Your job is to obey my will,
Follow my directions exactly and immediately.
Mine is to make sure you don't have
To focus on anything other than that.
Understand?
- Joey W. Hill,
Unrestrained
I squinted my eyes as the sunlight woke me up from my slumber. It was simply the best night I've ever had, after everything that occurred between Zayn and me, everything felt perfect.
I couldn't help the stupid smile that made its way unto my lips. I had just woken up but my heart was pounding in my chest at the thought of seeing Zayn. I couldn't help thinking what the outcome was going to be.
However, my smile faded away immediately. I sat up and saw that I was in my room— in my bed. A frown made its way onto my lips. At that moment, I felt my heart contrast in my chest, so many things running through my mind. I couldn't understand why he would bring me back to my room.
Why after everything that happened between us? He didn't say he loves me or anything but his actions proved a point;
That he cared about me— and that was enough.
With a heavy heart, I made my way to the bathroom, freshened up and took a quick shower. I couldn't be bothered with an outfit, too many questions were running through my mind so I settled for a dress t-shirt and faded washed out jeans, my hair left messily.
I knew it was just sex and he didn't owe me anything. It could have been out of pity anyway but that didn't stop me from putting meaning to it— It felt like it meant something. The way he looked at me, fucked me deeply and told me I was very beautiful, it felt like it meant something.
I trotted out of the room and towards the kitchen, knowing, as usual, he'd be there with a mug in his right hand and a tab before him as he sat on the barstool and I wasn't wrong. His entire attention was on the technology he had in his hand— my heartbeat escalated.
With Zayn, it could all go down the drain within seconds and that scared me.
"Hey," I greeted softly, nerves getting the best of me but I tried my best not to show it. I was answered with silence and I frowned slightly.
He didn't even look my way and I just stood there like a fool— A fool waiting, waiting for him to get his shit together but it seemed to be too much to ask for.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and made my way towards the fridge. Panic taking over my insides, this was the Zayn I knew all too well and I knew that wasn't a good sign.
The Zayn that barely spoke to me and whenever he did, it made me feel like crap. The Zayn who paid me to sign a stupid contract so he could have his way with me— it was my decision but it never failed to make me feel like a prostitute.
A feeling I hate with my entire being.
I pulled out a bottle of water, turning around to face him. The silence was killing me, I needed to know whatever it was he was thinking.
"Would you vanish from my presence? I'm trying to work here."
He said rudely and I was really taken aback. Albeit I saw it coming with the way in which I was greeted— with silence. The shock was still written all over my face and he watched me sternly. His eyes filled with so much anger and hate. I blinked several times, my heart shattering into a billion pieces.
"Wh..what?"
I stammered. He sighed frustratedly.
"Just because I fucked you last night doesn't change anything Muna. Nothing has changed, it meant nothing so stop acting like I owe you a fucking good morning kiss."
He spoke calmly but irritatedly and I couldn't stop my heart from breaking more than it already had— like I had been stabbed with several knives.
I was dumbfounded as I stood before him. Wanting to shout at him and yell at him not to talk to me like that but I fell back into my old ways, obeying him. I nodded meekly, trying mightily hard to hold back my tears.
His gaze stayed on me a little longer than usual but he turned away just as fast, almost like it never happened.
He continued with whatever it was he was doing, leaving me to stand there like a fool.
Taking a deep subtle breath, I trotted towards the stairs and disappeared into my bedroom. Still not believing what had happened.
I would never put it past Zayn but with everything that happened between us last night— I did expect him to be a little bit nicer to me. Fuck I did expect somewhat of a damn good morning kiss.
I ran my fingers through my hair frustratedly, trying to ignore the heartbreak I was feeling. The piercing dagger that slowly made its way to my heart.
I felt stupid— stupid for thinking that anything would've changed, that he'd change. As much as I craved Zayn, I knew he wasn't the man for me and the more I accepted that the more my heart began to ache.
I walked for my backpack, which was the only thing I came with. I changed from the clothes I was wearing, into baggy short jeans and a mustard bodysuit, which again were the only things I came with from my house.
"What were you thinking?"
I whispered to my reflection in the mirror. Why had I allowed myself to be touched by him in ways that had never occurred before? Why had I allowed myself to touch him? I knew for a fact that those pleasurable mistakes I made were going to be haunting me for a long time.
There was something last night— I could feel it. The way he looked at me, spoke to me and caressed me, it just can't be nothing. The way he fucked me like he loved me and for the first time putting my sexual pleasures above his, it meant something, I could feel it did.
Sighing, I flung my backpack over my shoulder and exited my room. Every bone within me prayed that Zayn wouldn't be in the sitting room so I could just vanish like he had asked me to do earlier.
His words cut deeper than he thinks and I couldn't help but want to oblige.
My hope was soon squashed when I saw him still sitting there— in all his glory. I exhaled a deep breath and continued my walk of nerves.
Without glancing his way, I headed for the door, internally praying that he ignores me like earlier but my prayer was cut short.
"Where are you going?"
His deep British accent rang in my ears.
"Nowhere, I'm just vanishing," I replied cheekily before I could stop myself. Surprise took over me when I realized that for the first time I've straightforwardly pierced his ego. Anger was evident on his face, his jaw clenched and his fist balled.
Biting my bottom lip, I averted my gaze and began to walk.
"Muna!" He called, his voice threatening. I sighed.
"What Zayn?"
I asked frustratedly, not in the mood for his bullshit. Was he really expecting me to stay after he just treated me like a nobody minutes ago? Did he think that a pity fuck was going to change my mind? I've never thought this but he must be stupid.
Not only did he belittle me but also made a fool of me— not caring to be sensitive to my feelings after I told him how madly in love I am with him.
"Don't call me Zayn!"
He snapped, closing his laptop and rising to his feet. I stood my grounds, not showing any sign of fear.
"What the fuck do you want from me? This damn contract is over," I barked, matching his tone.
"I won't sign it again, I won't give you the power to treat me like shit cause news flash Zayn, we all have feelings."
I hadn't noticed I was walking closer to him until I was just a few steps away.
He visibly tensed then relaxed seconds after, his eyes softening but I wasn't going to fall for it— not when I knew it would be gone the next minute and he'd become monster Zayn again. The monster I stupidly fell madly in love with.
"I needed to show you that nothing had changed."
The bastard defended himself, not even an ounce of apology from him. Almost like he doesn't understand the act of hurting and destroying someone's feelings.
Words hurt Zayn. . .
"Then why the fuck did you do it?"
I asked, controlling my anger. I was beyond frustrated, one minute he discreetly treats me like a queen and the next he outwardly treats me like trash.
My only motive is to push him for a slip-up, anything to let me know he cares— even if just a little.
"You had already broken all the rules Muna, it was just a pity fuck because I'm letting go of you," He said causing me to freeze. I loved the idea of him wanting me, even if not the way I'd have preferred so his words did hurt me deeply but I wasn't going to show it.
"Okay," I whispered— not having the strength to slap him. Every bone in my body became stiff, I couldn't bring myself to move. A pity fuck, just like I had thought.
I stared directly into his eyes, searching for a reason to render his statement a lie but I found nothing— he meant it. He nodded, an expression which I couldn't read flashed in his eyes and was gone as soon as it came. If I was naive I would have called it sadness but no, Malik doesn't feel.
I mustered up the courage to walk towards the door and this time he didn't stop me. I could feel his eyes on me, engraving my body to memory as I opened the door and stepped out but not once did I look back.
I walked straight out, with a tear-stained face, ignoring everyone that said hi to me because my mind couldn't focus. Everyone looked at me with concerned eyes but I stared into space, not being able to care.
All I was thinking was that 'this is it' I wasn't going to see Zayn ever again and I knew it wasn't what I wanted even though it's what's best for me. What hurt more was that it didn't mean anything to him— it was just a good fuck unlike what it meant to me.
Entering my small apartment, I immediately ran into my room, trying to avoid Cheryl, my roommate. I locked my door and threw myself on my bed. My tears had dried off a long time ago and all I was left with was grief, bitterness and an arid throat.
"Ughhhhh," I groaned, throwing my pillow across my room. I couldn't believe everything that had happened within the last twenty-four hours. What hurt more was I didn't regret anything, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. It was then I concluded that love makes you crazy.
"Hey, are you okay?"
I heard a knock on my door followed by Cheryl's voice. As much as I wanted to be alone, I walked lazily and unlocked my it, letting her in. Missing her is an understatement, I hadn't seen her for a month and two days because let's just say Zayn had been putting me to work for his money's worth.
To be fair, they were enjoyable events except I wasn't genuinely happy and felt out of place— felt unloved by his side and pathetic.
"Oh my God I've missed you so much." Cheryl flung herself at me dramatically which caused me to giggle as we fell on my bed.
"Enough, get off me!"
I joked, pushing her away. She pouted which made me smile— her presence brought a sense of peace to me that I had been lacking.
"I can see that Mr lover boy has finally given you a break," She stated, sprawling on my bed. The mention of Zayn caused my heart to tighten in my chest.
"Yeah for good this time," I muttered painfully and her head snapped in my direction, her eyes wide.
"What do you mean for good?" She asked, sitting up and I shrugged.
"The contract ended Cher."
"Yeah but he made you sign it a second time."
She said like it was obvious and like I wasn't making any sense.
"But I couldn't this time Cher, I can't do it again and besides he wasn't willing."
I said, trying my damn best not to break down. Cheryl remained silent, she knew everything and never once did she judge me because she understood that we needed the money— I needed it for my mother, my only reason for everything.
I explained everything that had happened over the month to her. She listened keenly only stopping me here and there to repeat myself from time to time.
"I think he's fighting it," She said smiling—totally ignoring my state of pain and anguish.
"Stop it, Cher! He isn't fighting anything, he's incapable of feeling."
I warned, the last thing I wanted was for my head to be filled with lies and false hopes beside what's the point now? She sighed.
"No listen it doesn't make sense that he'd let you touch him and not like you even the slightest plus he let you sign a second time— something he had never done and was even willing to let you sign a third time if you didn't say no."
She spoke fast, like she had hot rice in her mouth but I knew it was out of fear that I'd shut her up.
"It was a pity fuck, he told me so himself and if he had even tiny feelings for me, he wouldn't have hurt me like that."
I argued, not willing to accept her little act of assessment.
"But he could've just said—"
She wouldn't stop, triggering my frustration.
"Enough Cher!"
I snapped. Zayn was dead to me, well the opposite but I needed her to understand that.
Zayn Malik is history.
✯
Such an ass!
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If you enjoyed this chapter hehe.
•Princess T•