"A broken heart bleeds tears."
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
Chapter Nine – Addie
When I woke up in the morning Liam was still sound asleep underneath me. I lay there and for just a couple more minutes I let myself believe that nothing has changed. I relished in his touch and how he held onto me and wished with all my heart that it could be different but I already knew that as soon as he woke up he would make an excuse to leave and then we would be back to how we've been the past few weeks.
I wasn't stupid enough to think that this really meant anything to him and I kept telling myself it didn't mean anything to me but in all honesty, it did.
I tried to make it look like I was okay but inside I was dying over it and I knew that we would never get back together.
I just couldn't see us ever together again after he left me when I needed him the most, it proves to me that I can't count on him when things get difficult, I can't count on him to listen to my side of things before he judges and with that I pulled myself out of his arms and instantly felt the cold set in.
I sat up and put my head on my knees, much to the protest of my stomach.
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked and I remembered this was his tent
"I should go." I crawled out of bed and like always he just had to stop me, he couldn't just let me leave, he always had to make it so much harder on me then it had to be.
"Addie what's wrong?" he turned my face to his and I know he could see the water well up in my eyes
"Nothing." I turned away from him but he wouldn't let me leave.
"Tell me." he tilted my chin up to meet his gaze and I swallowed hard at the proximity.
"Please just let me go." I whispered but he couldn't, he just had to make things so much worse when he tangled his hand through the back of my hair and kissed me and I wasn't strong enough to push him away even though I know it was going to hurt me more.
I kissed him back and he pulled me into his lap and slowly swiped his tongue against my lips I held onto him as he kissed me like he would die if he stopped and it was needy and desperate and gentle. His hands went under my shirt around my back and he put both palms on the small of my back to hold me closer to him.
I didn't realize I was crying until we pulled back and he rested his forehead against mine. I could sense his eyes were open but I kept mine close as I sank my teeth into my bottom lip so it wouldn't tremble. I know he didn't mean it and I know this changed nothing.
"I'm sorry I-"
"Please just don't say it, you don't need to say it I get it." I finally opened my eyes and it was like a dam broke as the water poured down my cheeks and he closed his eyes this time and his face looked like he was in pain.
"Addie." He touched my face and I pushed away from him, falling back and shook my head at him
"Why do you keep doing this to me!" I yelled at him
"I'm sorry." He told me and he reached for me again so I swatted his hand away.
"No, you don't get to do this! You don't get to walk away and then do this when I'm finally starting to accept it, you don't get to fucking kiss me or touch me like you used to. No!" I yelled at him
"I'm sorry"
"Yeah, you're always sorry." I yanked the zipper open and he called after me as I ran from his tent and into mine. Kalila was sitting there
"I'm sorry, I didn't think it would be a problem" she obviously heard
"I'm going home" I yanked his clothes off of my body and put mine on, I grabbed my bag and she handed me her keys without a word. I tossed my bag in the back and I knew who grabbed my arm before I even looked up at him
"Where are you going?" he asked
"Home." I pulled away and he shut the door when I tried to open it
"Don't go."
"You don't get to say that!" I yelled, not caring that people were watching.
"I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry!"
"I don't give a fuck if you're sorry! Sorry doesn't take it back, sorry doesn't un-break my heart and sorry doesn't change the fact that you walked away or make you regret walking away. You don't care about anyone but yourself! You're a selfish boy!" I yelled at him and he stepped away from me like I slapped him.
"That's not true."
"You don't give a damn what I went through, you don't even know because you never cared to ask or figure out, you just judged me. So you know what, I'm done with people like you you're just like them!"
"I am nothing like those people, nothing! I loved you and cared about you and you threw it in my face." I shoved him back from me
"You never loved me, if you loved me you wouldn't put me through all of this." my voice trembled and I hated myself for letting him see me cry again.
"I'm not meaning to hurt you." he said softly
"But you are Liam, you are." I whispered as I shook my head and Asher stopped him from stopping me this time and Kalila had me scoot over so she could drive after telling Asher to bring the stuff we left back. She let me cry the whole way home and Auntie looked concerned but said nothing as we went up to my room.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't know it would be like that. I know you don't want to hear another I'm sorry but I truly am."
"I know." She curled up with me. The door opened a few minutes and Auntie let Keisha in with us.
"What happened?" she asked me
"I went to leave and he wouldn't let me, he kissed me and not just a peck it was a full blown make out session and then he looks at me and you just know he regrets it. He doesn't want to be with me but he won't let me move on."
"Oh Addie." She held onto me
"I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to respect his wishes how if fair to me for him to do that?" I asked her
"It's not. He's being a dick and toying with your feelings." She seemed angry and I sighed
"I just want to stop hurting." I cried
"I have just the thing." She stood up "Come on." She smiled at me and I reluctantly got up and followed her and she ran down the path near the lake and we walked for a couple miles, passing Liam's house as we trailed off to the right and down an over grown path.
"Mom had dad build this for me a couple years ago." She brought me to a little house, if you could even call it that, she unlocked is and I smiled when I went in, it was her art studio.
"Is this your happy place?" I asked and she nodded.
"I love it here. Whenever life becomes too much I come out here and paint until I feel better." she nudged me to a canvas and got me some paint.
"Kalila I can't paint." I smiled at her, I was terrible
"It doesn't have to be anything important. Just do something, throw paint at it if you want." she walked away and came back with a shirt
"What's this?" I asked
"Paint shirt so you don't ruin yours." She shrugged
"What about getting it anywhere" I trailed off when I looked around. There was paint everywhere, on the ground, walls, all over the surfaces.
"You were saying?" she laughed and changed her shirt too as she sat beside me. she put her brush in paint and flicked it at my canvas "Just let it out." she told me so I dipped it in mine and I splattered it all over the white surface. I picked color by color and pretty much attacked it, and slowly I started to feel better.
"You can come here whenever you want." she handed me another key
"It's your place." I protested
"Addie, if it makes you feel better, ride Connelly down here and just paint." She nudged me and I hugged her getting paint everywhere
"You're the sister I never had." I told her
"I love you too." She held onto me tight and I was grateful to have someone like her in my life
what are everyone's feelings about Liam right now??