Aurelia Esme
4 days later
My heart is broken.... I don't know how to go on without him, and I'm angry because I think it's possible he could have still been here. He was my entire world.
I looked myself in the mirror emotionless, I flattened my black dress and straighten my black coat out, then let my curly hair lose. The soft knocks of Wyatt and Milo's mom erupted my volcano of sad thoughts.
"Yes?" I called quietly.
"The funeral is about to start sweetheart," her voice was always delicate. But now was extra weary. Everything she did was with hesitation. Worry of hurting me with a mistake of a phrase. I could compare everything to Milo though. Everything had a tie to him. This is it as I looked at the mirror. The day I have been counting down but regretting.
"Okay, coming."
The collection of 'I'm sorry for your loss' and 'he's in a better place' made me only more empty. And lost in emotion. Because that is how there pities were. With empty feeling behind them other than pity the girl he left behind.
Milo's casket, I had no idea if it would be open. Or not, but the thing is I don't know if I could handle knowing he is in that lifeless box. He always deserved more than sleeping in a box.
We signalled into the church. The place where the most happiest and most dreadful things can happen. I walked with Wyatt in his wheelchair, Milo's mom and Finn. Every move was tired attempt to pretend I was okay for everyone else's sake. My bones were solid and cold though. Clashing in war against every movement, while my heart was clashing with logic.
We filled into the seats. I was silent. I glanced at many people, most didn't notice. That made me relieved. Less empty gestures.
The weather today was exactly how I felt, rainy and dark.
That's when I saw that the casket was open. My eyes froze. The priest gathered up to the front then started with a prayer after the prayer he does a little speech about how great Milo was. About how he watched him grow up into a fine young man and how he was sweet, kind and amazing.
I quickly grabbed Finn's hand as I begin to tense up, he gives me a supportive smile.
Milo's Aunts, uncles speak as well as a couple of other family members some of them I've seen before at Milo's family dinners. Some of his friends go up to talk about how he was a great person, how he brought school to life with his smile and charm.
Everyone that goes up sheds tears as they give a speech.
I'm pulled away from my thoughts, when the priest calls my name and pronounces my as 'Milos girlfriend' . My head shots up and I gulp sharply. Finn let's go of my hand, and my heart feels like it's about to burst out of my chest as I make my way up. Having everyone staring at me scares me. But I know Milo would have wanted me to do this.
I stood. Every glance on me. Every deathning stare.
I didn't want to see him in the casket but now, I was walking towards it. I walked up. He was so peaceful. In a nice suit. Hands tucked in at his sides. His hair slicked back.
He was handsome. His lips, the taste came to mind. His sweet smell of his cologne made me remember a lot of memories. His necklace, that I gave him still lied around his neck. He looked perfect. As he always does. But now it was fake, and the once pearly smile would never widen I would never see him smile ever again.
I bring the microphone down a bit to were it reaches my mouth. I was stuck but pulled through.
"I didn't know what real pain was until four days ago," I quietly say while trying not to breakdown.
"When I found out Milo had passed... His mom came into his room that I was staying in and," my voice cracks. "And uh, she just told me" 'throughout your life life you will meet one person who is like any other. You could talk to this person for hours and not get sick of them, you could tell them things and they won't judge you,' I start crying even more. 'This person is your soulmate, your best friend. Don't ever let them go.' "I think the hardest part of losing someone, isn't having to say goodbye. But rather learning to live without them. Always trying to find the void, the emptiness that is left inside your heart when they leave..... um, we had a special tree. It was right by our dorm block. We called it our bitter sweet escape. We had the deepest and most stupidest conversations, even the useless ones had a meaning to him.... He use to say every molecule in something builds up something in your life. Our love. Was so much more than molecules. Milo was an amazing boyfriend. He kept me going, he held my life with his strong delicate hands. Every memory with Milo Brooks will never fade." I look over to the casket. "I'm happy because I know you loved me til the day you went away. And keeping loving me, til the day we are together again."
Tears streamed down my cheeks as everyone clapped quietly.
Five months later
The sky was gray, the air was cold and my mindset was dull. Finn and I sat with our backs against the brick wall on the roof of my apartment building. Almost every night we would climb up to the roof, watch the stars and discuss what had happened that day.
I leaned my head against the wall and glanced over at him as he explained a new song he was writing. The passion and creativity in his eyes caused me to smile to myself. I studied his features, from the way his dark brown hair was always slightly messy to the way his eyes lit up when he smiled. I blinked slowly and tried to fight back any threatening tears. As he spoke, he looked over at me and slowly stopped mid sentence.
"What's wrong?" He asked nervously.
"Just thinking about Milo."
"I mean, after all these months, you really should find someone new for yourself. He's not coming back, you know right?" Finn said seriously, but at the same time trying not to offend me.
I looked back at him, and as i started to speak, i closed her mouth.
After a moment of silence, i finally answered. "Of course, I know he's not coming back"
And with tears starting to well up my eyes, i gave him a weak laugh, "But here I am, still waiting for him." He hugged me and I smiled.
"But it's okay, and, your right. I need to find someone."
I took a deep breath and looked at my phone before standing up.
"It's getting pretty late, we better get some sleep." I mumbled as I extended my arm out.
He hesitantly grabbed my hand and stood up next to me.
"Yeah.." He mumbled.
"Goodnight, Finn." I spoke as I turned away and walked towards the ladder.
He looked down at his shoes and moved his fingers slightly before hollering "Wait!"
I turned around as he walked towards me and waited for him to speak, but he didn't. He simply grabbed my face and pressed his lips against mine sweetly. I felt my stomach flip and my head go fuzzy as our lips locked together. The same butterflies from months ago came back, causing me to smile into the kiss. He pulled away slowly and leaned his forehead against mine.
"I miss you, Bambi." He whispered.
"I miss you too, Finn."
He smirked slightly and intertwined our fingers.
"I love you and I really want to work this out. No more fighting, no more ignoring each other. If we have a problem, we'll talk about it. I don't want to lose you again." He stated.
I nodded and smiled lightly.
"I'd like that." I whispered as I pressed our lips together again.