Chapter 7
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Padabog akong umupo sa aking swivel chair at saka sumandal doon. Isang beses lang siya tumawag at hindi na naulit pa.
I massaged the temple of my nose.
I was already floating in the middle of stress because there was still a pile of work that I needed to finish, but look at me, prioritizing my problem with Jace than with the company.
I didn't know why he was even my top priority, when I knew that I wasn't even on his same fucking list.
Maybe I should try to rearrange my priority list first and put the company on top. Jace can manage to be on the second spot.
Kinuha ko ang aking cellphone mula sa drawer at saka tiningnan ang notification doon na mayroon siyang missed call sa akin.
I bet Elle will be so proud of me. Her best friend who was insane for Jace didn't answer his call. I managed to ignore it! That's a first!
Never have I imagined myself ignoring Jace's calls, but I did.
Muntik ko namang maitapon ang aking cellphone nang may pumasok sa mensahe galing sa kanya. Halos atakihin ako sa puso!
From: Jace
Did you receive my portfolio?
I bit my lower lip while reading his message over and over again.
Why don't we try to piss him off, huh, Zarina?
I decided to not answer his message.
Hindi ko alam kung saan ko nakuha ang lakas ng loob at pati na rin ang pagtitiis na aking ipinakita sa hindi pagsagot sa mensahe ni Jace. Kulang na lang ay ipagpatayo ko ng rebulto ang aking sarili dahil sa nagawa.
I didn't even know that I'd be able to resist Jace, but I think that this was already the extent of what I can do.
Avoiding to touch my phone and gave in to temptation, I let myself got drown in paper works that was needed to be done. I did my best to learn everything about the company. And while I was too engrossed with work, I heard faint knocks from the door and heard my secretary's voice filled the room.
"Ma'am..." nag-aalangan niyang pagtawag sa akin.
"Hmm..." I hummed while my eyes didn't leave the papers in front of me.
"Nandito na po ang snack ninyo..." sabi niya.
"Just place it on the coffee table. Thank you," I simply said and kept myself busy.
"And, Ma'am..."
"Let me handle her, Rose. Thank you."
I immediately halted from everything that I was doing when I heard that icy voice which sent shivers down to my spine. It gave me frightening chills, but it was also ironic how the cold manage to make the butterflies inside my stomach flutter.
"Okay po, Architect Sy," she said before I heard the door shut.
Napakagat naman ako sa aking labi bago unti-unting nag-angat ng tingin kay Jace.
His cold and dark brooding eyes were darting stares at me, and I just smiled in response to fight the cold and make the atmosphere warm somehow.
"Jace!" I called him and shock was still evident in my voice. "Didn't know you'll come..."
"I was here earlier," he simply said.
"Ah... Yes! Sabi nga ni Rose, pero ang sabi niya rin ay umalis na kayo ni Engineer Horan noong makarating ako. Hindi ko alam na babalik ka. Sana nagsabi ka," sabi ko naman.
"I texted and called you," he said, and I can feel him blaming me for something.
"Oh..." Kinuha ko ang aking cellphone sa may drawer at nakitang may isang bagong mensahe siya at pati na rin ang tawag. "Nasa loob ng drawer ang phone ko at nakasilent. Hindi ko na nalingon."
Buti na lang at hindi masyadong halata ang panginginig ng aking kamay habang pinapakita sa kanya ang aking cellphone.
"You seemed so busy..." He raised his eyebrows on me.
"Need to review these paper works." Inilahad ko ang mga papel na nakakalat sa aking lamesa.
Halos mapasandal naman ako sa aking upuan nang bigla siyang humakbang papalapit sa akin. Pigil-pigil ko ang aking paghinga nang tumayo siya sa harap ng aking lamesa at kinuha mula sa nagkalat na mga papel ang kanyang portfolio na aking nakaligtaan.
Oops?
"I came to give you my portfolio," he sternly said and placed the portfolio on top.
Maagap naman akong tumango dahil sa biglang pagtigas ng kanyang pagbigkas. Kanina ay gusto ko siyang magalit at mainis, pero ayoko pala.
"Alam ko... Nasabi rin ni Rose sa akin," sabi ko naman at nagsimula na akong mag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya.
Sinulyapan ko siya sa gitna nang pag-iwas ng tingin at siya'y nanatili lamang ang halos naninigkit na mga mata habang nakatitig sa akin.
"Rose said that you were with Engineer Veñegas earlier for a lunch date... That's Bench, right?" he said, slightly accusing me of something I can't pinpoint.
"Hindi lunch date 'yon!" agad kong pagtanggi. "Lunch meeting 'yon. We talked about business. Sinabi ko sa kanya ang tungkol kay Engineer Horan."
Muli naman siyang nagtaas ng kilay sa akin at bahagyang lumayo sa aking lamesa. It was like I was given an access to breathe when he stepped back, only to take my breath away when he suddenly leaned forward. He supported himself by pushing his palms on my desk.
"Next time, invite Isha and I. He would also need to meet his team for this project of yours," he slightly scolded me.
"E, 'di sa susunod..." sabi ko na lang.
He stepped back once again and stood straight while his eyes never left mine.
"Your father invited me again for a dinner at your house. He said that your Mom wants to meet the Architect for your project," he informed me.
Bahagya namang nanlaki ang aking mga mata. Wala akong ka-alam-alam na roon siya sa bahay magdi-dinner. Alam kong gusto ni Mommy na makilala ang nakuha kong arkitekto dahil sa kanyang pagdududa sa kakayahan nito pero hindi ko alam na mamayang gabi na iyon. Daddy never told me anything.
"I'll wait for you to finish your work. Sabay na tayong pumunta sa inyo," sabi niya at saka naglakad patungo sa sofa upang umupo.
He made himself comfortable there like he wasn't really planning to leave my office anytime soon.
Siguro ay kaya siya bumalik agad mula sa pagpunta nila ni Engineer Horan sa Cavite ay nang dahil sa imbitasyon sa kanya ni Daddy.
I wondered when will I ever stop assuming when he was already shoving to my face that I will never have a chance with him. Titig niya pa lang ay tila mga salita nang nagsasabing ayaw niya sa akin.
"You should've brought Engineer Horan, too." I can't hide the bitterness dripping on my voice and averted my gaze back to the papers. "Mom should meet her, too."
"She's tired from our site visit in Cavite. I asked her to just rest at home," he casually said.
Ngumuso naman ako upang pigilan ang sarili sa pagngiwi.
Kung makapagsalita siya na pagod na si Isha ay kala mong nagbuhat ito ng ilang sako ng graba o kung 'di kaya'y tumulong sa pagbubuo ng mismong gusali. Panigurado namang sinilip lang nila iyon at nagbilin sa mga manggagawa.
"How was your life in New York?"
Muli akong napatigil sa pagt-trabaho nang magtanong siya patungkol sa aking buhay sa ibang bansa.
Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya at ngayon ko lang nakita ang kanyang kuryosong ekspresyon. It was very rare for him to show any kind of emotions.
"It was hard to leave at first..." panimula ko. "Ang hirap ding mag-adjust pero nakaya ko naman noong nagkaroon na ako ng mga bagong kaibigan."
"No one knows that you'll stay there for good..." he said. "Even my twin thought that you'll just have a vacation in New York."
Umiling naman ako. "Alam ni Elle na roon na ako mag-aaral ng kolehiyo," sabi ko. "Hindi ko naman kasi naisip na kailangan ko pang ipagkalat ang pag-aaral ko sa ibang bansa."
"Hindi mo man lang ba naisip na magpaalam sa ibang mga naging kaibigan mo?" tanong niya sa akin.
I bit my lower lip and shook my head.
Bumuntong hininga naman siya bago kumunot ang kanyang noo.
Gustong-gusto ko siyang kuhanan ng litrato habang nagpapakita ng iba't ibang ekspresyon dahil minsan lang ako mapaunlakan ng ganitong biyaya.
"Your father said during our dinner before that you didn't like the idea at first. Na ayaw mong sumama talaga patungo sa New York pero bakit pumayag ka?" Bahagyang tumaas ang kanyang boses ngunit hindi ko naman alam kung nagagalit ba siya o naiinis.
I smiled despite the pain of the past that was making its appearance on my heart and mind once again. Muli kong naalala ang pangako ko sa kanya na aking binali dahil hindi ko siya nagawang makalimutan. Ang tanging nagawa ko lang ay ang lumayo.
"I realized that it was for my future..." I said before I stared straight into his eyes. "At 'di ba... nangako ako sa'yo na lalayo na ako at pipigilan ko na ang nararamdaman ko? I just fulfilled my promise to you alongside with my first reason. Naisip kong madali kong makakalimutan ang nararamdaman ko sa'yo kapag lumayo na lang ako." Pero hindi ako nagtagumpay...
His lips parted when he heard my answer, but he immediately pursed it into a thin line.
"Kung ganoon... bakit ka pa bumalik?" malamig niyang tanong sa akin.
Those words hit like an arrow that went deep into my heart. I wasn't able to dodge it and prevent myself from getting hurt because of his question. His cold stares were even pushing it deeper, making it bleed more.
"I came back for our company..." And also, for you. Even if you didn't want me to.
Bago pa ako tuluyang makapagdesisyon na bumalik sa Pilipinas ay naisip ko na ang aking maaaring datnan sa aking pag-uwi.
I slightly assumed that made me fly above the ground, but I was also prepared for my fall with nobody on the ground to catch me at all.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko pa nagagawang humarap sa kanya nang hindi bumubuhos ang luha kahit na paulit-ulit na pinira-piraso ng kanyang titig ang aking puso. It was amazing that I still wasn't breaking down. Siguro'y ito na ang pinapangarap kong maging manhid na lang para mapagpatuloy kong mahalin siya hanggang sa mapagod na ako nang hindi nasasaktan.
He smirked at my answer before he nodded.
"I just hope that you did succeed in keeping your promise," he told me. "Kung hindi ay para saan pa ang paglayo mo, 'di ba? At matagal ka rin namang nawala."
The only thing that I have right now is my pride. Kung ganito ang iniisip niya sa akin ay hinding-hindi niya ako mapapaamin na hanggang ngayon ay siya pa rin ang pinaglalaanan ng damdamin.
Nagsumikap naman akong ngumiti at saka tumango. "Oo naman," sabi ko gamit ang buong lakas ng loob upang mabigkas ang mga salita. "Gaya nga ng sabi ko no'ng reunion, puppy love lang 'yon. I was too childish back then. I realized how stupid I was while chasing you all the time and begging for your attention. Narealize kong hindi naman ganoon dapat."
It was funny how I can think of saying these words, but I can't even do it.
Kumuyom naman ang kanyang panga bago ngumisi sa akin. "That's great, then..." sabi niya. "Buti at narealize mo iyan."
Kahit hirap na hirap na ako ay nagawa kong mapanatili pa rin ang aking ngiting suot. Mabuti na lang at tumunog ang aking cellphone sa gitna ng katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa.
Damn... I told him that my phone was on silent mode.
Sinulyapan ko siya at nakita kong nagtaas siya ng kilay. "Mukhang may tumatawag sa'yo."
"Ah..." Hilaw akong ngumiti at nakitang si Daddy ang tumatawag sa akin. "Tumatawag si Daddy."
Tumango-tango naman siya at saka kumuha ng magazine sa may ilalim ng coffee table. Mabilis ko namang sinagot ang tawag.
"Hello, Daddy?" nag-aalangan ko pang pagsagot.
"Za, I just wanted to tell you that I invited Jace for a dinner later," he told me.
"I know, Dad... He's here inside my office," sabi ko at muling sumulyap kay Jace na ngayo'y abala sa pagbabasa ng magazine.
"Oh! That's good!" Tumawa pa si Daddy. "Actually, nakiusap ako sa kanya na isabay ka na pauwi sa atin."
"Dad, you don't have to do that. I have my car," katwiran ko naman at bahagyang nakaramdam ng hiya.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit kinailangan pang pakiusapan ni Daddy si Jace na isabay ako pauwi na dahilan kung bakit siya napipilitang makasama ako ngayon. Paniguradong nahihiya siyang tumanggi kay Daddy.
"It's okay, Za. He agreed," sabi ni Daddy. "Ipapakuha ko na lang kay Manong Leonardo ang sasakyan mo kaya huwag ka ng mag-alala pa."
Napabuntong hininga naman ako. "Sige po, Daddy..."
"Great! See you at home, my princess. I love you," malambing niyang pagpapaalam.
"Love you, too, 'ddy..." sabi ko naman at saka napangiti.
He told me to take care before he finally ended the call. I lifted my gaze back to Jace who was still busy reading the magazine.
"Uh... Jace?" I called his attention.
His brows shot up as a sign that I got his attention.
"Uhm... Pasensya ka na kay Daddy. Hindi ko alam na ipinabilin niya pa pala ako sa'yo. Kung gusto mo ay huwag mo na akong isabay pauwi sa amin. Dala ko naman ang sasakyan ko," nahihiya kong sabi.
"It's fine with me," he simply said.
"Pero alam ko namang ayaw mo kaya―"
Sinira niya naman ang magazine na binabasa bago nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. "Sino ba ang nagsabi sa'yong ayaw ko?"
Nanuyo naman ang aking lalamunan at hindi ko mahanap ang mga salitang dapat kong isagot sa kanya.
"You'll ride with me and that's final," he said with finality. "Just focus on your work now so that we can go home already."
Napalunok naman ako at agad na tumango-tango bago ibinuhos ang buong atensyon sa trabaho para makasama na pauwi si Jace.