Monday December 24
"You going crazy yet?" my dad teases as he stands beside me in the kitchen while I'm icing a batch of sugar cookies.
"I don't know what you're talking about" I reply with a coy smile.
"I mean you've gone three days without Josh. I'm surprised you haven't tried to sneak off yet" he says matter of factly making me roll my eyes as I lick a bit of purple icing off my finger.
"I don't need to be with him every second of everyday" I argue. "Good" my subconscious retorts, "because once he gets a record deal you'll never see him."
"What's bugging you kiddo?" my dad asks, noticing the change in my facial expression at my depressing thought. "You've seemed off since you got here on Friday. I thought it was just missing your man and your mom but I don't think that's all of it. Something we need to talk about?"
I sigh, dropping the tube of icing and bracing myself against the counter. "I'm being ridiculous. That's all."
"Kiddo I doubt that" he argues. "What's going on?"
I lift my gaze to him and turn around to lean my back against the counter. "Do you remember when you asked me what I'd do if I had to choose between Josh and dancing?"
"It rings a bell" he replies, crossing his arms over his chest as he looks down at me intently. "Why?"
I reach behind me for a cookie and bite the head off the snowman before responding. "There are tons of important people coming to his show on New Year's. I thought there was going to be time before he got a record deal. I hoped I'd at least be able to finish school with him."
"But now you think that he's going to get a record deal soon and you're not ready to make a decision between dancing and him" he guesses and I nod. "Kiddo" he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "I know I made you think you had to choose but maybe you could have both."
"Ha" I laugh. "Having a relationship while he's traveling the globe and I'm studying twenty-four seven will be impossible."
He smiles sadly, shrugging his shoulders. "Then I guess in the end you'll just have to follow your heart. Your mom and I worked our asses off to get you into that school but if I learned anything from losing your mom it's that life is way too short to be doing anything less than what you love and being with people that love you. Follow your heart kiddo. It's the best advice I can give you."
I smile, reaching forward and pulling him in for a hug. "Thank you dad."
"Anytime."
Tuesday December 25
"Oh my god" I exclaim as I open my Christmas present while my dad and I crowd around our small tree. "New ballet slippers?" I gape. "Dad these must've costed you a fortune."
"A small one" he agrees with a soft chuckle. "When your mom and I visited I did notice more than the boy attached to your hip. Your slippers are worn out and I know they're broken in and you might not be able to use these until next year but-."
"Dad I love them" I argue. "Seriously thank you" I insist, reaching forward to hug hum. "And here is your present" I smile, handing him the small box I had wrapped before I left campus.
He unwraps it carefully, pulling the lid off the box and I watch as his eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Is this a memory card?"
"You remember the camera you gave Riley when we were thirteen?"
"On Christmas" he nods.
"Well" I smile. "Over the years we've been filling that camera and thus that memory card with pictures of us. I think there's over ten thousand on there at this point" I chuckle.
"Why would you give this to me now?" he asks confusedly.
"For one, it's finally full" I chuckle, "and another thing" I add with a soft smile. "It has pictures of mom."
He looks up at me with tear filled eyes before looking back down at memory card as he fidgets with it in his hand. "Maya I love this."
"I'm glad" I smile. "Merry Christmas dad."
"Merry Christmas Maya."
Wednesday December 26
"Miss me yet?" Josh teases while we're talking on the phone. My dad had to work tonight so I was home alone and bored out of my mind.
"Terribly" I admit. "How was your Christmas?"
"Uneventful" he sighs. "It would've been much more fun if you had been there. Perhaps next year we can all enjoy the holiday together like we did for Thanksgiving. That was a good time."
"I know" I nod. "But it was nice to spend some quality time with my dad. Christmas was always a holiday I spent with my mom and Shawn, it just felt wrong to make some huge deal out of it just because my mom isn't around."
"Well I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday" he says sweetly. "But it doesn't make me miss you any less. Sunday could not come fast enough."
"Well you know" I trail off, "you don't have to wait until Sunday to come and get me."
"Oh yea? When would you suggest I come and get you?"
"Now would be good" I reply with a sly smirk. "I really miss you Josh." And I really want to spend time with you before you get super famous and forget all about me.
"Maybe I'll come get you on Friday then we can have MSA to ourselves, you know before our idiot friends show up."
I laugh, nodding my head. "That sounds perfect. Two whole days alone with you."
"Endless possibilities."
"Can't wait" I smirk, taking my bottom lip between my teeth.
Thursday December 27
"I knew that you wouldn't be able to make it until Sunday" my dad teases while I help him with the dishes while the Eagles game plays in the background. Since my dad was born and raised in Philly it was the only team we were allowed to watch.
"Whatever" I chuckle. "It's okay right? Me leaving early?"
"Of course it's okay kiddo" he assures me. "I always enjoy seeing you but you're an adult now. You have your own life."
"I know" I nod, "I just feel bad."
"Well don't" he argues, drying off the plate I hand him before putting it up in the cupboard. "We had a good time and now it's time for you to head back to MSA."
"Eagles touchdown" the television suddenly blares making a smile pull at my dad's lips.
"It's their year you know that?" he asks, nudging my shoulder. I laugh, rolling my eyes.
"Sure dad."
Friday December 28
"Pacing won't make the boy appear any faster" my dad teases as he watches me pace the living room floor. I was more than a bit excited to see Josh. It had only been a week but it felt like forever since I had seen him.
"You're not very nice to me" I complain making my dad chuckle. "You know if mom were here she'd hit you and tell you to stop messing with me."
"And then I'd tell her that I only mess with you because you're my daughter and I love you" he replies making a smile pull at my lips.
"I love you too dad" I agree as a car suddenly pulls up in the driveway. I turn at the sound of tires on the cement and an excited squeal falls from my lips as I pull open the door and skips down the steps, running towards Josh as he pushes open the car door and climbs out.
"Penelope" he exclaims as I fall into his embrace, hugging him tightly and breathing him in. Seven days really did feel like a lifetime when you're away from the person you love. "God I missed you."
"I missed you more" I argue making him chuckle as he kisses my temple.
"I highly doubt that's possible" he replies as we pull apart just enough to lean into each other for a long kiss.
"Alright you two. Save that for when you're off my driveway" my dad says causing us to pull apart. An embarrassed giggle falls from my lips as I pull away from Josh with flushed cheeks and a wide smile.
"Sorry dad" I apologize.
"Nice to see you Josh."
"You too Shawn" Josh smiles. "I hope you don't mind that I'm taking Maya back a little early."
"It was inevitable really" my dad chuckles. "You both go crazy without each other. And she gets quite annoying" he adds making my lips part in dismay.
"Dad" I gasp.
"You know it's true" he laughs. "It's fine Josh. Just drive safe and try not to let her get too wasted on New Year's."
"Yes sir" Josh nods, glancing over at me. "Are you ready to go Penelope?"
"Definitely" I agree. "Let's hit the road."
*************************************************************************************
"This place is like a ghost town" I observe as we walk the halls of MSA. It was weird to be back before everyone else; we were already coming home early for the concert but we had moved our return up even more. The place was literally empty.
"They could film a horror movie here during break" Josh agrees with a chuckle as we reach his dorm and he pushes the door open.
It's exactly as he left it when we left campus a week ago. A mess.
"You know it wouldn't kill you to clean up around here" I point out.
"I do clean" he argues.
"When?" I chuckle. "I think I remember seeing the floor right around when we had our first kiss" I tease.
"Alright smart ass. Keep it up and you won't get any more kisses" he threatens.
"That's not fair" I pout, taking a seat on his futon; the only surface besides his bed that didn't have clothes, homework, or empty cans littered on it. "I was promised endless possibilities."
He quirks an eyebrow at me, turning his full attention on me. "I did" he confirms. "But I was teasing."
"Oh so that wasn't an offer?"
"Did you want it to be?" he asks, moving to take a seat beside me on his futon. "I mean we've talked about it but-."
"But you aren't sure you want to" I guess.
"What? No" he insists, taking my hands in his. "I do want to but it's a big deal Maya. It's not something you can take back once it happens."
"And you think I'll regret it?" I ask. "Why?"
"I don't know Maya. There's a lot of unknowns in our future."
"Including being together?" I ask, suddenly wanting nothing more than to get away from him. I stand up and head towards his door in an aggravated huff.
"Maya stop" he insists, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back to look at him. "You're the one that filled my head with all this doubt. I love you and if I had my way, I'd never let you go but I can't hold you against your will. I don't want you to give this huge part of yourself to me if you're just going to leave me and wish you had saved it for someone else."
I smile softly, reaching forward to caress his cheek. "I don't know what the future holds Josh but I love you and I want to be with you in every possible way."
"You're sure?"
"So sure" I nod, leaning in to press my lips to his. He pulls back and glances up at his bed.
"We should go up there. It'll be more comfortable."
"Okay" I reply, my voice soft as I turn and walk up the small ladder while he opens the drawer of his desk and grabs something. I attempt to calm my nerves and quiet the voice in my head that says I should listen to Josh and wait but I love him and even if I eventually lose him I know I won't regret this. I want Josh to be my first and hopefully he'd be my last.
"You good?" he asks with a lopsided smile as he climbs up.
"Nervous" I admit, wringing my hands together.
"Don't be" he replies, grabbing my hands and leaning forward to peck my lips. "We'll do what you're used to and work our way up alright?"
"Mkay" I hum. He brings his lips back down over mine as he guides me back onto the mattress, slipping his hand underneath my top. Suddenly I realize I'm dressed for a long car ride and not a passionate night with my boyfriend. "Josh" I stop, pushing him back.
"What?" he asks worriedly.
"I'm not dressed for this" I admit making him chuckle as he looks down at me amusedly.
"Babe you don't have to be dressed for this. That's sorta the point" he argues making me blush as a giggle tumbles from lips.
"No I mean" I pause. "I'm wearing a sports bra and cotton panties. You're probably used to lingerie sets on girls with much better bodies than mine."
"Maya" he groans, dropping his head. "You are the girl I want" he insists, lifting his gaze back up to meet mine. "You're sexy in everything you wear. We can stop though if you want."
I bring my bottom lip between my teeth and sigh. "No I want to keep going."
"Okay" he smiles, slipping his hand under my bra as his lips come back over mine. I moan against his lips, wrapping my arms around his neck while he bunches up my bra and t-shirt, pulling back to pull them over my head. I collapse back onto the bed and he smiles, attaching his lips to my neck before trailing them down across my collarbone and lower.
"Ah" I sigh, arching my back off the bed. He trails his lips down my stomach and holds my hips down while his lips attend to the skin above the waistband of my yoga pants. "Josh" I gasp.
He brings his lips back to mine and kisses me senseless while I reach out to unbutton his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders and tossing it onto the ground before reaching for the belt on his pants. "Hold on baby" he says breathlessly, grabbing my hands and placing them at my sides while he reaches into his back pocket. He pulls out a condom and my heartbeat triples in my chest. "Okay go ahead" he chuckles as he places it on the bed.
I take a deep breath and unfasten his belt and his jeans before tugging them off his body. "You okay?" he asks, noticing the way my breath has accelerated.
"Nervous" I admit making a smile pull at his lips as he reaches forward to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Wanna stop?"
"No" I insist, shaking my head. "Just please go slow" I beg.
"I will" he assures me. "Just breathe Penelope. I love you, you know that?" he asks as he gazes down at me.
"I love you too" I reply, wrapping my arm around his neck. He smiles, bringing his lips back down to mine while his hands pull my yoga pants down my legs. He reaches for the condom beside me and breaks our kiss, sitting up.
I take the opportunity to catch my breath before he hovers back over me completely bare and pressing against me. "Ready?" he asks softly.
"Yea" I nod.
"Okay" he replies, reaching down to pull down my panties. "It's gonna hurt" he warns me.
"I know. Josh come on" I beg making him chuckle as he leans down and presses his lips to mine as we connect.
*************************************************************************************
"How's having the place to yourselves?" Riley asks making a blush rise on my cheeks as I hug my knees to my chest.
"It certainly has it's perks" I reply as Josh walks back into his room from his shower. "I uh I have to go Riles. I'll talk to you later" I add before hanging up and turning my complete attention to my boyfriend. "Hi" I say brightly.
"Hey" he replies happily, coming over to the futon to drop a kiss on my lips.
"How was your shower?"
"Not nearly as fun without you" he smirks. "How are you feeling?" he asks worriedly, looking down at me intently.
"A bit sore but nothing too bad" I reply honestly.
"Good" he breathes out in relief making me chuckle as he moves towards his dresser to pull out a pair of boxers.
"I told you I was fine" I giggle.
"Yea well I think your orgasm was clouding your judgement" he argues making me roll my eyes in amusement.
"Yea okay" I laugh. "I'm not made of glass babe. I can take a little pain."
"Yea but that's not how it'll always be" he reminds me as he plops down onto the futon beside me. "It'll be better next time."
"Next time? Presumptuous are we?" I tease making him chuckle as he reaches out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Perhaps maybe a little" he admits, gazing intently into my eyes. "Unless of course you've decided that it was too horrible to ever do again."
"Oh my god Josh" I groan in playful frustration. "This conversation is more painful than the sex."
"Alright I'm done" he insists, putting his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry. I just can't stand the thought of hurting you."
I smile, caressing his cheek as I lean in and leave a soft kiss on his lips. "I appreciate your concern and I love you for it but I promise that I'm beyond the point of being fine. I've never felt better in my entire life and I have never felt closer to anyone than I do to you right now. I love you."
"I love you too" he murmurs, giving me another short kiss. He pulls back and rests his forehead against mine, gazing into my eyes lovingly. "Don't leave me Maya."
"I'm not going anywhere" I assure him.
"Promise?"
"I promise" I nod. "I'm all yours."
"All mine" he hums, leaning back in and capturing my lips in a passionate kiss.
I don't want to lose Josh, he's where my world begins and ends. Losing him would mean losing myself but losing dancing would make me feel the same way and I knew in the back of my mind that sooner or later I would have to choose.
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