She fell sick a day after the dinner, two days before the wedding.
At the hospital, the doctor informed us that she has pneumonia, which can be treated in two to three weeks time. He asked us if she showed any signs of the symptoms. She has been coughing and shivering for the past two days. We all thought it was just a mild fever, but once she started coughing up mucus, Ma knew something was wrong.
The doctor also gave us two options: whether she should go back home and be treated there or stay in the hospital. Even though we were short on money because of the wedding, Ma insisted that she stay in the hospital, and my father agreed. It really surprises me how they're already treating her like a daughter. Maybe it's because Hafsa is getting married soon, and they're not as ready to let go as Hafsa is.
I didn't get to see Kayla yesterday, so I'm going to see her today. Hafsa is at the hospital with Ma now, since Baba has to go to work today. I tighten my grip around the bouquet of lilies. I'm not really a person who gives flowers, but I think it would be nice to at least get something for her.
I hear a vase shatter into pieces in the kitchen; well, I assume it's a vase. "What the-" I sprint to the kitchen and find Faiza and Farhan, the ten-year-old twins, saying "Ahhhwww" at each other and pointing at the other accusingly. I roll my eyes in annoyance and don't see a shattered vase anywhere. "Where is the vase?" I ask, panicked.
Farhan snickers. Faiza joins in and giggles. What, is this some inside joke? "What are you guys laughing at?" I inquire a little louder. Neither twin answers and I just let out a frustrated sigh. "Kids are so damn annoying," I mutter to myself.
Ali, my immature thirteen year old brother, rushes into the room and laughs hysterically. "Your...your face...you should see it. You look so...shocked and stressed out." He bends down and repeatedly smacks his knees. "Damn, you're hurting my stomach."
"Somebody better tell me what's up before..." They all raise an eyebrow questioningly. "...before I tell Ma to cancel your trip." They were all supposed to go to the amusement park, which will be sometime in the summer. Ma challenged them to be on their best behavior so they can go, but one big mistake could call it all off.
"That's not fair!" Faiza shrieks.
"What?!" Farhan whines annoyingly.
"I'm tired of being in this damn house," Ali complains.
"Then what the hell happened? Didn't I hear a vase shatter?" I ask with a bit of annoyance.
"Oh, that." Ali smirks while the twins laugh.
I shake my head again out of frustration. "Well, I'm leaving, so don't cry to me when Ma finds something is out of place." I leave the room just as the doorbell chimes. I open the door and move to the side to let Hafsa and Ma in. Hafsa drops a pair of car keys in my open palm and rubs my arm soothingly.
"She's okay," she whispers. I nod as I gulp nervously. I step out into the cold air outside and head down to the Toyota Camry somewhat parked in the driveway, since both Hafsa and Ma knew that I want to see Kayla. Just as I turn on the engine, I realize that I forgot the flowers. I must have dropped them when I heard the vase shatter. I get the bouquet hastily and get back into the car. I pull out of the driveway, and start driving along the houses in the neighborhood.
I think back to a couple nights ago when I was talking to Nadia. I was really uncomfortable, since she's one of those... clingy girls. I'm not saying I'm in a relationship with her; no, I've never dated in my life, since it's against Islam. But she seems to be creepily attracted to me. She had a hungry look in her eyes and I just thought that that was admiration. But it didn't seem so the longer we were talking to each other.
"So, you're going to college pretty soon, huh?" she asked nonchalantly. She took a sip of her mango drink and set it back down on the railing of the deck. Her hand seemed to inch closer by the minute. Our hands were only a mere two inches apart.
I nodded in return, and replied, "Yeah. I'm studying business for the most part. I'm looking forward to working in a company, small or big. I have a goal set to also build a few charities, if possible."
She seemed disinterested by this, but she plastered a fake smile on her face anyways. "That's cool. My eye is set on the fashion industry. And," she paused, taking a step closer, "I'm really looking forward to getting married."
I took a cautious step back and laughed nervously. "Why so soon? You're only eighteen. Shouldn't you focus on your career first, and then marriage? You have a life ahead of you."
"Well, I want to spend time with my future husband as soon as I can. I don't have such a long life ahead of me. Years pass by in a blur," she pointed out. "And isn't a spouse half of your deen?"
"Yes, but studying is also important too. The first verse revealed to the Prophet sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam is 'Iqra', which means read," I argued. I was really getting annoyed, and yet more uncomfortable as she inched closer and closer to me. I get that she finds me attractive, but why does she have to act like a hungry lion ready to bite my head off? It seemed like she was about to pounce on me.
"Harun, I don't think you see my point. I love this guy who's attractive, charming, and smart. But I don't know how to directly tell him that I do."
"Don't you have your girl friends to help you through boy problems? Look, Nadia, I've never had the hots for a guy before, so I really can't help you here." That's when I hear someone knock and I let out a quiet sigh of relief.
"Excuse me, sorry for interrupting your conversation, but may I speak to Harun?" Kayla asked Nadia politely.
She turned around and gave her a nasty look. "Who the hell are you? You're not welcome." She propped her hand on her hip, and shot daggers at Kayla.
"I was invited. And I'm a person, if you haven't noticed. May I speak to Harun?" Kayla repeated, who also clearly seemed annoyed. I didn't say anything at first, since I really don't know how to deal with girl drama. Why do girls envy and despise each other anyways? Guys are laid-back, but it seems that most girls are just too uptight.
"No hun. This is important," she responded, a sneer etched on to her face.
"Well, it seems it's not important to him," Kayla replied.
That's when I tried to interfere. "Girls," I managed to say, which didn't seem to be enough. Either she ignored me or didn't hear me, but she continued to bicker with Kayla.
"Can you just shut up and piss off? Why would he want to talk to you?" Nadia snapped.
"I'm wondering the same thing." She glared at Nadia but seemed to be under control. She, at the moment, looked like she wanted to slap the crap out of her. I look around and I'm surprised to see that no one else is witnessing this brewing argument.
"Harun, tell this b*tch to leave. She's pissing me off." I was caught off guard by her language and didn't even bother to reprimand her, since she would just brush it off.
"Why can't you fix your own problems? Also, you should stop twisting your mouth like that. I know you're trying hard to smile, but it won't work, hun." Kayla turned around to leave, but Nadia reacted quick. She pulled back her long hijab and gripped it hard when Kayla turned back around to free herself. Unfortunately, Nadia had an iron grip on it. "Stop, it's going to rip!"
"I don't care!"
"Let go before things turn ugly." She tugged on it harder and shot me a cold, blank look. I shrugged lamely. What could I do?
"Aren't I already looking at something ugly?" Kayla seemed to let go of her hijab too soon. Nadia managed to get it off her and then I saw Kayla's red-brown hair, which glinted beautifully in the moonlight. I couldn't take my eyes off her since for the first time I saw her, I realized she was gorgeous. But I couldn't glance at her long since she glanced at Nadia and gave me a long, hard look before running off the deck.
I wanted to go after her, but didn't so I could retrieve her hijab. I turned to Nadia, who had a mischievous grin on her face. She seemed satisfied for what she had done, which I thought was horrible. "Why?"
Nadia shrugged. "She was getting on my nerves. We were discussing something important and she just barged in. Don't you think that's a tad disrespectful?" Her wording seemed persuasive but I knew to stand my guard.
"At least she was trying to be polite. You just lashed out on her!" I replied with a lot of anger in my voice.
"Oh Harun, don't get so upset. Just cool down and we can just continue where we left off. It's not worth it defending someone you barely know. She might be worse than she appears to be," she said, her hand now on my face. She leaned in but I smacked her hand away. She looked at me with a bewildered look and I just snatched the hijab from her hands.
I descended down the deck, leaving her to stand there in shock.
I found Kayla at the side of the house with her face streaked with tears. I hand her the hijab. "You can put it on here. I'm not looking." I avert my eyes from her face and let her put it on.
After a few seconds, she said,"Why didn't you do anything? You could have interfered and stopped it. She obviously likes you, and she would do anything you'd say."
I turned to look at her. "That's the problem. She doesn't like you. And she won't stop even if I told her. And I'm sorry that Nadia is a little bit... aggressive. But she's understanding." What I was saying wasn't the whole truth. Of course she's not understanding. She laughed sarcastically. "Fine, a little understanding. She's pretty shaken up and I honestly don't think it's her fa-"I started to say, but I was interrupted.
"I'm shaken up too!" she snapped. "I've been on the streets for a week and you just decide it's my fault. Okay, she has problems, but I do too! You don't even know how it feels. Your own mother kicking you out, not giving you some time to explain. I never complained about this... and I never will, because no one will understand. Also, I don't reflect my anger on my problems, 'cause that's stupid." She turned to face me. "So go to Nadia. Just leave me alone."
"But-"
"Leave me alone," she repeated.
"Kayla, at least let me talk to you!" I said, rage building up in my tone. Neither girl would let me talk to them without opposing whatever I say. And it's true, Nadia had problems of her own even if she acts a little like...Nadia. But Kayla won't let me explain a damn thing since she keeps interrupting me.
She stood up, her back facing me. "I think you haven't heard me. Leave me alone. I don't need people like you in my life."
I was pained by her words, but anger drove me away from her. I walked away, letting her be. As I said before, I don't know how to deal with girl drama. I climbed back on the deck. I saw Nadia looking off into space, a look of disappointment on her face. Once she saw me, she smiled, but her grin disappeared when I just brushed past her and stepped into the house.
I just needed a place to myself to clear my thoughts, but Ma saw me and she ushered me to the living room. "We're about to recite the duas. You volunteered to lead us, right?"
"Yeah, Mom," I replied a little too tersely. The anger was yet to drain out of me.
"What's wrong?" she asked, seeing the troubled look on my face.
"Nothing, Ma. It's nothing to worry about," I assured her. "It's nothing."
"Well...alright. Go sit down then, okay? It's time that we make dua for the soon-to-be couple."
And the rest of the night, I avoided Nadia, she avoided Kayla, and Kayla avoided me. Ma kept nagging all three of us of our weird behavior, but we would just deny it. I don't know how I'll approach Kayla at the hospital. She still must be angry at me, since she has been harsh for the last couple of days. I glance at the passenger seat and see the lilies. Once I arrive at the hospital, I pick up the bouqet and head inside.
I go to the front desk and I ask for Kayla. "Kayla Hanson or Kayla McGrady?"
Heat rose up to my cheeks as the woman behind the desk waited for me patiently to reply. "Uh, what are their ages?" I really hate the rare times I'd blush. Not many people notice it because of my dark complexion, but others do, and it's still embarrassing.
"Sir, I don't think it's appropriate to reveal any woman's age without her consent. But, do you happen to find Kayla with pneumonia or-"
"Pneumonia," I reply quickly. "Isn't a patient's condition also classified?" I ask her as she peels off a visitor sticker. She hands it to me and I just smack it on my chest.
"Usually, but I see your flowers, nervous look, and sweat stains, so I most probably think that you're desperate to find her." She gives me a smile and I just laugh nervously. "She's in room 4B. Take the elevator to the right and get on the fourth floor, and you'll find her there. Have a great day."
"You too," I respond with a small smile. Now that she pointed out how nervous I appear, I wonder if this will just add to Kayla's hatred for me. I press the button for the elevator and wait for a while. The doors open and I step inside. Another person slips in just as they close. I give him a brief smile which he returns hesitantly.
"Uh, not to be rude, but why do you look like that?" he asks, gesturing to my shirt.
"Oh, just a little nervous to see someone," I reply, embarrassed.
"Girlfriend?"
"No. I don't date. She's kind of like a... friend. Sort of." Not at all. I don't even think Kayla and I have any relations to each other. I offered her a place to stay, and she accepted. That's it.
"You have a crush on this girl?" he inquires with a smirk.
I'm so startled by the question that I almost drop the lilies."N-no, I've only known her for a short time."
"Well, why are you nervous? There isn't some other reason if you don't like her."
"I didn't say I don't like her, it's just-" The elevator doors open and he steps out onto the second floor. He nods to me and walks away.
I sigh with frustration. I press button four and the doors close. The elevator lifts me to the fourth floor with a few people who get on on the way. When I finally stand in front of the door having 4B marked on it, I take a deep breath. I straighten my shirt and coat and tighten my grip around the lilies. I raise my fist to knock on the door, and I wait as I hear someone walk to where I am. A nurse opens the door. "Are you here to visit Kayla McGrady?"
"Uh, I guess. If you're in the middle of something, it's oka-"
"I just finished giving her her meds. She's gradually getting better. She'll be out by next week, hopefully." She walks back over to Kayla's bed and picks up a tray littered with needles, tablets, and a small plastic cup half-empty of water. "Come on, come in. She's right here." She walks back to me and smiles. "Any problems, just call me, okay?" I nod and she leaves.
I step inside and close the door silently. I stroll over and see Kayla's hair spread over the white pillow. Her eyes are half-open, her skin pale. I want to caress her cheek and give her warmth, but I resist and just whisper her name. "Kayla."
She opens her eyes and stares at me with a blank look, devoid of emotion. She sits up and presses a button at the side of the bed which seems to raise the head of the bed higher. "Assalamu Alaykum."
I return the greeting, her eyes still on me, and mine on hers. I hand her the lilies and she reluctantly takes them. She sets them next to her on the bed and closes her eyes.
"Thanks for coming. I know I've been acting like a b*tch to you lately but I'm not saying sorry just yet." Her lips seem to smile faintly and I chuckle a little.
"I know I've upset you for not helping you the other day. But, I don't know, I just..." I falter as I think of the right words to say.
"You're not used to girly drama, so you opted to not interfere with the argument. You thought that you would add on to the list of problems going on, so you didn't want to cause any trouble. And if you sided with one person, the other would get mad and it'll just take things out of its comfort zone," she says smoothly.
"Yeah, that," I reply after a short while. "But why are you still mad at me? You understand as to why I didn't help you." I sense another argument, which won't be good since Kayla's not in the condition to bicker with me.
She sighs deeply and takes a moment to compose herself. She bites her bottom lip and finally speaks. "Harun, you don't understand. I'm a girl. It's complicated."
"It's not complicated," I protest.
"Well, I should at least tell you." She opens her eyes and she looks at me with soft ones this time. "You didn't back me up, and I felt that I didn't have anyone to protect me. Now that my mom doesn't need me anymore," she struggles to say with a pained tone,"I thought that you'd be my protector, since I have no one else. I do realize I have one up above, Allah, but I also want a protector here too. But I don't think you deserve that title.
"I want someone who will stick by my side no matter what, kind of like a best friend, no matter how corny it sounds. I want someone who will care for me, but not only because of what I've gone through. But I need someome more than all of this. I can think of two people right now, but they're not with me now. They care so much, worry so much, love so much. Love..." She looks at me with lazy eyes and I look down at the ground. I've failed to be her 'protector' because of one night. I shouldn't care, but I can't help myself from actually caring. Kayla wants someone to care for her, after all.
I couldn't say anything since her words hit somewhere deeper than before. I really admire her for her that. How simple words can mean such complicated and complex things.
Kayla coughs repeatedly but it subsides. "Are you okay?" I ask, even though I know she isn't.
And I'm pleased that she's being honest. "No. Nothing's okay."
"I know," I say with remorse.
"Hafsa's getting married," she states out of the blue. "Tell her I said congrats, okay? I forgot to tell her when she stopped by with your mom." She looks down at her hands but now refuses to look at me. "I've heard you and your mother talking before you first introduced me to her. When do you plan to get married?"
This reminds me of the conversation with Nadia and I cringe. "Well, after studies, I guess. But, I'd consider if I'm really in love with that person."
She nods. She grabs a tissue from its box on the bedside table. She coughs into it and scrunches her nose as she looks at it. She throws it away and takes a deep breath. "There's this guy I like. I don't know if I'm in love with him, but I really like him. Like him like him, not just like him. Anyways, he's so sweet and caring and mysterious... he's also my protector. But I don't know where he is. Who knows, he must have moved on and is with a more beautiful girl than me." She has a wistful look on her delicate, gorgeous face.
"You're more beautiful than any other girl," I find myself saying. I walk closer to the bed, but keep a respective distance between us. "And that guy would be an idiot to be with another girl, even though-"
"I can't date," she finishes. She smiles faintly and picks up the bouquet and sniffs it. "Lilies are my favorite, you know. They're Mom's favorite too," she says ruefully.
"Again, I'm sorry about that. But it doesn't seem to bother you. You've never whimpered about it. All the girls I know would be complaining, but you're not that kind of girl. And... that means you're unique. I like unique." I scratch the back of my neck and look down nervously. The tension between seems to grow as Kayla doesn't say anything for a while.
"Unique," she echoes. She pulls the white sheets tight around her and looks down at them with an expression I can't read. "You know, I can't do it."
"Do what?" I ask with apparent concern.
"Burden you and your family. Now that I'm sick, your parents are wasting their money on me and I just don't like it. All of you barely know me yet you are taking care of me like I'm family."
I sigh and grab a nearby chair to sit on. "You're very stubborn, you know? And why can't we do this for you? You've been out in the cold for a week, and now you have pneumonia. If you leave, who knows what will happen to you. And what's so wrong about taking care of you? You'd rather be treated like some useless thing? I'm tired of you degrading yourself. Why don't you at least appreciate the things in your life?" I ask, my voice rising.
"I do! I really love your constant attention on me and your kindness, but I don't deserve it. I did this to myself. I should have been prepared for what will come to me. And I'm sorry for doing this to you, letting you think I'm strong. I'm weak. I just don't show it."
"You're delirious," I reply with an aggravated tone. "I think I should call the nurse. The pneumonia is doing things to you. Bad things." I walk to the door but she shakes her head.
"No. I just took meds, and they're overwhelming. Please," she coughs, "don't."
"Well, you're coughing and you're cold. You're torturing yourself, you know? Nobody else who is sane would do that to themselves."
She smiles. "I'm unique. I thought you said you like unique."
"Now that I think about it, you are a burden to my family."
She raises an eyebrow. "Aren't you supposed to protest and prove me wrong?"
I shake my head. "You're a burden since you're stubborn."
***
DEDICATED TO @LAUGHINGWITHTHEMOON_ FOR THE AWESOME COVER. SHE'S SUCH A SWEETHEART. ♥