As I stare at the ceiling this late Saturday night, I begin to feel guilty and lonely. I'm beginning to wonder if running away from Jace earlier was really the best choice, when it's clear that my emotions for him run deep. I got scared, is all I can really say. My love for him goes beyond anything I've ever felt and the knowledge he has such a control over me frightens the ever loving wits out of me.
Even when I said I loved Eric, nothing felt like this. I'm jittery every time I think about it and a warm, fuzzy feeling fills me. Just saying it in my head makes me appear to be on cloud nine. Who the hell wouldn't be scared of that?
Strangely enough, it also makes want to vomit. It's overwhelming, hardly enough for me to bare on my own, so the sickening symptoms are full force whenever I go too far into what could happen if I ever let these feelings fly.
Back to being lonely, I know Jace has only stayed with me once, but I crave and miss it.
I'm going crazy. Absolutely insane. Because of him and only him which means he's the only one who could bring me back down to earth and claim my once pure soul.
I groan, rubbing my eyes. I feel completely sober, but I know that the alcohol still lingers in my veins. Despite this fact, I'm wide awake at nearly two in the morning and don't know how to handle myself. I'm torn between crying and screaming in frustration.
Or you could just go to the source of the problem-
What the...
That was weird and definitely not going to happen. I can't go to Jace, that would prove that I indeed can not stay true to my word and have no spine. I mean, that's crazy. My parents would never let me go out at this time of night and certainly not to Jace.
That's why you don't tell them.
My subconscious is evil as well.
Regardless, I begin to decipher it. Would it be so bad? I do need to talk to him instead of running away from our problems any further, and no one would ever know. Besides the fact that I have church tomorrow morning, but who cares. I'm not planning on staying the night.
With this in mind, I grab two sweatshirts to cover myself with, my boots and my phone and keys before going to the window. Jace has gotten up here once before, so it can't be that hard.
I lick my lips and look down at the ground below me. Swallowing nervous I declare that maybe it will be, being on the second floor definitely is not meant for this. I look over to my left and notice a wooden latter. When I stare a little close I also notice that it's just outside of Caleb's window. Oh so that's how he sneaks out all the time.
I really don't know what I'm thinking right now, especially as I go into my brothers empty room and climb out of his window. The little sneak really knows what he's doing.
I land in the snow, my breath visible in the cold air, and immediately take off for my car. I probably shouldn't be driving after my night of drinking, but I think it's pretty much worn off so I should be good.
I probably don't even have to drive since he's just around the block, but either way I make the short trip over there and park a house down. I blink into the empty night and really begin to think about what I'm about to do.
Live a little. Braylee has told me this more than enough times, and I'm finally taking them to heart. I don't want to have to look back on my teenage years and regret the chances I never took. I don't want to have the feelings of wanting to redo everything.
Nodding my head to encourage myself, I step out of my car and walk to the window of Jace's room. How I remember this is beyond me, I've only been in his room once.
Now I have to try and get his attention, for all I know he could be sleeping. I go to throw a piece of ice at his window, when I nearly pee my pants.
"What are you doing?" I must spin around at nearly one-hundred miles an hour because I swear I have whip lash now. My heart could more than definitely beat out of my chest, if it weren't for the fact that it's Jace, it probably would have.
"Jesus, Jace," I breathe, squeakily. I place my hand over my heart and glare at him. "Why would you sneak up on me like that?"
He still looks utterly confused by the sight in front of him. "Probably because you're standing outside of my window at nearly two o'clock in the morning, Nina."
I accept this and clasp my hands behind my back, feeling very uncomfortable now.
"Why are you here?" He asks, almost seeming pissed off at the thought. I furrow my eyebrows at him.
"Why do you think, Jace?" I scowl. "I wanted to talk to you."
He raises an eyebrow, unbelieving. "Sure you're not here to see Eric?"
Okay, maybe I'm not the crazy one.
"Why the hell would I be here for Eric?" I question, completely appalled.
"I don't know," he sounds exasperated. "Maybe because last time I saw you, you ran away crying. I figured that that was the signal of you being done with me."
I mean, I don't blame him for thinking this, but it also doesn't make sense as to why I would be here for Eric. Does he really think that low of me?
"Did Eric say something to you?" I question, starting to feel as if there's more to his assumptions.
His jaw clenches, which basically confirms my suspicions. "No."
"You're lying-"
"Just drop it, Nina," he snaps, nearly glaring at me.
"No," I retaliate. I'm sick of everyone telling me what to do, and trying to keep things from me. It's getting really old. "I'm not going to drop it. I'm done being everyone's door mat, okay? I came here to talk to you and apologize for what happened earlier, but I'm not going to be kept in the dark. I'm through with being that person who you can easily push aside and lie to. So tell me or Goddammit I'll leave and never turn back."
I like the way I sound.
"I don't like when you swear," He rasps, running a hand through that bronze hair of his. I gape at him, out of all the things I just said... "It doesn't sound right coming from that mouth of yours."
My cheeks heat despite my frustration towards him and I shift from one foot to the other. "That's grand coming from you."
He smirks slightly and looks into the distance. It's silent for a few moments, but I remember why we were arguing in the first place.
Our dynamic makes me motion sick.
"Now answer my question," I demand.
"Wow, you're pushy tonight." I shrug and he rocks his jaw back and forth. "Fine, as long as you come to my room."
I narrow my eyes at him. "Alright, but we're only going to be talking."
He smiles smugly and turns towards the entry way. I see him look over his shoulder with a smirk and I shake my head before following him.
The house is quiet when we step in, but I know Eric and his parents are all here. That's if their cars are any indication. I feel my heart pumping with adrenaline, the darkness adding to the feeling.
I walk ahead of Jace as he closes the door and locks it, looking around as if I can really see much. I feel him behind me seconds later, lips close to my ear. I swoon slightly, but try to keep my mind on the task at hand.
I turn slightly and give him a look to which he rolls his eyes and begins up the stairs. Walking by Eric's room is weird, having hope that he really isn't in there, but also knowing that he most likely is. I try to pay it no mind and proceed to my destination.
Jace turns on the lamp and closes the door, taking his own sweet time in taking off his leather jacket. I sit on his bed, my feet hanging over the edge where I continue to ogle him. He is a nice specimen.
"Want a picture?" He asks with sarcasm in his voice, but that ego of his shows through perfectly. I resist the urge to roll my eyes.
"Don't make me ask again, Jace," I sigh, getting tired of waiting.
"Someone is inpatient," he remarks and begins pulling his shirt over his head.
"Someone is stalling," I bite back and he snorts. "Come on, Jace. Enough of the games."
"Fine," He lets out a breath. "First I'm going to ask you something, though."
I raise an eyebrow.
"How far have you gotten with Eric?" I nearly choke on air. That was definitely a question I never thought would come out of his mouth. Plus I thought this was an answer everyone already knew.
"You already know-"
"I want to hear you say it," he orders, voice hard again.
"Eric and I," I take a deep breath. "Only kissed. And not like, make out or anything, just kiss. Lips on lips type of thing."
He narrows his eyes.
"For god sakes," I groan. "Would you tell me what's happening? Clearly Eric has said something to you and you're taking forever to tell me what it is."
"He told me you've given him head before," he looks angry as he says it. I feel like I'm going throw up. "And he was describing how you sound when you come and-"
"Okay, okay," I stop him before the bile has a chance to escape my mouth. "But why would he just say that? I mean, you don't actually believe him, right?"
He swallows. "Not really, but I started second guessing everything, I mean we've never had a conversation like this before."
I nod and silently agree with him. "So, you don't know why he'd just randomly tell you this?"
He grimaces and faces away from me. More secrets I'm guessing.
"Jace," I call out to him. "What happened?"
"You're going to be mad," he lets me know. I'm stunned. I stand up quickly and step in front of him so I can see his face.
"Tell me," I instruct.
He looks at the wall behind me, head cocked to the side in a way I can only describe as nervousness and worth.
"If you don't tell me then I'm leaving," I repeat, being one hundred percent truthful.
"Don't," He pleas, grabbing my arm to ensure I don't.
"Then tell me."
A second goes by and I make a move to leave where he pulls me back and starts talking.
"The night after I was at your house - when I told you everything - Eric was waiting for me. He knew I was with you, and assumed you fucking kicked me out. Which wasn't false, but I couldn't take him thinking shit. I denied it and he began telling me how you'll end up leaving me and going back to him, I couldn't take it. The thought made me fucking sick."
I listen intently and wait for him to complete the story before I talk.
"So I snapped and told him that you deep throated me. Then he said all those things and we got in a fight-"
I raise my hand to slap him, but he grabs it just in time.
And then I snap.
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Heyyyy!!!! Another update for you guys ;) I love the way the story is going so explains why I'm updating every chance I can.
What do you think? Are you surprised Nina actually went to Jace? Did it turn out the way you thought? What'll happen next?
Don't be a silent reader!!
Enjoy. Love you all <3
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