yixing;
it hit me hard seeing sehun when the doctor showed me him with chanyeol, he looked madly sick and he seemed to be having a major headache. sehun saw me but he didn't seem to be that convinced and he just kept mumbling to himself.
"doctor..." i widened my eyes. "he needs your help!" i yelled.
chanyeol suddenly yelled sehun's name out loud. sehun didn't look so good, my heartbeat increased rapidly at the sight of oh sehun. i ran towards him because i couldn't stand seeing him suffering like that...i could feel the tears forming in my eyes.
sehun collapsed all of a sudden, his breathing decreasing. chanyeol yelled his name several times, but sehun didn't even move a muscle. chanyeol put an arm around sehun's waist to help him stand up. "doctor!" chanyeol husked.
i put sehun's arm around me without hesitating, giving chanyeol a bit of support from the body weight. it felt weird to feel sehun's touch after so long...i panted so hard and cried from the panic attack he gave me. the doctor called all the nurses to treat sehun.
they took him away from me.
they didn't let me see him for a while.
i waited outside the room, my hands shaking and my head spinning. i couldn't hear anything besides the voices in my head telling me that sehun's going to die soon. i shedded more tears than before silently. this is all my fault.
chanyeol went outside of the emergency room to see me with his arms crossed. "so, you came..." he said after the long awkward silence. "he's never happy without you."
"the doctor says he's having depression, almost losing his mind...i can't do anything about it." chanyeol told me. "but you can cure him, yixing."
"please, i really need to see him..." i wiped my tears away.
"you can come in whenever you're ready though...i understand how you feel." chanyeol said sympathetically. "but sehun's still under treatment inside. just wait."
"chanyeol, can i ask you something?" i leaned against the wall. he nodded. "i shouldn't feel this way towards him anymore, i thought i was over him. i tried to reject helping him, but i can't do it...im tired of feeling this way. i still care about him. why?"
"that means, you still have feelings for him." chanyeol said. "you know what? you're strong, yixing. you held on even when sehun broke your heart too many times." he brushed my shoulder. "you sacrifice yourself for him and i respect that."
"i don't want that to happen again, chanyeol..."
"i don't want us to start all over again."
-
"zhang yixing and park chanyeol. you can come in." the doctor said. i fell asleep waiting and chanyeol woke me up.
"are you ready?" chanyeol gave me a look. i nodded hesitatingly.
"remember, yixing. do whatever it takes for sehun to believe in you." the doctor adviced.
the doctor left the room to us three. sehun was peacefully laying down on the bed with his hands on his stomach. i was glad to hear the heartbeat monitor working, he's still alive. his eyes were closed and i was afraid to step closer but chanyeol encouraged me.
"sehun..." i muttered quietly. "why are you like this?"
i sighed and stood beside him, close enough to see his chest heaving. "you know, im not gonna be here any longer..."
"so please look at me like you used to and say that im real. im here to help you, sehun...im not gonna stay here, i can't. not after what you did to me..." i said. sehun flinched a bit but his eyes were still closed.
i glanced at chanyeol, he had his arms crossed the whole time and told me to try again until he wakes up. "hold him." chanyeol said. "he'll remember your touch."
i hesitated for a minute and stared at his pale face. i held his hand and felt the spark igniting inside me, the adrenaline rushing. "sehun, please..." i brushed his cold hand with my warm thumb. "you can hear me, right?" his heartbeat monitor increased rapidly.
chanyeol and i waited for him to wake up. i sat on the chair beside the bed and didn't realize i was still holding sehun's hand until chanyeol stared at it. i let it go and coughed. i looked at sehun's attractive white face for so long...i just couldn't believe i was there to see him.
"remember the days when we promised to be there for each other? i still do. im right here by your side. when we used to care for each other even when little things got hurt. it all started during camping, if i knew back then, i wouldn't want to come. i wouldn't be your partner, i wouldn't be your friend. i wouldn't fell for your stupid small actions. i wouldn't be your lover..." i muttered to sehun. "the point here is, i never broke our promises. not once or twice like you do. i miss the old you." i said.
chanyeol stayed silent and watched us like he was watching a scene in typical dramas. chanyeol almost teared up but i shrugged it off.
"im not putting all the blame on you, sehun. apart of it is my fault too, i shouldn't have accepted this scholarship. things wouldn't happen." i sighed. "however, i don't know why my stupid self came back to you right now. i shouldn't be here. your ex-boyfriend shouldn't be here. but you need me, and i-" i stopped.
"nevermind."
i took a glance at his right hand. he still kept his ring on. the promise ring. i felt somehow touched. i saw in the corner of my eye, another shining golden ring. that was my ring. he still kept it?
"that's yours, right?" chanyeol asked. "sehun brings it everytime with him, keeping it inside his pocket. he said it's still yours, and nobody's replacing it. it's a memory of you. you're one of the people who means so much to him, he doesn't even do that to his own dad..."
"you should've thrown it away..." my voice wavered when i said it like i was about to tear up.
-
"i need to go back to jackson after this. sehun still hasn't woken up." i said worriedly.
"forget jackson, sehun has serious mental issues right now." chanyeol furrowed his brows.
"chanyeol, jackson's hurt too-"
"fuck it, sehun's more important." he interrupted. "it's not like jackson's going crazy, right?"
"you don't get it." i argued. "i'd rather help jackson who doesn't break my heart like sehun does."
chanyeol went silent but still looked pissed at me for my decision. i better hurry and help sehun right now or never. "sehun, it's me, yixing." i said. i touched his forearm and trailed it down his hand. "i want you to know im here...please." i begged.
i didn't expect sehun to hold my hand back, wrapping his hand around my hand and squeezing it tightly. i got a little shocked and taken aback. "sehun, look at me please...im real. you're not hallucinating anymore. im here for you." this time, i meant it.
sehun half opened his eyes and blinked several times because of the brightness. he curled his hand more inside my hand and turned his head to look at me. i gave him a faint smile and he still didn't look convinced. "it's me..." i said. "it's okay."
he searched for chanyeol and he gave him a look. "yixing's here again, hyung..." sehun thought he was hallucinating again.
"sehun," chanyeol said. "it is yixing. he's real this time. you're not hallucinating, just trust me sehun. you need to."
"it feels different..." sehun mumbled. "he's warm..." sehun sat up from his bed, staring at me weirdly. his eyes turned soft when they met mine. he cupped my cheek hesitatingly and brushed it. "yixing?" he gasped.
"yes, it's me." i said, smiling a bit. "im real, sehun. you can feel me. you remember my touch-"
he suddenly pulled me tight into a hug. he wrapped his arms around my waist and i froze. chanyeol raised his brows. i hesitated to hug him back. "yixing..." sehun teared up. "you're here." i patted his back and put a hand at the back of his head, rubbing it softly.
"um, maybe i should leave you guys some time alone." chanyeol said, winking at me.
"wait!" i called but he already left us alone.
"why'd you come back for me?" sehun asked, still not letting me go. "why don't you just leave me forever?"
"you needed my help, that's why." i said. "now that you see me, will you get better?"
he stood up and i had to look up at him, i missed how i used to look up at him back then. our hand still intertwined and he tucked my chin up. "im not sure if i will get better without you." he stared into my eyes seriously. that gaze.
"i can't stay here, sehun. i have to go after this. this will be the last time we meet..." i said as i looked into his eyes.
"you can stay here. im not letting you fucking go...you're not just gonna come and go." he had glossy eyes. "don't leave me." he whispered.
i looked down from his gaze and looked at our hands linked. "we can't do this anymore, you know that sehun." i slipped my hand away from his hand.
"then, stay. be my cure. heal me." he pleaded. "that's all i ask for."
"make me." i said.
"please stay." he stared at me.
"no. see? you can't make me stay-"
i suddenly felt a pair of lips touched mine as he wrapped his hand around my small waist and pulled me closer. i didn't respond to his sudden kiss but he kissed me for so long like he needed it. "i missed you babyboy," he hitched his breath in the middle of the kiss. i decided to kiss him back after a while and snaked my hand on the back of his head. he scrunched his eyebrows, he was feeling it so good. "let me love you right." he traced my jawline.
my heart leaped a few times. i missed how his lips felt like, how it tasted like strawberries...but i realized what i did was wrong, so i pulled back and pushed his chest slightly away from me. "no..." i widened my eyes. "get off of me." i furrowed my brows.
"...your lips distracted me." he avoided my eye contact shyly. "i'll go even more crazier if you leave me." he asked.
i thought about it for a long time.
but i heard a loud camera snap sound interrupting my thoughts and a flash blinding me. turns out, it was chanyeol capturing sehun and i kissing just now. "oops." he hid his phone quickly.