubbly move, being cheeky and all. I laughed at the corny jokes he made and died when they made no sense. Which means I died like the whole time. All his jokes were stupid which no logic at all.
"Wait!" He laughed again. "Why did the chicken cross the road?" He asked, already laughing at his own joke that was doomed to end badly.
"Um, to get to the other side?" I said in monotone. I wasn't even going to try, it was pointless because whatever my response was, Harry was going to laugh.
"No," he laughed, "To get to the idiots house!" He cackled. I glared at him, mouth falling open. It wasn't funny at all, probably his worst.
"Really Harry?" I said.
"Wait no! It gets better!" He paused, "Knock knock," he began.
"Who's there?"
"The chicken!" He yelled. His eyes screwed shut as he doubled over in laughter, holding his stomach. I repeated my last reaction, dumbfounded. Honestly, the knock knock part was better. Have to admit it was pretty funny.
"Done." I chuckled. Harry was now recovered from laughing. His head was on my stomach which allowed me to play with his hair. It was pretty long now and he didn't want to cut it. As he stated before, 'long hair don't care' so I just went with it.
"Estella," he spoke.
"Hm?"
"If you had um.. I don't know how to put this." He paused.
"Hair?" I said with no shame. I didn't mind if he used the word, I know I'm bald, there's no point in shunning it.
"Yeah," he hesistated. "Well.. I'd braid it every night."
I smiled at his words. "Braid it every night? Wow. Here," I said adjusting his head. "Let me braid yours." I took off his bandana, his hair becoming undone. Locks of curls spilled onto my stomach, the long strands smelled of coconut and sweat.
Brushing my hand through his hair, I untangled the loose knots and going around his head.
My hands moved in a swift motion, now standing at five braids done. Harry closed his eyes as I did it, tugging slightly. The door to his bedroom flew open, Louis walking in with a strange look on his face.
"Um, why does Harry look like Bob Marley with short hair?"
I laughed but I didn't make too much eye contact.
That boy was still anti-Estella, so what was the point of even trying? He had it stuck in his head that I was like the Lockness Monster. I gently smiled and redirected my attention towards the boy in my lap. I braided a few more strands of hair and we were finally done.
"Why is she doing braids on you?" Louis asked as he rummaged through Harrys clothes. He picked up a pair of black vans and turned around.
Harry laughed, shaking his head. The braids swung, causing me to giggle. "She gets bored," he shrugged.
Louis smirked and opened the door, "Well, when you're bored it's not usual to braid hair.. I think braid the pubes is more like it," he joked.
I cringed and fell back against the headboard, hanging my head in embarrassment. Harry laughed some more, pulling my hand and bringing me to him. Louis chuckled and left, closing the door shut.
We sat there in pure silence. It wasn't an awkward silence though. I stared at his braids and then his face.
The days passed in a moment of time, the clock on the wall giving its last ticks. I watched upon everyday as the weather was beginning to slowly change. I spent late nights with Harry on the balcony drinking hot coco and sharing laughs. At night the wind would slightly hit us, the leaves on the trees slowly swaying along. Mum got a car from work, saying how she was needed in London for some workshop.
I had the house to myself, with Harry coming to sleep over. I felt a hundred times better knowing my safety was now secured.
However it was that one night where it all hit me like a bitch. It left a stain on my cheek, reminding me of the burden I had been carrying for the last couple years.
Four months left were soon to be ticked on the calendar. The sand in my hour glass was soon beginning to finish. Soon beginning to tip into the other glass. I was in the shower when it all happened. I just stood there as if I were frozen, as if time was frozen. I was in deep thoughts when I slipped to the bottom of the tub, when my touch with reality was slowly slipping away.
I knew I had to stay positive but I just couldn't. I couldn't stand the fact that my time was finishing by the minute. I couldn't stand that in my time of need, no one was really able to save me. My fingers were slowly being plucked off the wall, I was only hanging on two fingers now.
They say it'll all be okay, and I know it will but in the end I can't just wait anymore.
In the distance I heard my name being called. However I couldn't bring myself to come up with a response. I knew it was Harry, and I knew that he'd panic if I don't reply sooner but I simply can't.
I heard the door to my room slam against my wall, the heavy steps of his rushing across the floor and his hands banging on the bathroom door and a yell calling my name.
"Estella?"
I don't reply at all. I stay there hidden, where the water hides my sobs. Its only time before the bathroom door swings, Harrys worried frame seen from the curtains.
I shield my body from his vision and slightly whimper. I can see his shaky figure approaching the tub.
"Estella," he repeats, "I'm coming in with a towel. Please just shut off the water, and let me get you," he shakes.
I silently reach over and shut off the water, falling back into my original position. The curtain rips across the metal tube, Harrys frightened expression revealed. I dont make eye contact but instead cover my body. He quickly drapes the towel on me, picking me up and wrapping the warm cloth around me.
He picks me up and brings me close to his chest.
"Gosh I was so worried about you, Estella.." he states. I nod my head, defeated.
He places me on my bed and quickly turns around, reaching for a shirt he gave me, and reaches into my knicker drawers. I cover my face in embarrassment, wrapping the towel tighter.
"Here," he says gently, passing the clothes to me. "I won't look, promise." He turns around and faces the blank wall.
I nod and take the articles of clothing and quickly slip them on. I reach over for a pair of sweats and slip them on, pulling on the drawstrings.
It's not like I was depressed, because I really wasn't but there's just those days where the vulnerability hits me. Where I feel small and helpless.
"Thank you," I gently say, climbing into my bed. He turns around, green irises falling upon my bed. I pat the empty space next to me, pursuing him to come.
He nods and kicks off his shoes and comes next to me. His lips touch my skin, causing me to slightly smile.
"I'm sorry I scared you," I whisper. Harry shakes his head.
"It's alright. At least give me a heads up, Estella."
I nod my head and grab his hand in mine molding it into a fist and placing both our hands onto my chest. Darkness soon takes over me, but before the light goes out I hear his beautiful voice singing to me,
"We will find our way through the dark."