I park my car in front of the Carter house and walk inside with purpose. I go straight toward Darius' office - I know he's there because the smell leads me to it.
As I approach, I hear many other voice - another pack meeting. One without their fake 'Luna' as per usual.
I open the door and walk in, not paying any attention to the dozen people inside, besides my mate.
He stares right back at me.
"Meeting's over," I say, still not parting my eyes.
Darius purses his lips a little, and I can tell he's deciding whether to send me off at once and keep his word that we're done.
Finally, he nods to Derek.
The crowd gets up and leaves, some of them greeting me on the way out. Others ignoring me as per usual - I'm still holding a bad rep.
As the door closes, I strut towards his desk, still not breaking our eye-contact, then stand with legs apart, my hands in my pockets.
"Welcome back. Luna," he says ironically with his deep voice.
I slant my lips in irritation. "Please," I blink once. "We both know I was never Carter's Luna."
He squints a little, now amused. "Is that so?"
I'm tired of playing games, so I take something out of my pocket and lay it on the desk, piercing his eyes with mine.
He finally breaks the eye contact as my hand uncovers a jewel on the desk.
The jewel. The sacred Carter pack jewel, considered lost eight years ago.
"I'm tired of lying," I say simply, waiting for his shocked reaction.
But I'm the one who gets shocked as he lazily blinks, then meets my eyes with calmness.
"You must think I didn't know it was you."
What?
I swallow hard, tilting my head. "What are you saying?"
He massages his temples shortly. "Lila," he gets up slowly, and walks towards me in slow alpha steps. "I know."
I take a step back. "Know what?"
He leans onto his desk, peacefully crossing his arms. "We saw each other that night. Eight years ago," he says ruggedly. "I saw you steal the jewel."
I swallow hard. I remember the boy who stared at me. I didn't... I didn't know he saw me take it. It was him.
"If you saw it..." I shake my head. "Why didn't you say anything?"
He scoffs almost smiling. "You were my mate," he states. "I couldn't have you killed," he squints. "If it was anyone else..."
"You... knew I was your mate, even back then"?
He curls a corner of his lips. "I wasn't sure at first," he gazes at me, expression unchanged. "Thought I felt those weird emotions because I challenged my uncle to duel or because of the adrenalin, but... I figured soon enough," he nods once. "When I was unable to feel a connection with a woman. Any woman. To fall in love. I knew why that was."
I shake my head, taking another step back. "Wait a second... if you knew... you must've looked for me."
He clenches his jaw. "I did."
I can't believe this.
"Didn't take long until I learned your name. The infamous Lila King of the Emerson pack. But then I learned you left the pack."
I narrow my eyes at him, knowing this can't be the full story.
He smirks at himself. "I sent a few of my men to track you down. They told me about your life. And I decided to give you a few years," he says with a new undertone to his voice - sympathy. "See, I knew you'd have the same problem - falling in love. So I thought we were safe for a few years. Until both of us were ready to commit. Because at 18... I wasn't ready either," he gives me a serious look. "Guess the joke was on me."
A tear falls down my cheek as I stare into the carpet. Oh my God - I finally know why I couldn't love anyone after I left. It wasn't a 'pack thing'. It was because of Darius... I met him before I met Ian.
This is the first time I've admitted the truth to myself. Out loud or on the inside - I was never in love with Ian. I only loved him as a friend.
Shivers run down my spine as the past comes crashing over me. My life before my mate - before I became a prisoner of fate. And I realize it at last. "I loved him, you know..."
He frowns unbothered. "Ian? You couldn't have," he dismisses the thought.
I shake my head. "Dione," I barely manage to whisper.
I cry full-on now. I've never admitted loving Dione before. Not even to myself - it was hard enough living knowing I caused my best friend's death, but knowing I caused my lover's death would've been too much to bear.
But Darius doesn't seem to be angry. Instead, he takes two steps to close the gap between us and envelopes me into a hug. "I guess we have another thing in common - Samuel killed two people we loved. My grandfather and your past lover."
I accept the hug and sob into his chest.
What would happen if Dione never died? Would I ever be able to be with him? Would I end up just like my father? The thought is chilling.
Darius pulls me away, holding my shoulder with his hands, looking into my eyes. "Where were you, Lila?"
There we go. Time to face the consequences.
I wipe my eyes and collect myself. "I went to the woods."
His jaw vibrates as his hug is gone.
He stares at me in anger now. "What happened?" he asks in a low voice.
I scoff with laughter. "I met my mother."
He bites his lower lip as his forehead crumbles. "I thought your mother was dead."
"We better sit down..."
#
Darius watches me in shock. "You've got more shit in your life than the sewage system."
I scoff through my nose with irony. "Don't I know it."
We share a long gaze.
"What happens now?" he stares at me, demanding my answer.
I look at him with nothing to say.
"I don't know," I admit.
I feel completely lost, once again - just like I felt at 17 when I decided to run away. "You tell me." He was the one who swore on ending it between us if I left anyway.
He exhales loudly and gets up, hands on his hips, his back turned on me.
"I can't continue like this," he finally states.
I watch him in surprise as he turns toward me. Maybe I don't have to make a decision after all - he's making it for us. He's rejecting me as his Luna.
"I wasn't ready for a Luna back when I first saw you. That's why I left you in peace," he stares at me. "But now I'm ready. I've been ready for a while now. That's why I came to your birthday party when I heard you were coming back to the reserve."
Of course... I'd been surprised the Carter alpha would come. Packs don't usually mingle.
"But you weren't ready to be a Luna. I saw it right away. You were still the girl who used to run your little sabotages and caused havoc."
"Fuck you, Darius."
He almost laughs. "Say what you will about me, but I am a leader of my pack. A damn good one," he states with confidence. "And I enjoy serving and protecting the pack I love."
I look at him in sadness. He has always found me a threat. He knew I had the jewel, he knew all the shit I pulled when I was a kid. That's why he never wanted to share the pack's tactics or include me in the pack - he thought I was still the girl who enjoyed sabotaging everything. "You never trusted me," I conclude with a heavy heart. Finally everything fit into place.
He went over his words on keeping my father's secret, but he could never open up about his - that he knew who I used to be and that he feared I still was that person.
He stares at me in silence for a bit. "Can you blame me?"
I stare back at him. Yes - he used to blame me for everything - for not accepting him as my mate 15 hours after I've ended my engagement, when he never accepted me as his mate only because of shit I pulled eight years ago.
My sadness turns back into anger.
"I can," I say through gritted teeth. "And I resent you for it."
"Good," he says. "Because I resent you, too."
I stand up with flared nostrils and a tight jaw. "I had to leave my fiance and turn my whole life around for you, which I did," I hiss, "whereas you only needed to take a fucking chance believing I'm not the same person I was over eight years ago!"
"I did take that chance," he's into my face now. "I came for you that day, didn't I?"
"Yeah, you came! You came for your prisoner. Not your Luna. Admit. It."
He shakes his head in anger. "Fine. I admit it. I didn't see you as my Luna because you weren't. You were just a girl who was angry that she had to leave a fiance she didn't love in the first place. That she had to come back to the place she belongs - amongst her own kind! Because it was easier to just run away from her demons. And I wanted a Luna who would face them."
I stare at him and don't even know what I feel more - hurt, insulted or angry.
"I wanted to trust you're changed," he continues now a little calmer. "I had decided to share our Johnson pack attack tactics that morning when we had our big fight. It was always in my head, Lila - to have you included. But I didn't want to risk my pack safety. I couldn't risk them until I knew I was certian we were on the same page."
"You thought I would sacrifice the Carter pack for some fucking personal vendetta?"
"I didn't know! That's the point, Lila. I didn't know you. I still don't." He tilts his head, scoffing with laughter. "When I met you, you tried to take my title away, little wolfie. Don't you remember that?"
I narrow my eyes at him. "Don't forget, Darius. I still can. Only this time," I take a step toward him, "there won't be anyone to distract me."
He shakes his head, chuckling. "Don't think for a second that I went full on against my own mate. Do you really think I tried to murder you that night?" he watches me in shock. "I killed Samuel in ten seconds, Lila. He was one of the best fighters the pack had ever had."
We stare at each other in silence.
"Is that it?" he says as if finally realizing something. "You didn't accept me as your alpha because you think your wolf's stronger than mine?"
Tell him, Lila, my wolf awakens.
"I guess we'll never know," I say at last. "I can't really challenge you, Darius. One of us would have to kill each other in a duel and... I don't think either of us is capable of doing that."
Carter pack will never follow an alpha that didn't prove his spot in a challenging duel. Throne challenges have to end in a death. And mates could never really live with killing their own mate.
"No one has to die, Lila," he calms down now. "It's high time we stopped playing games," he says without emotion. "Let's settle this once and for all."
"What are you saying?" I'm getting excited now.
"You and me. One fight to settle your doubts. No one has to know."
A smile stretches my lips. "And if I win?"
He contains a chuckle. "Then you'd be Alpha. Allowed to do whatever you want," he narrows his eyes in curiosity. "What is that? Would you like to stay and rule?" he bites his lower lip, "Or would you erase the whole pack-thing from your life?"
I don't know. Would I like to start fresh?
No. I want to stay here and deal with my past - no matter what happens. Going back to my old life would just be escaping from the problems once again. And I could never be happy there again. I don't think I ever was, come to think of it.
"Well," he lifts his head. "What's it gonna be?"
I watch him with a mischevious gleam in my eyes - one I haven't had in longer than I can remember. Probably the last one I've had was directed at Dione.
I stretch my lips into a smile. "I'm in."
————
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