Noah froze.
Casimir laughed, the soft sound filling the air. "Next question." He teased, snapping Noah out of his reverie.
"Next question? What do you mean next question?" He demanded, still not fully able to comprehend what was going on.
"I mean, it's time for the next question." Casimir said with a laugh, and Noah shot him an incredulous look.
"You're joking right?"
"Why would I be joking?" Casimir asked innocently, leaving Noah speechless.
"Because- because-.." He spluttered, unable to form a coherent sentence. "Jesus Cas, you can't just say shit like that and expect me to ignore it!"
"Who said anything about ignoring it?" Cas said, voice low and even.
Noah stared at Cas, dumbfounded. Casimir was hitting him with a whole range of mixed signals, and Noah's brain was fried.
"But you.. you just.. you said next question-?" He struggled, throwing his hands up in the air with confusion.
He was so overwhelmed with emotion and questions, his mind struggled to comprehend what was happening.
"Who said anything about ignoring it?" Casimir repeated, leaning in and bringing his face dangerously close to Noah's. His voice dropped even lower, a feat Noah hardly thought possible.
"What are you doing?" Noah breathed, unable to stop his eyes from trailing down to Casimir's lips where they stayed rooted, unable to tear them away.
"What does it look like?" Casimir replied, and Noah could feel the other boy's warm breath on his lips.
This must be what heaven felt like.
Noah opened his mouth to say something else, but was cut off by Casimir. Or, more specifically, by Casimir's lips.
Noah momentarily froze in shock, before realizing what was happening and melting into the kiss. Cupping his hands behind Casimir's neck, he pulled the other boy closer to him.
Casimir's hands found their way around Noah's waist, and Noah was sure he was going to burst. Everything was so warm. His skin tingled, and it was as if all his senses had been heightened. He could feel everything, feel everything so clearly. Casimir's touch burned onto his skin, and he became hyper aware of every movement, every sound, every touch.
He only pulled away when he needed to breath, reluctantly pushing back from Cas. He rested their foreheads together, not wanting to be completely without the other boy's touch.
He breathed heavily, looking up at Cas through dazed eyes. "What was that?" He asked when eventually managed to catch his breath.
"A kiss." Casimir replied simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"I know that Cas. But why?" Noah questioned, his face still dangerously close to Casimir's.
"Because I wanted to." Cas spoke quietly, close enough that Noah could feel the words as well as hear them.
"Do you.. do you like me?" Noah asked hesitantly.
Casimir let out a soft laugh, bringing his hand up and running his fingertips gently along the side of Noah's face. Noah involuntarily shivered at the touch. "I don't just tend to kiss people when I don't like them."
"But you're straight." Noah spluttered, flustered at Casimir's admission.
Casimir snorted, regarding Noah with a look. "Clearly not."
"Bisexual?" Noah questioned, cocking his head to the side.
"I guess. Maybe pansexual. I mostly just stick with queer. It's easier." He shrugged. Noah felt stupid. Why has he assumed that Cas was straight all these years?
"How long have you known?" Noah asked, biting his lip softly as he spoke. He didn't miss the way Casimir eyes followed the movement.
"I guess since forever. I never really bothered putting labels on anything. I'm more for living in the moment. I like who I like, sometimes it's girls sometimes it's boys."
"And at the moment?"
"Definitely a boy."
"Good."
"Can I kiss you again?"
The question caught Noah off guard for the briefest second, before a smile broke out on his face. "Go for it."
Cas plunged forward, capturing Noah's lips once again in a deep kiss. Noah fisted Casimir's shirt in his hands, loving the feeling of the other boy's fingers running through his hair. God, he could stay like this forever.
They pulled back from the kiss, instead embracing each other in a close hug. Cas then leaned back on the couch, pulling Noah with him until they were tangled together, Noah wrapped in Casimir's hold.
"Wanna know a secret?" Noah asked, voice merely a whisper.
"Go for it." Cas replied, using Noah's words from earlier.
"I've had a crush on you for years." Noah admitted, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
"I've liked you since I was sixteen." Casimir answered with a small laugh.
"Why?"
"Why what?" Cas frowned.
"Why me?"
"Why you? Cause you're hot, obviously." Casimir said with a snort.
"I'm being serious."
"I don't know, Noah. I just do. You make me happy."
"I make you happy?"
"Yes."
"You make me happy too."
"I'm glad."
Noah's eyes began to droop, and it wasn't long until he found himself in a deep slumber.
Then, something strange began to happen. He wasn't on the couch anymore, he was at a party.
He looked around the room, feeling a physical disconnect from what he was seeing and what he was feeling. It was a strange, out of body experience, and Noah realized he must be dreaming.
The scene changed, and Noah found himself sitting into a car with Casimir.
Not a dream, he realized suddenly. A flashback.
They were driving. Well, Cas was behind the wheel. Noah could feel a slight buzz in his system, the kind that usually came after about two beers.
There were sounds too. Sounds that Noah had been hearing for the last eight months. Someone shouting a drunk goodbye. A scream, from a girl outside on the lawn who dropped her phone. The sound of a bottle smashing. The sound of the car pulling out from the side of the road.
The crash. The flash of light. The sound of the sports car whipping around the corner and straight into Casimir's car.
Noah woke with a gasp, sweat dripping down his body. He flung himself upwards, eyes whipping open.
He was met with the sight of Casimir, sitting opposite him on the couch with a sad smile on his face.
"Cas!" Gasped Noah, wanting to reach out and grab the other boy, but finding himself unable to move.
"It's okay Noah." Casimir soothed, reaching across and encasing Noah's hand with his own.
"I had a dream. Cas I don't know what happened. It wasn't a dream. Or maybe it was.. Cas I'm scared." He blurted out, tightening his grip on Noah's hand.
"It's okay Noah. I know."
"You know? What do you mean you know?" Noah asked, stomach filling with dread.
No no no.
Casimir just smiled sympathetically, and the icy cold feeling of realization began to pool in his stomach.
"No. No that's not- that isn't. It can't be."
No no no.
"It wasn't a dream Noah." Casimir spoke softly, and Noah stood abruptly, shaking his head from side to side.
"No no no." He repeated, shaking his head vigorously. He began pacing the room, feeling Casimir's sympathetic gaze on him.
"This is just the alcohol. We drank the whole bottle, of course this is happening." He tried to reassure himself, looking around for the whiskey bottle.
No no no.
They had polished off the whole bottle. Noah could distinctly remember Casimir taking the final swig.
So why was the bottle sitting on the coffee table, only half gone?
No no no.
This couldn't be happening.
This wasn't happening.
This was happening.
Noah sunk to the floor, taking his head into his hands. He was trembling fiercely, and a cold feeling of nausea crept up his throat. He began to scream, rocking himself back and forth on the floor.
How had this happened? Noah felt like he was losing his mind. He kept screaming, pushing himself away from Casimir whenever he began to approach him.
He screamed until he couldn't scream anymore. Until he felt a familiar feeling creeping up his stomach.
He knew what was going to happen just in the nick of time. He hauled himself up from the ground, just about making it to the bathroom to throw up in the toilet bowl.
"Noah."
It was Casimir's voice, but it couldn't be Casimir. Casimir was dead.
Casimir was gone.
Casimir's voice came again, softly from the doorway, and Noah turned to face his best friend. "You remember?" Cas asked gently.
"It's not true Cas. Tell me it's not true." Noah pleaded, hot tears streaming down his face.
"I'm sorry Noah."
"But- but.." Noah gulped, gasping for air. Cas came over to him, dropping down beside Noah and wrapping a comforting arm around his shoulder.
"But you're here." Noah said desperately, refusing to accept this was happening. Casimir was next to him. He wasn't imagining that too. He couldn't be. Casimir was here.
"I'm in here, Noah." Casimir said, tapping at Noah's head with a light finger. "And here." Repeating the gesture with Noah's chest, right where his heart sat. His heart that was breaking in two.
Not just in two. Breaking in two wouldn't hurt half this much. His heart was ripping apart, tearing to shreds.
Noah could scarcely breathe. He gripped onto Casimir, using the other boy has his only means of staying upright. His head was spinning, and he could feel his stomach churning.
"But.. Sam. What about Sam, Cas? He wasn't in the car. I thought he was the one hurt." Noah said, desperately clinging to every discrepancy in the hope of his worst fear not being realized.
"There's no Sam, Noah. Never was. It's just me, you know that."
Noah did know that.
He tried to picture Casimir's older brother, the one he had asked Casimir about on multiple occasions. The one he claimed not to have seen for months. The one he was sure was caught up in this mess somehow.
He came up blank. There was no Sam.
Casimir was an only child, of this Noah was sure.
"Am I imagining this?" Noah said, afraid to hear the answer. "Are you here? Is this real?"
"It's real for you." Casimir replied softly, pulling Noah's head onto his shoulder gently.
Noah felt like screaming. Or crying. Or both.
"Cas. Cas I love you." He said, and he didn't know whether he was whispering or screaming. All he knew was that his body was wracked with sobs, and his hands trembled so much he could barely catch on to Casimir's hand.
"It's okay Noah. I love you too. Always have, always will." Cas soothed, rubbing Noah's hair gently.
"I'll wait for you." Noah pleaded.
"I'm not coming back Noah."
"Then take me with you. Let me join you."
"It doesn't work like that, Noah." Cas spoke sadly. "You need to stay here. We'll meet again one day, but for now it's goodbye."
"How am I supposed to live without you Cas?" Noah shouted, pulling away and staring up at the other boy.
"You don't have to Noah. I'm always going to be with you. You just won't see me."
"Don't leave me Casimir." Noah said, letting his head fall back onto Casimir's chest.
"I'll never leave you Noah." Casimir replied, intertwining their fingers gently.
After an hour of sobbing and talking, they eventually made their way into Noah's bedroom.
Noah dropped onto the bed, patting the space next to him for Casimir to lie down. "Please just.. just stay with me. For one more night. I'm not ready to lose you yet." He croaked out and Casimir complied, wrapping his arms around Noah and holding the broken boy close.
"Okay."
"I love you Cas."
"I love you too Noah." Casimir replied, gently pressing his lips to Noah's forehead.
Noah closed his eyes at Casimir's touch. His body was exhausted from the physical and mental exertion, and it wasn't long until sleep took over, taking Casimir with it.