'SHOULD'VE'
he told us.
how hours could
seem like weeks.
and how his muscles
could be weak.
how he couldn't move or talk.
he told us.
how depression and anxiety
had manifested in his mind.
and he didn't know
how to escape the pulling waves,
and the growing tides.
he told us.
and i know that in that moment
i could and should speak.
tell him and the lot,
how my mind
caves and drifts off.
how i knew how he felt.
that even moments
can feel like living hell.
he told us,
but instead of caving in
like my body always does.
i froze and shut up,
in that moment,
filled with fear.
i could've told
and poured it out.
but i didn't--
he told us..
and i sat still.
even if my feelings
had been real.
even if my mind wasn't
just making things up.
the fear of judgement
and confusion,
of chuckles because
of my delusion.
rejection and trauma
fresh on my heart.
like a bloody canvas, torn apart--
HE TOLD US---
and i couldn't bare,
to think if i did
or would say a thing--
my thoughts and
experiences were fake.
and i'd be lying, once again.
☆