Louise sighed at the teacher's boring voice gave instructions to the class as she raked her pencil along the smooth surface of the notebook paper. Every so often she would bare side glances at Rudy to see what he was up to, but every time she did, he looked sad or unfocused and Louise knew it was all her fault. She felt strange,this was not a feeling she felt very often,and she didn't like it at all. She felt that Rudy was hiding something,earlier when he was flipping to a brand new page in his notebook,Louise managed to see that there was a drawing. But not just any drawing,it happens to be a drawing of her. Her stomach felt uneasy and she fought back the happy feelings as they increased. She asked him with a smuged tone and he responded with a flushed expression,trying to ignore the fact that he knew that she knew exactly what it was that she saw. As much as she tried to deny it,It was cute on how flustered he looked whe she asked about it. But now She sat there with her hand under Rudy's as he softly rubbed his thumb over her skin. It calmed her down. It felt relaxing and reassuring,and Louise melted into the touch. But as soon as it started it ended as he removed his hand and looked out the window,a splash of cold air hit her hand for the warmth of his was no longer there.
Louise had the strong urge to brake something,or to claw someone's eyes out. Anything to satisfy her at the moment. But the urge grew stronger as she saw Chloe pleading Rudy something, Louise growled under her breath. But Rudy politely told her that he wasn't going to do it and headed off to his last class. She satisfyingly smirked at the image of Chloe pouting like a little four year old before she headed off. She checked her watch and noticed that she had a minute left of passing time befor the bell would ring to indicate the start of class. Not felling like dealing with her crappy social Studies teacher,Louise headed outside. She walked towards the small woods behind the school and climbed up a tree,once she found a comfortable branch to lay on,Louise took out her phone put in her earbuds and played music,setting it to shuffle. The first song that came up was Pretending by Alec Benjamin , Louise whispered the lyrics as the song moved her.
In this mascara she can't feel the pain covering her heart with a little paint
While he's pulling out a flask to hide it all away
there's nothing left to say
The song calmed her but it also saddened her as the song kept going. She felt as if this song was speaking to her.
He knows that they're drowning
She hopes that there's still something left
Let go now cause he leaving
God. She hates it when she goes soft,it makes her feel weak and powerless. But this was really getting to her for some odd reason.
But she'd be fine pretending things were alright
Even tho its ending keep it inside
She can feel them bending
All their love is pending so what is she defending?
What is she defending? Louise paused the music. The question raced through her mind. Her reputation. Louise's eyes flew wide open as she gripped her hat in her hands. "Shut up shut up SHUT UP!" She hissed to herself "Stop making a big deal about nothing! You stupid baby!". Pulling down her hat to cover up her eyes,Louise pressed play.
Even when she says she'll open her eyes
All her words are empty when she denies
But she can feel them bending
All their love is pending
So what is she defending?
But she'd be fine prete eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh
She'd be fine
She'd be fine. Oh hell no,if only they knew that she wore a mask most of the time. They'd of known that she really wasn't fine on the inside. It's called acting. Pretending to be something your not. And If you nail the part perfectly,no one will notice the difference.
Step into light to look him in the eye
Feeling so expose she tries to stay composed
But every little fight and every little lie
Is impossible to hide
But...someday all of that acting..may be exposed. She could only do it for so long before she eventually brakes,before she explodes. Louise wiped away her tears with her wrists, "I'm crying over a boy!" God, she never thought or even dreamed of seeing herself in this kind of position,or saying those words. Maybe it was her hormones or puberty,probably that,even if it wasn't Louise blamed them 100%.
He knows that they're drowning
She hopes that there's still something left
Let go now cause he's leaving.
She hopes that he won't leave,he won't will he? He's been there for her for everything,when she needed him the most. Even when she felt that she deserved the beating that Logan gave her at the time,Rudy always reassured her that she was amazing,talented and beautiful. Things,that Logan has never once told her but told her the complete opposite. And that she did ABSOLUTELY Nothing to deserve that type of treatment.
But she'd be fine pretending things were alright
Even tho its ending keep it inside
She can feel them bending
all their love is pending So what she defending?
But she'd be fine prete eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh
She'd be fine
Loves a confusing thing,it's even challenging come to think of it. There's always ups and downs but that's normal in a relationship,but for Louise there seemed to be more downs then she like to have. And she can sum it all up in one simple word. Logan.
I hate to watch her hurt I know it isn't right
But she can find the courage to
Leave it all
Behind
Him. Louise doesn't want to leave him behind,not after all this time,they've been best friends for at least five years and she didn't want to throw that all away. She feels so god damn helpless and stupid,that she needs him in her life.
I wish I had the words to help her
Realize
That there is just no way to bring
This
Back to life
So much...almost to much to handle. Louise's anxiety bubbled up inside her, what he doesn't actually miss you?,what if he's just acting like you are but in a different way?,what if he's happy that your slowly dying on in the inside? Louise let out a little whimper of pain slip past her quivering lips. What if he never loved you in the first place? The boiling water inside Louise finally spilt over the edge as a stream of tears ran quickly down her light caramel skin.
He knows that, there're drowning
But she'd be fine pretending things were alright
Even while its ending keep it inside
She can feel them bending
All their love is pending, so what is she defending?
Even when she's says she'll open her eyes
All he words are empty when she denies
But she can feel them bending all their love is pending so what is defending
But she'd be fine prete eh eh eh eheh eh eh eh eh eh
It hurts...like hell...And Louise finally had enough of this internal pain,she rolled up her green sleeve and began scratching as fast and as hard as she could with her nails. She lifted her right hand over her left exposed wrist as it was turned at an angle to give her more access. And with a quick sharp move,her hand dived down and her long nails 'strummed' her soft skin. Which became hot and pink in return,it stung but she needed a different type of pain to focus on. Louise repeated this action a couple of more times until it looked like a cat scratched her before drying her tears away and pulling her sleeve back down. She put her phone away and climbed down the tree as she headed back home.
But she'd be fine