"In that line, you have to look at her like you really mean how much you felt for her," Katherine gushed, "right, Sean? Imagine as if you suddenly saw a new set of constellations in her eyes, like you're in awe of something so new, so beautiful. Act like you're in love."
Sean nodded, distracted and only half focusing on Katherine's words.
"Awkward," Jordyn singsonged. Bailey was quick to shut her up, sending a death glare to the blonde's direction. Jordyn only rolled her eyes.
Sean was livid at Jordyn, but he shook her off because she wasn't worth his time. She started to annoy the living shit out of him, but she was still apparently a bestfriend. However, he knew he had to talk to her sooner or later.
The older woman sighed in defeat, knowing that everyone was probably tired of doing this already. It was almost lunchtime too, so it explains the sleepy looks on their faces.
"Lunch break, it is," Katherine announced, and almost immediately, everyone's face brightened.
However, Sapphire took that as her cue to immediately leave without looking back, even when Malina called out her name.
The girl rushed to where the bathrooms were, rushing inside and locking the door behind her.
When the doors closed, she finally dropped her stoic and emotionless facade to let her real exhaustion seep through. It was like the bathroom was her safe place now, and walking in it allowed her to show what she really feels inside.
She steadied herself infront of the mirrors, propping her hands on the edge of the marble top, and looked up to look at her own reflection. Mentally, she scolded herself for walking out abruptly and acting all weirdly around them already.
"You look like shit," she sneered, immediately cringing at how the bags under her eyes look darker. "Mom wouldn't be too proud of me."
Mom. Her mom.
At the mere mention of her Mom's name, any trace of anger or frustration instantly turned into some what of a combination between sadness and regret.
My Mom. My Dad. They loved me the way any mother and father would love their daughter. They didn't do anything that would hurt me nor even bother me, because she said that she wanted to protect me as much as she can before I fully grew up to be exposed to the harsh stabs of the real world.
They loved me so much. They were the most precious and loving person God has ever given me.
Mom didn't deserve to die. Dad didn't deserve to die.
And now, it's my fault that I lost two of the most important people of my life.
She didn't want to cry. It was what she was stopping herself from doing since the day shit went down. She knew she was weak, but crying it all out would only make her look weaker than it is.
"It's my fault," she whispered softly to herself.
As she looked at herself in the mirror, she could only see a murderer.
True, she didn't shoot them nor did she inflict anything on them herself. But the thought that they would still be alive if she hadn't disturbed their sleep and called them over to fetch her broke her already battered and shattered heart, and nothing in this world could heal it whole.
They could have been here. But they weren't.
It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault.
They could have been still here.
It's my fault they're dead. It's my fault they got crashed by a stupid fucking drunk driver. It's my fault that my parents are no longer here.
The voices in her head grew louder, growing more deafening in the silence of the comfort room.
She felt the atmosphere become heavier each second, weighing down on her shoulders like a dead weight. Her chest tightened, and her breathing started to become uneven and ragged.
Empty bathroom stalls weren't that much of a haven after all.
"Make it stop, make it stop," she whispered to herself frantically.
I killed them. I killed them. I killed them. I always remember their faces before they went to drive back home. I can see their faces in that car before life flashed before their eyes, and it's all my fault.
Sapphire dropped down to the floor in a desperate attempt to stop her thoughts, clutching her head in hopes of stopping the loud voices in her head that kept repeating the words she didn't want to hear anymore. At this point, it was getting harder to breathe.
"I know I killed them. Please, make it stop," she desperately called out to no one, whimpering as all the fear and dread of her past mistakes suddenly came to envelope her in a tight embrace. "I'm sorry, Mom, Dad, I'm sorry."
It's the truth. I'm the reason why they're gone.
I'm an ungrateful, coldhearted murderer who killed her own parents. I'm the one who could have just let them sleep for the night, but I didn't.
I killed them by making them drive at night when it's unsafe, and the streets are littered with drunk people and reckless drivers.
Sapphire thought she was going insane, but maybe it's true.
Strong arms suddenly enveloped her in a warm embrace, pulling her in close to their chest. Sapphire knew who it was, knowing from the familiar scent, and she felt herself unconsciously lean in closer. She needed someone.
"Everything's going to be okay, S, breathe in," Sean whispered in her ear, cradling her in a gentle way. "Stay with me, S."
The tears finally fell down her eyes like a sudden rainstorm, rolling down her cheeks in fat teardrops of all the emotions she has been feeling in a fast pace. The trigger inside her went off, and all her feelings finally poured out in the form of heavy cries.
Sean felt himself wither at the sight of his girl being torn and broken on the floor of this public bathroom. The moment he laid eyes on her, he immediately ran to her side to pull her close and take her out of her own insanity.
"Baby," Sean rubbed her back up and down, pulling her closer as he held her tightly. "Breathe with me. You have to breathe."
Sapphire couldn't focus at all. Her thoughts were defeaning her, almost blocking out all of her right senses.
"Sapphire, you're having a panic attack. Listen to my voice," Sean gently whispered in her ear, rocking her back and forth. "Follow my breathing, S."
She was still curled in a fetal position on Sean's lap, both of her hands tightened in fists in Sean's top unconsciously while her head laid on his chest.
"Sapphire," Sean whispered worriedly, "please."
She clenched her eyes shut, willing her ears to tune in to Sean's rhythmic pace of breathing. Slowly, her chest rose and fell paced down to a slower tempo, subconsciously following Sean's.
"It's okay, Saph, it's okay. You're almost there." If it was possible, Sean pulled her in closer, as if he didn't want to let go. "God, Saph."
Few seconds of utter silence and Sapphire's soft breathing filled the air, simmering down the once thick tension that suffocated the girl to no end.
"Sean," the girl croaked out, "i'm sorry."
The boy only kissed her forehead, letting her know that he was there to listen to her talk.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you anything at all," she continued, her voice almost raspy and inaudible. "You deserved to know me, the whole me, the real me. And that includes how fucking rotten I actually am. I'm a murderer, Sean, what Jordyn said was true."
The boy's heart broke. Not as broken as hers, but still as shattered that it almost left him weak.
"You are not a murderer," Sean firmly said. He slowly pulled away and looked into her tired eyes. "Believe me, I was not there that night but you didn't kill your parents. God, you didn't."
"But I did. If I was just there, then they wouldn't be up there with wh--"
"Sapphire," Sean cut her off with a no nonsense tone, conviction in his eyes, "listen to me. It wasn't your fault that your first instinct was to go home to your parent's comfort. It wasn't your parents' fault either. You know whose fault it was? People who drink and fucking drive, even at night, when they clearly know they could be risking their lives and obviously others' in the process. He or whoever he is should be the one taking all the blame, and not you, who was only a child who loved her parents and needed them that one night. You don't deserve to feel as if it's your fault, as if it's you who should be carrying the thought that you killed them throughout your whole lifetime. You shouldn't be the one carrying something as heavy and false on your shoulders. You didn't do anything wrong. You never did do anything wrong. It wasn't your fault, Sapphire, it never was, and it never will be. Because unless you predicted the future, you didn't know that that would happen to them. You were only a child who loved her parents so much that her first instinct was to call them. There's nothing wrong with that."
Sapphire shut up. It was what all of the others were telling her all along, including Scarlett and Aunt Melissa and the other people who were there in Canada, but she never did believe any of them. She could never bring herself to believe them.
"Did Scarlett tell you?" was all she ever said after a few moments of heavy silence.
The boy slowly nodded, "it's the first thing we thought of. If you're mad that Scarlett told us, then I'm--"
"I'm not mad," Saph shook her head furiously. "I'm kind of glad she told you the things I wouldn't have the courage to say."
"God, Sapphire."
Abruptly, like he just can't wait to do it anymore, he pulled her in for a kiss, capturing her lips in a passionate embrace that left her temporarily stunned. But her eyes closed automatically, letting herself give in to what she admittedly craved even though it was hardly two days apart.
The kiss was needy yet it had something intimate they could only understand behind it. Sean's hands moved to her cheek, deepening the kiss even more like he couldn't get enough of her. Sapphire felt the same, locking her arms behind the boy's head.
Soon enough, they pulled away breathless with slightly swollen lips and red cheeks. Their foreheads touching, listening to both of their ragged breaths.
It was then that she realized that she needed Sean, his help, his mere presence, in order to get through the things she knew she couldn't do alone.
"Please don't do that again, Saph," Sean pleaded, resembling somewhat of a lost boy, looking deep into her eyes. "Always know that I'll listen to you, I'll talk to you, and I'll always be there for you. God, I sound so corny, but I love you a million times, and I'll never get tired of saying that because I mean it every single time. Don't run away from me."
Sapphire sighed, closing her eyes lightly before meeting Sean's intense gaze once again. "Okay."
"Okay."