Alex
Glancing at my phone for what felt like the thousandth time this week, I bounced my leg impatiently. I wanted this damn interview to be done so I could get out of the camera's eye at last.
Jake had set up this interview with a talk show host he had worked closely with in the past to control the gossip mill. It was, however, insufferable to sit through. Being asked questions about my sexuality and love life when I was none the wiser to what was happening at the moment myself was excruciating.
"Waiting for a text from somebody?" The interviewer teased, flashing her straight white teeth and winking at the camera exaggeratedly.
I looked dead at her with an unimpressed, bored expression. We were not friends so I don't know why she was trying to come across that way. The only reason anybody came on these kinds of shows was because they had to promote something or damage control a PR incident.
These were the worst gigs to do.
"Checking the time." I deadpanned, "I'm counting the minutes until this is over."
"Gosh, you are too funny, Alex." The host laughed, slapping my knee.
Her slap was a little too hard and out of the corner of her eye, she was shooting me a warning look to keep it light. It was a similar one to the one that Jake had been shooting my way all week.
The live audience laughed along, prompted to by a laugh track. I cringed internally; it wasn't a joke.
"Well, we've just wrapped filming on my latest film, so I'm anxious to receive confirmation I can talk about certain details." I gave a workshopped response, my tone rehearsed.
I knew from past experience that this host liked to try to connect with guests on a vulnerable level to get click-bait titles for videos and thumbnails of celebs crying or sharing a hand-hold or hug. It made me sick to my stomach when she'd tried it with me in the past; it was like she exploited a formula to break down these people to profit from their vulnerability.
It was all just fake.
Including me, I guess, since I was playing into it, too.
I faked my way through the rest of the interview, gritting through it with a smile and a polite demeanour. The host seemed please with my milquetoast presence because she didn't try for a nauseating vulnerable moment. Perhaps she remembered how poorly it was received last time. People don't come to me for vulnerability; I'm the face of a killer, after all.
We closed up the interview and she moved on to filming her next segment with her next guest. Jenny handed me a black coffee as I moved to the dressing room, which I thanked her for. Jake was sat there already, typing away on his phone.
I slumped into the chair at the dresser, staring at myself in the mirror. It felt as if all of my usual resentment for some of the aspects of my job were amplified this week and I felt like an imposter in my own skin.
"You look like a teen girl who's discovered a zit." Jake eventually looked up from his phone, catching my expression in the reflection of the mirror.
I didn't respond, wiping off the makeup that had been slapped on my face with a wet wipe. Jake and I weren't exactly on speaking terms. We had to, obviously, for work, but it wasn't civil. I largely blamed him for things going so badly with Dylan. He made him feel so unwelcome because he couldn't shut his trap for five minutes.
Could my life not be just mine for one date?
I felt lately like I was being controlled more than managed. How it had become this way, I wasn't sure, but my own apathy towards life definitely played a hand in allowing it to happen. I did as I was told and grumbled about it quietly. It was pathetic.
What else would I spend my life doing, though? All I had was work.
"Still ignoring me, then." Jake huffed, going back to his phone.
I grit my teeth, rubbing more furiously at my face to get the makeup off.
What had happened with Dylan was stuck in my head like an endless loop. It was worse when I was trying to fall asleep; I couldn't stop thinking about it. Jenny had commented on my eyebags and Jake had recommended I start taking sleeping pills since he had connections to some private doctor.
I was liking Jake less and less as of late.
After Dylan hadn't responded to my text asking that he let me know he got back safely, I had gone to his dorms to check that he was okay and had brought some medicine, since he had said he wasn't feeling well.
Kai had been the one to answer the door, looking so solemn that I had thought that something had happened to Dylan. Well, it had, but not what I had imagined. Not a car crash or something.
"Alex..." Kai had began, glancing around as if worried we would be overheard.
"Dylan left suddenly and said he wasn't well. Have you heard from him; is he okay?"
Kai had closed the door behind me, but had not invited me inside further than the corridor of their flat. He let out a deep sigh, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall behind him with a wary look. Every time I had seen him, he was always so jolly, so it was weird to see him so sombre.
"Alex, Dylan's in his room. Sleeping." Kai began, "He needs to be alone for now, though. I've rang his parents and they're going to come and collect him so he can spend some time at home for a while. It's not my place to tell you any more than that, but I wouldn't take this as a reflection on you. Dylan is... He gets overwhelmed sometimes and just needs the space to recuperate. The world can be a lot for him. Give him time and space, and then maybe he'll tell you about it himself."
"Is he okay?" My voice broke with heavy emotion.
"Right now? No, honestly, he's not." Kai sighed, "But he will be. The kid is resilient."
Kai's words had stuck with me and I had thought about every little thing that could have made Dylan feel that way and came to the conclusion that it could have been anything. Everything, even, since I was sure it wasn't just one thing that had caused him to become so overwhelmed.
I just wished that I could help, but from Kai had said it seemed like the best thing I could do was to keep my distance for a while. It was hard, but I knew that whatever Dylan was going through was a hell of a lot harder. So I was sucking it up and sulking through it.
"Your sister texted me, by the way." Jenny appeared at my side, "She says you've been ignoring her texts. Would you like me to say you've been busy, or..."
"No, it's fine. I'll text her back."
Opening my messages, I had a lot of unopened ones. I hadn't been bothered about texting anyone back in my slump of a mood. Admittedly, my sister had been texting me to have dinner ever since the coming out incident.
She knew I was gay, of course, but her texts told me that she would have liked to have known I was going to come out before it was brought up in one of her interviews. To be fair to myself, I didn't know it was going to happen before it did, either. Jake surely would have liked some kind of pre-warning.
Me: Sorry. Dinner tonight?
"You're going to dinner with your sister tonight? That's good, keep up public appearances. Don't answer any paparazzi questions, though. It might be good to go to the new restaurant that opened down West steet; they've invited you for appearance a couple of times now."
I ignored Jake.
Angelica: I understand. You must be going through it. Pizza at Rays?
That brought a smile to my face.
"She wants to go to Rays."
Jake's snapped towards me and he let his phone drop to the sofa, coming to look at her message. It had been so long since any of us had gone to Rays but at one, rather dark, point in our youth it had been our regular spot. The three of us would sit there for hours on end, chatting about nothing and eating our body weight in pizza.
"Is the food good there, or something?" Jenny seemed confused, obviously having never seen Jake break his PR façade before.
"You shouldn't be eating pizza; Michael wouldn't approve." Jake seemed to remember who he was and returned to his PR personality.
Standing up, I placed both hands on Jake's shoulders and vigorously shook him.
"I'm sick of PR Jake." I cried, "I want my best friend back."
"Alright, stop it." Jake pushed me off of him, "I suppose it has been a while."
Jenny looked at the two of us, probably wondering what the fuck had gotten in to us for us to act like this.
"Can you believe that Amelia has never been before?"
Jake whistled at that, realising just how long it had been. It was then that I realised I had ignored poor Jenny's question.
"Are you free tonight, Jenny? You're welcome to come." I extended the invitation, noticing the way her eyes stayed on Jake.
"I don't have any plans." Jenny finally looked away from Jake, meeting my eyes.
"Off we go, then." I led the way, heading for Jake's car since he had driven.
I let Angelica know we were on our way there and Jake began to drive us, remembering the way by heart despite the fact it had been so long. Somehow Angelica had arrived before us and was already sat with Amelia in a booth seat, talking to Ray himself. As he saw us enter, he shuffled out of the booth and extended his arms wide for a hug.
Jake and I stepped into the hug and despite the fact Ray could barely reach us from our height, he squeezed us tight. He then bonked our heads together, tutting in the disapproving old man way he always did.
"You don't come for years now that you're a big shot, eh?" Ray chastises us, but we know his anger is only pretend.
I did feel bad about that, especially seeing him look so hunched over and grey, but the thought hadn't crossed my mind to come here in a long time. Work kept us all so busy these days.
"And who is this? Jake's girlfriend, at last?" Ray spotted Jenny hiding behind us.
"My assistant." I spoke up, since the two of them had turned a bright red colour and were unable to respond without making an idiot of themselves.
Taking a seat in the booth, I ruffled Amelia's hair and picked up a menu. Nothing had changed since we had first started coming here. In that case, I knew exactly what I wanted and my saliva glands began to water just thinking about it. I had been on a diet for far too long.
"One spicy buffalo chicken XL, one blue cheese and barbeque XL and one XXL Greek." Ray listed off our regular order, "What about our newest members of the gang?"
"Spicy buffalo, please." Amelia spoke up, her voice quiet.
"She takes after her uncle, I see." Ray laughed, which made a flicker of pride spark in my chest.
I actually didn't know that my niece liked spicy food. As Ray took Jenny's order, I turned to talk to Amelia.
"You're going to love it. Ray's pizzas are the best." I told her, making her eyes go wide.
I suppose I wasn't always the most talkative, so it was understandable that she was surprised.
"Mum says spicy food is disgusting, so we never get to have it at home." Amelia pouted.
"I'll take you to all the best places. You leave it with me." I promise her.
Turning back to the group, Jake and Angelica were in wild conversation, catching up on everything they had been up to.
"I knew Alex would invite you." Angelica laughed.
"We're actually arguing at the moment, so he's lucky he got an invitation." I filled Angelica in.
"You two have always bickered." Angelica rolled her eyes, "Put it behind you."
"Alex has caused a complete shit show at work and he blames me for..."
He was very quickly cut off by a stern look from Angelica. Despite being the youngest, she had always been the one in charge. She always got her own way and it was no surprise when she became the CEO of a company; she'd spent her entire life bossing us about.
"Jake has to take a shot every time he mentions work." Angelica declared, slamming a shot in front of him.
"And for every text he sends." Jenny added shyly, which received a roaring laugh from Angelica.
"That is not fair." Jake grumbled, "In that case, Alex has to take one every time he checks his phone for a text from a certain someone."
"I don't think either of us have a liver strong enough to withstand that much alcohol." I shook my head, sliding my phone into my pocket to resist the temptation.
"Bring it on." Jake smirked, handing his phone to Jenny.