I sit cross-legged on Eliza's bed, reaching into the bag of yogurt-covered pretzels. She sprawls out on her colorful pillows, chewing loudly, stretching her patterned socks towards the grainy television.
"He's number twenty-one."
"Yes."
"I don't see him. How are you supposed to tell who anyone is? Everyone's moving too fast."
"He has the puck right now - do you see him? He just passed it - there, see?"
"I don't even know where the puck is. But I trust you." She digs around in the pretzel bag and sighs loudly.
My chemistry textbook sits on my lap, unopened, for once, as Eliza and I watch Cameron's game. Her dorm room is really nice, much bigger than mine, and it's decorated with tons of string lights and cool art prints. In the corner sits a grainy box television - when I have time to watch Cameron play, this is where I come.
On the screen, Cameron steals the puck and takes off down the ice - the announcer's voice raises with excitement as he darts out of the way of a defenseman, maneuvering the puck swiftly and carefully. He snaps it towards his teammate who tips it into the net, and I smile as he punches the air, the crowd cheering.
"Did we just score?"
"Yes, we scored. See him now? The camera's zooming in on twenty-one."
"Oh, yeah, I see him."
"He's really good, you know. Everyone's saying he's one of the best rookies in the league. Well, I think he is the best. And he's second on the Leafs right now in terms of points scored. Isn't that crazy?"
I glance sideways at Eliza, who's smiling at me. "You're so cute."
My cheeks burn. "Well, it's just crazy, at all."
"How did you guys start dating?"
I look down at my hands and tuck them into my sweatshirt sleeves. "We were neighbors. He needed math help."
"And then what? You guys studied together and fell in love?"
"Yeah, I guess so." I don't tell her how much it hurt, at first. How complicated and messy our relationship was. How much I loved him, even at the beginning, even that first day when he knocked on my door and said, So if you could... I mean, tutor me, that would be awesome, but it's okay if you can't.
There's a knock at the door, and Eliza looks at me pointedly like it's my own dorm room.
"Julie?" I ask.
"No, Julie wouldn't knock." She clears her throat. "Come in!"
Marly steps through the door, and Eliza shrieks with excitement. "Marly!"
"I have my makeup kit, if this is a good time," says Marly. "I texted you, but I didn't hear anything back, so I thought I'd come check and see if you were busy now."
"Yeah, now is perfect! My phone died. Come on in, we're just watching hockey."
Marly smiles at me. She looks different from Halloween - no Catwoman costume, obviously - but same warm smile and smooth, dimpled cheeks. Her black hair is tossed up in a messy ponytail.
"Hey, Sam," she says sweetly.
"Marly," I say awkwardly. "Hi."
Eliza brushes pretzel crumbs off her comforter and pats a place on the bed for Marly to sit. "Marly's going to give me a makeover," Eliza explains.
"Oh, cool."
"I mean, Marly's really good at makeup. I can barely put on mascara. She has to teach me her tricks. Look at her eyeliner, Sam! Look how good it is!"
I scratch my neck and look at Marly's eyes - dark brown, almond-shaped, a clean black line drawn across the top.
"Very nice," I say like I know what I'm talking about.
"It takes a lot of practice," Marly says. She pulls out a set of brushes and boxes from her bag and spreads them out across the bed, studying my face. "Your eyes are really cool, Sam. Very blue."
Eliza throws her hands up in the air. "That's what I always say! He doesn't know how to take a compliment."
"You'd look really good with eyeshadow," Marly says, tilting her head. "Something champagne or gold colored, nothing to bold, to go with your hair."
"Marly, please do his makeup after mine."
I smile and blush. "No, no, that's okay. I'm good."
Eliza pouts, and Marly winks at me before turning to Eliza and opening some kind of colorful palette.
I grab another handful of pretzels, turning my attention back to the game, but sneak glances at Marly and Eliza out of the corner of my eye as they burst out laughing.
~
That night, as I'm studying alone in my dorm, my phone rings. It's Mrs. Beckett. I chew on my pencil and pick it up, my shoulder pressing the phone against my ear. Something in my stomach sinks - Tom died. It's what I think every time she calls me.
"Hello?"
"Hi, honey. How are you?"
I lean back in my chair and blink out towards the window. Yellow street lights illuminate the paths, and dark silhouettes of bare tree branches sway. It smelled bad in here earlier - someone down the hallway must've been smoking - so the window is party open, the cold air fresh in my lungs.
"I'm okay," I say. "I'm just studying now."
"For what class?"
"Chemistry."
"Oh, how wonderful! I really liked chemistry in high school."
Mrs. Beckett's voice is soft and sweet and warm, and it fills me up inside the way a homemade meal would.
"How are you?" I ask. "How is everyone?" Which meant - How is Tom?
"We're all really good. Cameron is busy with hockey, of course, and Veronica is doing so well at the local college. And Tom is doing great too. I'm just calling to remind you that he has that operation tomorrow - not that I want you to worry, it's supposed to be very standard. The doctors are very optimistic."
"Right." I stop chewing on my pencil, setting it down on the desk, and clear my throat. "Okay. And Veronica is driving him?"
"No, I'll be driving him in tomorrow."
"Thank you, Mrs. Beckett."
"Oh, honey! Of course! No need to thank me - Tom is family. And so are you."
I lean back in my chair, pressing my hand against my cheek as my face heats up. "I miss you." My voice cracks in the middle - she pretends not to notice.
"I miss you too, honey. We all really miss you. But the holidays aren't too far off, so we'll see you soon. And Cameron says you're doing absolutely wonderful at school - not that we'd expect anything less, of course."
"Is Tom there? Can I talk to him?"
"He's sleeping right now." Her voice is apologetic.
"Okay, don't wake him up. I'll talk to him later. Just please keep me updated tomorrow."
"I will, for sure. Okay, I'll let you get back to studying - oh, hang on, Hailey wants to say hi quick. Keep it short, Hailey, Sam is busy."
There's a shuffling on the other end of the line, and I switch the phone to my other ear.
"Sam?"
"Hi, Hailey."
"Hi, Sam! Sam! Guess what!"
"What?"
"We're learning about planets in science class. Mr. W. brought in this solar system made out of plastic and stuff, and it was really cool. You would like it. You should make one for yourself. I think it would help you at school."
I miss her so much. "Yeah? I think that would help me study, you're right."
"And I told Mr. W. I already know everything there is to know about planets. He said I have to take the test anyways. Me and my friends want to be astronauts now - well, I still might want to be a vet. Maybe I'll be both. But yeah."
"That's so cool, Hailey."
"Also, I hope you know that Tom is very bad at checkers - okay, Mum is getting mad at me. She says I have to let you study now. I'm just talking with Sam! Anyways, you should come back to St. Anne. I have no one to play with anymore. Well, I play with Tom. But like I said, he's very bad at checkers."
"I'll be back soon. Really soon. And then we can play together all you want."
"Really? Okay! I gotta go now - Mum, I know! - okay, bye Sam. Miss you love you."
"I miss you too, Hailey," I say. "And I love you too. I'll talk to you later."
She hangs up, and I toss my cell phone on my bed, rubbing my head, dizzy with homesickness.
A/N thanks for all the reads votes & comments! you know i love you all ;)