| No Love Attached |
chapter twelve : gatsby
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My reflection stared back at me like an old friend giving a pep-talk to another. Her amber eyes were hopeful, her skin radiant. Hollow cheekbones that made other women green with envy. Full, pink lips men dreamed of kissing. Honey colored locks that people paid thousands to replicate.
She was beautiful.
Stunning, really.
When you looked closer, you could see she maybe wasn't so breathtaking. Her skin was radiant because she spent four hundred dollars on moisturizer. Her cheekbones were hollow because she could barely eat. Her lips were chapped and hadn't be touched in years.
She was angry.
Angry at herself. How dare she be ready to let go? Was three years, ten months, and twenty-three days too soon?
I sighed, staring back at this woman. This woman whose future was once filled with so much love.
Often I think, what would I want if I was dead and Josh was still here? Would I want him moping around, soaked in guilt for having a drink with a woman four years later? Just to be alone forever?
Yes, yes I would.
And then I think, what would Josh want?
Well, Josh was a way better person than I. He would tell me in that sweet voice of his, how ridiculous I was being. He'd say he wanted me to be happy without him. Encourage me to be with someone else, even. That's just the kind of human being Josh Lewis was. Too kind for his own good. Yet, taken from this world. And for what?
I stared at myself in the mirror for another minute before starting my makeup for the party.
Tonight I was going to leave sad, bitter Vera behind. I would be the long gone, fun, care-free woman I once was. I've been a drag at parties for the last four years. This new year was going to be different.
My eyes were lined with a warm brown color, making them pop a more green shade. I added false lashes and painted my lips red. It'd be a while since I wore anything other than nude lipstick. My hair was in tousled beach waves partly because I didn't know how to do much else with it.
Just for the hell of it, I decided to try on the little maroon number Anthony urged me to wear. The idea soon went out the window when the dress couldn't even get pulled over my ass.
Note to self: lose five pounds.
I had settled on a tight black, strapless dress that landed right under my knee. It was hugged my figure so tightly, it looked like it actually sucked my rib cage in. Hence, those five pounds looked like they suddenly shed off.
Anthony and his boy-toy of the week Klaus who couldn't have been older than twenty-four, picked me up in a black SUV.
"Hot as fuck!" He screamed out the window as I walked to the car. They were already drinking champagne and seemed to be drunk. The driver kept his eyes on the road no matter how many crude jokes or screams emerged from Anthony and Klaus. "As fuck. Don't you love that? Klaus said everyone says it,"
I took a big swig of Anthony's glass, leaving it almost empty. Champagne wasn't my favorite. I preferred the hard shit which I know there will be boatloads of at the party.
Damon's holiday extravaganza was at his estate in the Hamptons. Which to everyone's expense was a good hour and a half outside of the city. But no one cared because it was equivalent to parties you'd only read about in books and there was an open bar.
The estate was a gigantic, beige stone castle of sorts with miles of hedges around the perimeter. When we pulled up in a line behind dozens of other black SUVs, all of our doors were opened for us. We were then greeted by waiters with Santa hats, handing us a red colored cocktail. I graciously accepted and guzzled it down in no more than a minute's time.
Oh man, Damon had really outdone himself this year. Or should I say, his decorators did. There was a twenty-foot Christmas tree in the center of the foyer dressed with the most marvelous gold ornaments. Lush tinsel and greenery wrapped along the bannisters of the doubled grand staircase. Glittery wreaths hung from every marble wall, as did mistletoes in each doorway.
Hundreds of guests filled the downstairs area, but because it was so large, you could barely tell there were more than fifteen bodies. Anthony was already whisked away by friends. So, I was now entering the lion's cage alone.
My best bet at the moment was either finding Penney and Damon or the open bar. Both were my friends. Both would make me happy. To the right, I spotted the happy couple at the top of the staircase. Penney was in a shimmering, red dress holding onto Damon like he was her trophy. I started towards them until I noticed who they were talking to.
Leo and some blonde who was hanging all over him.
I quickly turned back around. But that wasn't before Leo's eyes fell on mine. The rest of them didn't see, but he did. His eyes were scanning the room like they were searching for something -- or someone.
So, the bar it is. Alcohol would make me happier, anyway. I said a few hello's on the way to acquaintances and friends, telling them I'd catch up with them in a bit.
Mostly because I couldn't bear to tolerate people in general without some liquid joy.
"Vera!" Someone called over by the bar. It was Matthew Lewis standing with none other than Alec James. I hugged Matthew a bit tighter than I should have.
"Matthew! So good seeing you." I smiled. Alec mumbled a hello as he gawked at my body, sending waves of disgust through me.
"Alec was just telling me what a fantastic job you've been doing over there. He says he's no longer needed in London, that you're perfectly capable." Matthew gave me a genuine, proud smile. My heart swelled a bit. It's always been hard between Mr. Lewis and I since Josh. There just this somberness when we spoke. This understanding that something tragic happened and neither of us could talk about it.
"Is that true, Mr. James?" I spoke with an edge, looking him dead in the eyes.
Alec's smug disposition could make a massive room like this barely breathable. He threw back his drink and said, "I'm afraid so, Miss. Larson. Why? You going to me miss me?"
My body was now hot with anger. It was taking every bone in my body not to claw his face off at this very second. He sharpened me like a knife.
"Can't say that I will --" I was about to tear him apart in front of Matthew but here was not time nor place. "If you'll excuse me. I'll catch up later, Matt," I said, giving his forearm a squeeze.
The bar was made of the finest marble, but I didn't care about that. What I cared about was the extensive alcoholic beverages it contained. Couples and friends all hovered the area, talking and joking in their exquisite attire.
"Whiskey sour, please!" I shouted over the festive music to the bartender.
A hand found its way to the small of my back. "We have to stop meeting like this."
I didn't even have to hear the man's British accent to know who it was. I could tell it was Leo just by the way his touch sent shivers up and down spine.
"I'm beginning to think you stalk women at bars," I said, taking a sip of my drink as soon as it was handed to me.
He brought his glass of bourbon up to his lips, chucking. "You think I'm stalking you? How is that so?"
I sipped my drink again before swallowing the rest in one gulp. My eyes betrayed me as they feasted on him like he was my next meal. Something was different about him tonight. His sea green eyes favored more blue. They were so piercing, I'd never seen anything quite like it. Their iciness made me feel as if he could see right through my dress and skin. His usual scruff was gone, making him look a few years younger.
He couldn't have been much older than me. Maybe thirty five or six. I had never bothered to ask.
A black suit with a red pocket square clung to his body like a second skin. His wrist frosted with a Rolex that cost more than most make in their entire lives.
I ordered another drink.
"If anything I'd say you're the one stalking me. You are staying in my hotel, after-all," he continued and ordered another drink as well.
"I had no idea!"
"Sure, hon," He winked. It sent the taste of vomit up my throat watching a grown man with billions wink. "If I saw that bastard boss of yours ogling at you for one more second, I would have beat the shit out of him."
I believed him. He had no problem punching a man for Penney just a couple of weeks ago. The small battle scar above his brow still evident. I had the urge to rub my thumb over it. But I didn't have nearly enough alcohol in me to do it.
"I doubt your little girlfriend would appreciate that."
My tone was sharp and my tongue bitter. The taste of my words surprised me. I swigged my third drink like it was nothing, finally feeling a nice buzz.
A curious smile took over his face. "Girlfriend?" He mocked.
I nodded, "The blonde who's been hanging on you all night."
"Oh, you mean Stacey? She --"
"Stacey. Of course her name is Stacey." My eyes rolled at thought of "Stacey" and her platinum extensions and fake lips.
"Jealous much?" He played, now standing dangerously close to me.
I scoffed, "Not in the slightest." Mentally, I punched myself for letting my words be tinged with envy.
His arm slithered around my waist like a serpent entering the garden of Eden, bringing our bodies against one other.
Now, this was this closest my body has been to a man's in years. It excited and disgusted me all at once.
He pressed his soft lips to my ear, his warm, minty breath sending tingles to every nerve in my body as he spoke. "You know you're the only woman in here worth talking to."
My mouth opened to muster a reply, but I was drawing a blank. His face lingered close to mine, those hypnotic eyes boring into mine.
"Leo! Are you going to keep this lovely lady all to yourself or introduce me?" A loud confident voice broke the little bubble Leo and I were in.
Leo immediately broke away from me completely. I did my best to shake off whatever the hell I was feeling physically and turned to the man. I could have hugged this stranger for interrupting us. One second longer and who knows how hard it would have been to grip onto my morals.
This blonde haired man was dressed head to toe in custom Armani. I could tell by the fabric. His bright smile and loud chuckle captured the attention of the guests around us. He reeked of money and importance. Similar to Leo and Damon, I suppose.
"This is Vera. Vera, this is my business partner Aaron Fitzgerald."
He took my hand and shook it confidently. I watched as his eyes flickered from Leo, to my body and then back to Leo.
"Nice to meet you," I smiled politely.
"I can assure you the pleasure is all mine. So, how do you know my dear friend Leo?"
Leo and I's eyes found each other for a brief second. Almost looking for how to reply.
"Long story," Leo said.
"Through Damon and Penney," I answered at the same time.
In that moment, Damon and Penney approached. Like a guardian angel had sent them to save me from a conversation I no longer wanted to be in.
"Speak of the Devils and they shall appear." I gave Damon and Penney both pecks on the cheek, careful not to get red lipstick on them.
Her red dress glistened like diamonds in direct sunlight.
"What a party, Mr. Gatsby," I joked to Damon.
This caught Aaron Fitzgerald's attention. "Literature buff?"
"Something like that."
"Oh, she's just modest. She's head of Lewis & James," Damon piped up.
"Oh wow. My great, great, great uncle wrote Gatsby." He replied. Well, he did have the last name. Suddenly, I was beyond intrigued.
"That's incredible. Do you write too?"
"No, I wish. But you know, I do have some of his unpublished works if you want to take a look sometime?"
My heart dropped. Holy shit. F. Scott Fitzgerald's unpublished words and this man was kind enough to offer them to me.
"Oh my god! I would die." I drunkenly laughed of excitement.
Leo cleared his throat over the music, clearly bothered by something. But I was too amazed by the possibly of seeing these manuscripts to care or notice.
"Well, let's set something up. Maybe dinner?" Aaron smiled brilliantly.
Without lacking haste or anger, Leo abruptly stormed out of the group. Going deeper into the party until he was out of sight. Aaron continued talking but I couldn't concentrate on him any longer no matter how hard I tried.
Leo and the pepper up hair ass now had my full curiosity.
"You can just swing by my office whenever." I tried to get dinner off the table in the least rude way I could. I would much prefer a meeting but if a dinner was what I had to do to get my hands on those pieces of work, then dinner it was.
I excused myself. For some reason, something was urging me to find Leo. I hated every morsel of my being for it. It wasn't to converse with him. It was to find out what the hell his problem was.
He could not just go around saying things like that and touching me. A part of me knew it wasn't his fault. He was just being himself. It's not like he had any idea about Josh. But it needed to stop.
The alcohol was burning my skin as I walked through the crowd, the music too loud for my drunken ears.
I made many trips and turns trying to find a quiet area and hopefully Anthony to knock some sense into me. Finally, I made my way into an empty room that was far enough away, I could hear myself think.
But then the world did this thing if often liked to do to me.
Put me into the worst situation possible.
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Author's Note: hey guys! Hope you liked this. I'm so so excited for this next chapter. It's a continuation of this one. Please consider voting and commenting is you enjoyed. :)