© Jojo B 2018
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Snakes and Splinters
4
It was Saturday morning and I was up early.
I didn't have any classes on the weekends, but I did have work. However before that, I had my weekly counselling session which was about twenty minutes away from home on the tube.
Stretching my limbs slowly, I uttered a content sigh before beginning to disentangle my legs from Walter's. He was still sleeping, just in his underwear despite the cold temperatures. His upper body was bare and actually very warm. I had difficulty tearing myself away from him.
"Coral?" Walter murmured, his voice huskier than usual as he battled to open his eyes. His hands searched the still warm bed sheets where my body had been lying.
Smiling at him fondly, I got out of the bed and walked round to his side to give him a kiss on the head. Walter rolled over to face me and his lips turned upwards at the edges as he slowly opened his beautiful hazel eyes. I stood there in a loose t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, with a beam on my face. Part of me wanted to stay with Walter in bed all day, but I knew that I needed to go.
I often enjoyed my counselling anyways. I learnt more about myself and my counsellor was a lovely woman who was very open and accepting. A couple months into my sessions, she had revealed to me that she too had been abused as a child. Many years on, however, she was happy and healthy and that gave me even more encouragement. One day, hopefully soon, I'd be able to completely move on and leave the horrors of the past behind, like she had.
"Do you have to go now, baby?" Walter moaned sleepily.
"Yes," I sat down next to his body and ran my fingers through his thick hair. "Are you training today?"
Walter nodded, closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of my fingers in his hair. We wouldn't see each other until about 5pm, but we'd make up for the lost time later. Sometimes we had random weekdays off at the same time and literally spent the whole day together. It didn't happen often, but I loved it when it did.
"Don't strain your body too much," I said to him. "Please, Walter."
Walter opened his eyes again and looked up at me, still lying on his side, "I'll be fine Coral. I didn't even get hurt that much from the other night anyway."
"I've seen the bruises, Walter," I said, my eyes gazing down at his bare and beaten torso. "Just take it easy."
"Yes boss," he smiled and then sat up to hug me close to him. "Have a good day."
"Thanks," I leaned into him. "You too. I'll see you in the evening."
***
After a half hour journey, I was walking up to the building where I had my counselling sessions. I started my counselling sessions about seven months ago. At first, the sessions consisted of me and my counsellor, Pandora Andris, getting to know each other. It was important for me to feel that I was able to trust her, otherwise I wouldn't open up and the counselling wouldn't be very effective.
We got on well and I told her my story about a month in. She had listened carefully and given me the warm hug and tissues that I'd needed when the tears had come. Her words of encouragement had made me feel like I was capable of beating the fears from my past.
During the six months that followed, Pandora had been helping me make sense of my fragmented memories. She had said that fully understanding what had happened would help me to work out how I coped with it.
With her help, I realised that one of my coping mechanisms was my shy personality and lack of self-confidence. Previously it had been worse, but now I was getting better at holding conversations with customers at work and other students at art school. I thanked Hayley and all the boys for that. So many years without a proper family had made me very closed off and unwilling to trust or commit to anyone. Hayley had always been trying to get me to open up and when Walter came into the picture, I finally started to understand the true the meanings of friendships, and later, romantic relationships.
Recently, Pandora had told me that she herself had also been sexually abused when she was a girl. We'd both shed some tears during that session. Looking at Pandora, I could see that she was very strong and had fully recovered from what she'd endured as a child.
I wanted the same for myself.
Within the time she'd been counselling me, I'd come so far. I no longer felt alone, first of all. Yes, Hayley, Walter, Carlos and Ario knew about my past, and the others may have had an idea about it, but I'd never been able to tell any of them the details like I'd told Pandora. I didn't think they'd be able to handle it and telling at least one person really did make me feel better. It made me feel less disgusting and ashamed. It wasn't my fault, what had happened to me and I wasn't to blame. I'd never said any of those things out loud, but inside I had sometimes thought it...that somehow, I had deserved the treatment my father had given me. I now understood that wasn't true.
Greeting the receptionist on my way in, I sat down in the sitting area and waited for Pandora to come and call me in. As normal, I was a few minutes early. Looking around at the calm environment, I waited patiently until Pandora opened the door to her private room and smiled widely at me. I got up to my feet and made my way over to her.
Pandora Andris was in her early forties and she had a dark, shiny bob haircut that shimmered as much as her polished red nails. She had on a matching red necklace that looked like bright painted pebbles against her tanned skin. Her maturity was only visible through the subtle things like the faint smile lines she had on her face. She was beautiful woman with warm brown eyes, eyes that I could look into with reliance.
"Hey there, Coral," she gave me a hug.
"Hey," I smiled back after pulling away.
"Come on in," she said and I walked inside.
I took a seat on the leather sofa and Pandora sat in her armchair. There was a coffee table in the middle of the room and a box of tissues as well as a plate of biscuits.
"How have you been? Would you like anything to drink?" Pandora asked me as usual.
"I've been good, and yourself? And yes, some tea please," I smiled as I gave her my usual answer.
"Good thing I've already heated the kettle up," she grinned and reached for it on the small table beside her.
Pandora asked me how my week had been whilst she made me a cup of tea and I told her that it had been pretty standard. I was busy these days and I quite liked that. Like every session, everything we discussed was confidential and Pandora wasn't allowed to tell anyone else. She often took a couple notes and had already explained that they were to help her decide the most effective way of helping me.
"And have you had any nightmares or flashbacks?" she looked at me as added a teaspoon of sugar to the tea.
I shook my head, "Not in a while actually."
Pandora smiled and handed me the mug of hot tea, "That's good to hear."
"Thanks," I smiled as I took it from her.
"So, how's Walter?" she asked me.
I couldn't help but beam, "He's good, focusing on his boxing a lot these days, which is great. He and I are still taking things slow, but I do feel more comfortable with him."
"That's brilliant," she nodded in encouragement as I took a drink of my piping hot tea.
Pandora wasn't supposed to give me direct advice on what to do with my life. She was only there to ask questions and guide me in finding the answers to my problems. I talked to her about Walter a lot, but I mentioned nothing about the gang or even the Santiagos. Pandora had no idea that the abusive father I talked about had been their boss and was now dead. Phoenix had said that I couldn't speak a word about any of that stuff and I had already planned not to, before I even started the counselling.
Today, we spoke more about my relationship with Walter and how he had calmed down a lot since I'd met him. His brothers sometimes mentioned that Walter had changed and that his temper was shorter, because of me. He still fought with his brothers, especially Eli, but he wasn't as explosive anymore. I guess it depended what the fight was about, but either way, nothing extreme had happened for a long while.
I told Pandora that Walter was like an anchor for me to hold onto whenever I had bad dreams. It was also because of him that they were so rare nowadays. She asked me where I thought the relationship was leading and I had shyly admitted that I saw myself spending the rest of my life with Walter. I just knew there was no one else out there who I could love more. We completed each other.
"You're very lucky to have a man like Walter," Pandora said to me as our forty-five minute session came to a close.
I grinned. I always thought of Walter as a boy, but he was actually a man now. Not just because he was nineteen, but because he had matured in the last year that I'd known him and to be honest, he was one of the best things that had ever happened to me. I loved him.
"Thank you," I replied.
"You should bring him in one day so I can meet him," Pandora grinned. "I bet he's gorgeous."
I blushed at that and shrugged, "I like to think he is."
She chuckled at my modest answer and I set my empty mug of tea on the coffee table before getting to my feet. Pandora stood and gave me a hug before walking me to the door of her room.
"Give me a call if you need anything," she said to me before I left. "I'm always here to talk if you need me."
"Sure. Thank you," I said. "I'll see you next week."
"Take care, Coral," she smiled.
"You too," I returned it.
I left the building feeling like life had a brighter filter on it and I made my way to work, hoping that time would pass fast so that I could spend some time with Walter again.
***
Four hours into my shift at the Dartfish, I was surprised to see Landon come in. He spotted me behind the bar and smiled, making his way over to sit at one of the empty bar stools. It was early afternoon and it had been fairly constant all day, as it was a Saturday. I'd been filling drinks at the bar and tidying up in between, whilst trying my best to tolerate Tiffany and her nauseous behaviour towards any man who laid eyes on her. She and I still didn't get along, but she now knew that whenever Walter was there, he was off limits to her shameless flirting. Landon, on the other hand, may have even played along.
"Nice to see you here," I said to him as I wiped down the small spillages on the side. "You okay?"
Landon nodded and smiled again, "How are you doing?"
"Better now that you're here," I chuckled. "Today has been long and tiring. I could do with someone to make me smile. Not that I'll even have much time to talk."
"That's fine," Landon said. "I don't want to get you in trouble anyway. I just needed a break and thought I'd come here and see how you were doing."
"That's so sweet," I smiled at him and Landon half smiled back, seemingly amused by how happy that had made me.
Tiffany, who had been coming out of the kitchen in the back carrying bowls of chips and onion rings, saw Landon and immediately pushed her chest out. Her shirt was already very tight on her and the buttons were undone pretty low. Landon glanced at her full cleavage before looking away, uninterested it looked like. That was a change.
"Would you like anything to eat or drink?" I asked him, ignoring Tiffany as she flaunted past to serve orders.
"A beer would be nice," Landon said, reaching into his pocket for his wallet.
I got out a clean beer glass and filled it up to the brim. Setting it out in front of him, Landon thanked me and took a gulp. He put the glass back down and sighed. He didn't look as cheerful as he usually was.
"What's wrong, Landon?" I frowned faintly.
"Nothing's really wrong," he replied. "Don't let me distract you from your work."
"It's fine," I insisted. "Tell me what's up."
He sighed and leaned his elbows on the side of the bar top, rubbing his hands down the sides of his face. He had a graze across one of his cheekbones and a dark bruise under his other eye. His lip ring was still intact, I'm pretty sure he took it out before every fight. I wouldn't have put it past any of the Santiagos to pull it right out of his bottom lip if they had the chance.
"I just kinda feel like shit," Landon mumbled. "I hate breaking it off with them, it's the worst part."
"Oh," I realised what he was talking about.
In a way, Landon's lifestyle was a bit like Tiffany's, yet I disliked her and I liked Landon. Maybe that was because Tiffany wasn't as friendly as Landon was, or perhaps it was because I knew Landon and I didn't know her. To me, Landon was more than just a player, he was like a brother. I had completely no clue about Tiffany's life outside of what I saw at work. In an essence, I was realising that maybe I shouldn't judge her so lowly when I barely knew her. Was this me saying that I should actually try to get to know her?
"Coral," Tiffany returned to the bar with a scowl on her face as she snapped at me. "That guy over there is waiting to be served."
Then again, maybe not.
After serving a couple more customers, I managed to get back to Landon's side to continue where we left off. He was drinking his beer as he looked off into space.
"Who was this last girl?" I asked him.
"Just a girl I met in town," Landon shrugged. "Very pretty and she knew it. It didn't take long to get into her pants, she literally forced herself onto me...but even so, I hate it when they cry. It makes me feel so bad."
"Have you ever been in love?" I deeply surprised Landon by asking.
"What do you mean?" he stared at me with his wide brown eyes.
"Out of all the girls you've ever been with, have you ever been in love with any of them?" I rephrased.
"Well..." Landon blinked. "I-I don't think so. No. I haven't. Why?"
"Well," I sent him a little smile. "I think one day you'll meet a girl, a girl who doesn't want to just sleep with you, a girl who wants to actually get to know you. What I'm saying is, you're going to fall in love someday and all the things you're doing now, you'll stop doing. You'll stop breaking people's hearts and you'll stop hurting yourself too, Landon. I know Walter tells you all the time that sleeping around isn't good for you. I think so too. Psychologically, I think you're damaging yourself. You can even end it now, if you wanted."
"It's hard," Landon sighed after listening to me silently. I could tell he'd really been thinking about what I'd just said.
"You don't have to stop right away," I said with a soft smile. "Take it step by step."
"I don't want to stop at all," Landon looked down. "I like the sex part, but not when they get clingy."
"Would you ever want a long-term relationship?" I questioned him. "Like a real girlfriend, not one of your 'one week' ones?"
He paused as he thought about it, "Yeah, I guess someday."
"I'm telling you now, that kind of relationship is better than what you're doing," I sent him an encouraging smile. "As long as you get the right person."
Landon finally cracked a smile, "I see all this counselling you've been having has made you an expert. Thank you."
I widened my smile, "No problem, I just want to help."
Landon nodded and finished his beer, "When do you finish?"
"Two more hours," I replied.
"I'll keep you company," he said.
I glanced over at Tiffany who was watching Landon as she filled a glass. Landon followed my gaze and Tiffany looked at him through her lashes and chewed on her bottom lip as if that was the most attractive thing to do.
"It looks like I won't be the only one who'd like that," I turned back to Landon and we laughed.
***
In the evening, some hours after dinner, the boys got ready to go out on patrol. I was pretty sure Landon had a gun on him and the triplets were upstairs still deciding what to take. Walter sighed when Phoenix gave him a look. He didn't want to go after spending such little time with me today, but there wasn't any need in fighting with Phoenix over it.
"Its fine," I started to move so that he could get up off the sofa.
Walter looked at me, "It's not fine. I want to stay with you."
"I know," I sent him a little smile. "So do I."
I stood up and Walter did likewise. On our way to the stairs, I saw Eli putting spray cans into his pockets. Maybe it was time for them to do some retouching to their 'art' that was scattered all over West side.
"Can...can I come?" I stopped in front of Eli and asked.
He looked up at me with a blank expression, "Are you sure?"
I nodded and Walter frowned, "Coral, it can be dangerous."
"Only if you're trespassing in Santiago territory," I said. "But if we're just using spray cans on our own turf, then there's no danger."
"We?" Eli had an amused smile on his face.
I smiled at the two of them, "Let me come with you guys, please?"
Walter and Eli shared a look and then Walter nodded at me.
"Okay," he said. "But you stay by my side. I don't want you getting into any kind of trouble."
"Thank you," I grinned at him and ran for the stairs.
I didn't have any weapons and I didn't want to carry one anyway. Pulling on a black hoodie, I hurried back down the stairs, passing a chuckling Walter as I went. Eli was still in the hallway as I shoved on some shoes and put my coat on over my hoodie. It was cold at night.
"Do I need gloves?" I asked Eli.
"Why are you so excited?" he smiled again, his dimples showing.
"I've never been out on patrol with you guys before," I grinned back.
"That's true," he nodded. "It's not usually fun. I get pretty tired unless we run into the Santiagos...or the police. Whichever comes first, I guess."
"Fair point," I stopped smiling so much.
Eli laughed quietly and Landon and Phoenix came to join us.
"Hurry up," Phoenix barked at the boys who were still upstairs. "We're about to go."
"You're coming?" Landon widened his eyes when he noticed my coat and shoes.
"Yep," I nodded. "That's okay, right?"
He nodded, "Sure, but you have to be careful. Run whenever we say run, okay?"
"Run from what?" I frowned.
"Police," Landon said.
"We'll be out for hours," Phoenix said to me. "Are you sure you want to come?"
I looked at him carefully. He didn't seem annoyed about me coming, but then again, he was so hard to read.
"I want to come if that's not a problem," I replied.
Phoenix and I weren't particularly close, but he didn't hate me like he used to in the beginning. I knew I'd won his trust and the scars on my little finger told me that he'd accepted me as one of his own, part of the family.
Walter came down the stairs with his hoodie already over his head and the triplets came down after him, holding more spray cans.
"I guess if we meet any Santiagos on our side, we can't exactly shoot at them in front of you," Landon said.
I raised my brows, "Yeah, that won't be necessary."
"Tonight is more about graffiti anyway," Giovanni assured me. "It's less boring."
I nodded at him and Severn came and handed me a couple cans.
"You're good at art," he grinned at me. "You should definitely have a go."
I smiled back, "Okay, cool."
"Let's go then," Phoenix grumbled and went and threw open the front door.
The wind was sharp and we walked with our shoulders hunched. I would have held Walter's hand, but to withdraw my own from the warmth of my pocket was something I wasn't willing to do. We walked for a couple minutes until we started passing the residential areas. It was dead quiet and the Simpsons barely spoke. I realised that even when I used to hear the gunshots at night when I was living in my flat, I rarely ever heard voices. I guessed that was them trying not to identify themselves, although everyone already had an idea who was responsible.
"This one is old," I heard Eli murmur as we passed a brick wall on the side of the street.
Under the illumination of the nearby streetlight, I saw the seven headed snake painted on the wall and S.S written in blocks underneath.
"It's good, who did it?" I asked them all.
"Giovanni and Landon," Severn answered. "They're the best drawers. The rest of us just fill in the lines and do a bit of shading here and there."
"I can't even get that right," Walter said with a smile. "I stick to the really basic shit. Why are you smirking Eli, you're just as bad as me."
"I wouldn't say I was that bad," Eli only shrugged.
I noticed Phoenix walking away and no one said anything. I wondered if that was the norm. To be honest, I didn't really see Phoenix as a graffiti artist anyway and the fact that he hadn't argued that he was the best at it, meant that he didn't really do it at all.
"Where's he going?" I whispered to Walter.
Walter's gaze followed his brother, "To take a walk, I guess. Things are getting difficult lately, he's stressed."
I knew that was as much as Walter was going to tell me and I didn't mind, although I did wish that things could be made easier for Phoenix. It was as if he never really caught a break. Same for Carlos, I guessed.
My attention was brought back to the rest of the boys when Landon started spraying over the old graffiti. He too was holding a cloth to his nose and mouth and Eli used the torch light on his phone to help him see more clearly.
"Coral, you have some of the green shades, right?" Severn turned to ask me.
"Yeah," I nodded, checking the cans in my pockets.
"Come fill it in," he waved me to come closer.
"Use this," Walter pulled out a thick cloth from his pocket.
"Thanks," I said and held it to my face the way the boys were.
Walking up to the brick wall, I took one of the brighter shades of green to start filling in the body of the snake Landon was going over in black. Crouched on the floor, Giovanni was already retouching the S.S with reds and purples, whilst Gomez used white to highlight it. I shook the small can of paint in my hand, then I pressed down on the nozzle and started to spray it over the faded colours. I felt a bit of a rush, being out here in the middle of the night, vandalising government property. Part of me also felt bad, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying it. I guess I'd changed. I wasn't such a good girl anymore.
It took about half an hour to complete the work and for the entire time, the sounds of the spray cans being shaken and then sprayed was all that could be heard. Standing back at the finished job, I nodded to the boys.
"It looks good," I said.
Landon nodded in agreement, "I like this one. It's one of our firsts."
I smiled, "Memories, huh?"
The boys smiled and nodded.
"Next one then," Giovanni started walking ahead.
We spent hours roaming about West side, even going through the run-down neighbourhoods and spraying our gang's name on the sides of walls and blocks of flats. We even went by my old place. I yawned countless times and I was sure my eyes would have been burning from lack of sleep if it weren't for how pumped up I was feeling. We hadn't seen any Santiagos, thankfully, but whenever there was the slightest movement, I'd feel my heart rate pick up. Usually it was some sort of animal, a city fox or a cat.
We'd just finished touching up another painting when Gomez flipped his empty spray can in the air and failed to catch it. It made a painfully loud clattering sound that echoed along the quiet street. Gio and Severn started laughing at 'how cool Gomez had thought he was' and we all shut up when we saw someone's light come on. Their window was open, but the curtains were drawn so we couldn't see anyone and I doubted they could see us very well either. It didn't stop my heart rate from rocketing.
"I'm calling the police you rats," shouted a hoarse voice of a female.
I looked at Walter with wide eyes and he seemed completely unaffected by the threat.
"Wake up the whole neighbourhood, why don't you?" Gomez called back. "Have some respect, seriously."
That earned a grin from Landon and quiet sniggering from Gio and Severn who would back Gomez up no matter what. That's what the three of them did, they were a team within a team. The boys didn't seem worried, not that they ever did, and I forced myself to relax.
"Let's just go," I murmured to them.
Walter scowled, "Who the hell does she even think she is?"
"I hear someone coming," Eli said suddenly, his green eyes glinting in the gloom of the night.
"That's our call," Landon laughed and he started running.
"Come on," Walter grabbed my hand.
It wasn't a panicked run, it was fun. All of us were grinning as our feet slapped against the grimy, uneven pavement blocks and I didn't hear anyone chasing us. It must have just been another fox, but we weren't hanging around to find out. Not only was vandalism a crime, but the boys were carrying weapons and that wouldn't have been taken so lightly by the law enforcement.
"Severn, don't slow down," I grabbed his hand when he started to lag.
He chuckled and kept running. My heart was squeezing in my chest, filled with excitement. So that was what it felt like to break the law. I felt a little guilt wash over me when I admitted that I liked it.
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