My eyes opened to a new day, Eric was gone and instead I found Adam by my bedside, his legs resting up on the end of my bed and his head had fallen backwards with his mouth hanging open, the sight made me laugh "hmm?" His head shot up and a relieved expression caught his features as his legs fell to the floor "you're awake!" He sang as he wiped some drool from his lip.
"As are you" I smiled.
He laughed and sat up straight, passing over some water to me "sorry, have you been awake long?"
I sipped the water and nodded "oh yes, I got up and drew a moustache and some glasses on your face"
His eyes widened as he shot out of his chair and grabbed a metal tray to view his reflection "you better not have!"
My laughter echoed through the room and I couldn't help but start snorting "I didn't. But you should have seen your face!"
"I told you I'd hear that laugh one day" Eli had just walked in with Alyssa "what's so funny?"
"She made me think she'd drawn on my face" Adam giggled.
Eli chuckled and sat in Adams chair "genius"
"You wouldn't think so if she'd done it to you" he said as he perched on the bed to my right.
"I think you have to forgive me, Adam, I have been stabbed" I smirked.
Adam rolled his eyes "oh don't start using that as an excuse for everything!" His voice heightened as he started mimicking me " 'Oh, Adam, sorry I broke all the bones in your leg, but I was stabbed' "
"Don't worry, I won't"
"Hey, I heard you were pretty funny under the anaesthetic, apparently you were saying some pretty saucy things to a certain leader" Eli said with a goofy smile.
Alyssa was like Adam, she had a nose for gossip and looked quite angry with herself because she hadn't heard this first "who? Four?" She said as she sat in the hospital bed to my left, behind Eli's chair.
Suddenly I went red, the memory of the day before came flooding back and I remembered everything I said to Eric, Eli noticed the new colour of my face and had no pity "nope. Eric"
"Eric was here?" Alyssa said with her mouth hanging open.
Adam confirmed this before I could "he was here when I came, but he didn't say anything"
My head buried itself in my hands with shame, and Eli started to laugh again "oh dear, what did you say to him? Must have been pretty embarrassing, I don't think I've ever seen you go red"
"It was" I mumbled through the shield of my hands "sexy little piercings" I whispered to myself so that no one else could hear "what an idiot!"
"Eric?"
"No, me!" I flattened down my hair and took a breath, once my bangs bounced back I said "can we talk about something else? Literally anything else, the weather-"
"How about our rankings?" Z had just strutted in, she had cut her long hair since the day before, and still she looked beautiful.
"Hey" I greeted her.
I was surprised when she sat on Eli's lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, his hand rested above her hip, how had I missed so much in such little time? I wondered if I had slept for a week "how are you doing?"
My eyes looked at Adam for a second, seeking explanation, but he looked just as surprised as I did "fine- er... did I..." I looked between them "did I miss something?"
Z laughed "we'll tell you later, your ranking is more important!"
"Right, yeah, of course" I cleared my throat, I was dying to know where I had ranked but at the same time I was eager to know more about Z and Eli "go on then, am I out?"
"No silly" Alyssa chuckled "out of the transfers you ranked fifth! You're still in!"
She seemed proud of my ranking, but I was disappointed "fifth?"
"Don't look so sad" Alyssa said "you did one better than me, I got sixth" she sighed.
"At least you're still here" Z grinned.
"Barely"
"What about you?" I asked Z "where'd you get?"
I could already tell she'd done well thanks to the revealing Cheshire grin on her face "second! Thackeray beat me"
"And I got third!" Adam cut in before Z could say anything.
A swell of pride ran through me, I had been sure that Adam would do well, and for some reason I felt rather like a proud parent "third?! I knew you'd do well!"
My friend grinned at my congratulations. Now all I wanted to know was, who out of the three others were gone "Tarrant got fourth, I think he one upped you because of shooting and combat"
"So that means..."
"Darlene ranked last, she's gone, and so is Edgar, their stuff was gone when we came back from the reveal" none of them looked very upset, except for Alyssa who had spoken to both Darlene and Edgar a few times, but I had predicted they were the ones who would be leaving, and I felt no joy in being right "Thackeray was in pieces, it took Eric, Four and Max to separate them, Thackeray kept begging them to let him go instead, but when they refused he said he'd go with her, that's when Darlene stopped struggling and told Eric to make sure he didn't follow her, she didn't want to condemn him to that life"
For whatever reason I thought I wouldn't feel guilty for ranking well, but the more Adam told me of their parting the more I wished I could have done something to keep them together. Alyssa's hand wrapped around mine, her expression mirrored mine "we've all been feeling guilty, but all we can do now is be there for Thackeray"
I nodded, I no longer wanted to dwell on this subject, I already knew it would haunt me in my sleep, I didn't want to give it too much power over me in the day "and you, Eli, where'd you rank?"
"Number one, baby!"
Z nudged his ribs "show off"
"So you two, how'd that happen?"
Z and Eli shrugged "it just sort of... did" she said, and Eli nodded in agreement.
"But I've never even seen you together, not at dinner or breakfast, and we're nearly always in training"
"He was getting a tattoo while I was getting mine, the biggest coincidence was that we were getting the same one, and then of course there was capture the flag"
"Great" Adam groaned "just what we needed, a new couple to gag over"
"Oh no, you're not gonna start feeding each other are you?" Alyssa said with a scrunched up face.
Eli laughed and Z looked offended "he can barely feed himself!" Everyone laughed except Eli who had started tickling Z as revenge.
*
Eric came to visit me again that night, when Adam and the others had left they told me that they weren't supposed to say anything about my ranking, and that Eric or Four would probably be along later to tell me, so it was probably best to pretend I didn't already know "you ranked fifth" he had told me with a nonchalant expression.
"Oh, that's good I guess, who's out?"
"Edgar and Darlene. But you knew that, didn't you?" I narrowed my eyebrows "I saw your friends leaving, figured they'd tell you"
I looked into Eric's eyes, searching for something I knew I wouldn't find "and yet you came anyway?" He didn't reply to this, and I knew he wouldn't anytime soon "I heard Thackeray threatened to leave with Darlene" it was the first thing I thought of to change the conversation.
"He didn't"
"Thanks to you, so I hear" I smiled but he didn't smile back, so I looked into my lap, I couldn't look at that emotionless expression anymore, it was hard enough to look at him knowing all the things I had said under the anaesthetic "it's sad, that they'll never see each other again"
"No, it's not, she was weak, she didn't deserve to be here"
My eyes looked up at him, I felt angry, but what did I expect him to say? "You don't think it's sad? Two people who loved each other so deeply that one would give up everything to stay together will be separated forever"
Eric was silent for a moment, as if contemplating the human answer to this, instead he chose the Eric answer "love has no place amongst soldiers"
My heart filled with such pity for him "you really believe that?"
Again he was silent, his eyes trained on me "I do"
With great pain in my shoulder I climbed out of bed, Eric moved to stop me but I held up my hand and stood on my weak legs. I walked towards him until we were a short step apart, I looked up into his grey eyes and searched again for what I hoped to find, but again did not "if we don't have love, then what is there for soldiers to fight for?" His stiff posture weakened slightly and his eyebrows narrowed, I stepped back and moved towards the table where the water jug sat, my back facing him "if you truly believe that without love we are better, then I pity you" I turned around again, and looked him in the eyes "I really do"
Eric turned to leave as I slowly climbed back into bed, sipping at my water, but just as he was leaving he turned back around and said "you need to do better in stage two, if you rank low again you'll end up on the fence, your injury won't affect your result, it's completely mental"
There was only one part of that which I focused on "why don't you want me to end up on the fence?"
He didn't reply, he gave me a look I didn't understand and left, leaving me alone with many questions.