"There are two ways to get enough. One is to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less."-G.K. Chesterton
The morning after I walked away from Harry I felt weird. I wanted to feel like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders, but it felt like an awkward emptiness in my heart and I didn't like that.
Plus, my brother hasn't died after all, and it still hasn't registered. I thought that if I said it to myself enough times it would finally click in my head, but that plan hasn't worked.
He's alive.
But you saw his casket, Elena. So I would shake that thought to the back of my head.
As I got ready for the photo shoot with 5 Seconds of Summer, or "five-sauce (;", as Luke so graciously texted me, my head was being weighed down with all the situations I was suddenly thrown into.
Connor. Harry. Luke.
Can I just zap all men from my life?
Harry and Luke, the other half of my brain. I called Niall about it when I got home, and he told me I needed a girl best friend, because he was lost. So now, I'm meeting his girlfriend and her friends. I had to start somewhere, and my sister is out of the question. I just returned in her good graces for doing my job, what I'm supposed to do.
"Harry ruined everything", I thought as I surveyed my outfit.
"And I let him."
I wore an outfit I dug out from the crevices of my closet, with pieces I forgot I even owned.
When I came home, I also began to strip my mind mentally of what I was before I let Harry take over every thought. I began by putting every single article of clothing I wore when I was with him in a bag to go to Goodwill.
It may not seem like it, but clothes carry memories as deep and intricate as the stitches that hold the material together.
I stopped trying to be a hipster and went back to being Audrey Hepburn. It's so funny, he told me not to change as I did a complete 360.
He watched me.
He let me.
He knew what would happen and he allowed it to happen anyway.
Shaking my head, I slid the light blue headband through my waved hair, pulling my bangs out from the band.
The skirt was knee length and retained a light tulle; it had a floral pattern and the base color was light blue.
My top was a simple white tank with a black bandeau underneath.
I wore white gladiator sandals and I had my trusty 90's fanny pack, armed with whatever celebrities need on set that assistants forget or don't have ready.
Another con to field work: it's demanding as hell.
At least I won't be with Louis today, but I was warming up to him.
I bade goodbye to my sister, who was also on her way out, and drove to our offices. Photo shoots are held in the basement; we really have an all-in-one in our Music Nation Chicago location, I love it.
I knew it would be cold in the basement, so I grabbed the jean jacket I had in the backseat and threw it on my bare shoulders as I pressed the elevator button to go down.
---
"Elena! You made it!" I look up from adjusting my skirt to see Luke holding two Starbucks cups and grinning broadly. He was coming towards me as Ashton was taking solo shots with our director, Felix. I smiled and hugged him hello.
"Hey, handsome!" I was actually really glad to see such a friendly, un-serious face. It was a breath of fresh air. His cheeks flushed when we broke apart and he held a grande cup out in front of me.
"Caramel frap with a chocolate drizzle," he told the floor in a quick voice.
For me? I gaped at the fact that he even took the time to think of me.
"Aw, Luke, that's so sweet of you! Thank you so much!" I smiled, taking the drink from him.
"How did you know?" I asked as we walked to where his band mates were.
"Well, Michael was up texting Kayla all last night-" I giggled to myself.
"Yeah, I know," Luke responded, grinning and putting his hand behind his head. "So he was texting her about her favorite types of Starbucks orders and she threw in your favorite as well, so, um, yeah." He blushed again and I couldn't help but turn a little red, too. I felt as if I were twelve.
"Elena, you actually came," Calum chuckled and Luke shot him a death look.
"Hey, Calum," I greeted anyway. I looked around the hair and makeup area, there was a band member missing.
"Hey, where's Michael? I brought the Pokedex he asked for..." I trailed off, spotting him and Kayla shyly conversing as soon as Luke put his hand on my shoulder and pointed towards him.
Ignoring Michael and Kayla, I focused on the fact that Luke's hand was on my shoulder. It was warm and light, not venomous, but innocent and gentle.
Innocence.
Such a beautiful thing when it's alive and healthy.
And then something tears it apart, eats it alive, and replaces the poor goner with nothing but hollow souls.
I liked it eternally that he left it there.
"Luke, it's your turn!" Felix called, flipping his scarf over his shoulder.
Luke groaned and moved his hand down to my waist with such ease and swiftness I didn't even notice it was there until I felt the warmth of magic hand.
Of course I gave him a startled face mixed with incredulous surprise.
"Do I have to?" He whined, as if he didn't notice what he just did. I heard snickers behind me and I saw Luke's mouth curve up in a half smile.
So he did know. "Cheeky", as Harry would say.
Damn. Strike 1.
"You can bring your girlfriend if you want, we're just on a strict schedule." Felix finally huffed, turning to us with his hands on his hips.
I widened my eyes in slight protest. Felix absolutely knows that I am single and that I intend to stay that way.
"Alright," Luke said loftily. Looking at me he playfully smirked.
"Let's go, girlfriend."
These are headstrong, crazy days.
I spun away from his grip and took another sip of my coffee.
"That's funny, because I'm into drummers," I grinned smugly and Luke sighed and shook his head at my terribly lame and cheesy comeback, walking towards the photographer.
But I caught a smile.
---
"Elena, when are we gonna go out?" Luke playfully asked in a serious way.
"Luke..." I began, fumbling around in my fanny pack.
"You have a fanny pack?!" I heard Ashton behind us.
"Yes, I do." I said, turning to face him.
"Is there pizza in there?" Calum said, joining our mock soirée.
"I wish," I laughed.
"Luke, I like her, date her." Ashton half-commanded.
"I'm working on it," Luke responded through gritted teeth while I laughed harder. Then the boys began to howl.
Was there something on my face?
"What?" I snapped a little too harshly forgetting my temper, which only sent them into tear-inducing laughs.
I sighed and zipped my fanny pack, getting ready to leave, when Michael bounded over, lipstick marks on his cheek.
"Hey, who strangled the cat?" He inquired.
I shrugged, clueless, while Ashton began to regain his composure. It took a few minutes, but he finally managed to gasp out.
"Elena's laugh."
Jesus Christ. I forgot about that. See, my laugh-my real laugh that I only bring out when I'm already laughing-resembles a broken car trying to start and a seal having fun.
It's quite embarrassing, but hilarious to other people. I chuckled to myself, making a sudden decision.
"Now, Luke." I said, spacing out.
"What?" His voice sounded far off behind me as he immediately regained his composure at the sound of my voice.
But I was already in another world.
Why the hell not, Elena? It's not like He would care. What's stopping me? My living dead brother?
Yes, my life is complicated, and he's on the road, but why the hell am I thinking so seriously? Luke has a life too, and it's devoted to his fans and his band. There is no way possible to make this serious, I don't think neither of us are willing to make this work long term.
After all, the only reason I ditched the basement concert that dusty June night was to find fun and freedom.
Instead, I found a mess in an enticing spirit that keeps dragging me into past doors that were supposedly marred shut.
So why not open a new one? Just for the hell of it. My life is a compilation of shits and giggles anyway, might as well add to the ravishing mess.
And so I looked into Luke Hemmings' daredevil eyes and found myself in them. A soul to match my own-positively, rebelliously. I nodded defiantly.
"The answer is now. We are gonna go out now." I looked up at his rouging cheeks and his eyes widened in disbelief. The band began to whoop and clap in Luke's honor and he looked around before stopping at me.
"Wait, for real?" He whispered.
I nodded, furrowing my brows together.
The rest of the band members slowly began to walk backward, chortling amongst themselves.
Hemmings grinned and did the lip ring thing again. Bringing his head back up once more, he smiled victoriously.
"All right, Ms. Collins. Where shall we go?" He stroked his chin, trying to look seductive.
I felt my eyes sparkle mischievously.
Harry's POV
"Connor, why the fuck are we in a parking lot for a kids place? Are you a pedo now?" I deadpanned.
Connor huffed. "I'm not a pee-dough," he mocked my voice and I held back everything I had and didn't to punch him and knock him clean out.
"And we are in an extreme trampolining place parking lot. We are meeting my cousin's lackey and trying to cut a deal so she doesn't kill both of us." He snarled.
Just as he finished his sentence, a familiar woman picked the lock on my Porsche and slid in the backseat with a brunette in glasses.
I almost choked.
"Allison?" She giggled and waved.
"Barbara, stop texting Niall," she snapped, not bothering to break eye contact with me.
"I have some explaining to do," she smiled, even though this was not a laughing matter. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a gold Suzuki pull up next to us. In it, a familiar girl laughing and putting her hand on some guy with a lip ring and annoying hair.
And I repeat: my life is so shitty.
Loads of things will be revealed next two chapters. yknow...the truth changes.
Have y'all ever paid attention to the clock's significance in The Great Gatsby? if you have... (:
Much love,
kayla xo